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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
am i wrong to feel like i'm weak and a failure for deciding to try xanax again to help me handle my anxiety and ocd?, i've been working hard for a month now without xanax to handle my anxious feelings and thoughts and fear of having another panic attack with just my cbt skills and lexapro (doing alot of exposure and saying all the right things in a rational and accepting way, i'm even doing interoceptive exercises to get used to the panic feelings), sometimes i've been able to do well and i even started working again, but then recently i've been very anxious and i'm obsessed with fearing having another panic attack, i dread having one again and i'm tired of feeling general anxiety all the time, my fear of dying is very intense lately, maybe i'm depressed?, anyways can anyone relate to what i'm saying?, maybe i should be grateful that xanax exists?
Posted by med_empowered on September 13, 2005, at 17:44:31
In reply to feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
hey! Don't feel weak for using xanax. Think about it: everyone has a "drug" for their problems. Sex, food, TV, working out...xanax just happens to be designed *specifically* for anxiety. Besides, you're not medicating yourself to avoid feeling *anything*--you just want to be able to function, which is a good thing (I'd be concerned if you allowed yourself to stop functioning just to avoid taking xanax). Try to ignore all this Puritanical, anti-drug crap about xanax and "pills" being bad or for "weak" people, blah blah blah--its ridiculous and mean. You do what you have to do to maintain a good quality of life, and thats that.
Posted by mellymel_d on September 13, 2005, at 18:00:10
In reply to feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
Wish I could listen to my own advice but let me tell you what I use to try and help me when I feel that way for trying to fight through my anxiety and not take my xanex: I once told my friend the same thing about feeling weak and she said "Hell no" she said "If anything I feel like I'm weak for not having the strength to get help like you did." She said "almost everybody I know has one issue or another, I feel like the true strong ones are the ones who admit it and get help"
I try to think of that because it is true. However, I feel the same way you do too. Don't beat yourself up or put more on you than you need to. That's why the doctor gave you those pills, too assist. The other night I was so messed up with anxiety and was trying to fight through it and when I finally took it- I felt so much better. That's what truly matters...Feeling better, right?
Look at it this way- there's more of us, dealing with this, than those ignoring it. So actually we don't have the problems, THEY DO :-)
Wishing you the best.. (((HUGS)))
Your stranger friend,
Melanie
PS- You know you'll need to repest this back to me soon since I'm really crashing today ;-)
> am i wrong to feel like i'm weak and a failure for deciding to try xanax again to help me handle my anxiety and ocd?, i've been working hard for a month now without xanax to handle my anxious feelings and thoughts and fear of having another panic attack with just my cbt skills and lexapro (doing alot of exposure and saying all the right things in a rational and accepting way, i'm even doing interoceptive exercises to get used to the panic feelings), sometimes i've been able to do well and i even started working again, but then recently i've been very anxious and i'm obsessed with fearing having another panic attack, i dread having one again and i'm tired of feeling general anxiety all the time, my fear of dying is very intense lately, maybe i'm depressed?, anyways can anyone relate to what i'm saying?, maybe i should be grateful that xanax exists?
Posted by lynn970 on September 13, 2005, at 20:42:51
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by mellymel_d on September 13, 2005, at 18:00:10
does the anxiety not make sense? Like when you are not going through anxiety, do you look back and think that it was ridiculus to feel worried. I was just wondering, because right now I am going through anxiety. I am trying hard not to. I too just took xanax again tonight.
took some lastnight and this morning.
Posted by Phillipa on September 13, 2005, at 21:08:14
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by lynn970 on September 13, 2005, at 20:42:51
I agree with all of the responses. If it makes you able to work then take the med. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by wildcard on September 13, 2005, at 22:49:41
In reply to feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
i recently went through the exact same feelings after i had quit my meds., was doing well but then felt really down and stressed again. i even posted Why do i feel like a failure if i start taking meds. again and the support really helped. I was actually feeling suicidal and knew i *needed* the meds but felt helpless that i cld. not control it. i had to finally accept that i may need meds. most of my life and thats ok b/c mental illness of all types, is a disease just like cancer,diabetes,etc.. u are by far weak. u show imense strength by admitting how u feel. anxiety is paralyzing and causes so much suffering that it can impair ur life(as im sure u know). if xanax helps u, take it and continue methods of *coping* w/ ur anxiety and eventually u may not need it. take care
Posted by needesp on September 14, 2005, at 7:17:28
In reply to feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
> am i wrong to feel like i'm weak and a failure for deciding to try xanax again to help me handle my anxiety and ocd?, i've been working hard for a month now without xanax to handle my anxious feelings and thoughts and fear of having another panic attack with just my cbt skills and lexapro (doing alot of exposure and saying all the right things in a rational and accepting way, i'm even doing interoceptive exercises to get used to the panic feelings), sometimes i've been able to do well and i even started working again, but then recently i've been very anxious and i'm obsessed with fearing having another panic attack, i dread having one again and i'm tired of feeling general anxiety all the time, my fear of dying is very intense lately, maybe i'm depressed?, anyways can anyone relate to what i'm saying?, maybe i should be grateful that xanax exists?
