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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jeminiwmn on November 11, 2005, at 12:34:59
I was wondering if anyone is in the same situation as myself. I don't want to drag this out, but it's a new thread and I feel so alone and isolated w/ this as I don't know anyone personally in my shoes. I've suffered for years w/ this-numerous anti=dep. Alone all the way-raising my own son. Worked 2 jobs most of the time. Had one solid full time job w/ full Benefits THANK GOD-or I would have been FIRED yrs ago due to chronic lateness/absenteeism and leaves for depression. It did nothing for my esteem-I hated myself for this always. I was a good worker no doubt, but always felt marked and stood out. Ppl hate you for it bla bla on and on. Finally-Dr. took me out recommending perm disab. and my job offered early retirement under "ord.disability"-I was in the worse shape that I was in a "fog" and I knew if i didn't take it-I would get fired eventually-new supervisor that got you for every minute-every situation, but my BOSS-knw I was going down. Talk about the mask coming off your face. I suffered for a while-broke-gave up my car etc.-slowly recouped when i got my disab and my other benef. Still one thing after the other after that. I am in a deeper depression than before because I live in fear that my benefits will be taken away somehow-why-I don't know-i guess not working makes you feel like a failure, but I couldn't get myself together if I was threatened w/ a gun right now I think. After 14 yrs somewhere you have nothing left. I feel like life is over and I'm 40 and scared. I have a 17 yr old who is just disrespectful to say the least and starting to get in trouble and it's making me worse-was always a good mom-that's what I lived for and worked for or who knows if I would have even cared to work that job all those yrs and keep 2nd jobs on wknds. Always home at night-gave him all I had. I had my non depression times, but the last 2 yrs was the longest i ever had it and I'm not snapping out!@!!! I'm scared and afraid I'm not coming back. I don't know who I am anymore and I wonder if there's anyonne out there that is going through anything similar? I'm afraid that SSD is going to tell me ok go back to work-and how after I let a job of 14 yrs and all I knew go. I had a lawyer for that-made sure all was to the letter of the law, but I still live in fear and I'm not 25 I'm 40-even though the time flew. I could never afford this place-that I chose to stay here just for my son-to stay in the same sch. district from 5th gr to graduation and he's so ungrateful. I can't afford this if it's ever taken away from me and nowhere to turn. I live in fear - i guess fear is part of depression? I don't like feeling like a loser. Worse yet-my psych thinks I should be doing this and that-I do work out-and try to do more-but I have sleeping prblms but I still should get up the same time ea day-yeah-well i fall asleep 4:30 so I get up around 10am. I should get up earlier and then I'll get to bed earlier eventually-but out of work/that was one of my problems while working-I couldn't get up and the getting it together issue-lateness/depression/ why did you take me out of work/ it wasn't just THIS JOB. I'M PLAIN SCARED I HATE USING THAT WORD, BUT I NOW FEEL WORTHLESS.
Posted by jeminiwmn on November 11, 2005, at 17:47:23
In reply to OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION?, posted by jeminiwmn on November 11, 2005, at 12:34:59
Wow this is beat-I guess because I'm at the bottom of the board and nobody goes down that far? I was hoping someone could relate to this situation. I really hope I'm not the only one here that is in this situation. Maybe it just takes time.
Posted by jerrympls on November 11, 2005, at 18:56:53
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION?, posted by jeminiwmn on November 11, 2005, at 17:47:23
HI-
I can relate somewhat. I've been dealing with depression for 14 years. My depression is treatment-resistant and kept me from working for a long time. I moved to Minnesota in 2000 and got a good job there that gave me benefits. I was able to get to work on time, etc and not have my depression effect work for about a year. After that I started to decline at work and finally told my boss about my depression.
She was very understanding and had me talk to Disability Services so that they could accommodate me - like if I needed to work from home, etc.
Unfortunately my depression worsened and more and more I was missing work and/or late to work. Finally I had to take unpaid time off under FMLA - which allows for 12 weeks unpaid - but benefits remain. I still wasn't well when I finally returned to work 3 months later. Finally in June of this year I took a voluntary layoff because I just couldn't work.
I've been unemployed since July 1 and recently (Sept) moved to Wisconsin. I've been trying to find work but it's been hard. I almost landed in the hospital last week because I had stopped taking my meds and had gotten so depressed I could barely get off the couch.
However, now I'm doing a bit better but still having trouble finding a job w/ benefits. Under my severance plan from my last job, I get to retain my benefits until Jan 1, 2006 - which has been great but scares me because I won't have benefits unless I pay for COBRA benefits @ $400/mo! I'm living on unemployment and can barely pay my bills.
I've thought of trying for SSI - but I hear it's a long process - one where you usually have to get a laywer to appeal because of the denial. Apparently you have to be almost brain dead to get SSI.
I'm 33 years old and don't have a carear and still have to beg my parents to help out with my financial situation - which is hellish in itt's own right.
So I can empathize somewhat. I wish I had some good advice for you - but I don't . I only can wish you luck.
