![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 21 of 21. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 17:19:12
Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
Posted by noa on July 17, 2000, at 17:44:05
In reply to Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 17:19:12
Tina, did you feel this happened here? Cause if you do, I have no idea what you are referring to! Perhaps you are overcriticizing yourself.
Posted by ksvt on July 17, 2000, at 17:51:52
In reply to Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 17:19:12
> Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 18:19:31
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by ksvt on July 17, 2000, at 17:51:52
Noa and kvst: Pretty positive it was monumental offense because the one who was offended won't tell me what the offense was. I am not being overly-crutical of myself. I continue to offend this person over and over and over again without meaning to. No, Noa, it didn't happen here on babble or LOTL. I just feel so awful and I hope i get forgiven once again. It seems I'm always asking for an apology of this person and I have no idea why they keep coming around for more abuse. Guess we'll have to wait and see if I get into their good graces again. Thanks guys for caring. Tina
> > Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> > I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
>
> Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by Greg on July 17, 2000, at 18:25:31
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by ksvt on July 17, 2000, at 17:51:52
Tina,
Maybe part of it is other's expectations of you. They try to force their opinions on you, and when you don't agree, they try to make you the bad guy. There is nothing wrong with you saying how you feel, and if others don't like it, well, that's their problem. If I've ever done that (and I'm sure I have), I hope you will tell me to "stick it where the sun don't shine" in the future. If you purposely hurt someone, then you'll do the right thing. But NEVER feel badly for speaking your mind honestly. Ask yourself one thing, is it what you're saying or what their hearing? Most of the time there is a difference. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll end up like me....
Love ya bunches
Greg> > Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> > I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
>
> Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by Greg on July 17, 2000, at 18:37:43
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES » ksvt, posted by Greg on July 17, 2000, at 18:25:31
> Tina,
>
> Maybe part of it is other's expectations of you. They try to force their opinions on you, and when you don't agree, they try to make you the bad guy. There is nothing wrong with you saying how you feel, and if others don't like it, well, that's their problem. If I've ever done that (and I'm sure I have), I hope you will tell me to "stick it where the sun don't shine" in the future. If you purposely hurt someone, then you'll do the right thing. But NEVER feel badly for speaking your mind honestly. Ask yourself one thing, is it what you're saying or what their hearing? Most of the time there is a difference. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll end up like me....
>
> Love ya bunches
> Greg
>
> > > Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> > > I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
> >
> > Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 18:39:23
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES » ksvt, posted by Greg on July 17, 2000, at 18:25:31
G: From talking to you and reading your posts, I don't think it would be so bad to end up like you. IMHO. Tina
>
> Maybe part of it is other's expectations of you. They try to force their opinions on you, and when you don't agree, they try to make you the bad guy. There is nothing wrong with you saying how you feel, and if others don't like it, well, that's their problem. If I've ever done that (and I'm sure I have), I hope you will tell me to "stick it where the sun don't shine" in the future. If you purposely hurt someone, then you'll do the right thing. But NEVER feel badly for speaking your mind honestly. Ask yourself one thing, is it what you're saying or what their hearing? Most of the time there is a difference. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll end up like me....
>
> Love ya bunches
> Greg
>
> > > Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> > > I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
> >
> > Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by afatchic on July 17, 2000, at 18:54:06
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES » Greg, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 18:39:23
Tina, Yes! I do have one of those personalities. I do seem to offend people without meaning to and the strange thing is, I'm actually a very nice person (I have references). While I don't have any illuminating wisdom for you, I can say I truly understand and empathize.
> G: From talking to you and reading your posts, I don't think it would be so bad to end up like you. IMHO. Tina
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> >
> > Maybe part of it is other's expectations of you. They try to force their opinions on you, and when you don't agree, they try to make you the bad guy. There is nothing wrong with you saying how you feel, and if others don't like it, well, that's their problem. If I've ever done that (and I'm sure I have), I hope you will tell me to "stick it where the sun don't shine" in the future. If you purposely hurt someone, then you'll do the right thing. But NEVER feel badly for speaking your mind honestly. Ask yourself one thing, is it what you're saying or what their hearing? Most of the time there is a difference. Don't be so hard on yourself, you'll end up like me....