Hi Chess,
Never never let yourself feel a failure. You have courage and resilience.
My son so often feels like you do and I have to keep reminding him how far he has come, 10 steps forward and 2 steps back is still 8 steps forward. Sometimes you need time out and Xanax will give you the rest you deserve (I watch how exhausting it can be for my own son).
Take the Xanax and keep up the CBT skills you have learnt. Keep trucking.
Posted by denise1966 on September 14, 2005, at 7:27:51
In reply to feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by chess on September 13, 2005, at 16:40:14
Chess,
I often feel that way about taking Zyprexa. I keep going, trying to fight the anxiety myself, feeling as though there must be something I can do to fight it myself but then the suicidal ideations start, there have been times I have come back from work and just lay on the bed weak from fighting it all day, it's a strange kind of floaty, weak kind of feeling.
My mum has often forced me to take Zyprexa when she can see how bad I am, she often says I'd rather die than take it.
But when I do finally take it I'm so glad I did because the difference is amazing.
I just want to say I know just exactly how you feel about having to take Xanax, and although I often beat myself up about taking Zyprexa, I know how constant anxiety feels so I would say you're being very strong just working and holding out for so long so just take Xanax and enjoy it.
I only wish that one day they would be able to see what's happening in the brain during anxiety and depression so that we all have some kind of proof and reassurance that we are not in some way responsible for it.
Kind Regards......Denise
Posted by chess on September 14, 2005, at 9:18:45
In reply to To Chess, posted by denise1966 on September 14, 2005, at 7:27:51
thanks all for the support
it's nice to know others are going through the same thing or at least can relate
i wish we lived near each other to start a support group!
and denise you're right, i often wish we lived in the time of STAR TREK and they could tell me "sam, you have a biological disorder that isn't allowing enough gaba to be released into your brain and you need the xanax to help potentiate what you got!" instead of not knowing whether this is true or if it's more a matter of scary thoughts and memories that are causing all the problems and my biology is fine and cbt is the way to go and the less xanax i take and more cbt i do then the stronger i will become ... i don't mind suffering if i knew it meant that i was making significant changes in my brain using just cbt, but i guess that's the problem right? nobody knows, i even asked my psychiatrist what lexapro is doing for me or if even lexapro could be causing some of my anxiety and she said the only way to tell is by trying less of it and see what happens, so psychiatry is helpful but it's also a young and inexact science that isn't at the knowledge of treating things like diabetes, it's still alot of inference and we're all just the ones who have to take the chances and hopefully get lucky in finding a med that works without alot of issues of side-effects or dependence
anyway, thanks again all, i'm going to keep tking xanax even if part of me is saying "NO don't do it, stick with the cbt and persevere and it will work out in the end and the more xanax you take then the more time it will take to learn to manage this anxiety on your own plus maybe you'll becom dependent on xanax and then you'll be stuck having to take it the rest of your life, why would you do that?!", but then also the reality of living life kicks in and i'm tired of just surviving right now and i need some relief because surviving isn't living and it doesn't make me happy
...sorry if i'm rambling, everyone please feel free to chime in
thanks
chess
Posted by chess on September 14, 2005, at 9:21:21
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX again, posted by lynn970 on September 13, 2005, at 20:42:51
the frustrating part for me is that cbt teaches you to accept and allow the anxiety because it's really just harmless physiological sensations and irrational thoughts, and the more you accept and allow the anxiety the more you'll habituate to it, only thing this takes time and meanwhile it can be overwhelming and frustrating
> does the anxiety not make sense? Like when you are not going through anxiety, do you look back and think that it was ridiculus to feel worried. I was just wondering, because right now I am going through anxiety. I am trying hard not to. I too just took xanax again tonight.
> took some lastnight and this morning.
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 14, 2005, at 11:51:25
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX aga » lynn970, posted by chess on September 14, 2005, at 9:21:21
It sounds like you are back to the same struggle that you posted on the therapy board a while back. Did you ever ask the 2 T's about the differences in what they taught you? I was wondering how things turned out for you.
Best,
EE> the frustrating part for me is that cbt teaches you to accept and allow the anxiety because it's really just harmless physiological sensations and irrational thoughts, and the more you accept and allow the anxiety the more you'll habituate to it, only thing this takes time and meanwhile it can be overwhelming and frustrating
>
> > does the anxiety not make sense? Like when you are not going through anxiety, do you look back and think that it was ridiculus to feel worried. I was just wondering, because right now I am going through anxiety. I am trying hard not to. I too just took xanax again tonight.
> > took some lastnight and this morning.