Jerry
Posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2005, at 19:49:28
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION? » jeminiwmn, posted by jerrympls on November 11, 2005, at 18:56:53
I'm in exactly the same boat as you. On Disability. I would like to return to work but so far no treatment has worked for me. And I also feel like a failure. Because I'm older than you people think I'm retired. I still hold curreent RN license. Need to work in the next year or so or i would have to return to school to keep my license. I have just moved to an area with superior health care. Hopefully the neaw pdoc I'll see on Dec 22 first appointment available will properly dx me and finally someone will prescribe the right meds for me. meanwhile i function minimally. I emphathize with you completely. loved my job and miss it. Feel free to Babblemail me as my Babblemail is on. Fondly, phillipa
Posted by paulbwell on November 11, 2005, at 21:05:04
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION? » jerrympls, posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2005, at 19:49:28
> I'm in exactly the same boat as you. On Disability. I would like to return to work but so far no treatment has worked for me. And I also feel like a failure. Because I'm older than you people think I'm retired. I still hold curreent RN license. Need to work in the next year or so or i would have to return to school to keep my license. I have just moved to an area with superior health care. Hopefully the neaw pdoc I'll see on Dec 22 first appointment available will properly dx me and finally someone will prescribe the right meds for me. meanwhile i function minimally. I emphathize with you completely. loved my job and miss it. Feel free to Babblemail me as my Babblemail is on. Fondly, phillipa
Don't waste your life Phillipa, get the treatment you NEED, do yourself and all us here a favour?
Cheers
Posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2005, at 22:14:05
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION?, posted by paulbwell on November 11, 2005, at 21:05:04
Paulwell what do you mean do your self a favor? What do you mean? Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by paulbwell on November 11, 2005, at 23:34:11
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION? » paulbwell, posted by Phillipa on November 11, 2005, at 22:14:05
> Paulwell what do you mean do your self a favor? What do you mean? Fondly, Phillipa
I mean get some effective treatment OK?-it may take somee time, weeks, months, but THERE is help there, don't give up. Get what ever DAMN pills you need to sleep, wake up ok?-IMPORTANT
Cheers
Posted by snapper on November 12, 2005, at 2:26:40
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION?, posted by paulbwell on November 11, 2005, at 23:34:11
Ok guys, I concur on some of the issues. I have been fighting this crap for 15 years ..I started and owned a very successful biz in 1993...I always knew it was lurking around the corner and finally I crashed. I lost it all.... I am on ssi and now out of my parents house again after 5 years plus and I could'nt perform my job and so I am barely making it......I do not have any pat answers or easy solutions except DO NOT FEEL BAD FOR ASKING FAMILY AND FRIENDS (TRUE FRIENDS) FOR HELP.YES IT SUCKS AND I FEEL SO INADEQUATE AND LIKE I AM LIVING A DIMINISHED LIFE...BUT I KNOW THAT EVEN IF TOTAL RECOVERY IS NOT ATTAINABLE...I AM NOT SAYING IT IS NOT ATTAINABLE CUZ YES I HAVE BEEN ON 60 PLUS MEDS AND HAD 33 ECT TREATMENTS AND I CONTINUE TO HOPE AND FIGHT AND SOME DAYS ALL I CAN DO IS CRY-AND WISH FOR DEATH -FOR GOD TO STRIKE ME DEAD(NOT VERY HAPPY BUT I AM SURE YOU CAN RELATE) IT IS SO IMPORTANT TO ASK FOR HELP, GET THE RIGHT DIAGNOSIS AND THE RIGHT MEDS( BTW I AM STILL NOT ON THE RIGHT MEDS) AND DO NOT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF. I DO NOT SAY ALL OF THIS LIGHTLY. I FEEL FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF US IN THIS PLIGHT. I DO NOT CLAIM TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS BUT THERE IS HELP AND HOPE. EVEN THOUGH THE LIES OF DEPRESSION TELL US OTHERWISE. IF I WERE TO LIST ALL THE BAD S&IT THAT I HAVE BEEN THROUGH AND WHAT THIS ILLNESS