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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 11:16:45
Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:42:29
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Oh, Bridgey, you are incredible... and such a special person... we are so fortunate to have you here...
I was not certain to whom the question was addressed and thought it might be you <gg>
Then I began to wonder if Topomax might be a med developed to battle that 'redhead thing" LOLI too have a weight problem... have been at both ends of the spectrum so to speak... as a teen I was anorexic, before anyone knew there was such a word, and before eating disorders had been discovered, but then I was battling the redhead gene before it was discovered too <g>..
Somewhere along the road, someone decided I was depressed and that had to be treated... I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, a lot of that exacerbated by the fact that I hate the area in which I live if any one wants my medical opinion, and the new take on SAD is that it is better handled if it is treated year round, so I was put on anti-depressives year round instead of when the symptoms hit... from being thin and anorexic and pathetically in need of a meal in appearance I suddenly became drastically overweight...
thanks to these wonderful meds... they also took away my wish and/or will to do anything which did not help the weight issue...
so we (I use the editorial we from force of habit and because there had to be two people in this body, one person could never be that large) ballooned up to around 209 at one time...
I agree with Bridgey... if one dresses carefully and doesn't slouch around one can manage to look reasonably decent to people around one... I had quite a high profile in the community and my weight was not a problem... but one cannot fool oneself
Why when I was in the nineties I was convinced I was overweight and worried terribly about my weight and would not eat... self image and self esteem are frightfully intertwined...At one point with careful dieting I made it back down to 140... and stayed there for a couple of years...but back it came... thanks to another round of medications... it seemed to be hopeless... and that created a genuine depression...
people would tell me I had nothing to be unhappy about... hello! Who is unhappy?? there is no connection and no similarity. One can be happy and be depressed all at the same time...eventually someone realised that some of the symptoms that had been classed as being depression were actually linked to the epilepsy and my doctor decided it was time to deal with it... my previous doctor didn't want to deal with it because there was such a stigma involved with epilepsy...
When I mentioned migraine to the neurologist he put me on Topomax... never had a migraine since and I am ecstatic... and I have lost so much weight... wish I could lose more... and maybe I will... but I am happy with the weight loss to date...
and while I learned to live with myself, that self image projection Bridgey speaks of, I am better able to live with me today...as for normal families...
my psychologist forbids the use of the word normal in any discussion. He says that there is really no means of assessing normal, there is no measuring stick so to speak. What is normal for one person is abnormal for the next.
Television has created such an abnormal image of the so-called normal family that we are all trying too hard to measure ourselves against them...
starting way back with Father Knows Best then there was The Brady Bunch and remember that one with Brian Keith and the gentleman's gentleman and the teen-age niece and the twins? and My Three Sons?? Life was always neat and tidy and perfect...
but they had script-writers, live-in house-keepers, and never had to live permanently with their 'families' or their 'problems'. There was a perfectly neat, up-to-date home in the suburbs or in a high-rise apartment with all the latest everything to make life easy. With script writers to solve every problem and give Mom and Dad the wisdom of Solomon, dysfunctional families were unheard of on television, but children growing up with television saw these 'families' and thought this was 'normal'. They wanted to live like this. To achieve the standard of living depicted on television and in the movies, both parents had to work, if both parents were still in the home. Family life deteriorated in a hurry.
Normal family life now is something different for each family as people struggle to keep families intact.
As for controlling mothers, the controlling mother of all time lives in my house. I have met her and I am she. I learned from a great example and I have refined the skills until I have it down to an art.
Then again, our ethnic background is that of a matriarchal society, so it is to be expected. The other day I heard that my daughter's mother-in-law wanted their unborn baby to be named for the m-i-l's side of the family. Not a chance. I explained to my son-in-law that like his father-in-law and his f-i-l's f-i-l before him, he married into this family; she did not marry into their family. We do not change for outsiders; they change for us. He looked at me and grinned and said that he had noticed that and it didn't bother him one bit...
and it only took him two years to figure it out...
controlling??? I am the master of it
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 15:14:21
> Hi everyone, No, I don't think any of your are nosey. I'm not taking anything the wrong way, you see, I am queen of having things come out of my mouth the wrong way! We do know we all need therapy, and are seeking it. It just can't come fast enough. Thank so much for the help. :)
What? You mean this isn't therapy???