>
>
Posted by chess on September 14, 2005, at 12:31:36
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX aga » chess, posted by Emily Elizabeth on September 14, 2005, at 11:51:25
ee
yes i asked them ... their disagreement lies in what uncertainty is ... one T says that you must accept all uncertainty with ocd, even the uncertainty of your own actions (like i might actually go crazy or kill myself or someone else) ... one T says that when you accept all uncertainty and don't reassure yourself then the thought is not reinforced because reassurance tells the brain that there is something to be afraid about ... the other T says that there is nothing wrong with reassuring yourself because this promotes self-confidence as long as the reassurance is REALISTIC (so if i'm afraid of a thought that i might jump over a bridge on purpose, one T says to accept that i might jump over the bridge and then walk across the bridge and feel the anxiety as many times as needed to habituate to the anxiety and thus the thought, while the other T says that there is nothing in reassuring myself that I don't want to jump over the bridge and thus i won't jump over the bridge and then walk across the bridge and feel the anxiety as many times as needed to habituate to the anxiety and thus the thought ... see my confusion? i think the main idea is to do the exposure because this is what actually works, it's just very scary for me to do this kind of exposure and accept that i might do it (but then the T would say GOOD! the more anxiety the better and then make sure you do the exposure to prove to yourself that the thought and anxiety don't really matter!)> It sounds like you are back to the same struggle that you posted on the therapy board a while back. Did you ever ask the 2 T's about the differences in what they taught you? I was wondering how things turned out for you.
>
> Best,
> EE
>
> > the frustrating part for me is that cbt teaches you to accept and allow the anxiety because it's really just harmless physiological sensations and irrational thoughts, and the more you accept and allow the anxiety the more you'll habituate to it, only thing this takes time and meanwhile it can be overwhelming and frustrating
> >
> > > does the anxiety not make sense? Like when you are not going through anxiety, do you look back and think that it was ridiculus to feel worried. I was just wondering, because right now I am going through anxiety. I am trying hard not to. I too just took xanax again tonight.
> > > took some lastnight and this morning.
> >
> >
>
>
Posted by needesp on September 14, 2005, at 18:48:21
In reply to Re: feel like i'm weak/failure for using XANAX aga » Emily Elizabeth, posted by chess on September 14, 2005, at 12:31:36
> ee
> yes i asked them ... their disagreement lies in what uncertainty is ... one T says that you must accept all uncertainty with ocd, even the uncertainty of your own actions (like i might actually go crazy or kill myself or someone else) ... one T says that when you accept all uncertainty and don't reassure yourself then the thought is not reinforced because reassurance tells the brain that there is something to be afraid about ... the other T says that there is nothing wrong with reassuring yourself because this promotes self-confidence as long as the reassurance is REALISTIC (so if i'm afraid of a thought that i might jump over a bridge on purpose, one T says to accept that i might jump over the bridge and then walk across the bridge and feel the anxiety as many times as needed to habituate to the anxiety and thus the thought, while the other T says that there is nothing in reassuring myself that I don't want to jump over the bridge and thus i won't jump over the bridge and then walk across the bridge and feel the anxiety as many times as needed to habituate to the anxiety and thus the thought ... see my confusion? i think the main idea is to do the exposure because this is what actually works, it's just very scary for me to do this kind of exposure and accept that i might do it (but then the T would say GOOD! the more anxiety the better and then make sure you do the exposure to prove to yourself that the thought and anxiety don't really matter!)HI,
My son has severe OCD.
He has tried CBT but is not sure that he likes it (he will do the more simple CBT like trying to replace negative self-defeating cognitions with more realistic and positive ones but even that is very hard for him).
He probably finds it so hard because his obsessions are difficult to treat with exposure and respose (i.e. death/killing/etc). These types of OCD thoughts can loop around inside his head until he feels very ill. The only escape is to take Seroquel or (unfortuneately) he smokes MJ (which relieves the OCD thoughts in the short-term but increases his OCD in the long term).
His main hope is that high doses of AD's over a long period of time will eventually lesson his OCD symptoms and allow him to apply CBT in his life.
OCD is exhausting to watch....I can only imagine what it feels like to actually have it!
Response and exposure therapy is really hard and takes an exceptionally committed individual to keep at it! CBT is good for panic attacks (interoceptive exposeure like you have done) and invivo (real life) exposure (like walking over the bridge). But it is hard to do so you should go very very easy on yourself....
Hang in there. I think it all boils down to a combination of right meds, right dose, CBT and committment.
>
> > It sounds like you are back to the same struggle that you posted on the therapy board a while back. Did you ever ask the 2 T's about the differences in what they taught you? I was wondering how things turned out for you.
> >
> > Best,
> > EE
> >
> > > the frustrating part for me is that cbt teaches you to accept and allow the anxiety because it's really just harmless physiological sensations and irrational thoughts, and the more you accept and allow the anxiety the more you'll habituate to it, only thing this takes time and meanwhile it can be overwhelming and frustrating
> > >
> > > > does the anxiety not make sense? Like when you are not going through anxiety, do you look back and think that it was ridiculus to feel worried. I was just wondering, because right now I am going through anxiety. I am trying hard not to. I too just took xanax again tonight.
> > > > took some lastnight and this morning.
> > >
> > >
> >
> >
>
>
This is the end of the thread.
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