HAS COST ME AND MY QUALITY OF LIFE MOST PEOPLE WOULD NOT BELIEVE IT OR READ THIS..I AM NOT COMPARING BAD CASE AGAINST A BAD CASE... WE ALL KNOW IT SUCKS... BUT FOR RIGHT NOW ALL WE CAN DO IS WHAT WE CAN DO...I KNOW THIS MAY NOT BE MUCH SOLACE RIGHT NOW..BUT ONE OF MY MAIN INTENTIONS & GOALS IS TO GET WELL ENOUGH TO BE ABLE TO HOPEFULLY CHANGE THE WAY WE ARE DISCRIMINATED AGAINST AND HOPEFULLY WORK TOWARDS NEW LAWS AND LEGISLATION FOR THE RIGHT HELP FOR THE MENTALLY IMPAIRED..AND HOPEFULLY HELP OTHERS WHO HAVE OR ARE TRAVELLING THE SAME ROAD AS MYSELF....IT MAY BE A VERRRY LONG ROAD AND HAUL BUT IF WE CAN JUST REMEMBER THAT WE ARE FIGHTERS. WE ARE NOT AS ALONE AS WE THINK AND FEEL...ALL OF US..WE WOULD NOT BE HERE NOW........I AM ALSO NOT ON A HIGH HORSE SAYING I AM BETTER.... I FEEL LIKE CRAP FROM MORNING TO NIGHT..AS WELL AS I AM SURE MANY OF MY FELLOW BABBLERS DO.. EVEN IF YOU DO NOT FEEL LIKE IT.... GET OUT! STAY AROUND SOME POSITIVE PEOPLE,..even if it is for lunch or a movie or a drive..a walk with a friend neighbor what ever... YES! I know ..most anything is NOT FUN.. I have pretty severe apathy and anhedonia!... SOMEONE, ANYONE WHO GENUINELY LOVES YOU AND CAN GIVE YOU THE MOST SUPPORT POSSIBLE... I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING...I CAN'T GET OUT OF BED, I AM ANXIOUS AS HELL, I CAN'T GO OUT THE DOOR, I KNOW, I KNOW , I KNOW, JUST TRY IT ..IT HELPS.GO TO THE LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH DROP IN CENTER IN YOUR COUNTY OR TOWN AND BE AROUND PEOPLE WHO YOU MAY FEEL NERVOUS OR SCARED AROUND; BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS THAT THEY ARE IN THE SAME BOAT AS WELL... AND MANY ARE REALLY IMPAIRED .SOME ARE WAY MORE EFFED UP THAN MANY OF US..AND IT MAY SUCK AND BE BORING BUT SO IS STAYING IN AND LETTING LIFE GO BY.....I CAN NOT STRESS ENOUGH THE FACT; that WHEN YOU OR I FEEL THE WORST IS THE TIME WE NEED SOMEONE THE MOST IS THEN AND NOW.....I DO NOT LIKE LIVING ON $579 PER MONTH AND I JUST GOT A CAR THAT I CAN NOT AFFORD BUT GOT WHEN I WAS WORKING FULLTIME AND COULD AFFORD IT.....I am happy to report that I just got word that I am going to start a new PT job on sun eve . that is not overwhelming and TOO STRESSFUL THAT IS THE LAST THING ANYONE OF US NEEDS IS MORE STRESS. I AM NERVOUS, SCARED AND HOPEFUL. 1 YEAR AGO I WOULD BARELY LEAVE MY MOM AND DADS' HOUSE OR GO OUT TO EAT AND NOW I HAVE A CAR AN APARTMENT AND A PART TIME JOB...WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? I THOUGHT I WOULD NEVER LOVE, WORK, LIVE OR BE INDEPENDENT AGAIN... WOW!! I COULD RAMBLE ON AND ON FOLKS and AGAIN PLEASE DO NOT THINK I AM BETTER OR AM ON A HIGH OR THINK YOUR SYMPTOMS ARE BETTER OR WORSE THAN MINE, OR VICAVERCA OR THE NEXT GUYS.... I HOPE THIS GETS THRU TO SOMEONE..ANYONE ....IF WE HAVE THE CAPACITY TO OWN A COMPUTER AND SURF THE NET AND AFFORD DIAL UP OR HIGH SPEED OR WHAT EVER , WE ARE CAPABLE OF DOING MORE THEN OUR BRAIN SAYS WE ARE CAPABLE OF... I WILL QUIT RAMBLING BUT PLEASE DO YOUR BEST TO GET THE APPROPRIATE HELP...WHAT EVER IT TAKES AND ---SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS BUT I FEEL VERY STRONG ABOUT ALL THIS CRAP.DO YOU OR ANYONE THINK THAT I WENT FROM MAKING SIX FIGURES AND SO ON TO LIVING WITH MY SEMI-RETIRED M AND D WAS FUN? HELL NO!!! VERY VERY DE-MORALIZING !!BUT I AM JUST NOW STARTING TO EMERGE... AND THERE IS HOPE.....!!!! I can also do my best to answer any questions anyone may or does have in re: to ssi and or ssdi... I got turned down 1 time then on my second time I recieved it. WITHOUT LEGAL AID!! JUST FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT AND DO NOT LET THIS CRAP BEAT YOU AND REMEMBER WE ARE MUCH STRONGER FOLKS THAN ANYONE OF OUR FORMER OR PRESENT COLLEGUES, FAMILY OR FRIENDS COULD EVER IMAGINE. PEACE AND GOD BLESS
Snapper
Posted by gardenergirl on November 12, 2005, at 12:00:24
In reply to Re: OUT OF WORK ON DISABILITY FOR DEPRESSION?, posted by snapper on November 12, 2005, at 2:26:40
Hi everyone,
I'd like to redirect posts about disability to Social.Here is a link:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/social/20051109/msgs/578009.htmlgg
This is the end of the thread.
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