Here I thought I was finding some of the best therapy ever...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » stressed, posted by headachequeen on October 5, 2004, at 15:44:58
You are so right, I do need to back off at times. I'm trying to do that, but this little voice inside my head just keeps my mouth going. Trying to control everyone around me. My husband is very passive, and quiet, so we get along really well. My son is also just like his dad, and gets along with everyone. My daughter and I are just alike. What do you think of that?...... Are there any families that don't have problems? You know, I look at people and think they have it all together, but it seems everyone has an issue of some sort. How did you all find out you are bi-polar? (If you don't mind my asking) Unfortunatly I am not a redhead. I have tried several times, but the red won't stay in my hair. It fades away, and then there it is......that dirty blond with highlights. You girls are quite lucky. I also live in an area with seasonal changes, and it really does get depressing in the fall. Those dreary days. My daughter says she is really depressed, and I'm thinking its the topamax. She is taking Welbutrin as well, do you think that will help? By-the-way, you ARE therapy, and I thank God I found all of you here.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 20:44:42
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
I realized that all the antidepressants weren't working and went to my Dr demanding that something ELSE was wrong! He suggested I might be bipolar and set up a session with a psycho to evaluate me officially. In the meanwhile I went online and took several unoffical tests and came to the same conclusion. At first the psych didn't think I was, but I said...I think I am...guess who was right! He changed his mind after the tests came back. They are only more or less survey's. There aren't any blood tests ...THANK GOD! Not a fan of needles. So you can go online and take some tests to get an idea if you suspect so. Yes red is the ultimate hard color to imitate because of the color. It fades very easily. Husband needs puter...talking like caveman...type later...ugh...
Posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 21:00:05
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 5, 2004, at 15:04:50
Thanks,
just read some of your posts and sometimes I wonder were someone is coming from.
irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 5, 2004, at 21:00:05
What do you mean Irene? Where we are coming from in our advice? Where we are coming from in our experiences?
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:21:04
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
> What do you mean Irene? Where we are coming from in our advice? Where we are coming from in our experiences?
You beat me to it as usual... that post has me wondering too..
where whom is coming from... and with what? experiences or comments or attempts to help or what...
clarification needed I think :(
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:30:07
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by stressed on October 5, 2004, at 19:37:08
> You are so right, I do need to back off at times. I'm trying to do that, but this little voice inside my head just keeps my mouth going. Trying to control everyone around me. My husband is very passive, and quiet, so we get along really well. My son is also just like his dad, and gets along with everyone. My daughter and I are just alike. What do you think of that?...... Are there any families that don't have problems? You know, I look at people and think they have it all together, but it seems everyone has an issue of some sort. How did you all find out you are bi-polar? (If you don't mind my asking) Unfortunatly I am not a redhead. I have tried several times, but the red won't stay in my hair. It fades away, and then there it is......that dirty blond with highlights. You girls are quite lucky. I also live in an area with seasonal changes, and it really does get depressing in the fall. Those dreary days. My daughter says she is really depressed, and I'm thinking its the topamax. She is taking Welbutrin as well, do you think that will help? By-the-way, you ARE therapy, and I thank God I found all of you here.
I think most of us find this place to be a form of therapy... there are people here who are help through the dreary days and times we all experience...
personally I have not found that the topomax is a depressant...
but that is just my experience, perhaps others have found differently...
it has been a great help in so many ways.. I especially like the missing migraines and am not about to post a missing migraine notice, believe me.
I also like the way it moderates the tegretol, making it easier to live with and under normal conditions lessening the breakthrough seizures.
as for welbutrin, I didn't find it a lot of help but that is just my experience again...
perhaps there is an anti-depressant that is more help for her though...
and something that is not disaster waiting to happen like effexor or zyprexa...on a totally different curve here, for those of you who are using topomax for seizures, I was reading about other seizure meds over the weekend, and have decided to stop my rants about the dread tegretol. The books I was reading had nothing about topomax but the drugs they mentioned had pages on tegretol and I have to admit it was scary reading... however, the alternative primary options were terrifying...
were tegretol can cause liver problems for instance, some of the others referred to liver failure...
and on it went...
guess I should put up with the devil I know???meanwhile, I had a call yesterday from the office of the new neurologist to inform me that he had reviewed my chart and had moved my appointment up to Tuesday next...
from early next year at the earliest to late November to 12 October...
I think I may have something to think about, even worry about....meanwhile Stressed, you and I are cut from the same cloth I think..
I am married to a very calm, laid-back man.. if he were any more relaxed we would have to check for vitals... my son is the same... in fact he has a blood pressure problem... it is too low...
can't be related to me at all LOL
my daughters are more like me but moderated by their fathers genetic disposition to some degree...
my son is a redhead with all that entails otherwise...
what a mixture...
kat
Posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 7:14:17
Iris...I'm confused, what do you mean where are we coming from. Just call me dense, I guess.
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:30:07
I know what you mean..my husband is pretty laid back. He is definitely the more passive one in the relationship. I feel like I almost have to nag him to get anything out of him. I am pretty controlling too. Must be a redhead thing. :P I think the Topomax has helped that a lot. I still struggle with it but because he is so passive and seems to be almost lackadasical about things I feel like I have to worry and stress about EVERYTHING! He tells me..you shouldn't worry so much! Well GEE! I hadn't thought about that! ONE of us has to! When he doesn't seem to care about anything or show any kind of emotion, whether he actually worries or not..I feel like I have to have the weight of the world on my shoulders. So I guess I come across as controlling in that respect because I feel like I have to do and worry about everything for the both of us when it comes to some things. Sometimes I would like to send him to a shrink. His facial expressions do not match his emotions sometimes. It's very odd. He can be telling me something horrid and smiling about it, but he says he's not happy. I don't know if this is his very odd way of trying to make me feel better about it but it's very unnerving. He also laughs at things that upset our son(who is ADHD) because he says that he wants him to know it's nothing to worry about....uh...this doesn't work. I have TRIED to explain this to him. I keep telling him he thinks that he is laughing AT him and making light of something that hurts and upsets him. WHY are some people so THICK! I really wonder if his emotions are screwed up sometimes. He is a very caring man and I know he loves me, but I cannot figure out why he does some things for the LIFE of me. Personality wise, our son is more like me and stresses more about things, so I tend to understand when he gets frustrated about things and I have to make my husband back off sometimes. Our son differs from me because he is more of an "engineer" personality and I am an "arts/music" person. Our daughter has more of my husbands laid back personality but more my artistic slant. She is the ultimate 3 year old redheaded diva. :P Don't get me wrong, she is very sweet, but she was BORN FOR THE STAGE! And she has an imagination to boot! And all the redhead elements. It's like they are both a perfect mix of our personalities and genes. He has daddy's hair color and mommy's eye color and looks like my brother the older he gets. Our daughter has curly hair like daddy with mommy's red flame but her daddy's blue eyes. I am hoping that neither one got mommy's bipolar. The ADHD was enough for our son. But he is on Concerta and doing great. Of course since he metabolizes like a redhead he has to take a regular Ritalin at 3pm. He's on the 54mg of Concerta. I dunno if that is a high dose or not. He's only 6 going to be 7 this month but this dose seems to be the one that works great. Well..I've rambled on enough again...
Posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 14:43:58
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
I have to get off this computer and get some things accomplished around here. I haven't done anything since I got home from work!! It's nice getting to know you. Oh, speaking of enineering? My husband is a Chemical Engineer, if that tells you anything about him! Gotta Go....
Posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 15:23:23
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice, posted by bridgey1128 on October 6, 2004, at 14:18:48
> I know what you mean..my husband is pretty laid back. He is definitely the more passive one in the relationship. I feel like I almost have to nag him to get anything out of him. I am pretty controlling too. Must be a redhead thing.
Oh we are something else, are we not <g>
My husband is calm, and easy going and does not fly off the handle about most things. I have seen him lose his temper only four times in all the years I have known him... wish I could say the same for myself (sigh)
He is inclined to work through a situation with the calm and sensible approach whereas I am inclined to the 'my way or the highway' approach...
controlling??? moi??? of course not...
my son went into the military... of course he did, I raised him for that life because it was the life I knew growing up and the life I understood... my husband grew up in civilian territory and does not understand either of us LOL
my daughters are highly dramatic and the younger is musical and has a magnificent voice and also looked toward the army as a career choice... that really confused my husband...
our adopted daughter, we adopted her when she was in her late teens because she needed to have family and a place to belong, is married to a soldier and went into the service her self when she was 25... says she felt it was something she had to do having been around me so much and is now a senior warrant officer... what we would have called a sergeant-major in my day...
controlling??? she????my psychiatrist says I suffer from adult hyperactive disorder, btw, Bridgey... and must have been hdd as a child... I am also a perfectionist... well, pardon me... I like things done properly and well... it is the way I was raised and being an only child it rather fell into being...
then there is this wonderful person I married who is patient and calm and the total foil to my overactive, demanding, perfectionist being...
we do make a pair...
but we have been together since we were in our late teens and we enjoy life together so very much... it must work...don't they say that opposites attract???
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:22:42
In reply to Re: Thanks for the advice » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on October 6, 2004, at 12:21:04
Please forgive me I honestly have no idea what in the h** I was talking about. I am very sorry especially as it seemed to be inclusive.
Irene
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:28:15
In reply to Where are we coming from?, posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
Again my apologies. I reread some of the posts and I had not even read some of them. I have no idea what I was talking about. Perhaps I meant to post that somewhere else. I have to be honest and tell you I have no memory of posting this or why I would have.
Please forgive me.
irene
Posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:29:59
In reply to Where are we coming from?, posted by stressed on October 6, 2004, at 13:57:50
Again sorry I also meant to say you are not dense perhaps I am occationally.
irene
Posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 8:20:21
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:29:59
I am totally dense, at least it seems so these days!!!
Posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 9:51:28
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » iris2, posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 8:20:21
> I am totally dense, at least it seems so these days!!!
Please, please do not think this especially because of some post I posted that made no sense at all even to me. I can only think that perhaps I was tired and meant to post that somewhere else as it makes no sense to me in any context. Really I feel terrible. I reread some of the posts preceeding what I posted to see if I could get a handle on what I meant and it made NO SENSE to me, so why would it to you or anyone else. I am the dense one!
Again please accept my apologies for posting something that made no sense, had no common thread with what preceeded it and confused everyone including myself.
irene
Posted by bridgey1128 on October 7, 2004, at 10:15:53
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 9:51:28
No worries! We weren't mad. Just wondering what you were talking about. Everyone is entitled to a "duh" every now and then. Nothing wrong with that. I do it all the time. :)
Posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 14:19:06
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from?, posted by bridgey1128 on October 7, 2004, at 10:15:53
I'm just happy to know that I am not the only person who makes mistakes like that one!!! Don't worry another second about it. I think it's hillarious.
Posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 15:38:09
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from?, posted by bridgey1128 on October 7, 2004, at 10:15:53
Thanks I felt like a real jerk.
Irene
Posted by headachequeen on October 7, 2004, at 15:44:22
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 9:51:28
> > I am totally dense, at least it seems so these days!!!
>
> Please, please do not think this especially because of some post I posted that made no sense at all even to me. I can only think that perhaps I was tired and meant to post that somewhere else as it makes no sense to me in any context. Really I feel terrible. I reread some of the posts preceeding what I posted to see if I could get a handle on what I meant and it made NO SENSE to me, so why would it to you or anyone else. I am the dense one!
>
> Again please accept my apologies for posting something that made no sense, had no common thread with what preceeded it and confused everyone including myself.
>
> ireneForget it.. we all do these things somewhere somtime in space... and it certainly made us sit up and take notice...
I just wondered it it was something I had said that upset you and wanted either to explain or apologise...
so now we forget it and don't worry about it...
as of now it is gone with the wind
all right???
great
kat
Posted by headachequeen on October 7, 2004, at 15:45:47
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » stressed, posted by iris2 on October 6, 2004, at 16:29:59
> Again sorry I also meant to say you are not dense perhaps I am occationally.
>
> ireneWhy should you be special? <g>
did you think you were the only person with these moments and days?
join the club... the line for membership applications forms to the right...
kat
Posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 15:45:52
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from?, posted by stressed on October 7, 2004, at 14:19:06
Posted by headachequeen on October 7, 2004, at 15:49:02
In reply to Re: Where are we coming from? » bridgey1128, posted by iris2 on October 7, 2004, at 15:38:09
> Thanks I felt like a real jerk.
>
> Irene
I thought we had agreed to forget it...
it is gone with the wind ...
as for feeling like a jerk we leave that for the outsiders, the ones who aren't here... the ones who wish they were us...
we are the elite, the special ones, the ones who are here...
they are the jerks and wannabes...
LOL
and they are so jealous of us...
trust me.. I know...
I asked a few of them just the other day and they all agreed that we are so lucky to have each other...
they did, they told me so...
kat
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