> >
> > Love ya bunches
> > Greg
> >
> > > > Hi all: Thanks so much to all of you for your comments and advice re: sleep and the "roller coaster" Feeling a bit better today, mostly due to all your kind words and the light "kick" I got from Rach. Thanks Rach.
> > > > I was just wondering if anyone else out there is like me in this respect. I seem to have one of those personalities that steps on itself. I repeatedly offend people without meaning to and it's getting me down. I can never say the right thing. I even make the people I care about the most, crazy. Just seems better to keep my mouth shut I guess. Well, I apologize to the world for my recurring offenses and shameful personality. i will try to think before I speak but even when I do, it seems I hurt feelings anyway.
> > >
> > > Tina - are you sure it's not just you being over critical of yourself? The "offence" may be more perception than reality. It's even possible that you did offend someone, but that in that person's mind it was a minor quickly forgotten offence, while in your mind it was immense. I sometimes feel like you do, but I can be pretty rough on myself. This may be true of you as well.
Posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 20:50:09
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES » Greg, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 18:39:23
Hi Greg - Gotta agree with Tina on that comment!! See, we're ganging up on you again! Like this kind better?
(continued below)...> G: From talking to you and reading your posts, I don't think it would be so bad to end up like you. IMHO. Tina
.......I answered your post but can't find my answer so I think I didn't send it through properly. I'm plodding along. These past few days haven't been my best. Some details in my today's post to Kerry B. (As I told Jennifer, I don't feel like re-tping it). Thinking of you lots. I'm off to see my daughter tomorrow. Looking forward to it muchly. We might camp & hike. If I do neat stuff I can tell you about it.
Be back Friday.Hugs & hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 20:51:43
In reply to Re: Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 20:50:09
Hi Greg - just sent this but didn't put your name. Am re-sending it in case you don't read the above one. Kath
> Hi Greg - Gotta agree with Tina on that comment!! See, we're ganging up on you again! Like this kind better?
> (continued below)...
>
> > G: From talking to you and reading your posts, I don't think it would be so bad to end up like you. IMHO. Tina
>
> .......I answered your post but can't find my answer so I think I didn't send it through properly. I'm plodding along. These past few days haven't been my best. Some details in my today's post to Kerry B. (As I told Jennifer, I don't feel like re-tping it). Thinking of you lots. I'm off to see my daughter tomorrow. Looking forward to it muchly. We might camp & hike. If I do neat stuff I can tell you about it.
> Be back Friday.
>
> Hugs & hugs, Kath
Posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 21:15:23
In reply to Re: Anybody Have - To GREG, posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 20:51:43
Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
Kath
Posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 21:23:18
In reply to To TINA, posted by Kath on July 17, 2000, at 21:15:23
>Hey Kath: Have a great time at your daughter's place. She's a pretty lucky kid if you ask me. Thanks for the kind words, as usual you have given me something to think about and made me feel better.
Love you too
Tina
Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
> I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
> The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
> People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
> I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
> Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.
>
> Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
>
> Kath
Posted by quilter on July 18, 2000, at 1:04:09
In reply to Re: To TINAto Kath, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 21:23:18
Tina, I've been there! Somedays it seems like I only open my mouth to change feet. Quilter
Posted by Rach on July 18, 2000, at 1:23:06
In reply to Re: To TINAto Kath, posted by quilter on July 18, 2000, at 1:04:09
Hi Tina,
Like everyone else, I agree that it is most likely that 'X' has the problem, not you. I'm going to make some total generalisations here, but they are things that I have found to be true when I have experienced situations like the one you have with X. X is a control freak - she (for ease I am just going to say X is female) makes herself feel more adequate as a person by feeding off the attention she gets when she is angry at you and you are asking for her to forgive you. I think if you look closely, the things X is getting upset over are minor things that shouldn't be causing such a huge fuss - but X is nitpicking for more ways to overcome her own fears and to keep identifying herself as being needed. I had a friend (called Deb) like this all through high school, and I kept believing that everything was my fault. Deb once stayed mad at me for months on end because I invited another friend out for my birthday because Deb couldn't come. Eventually I realised that she was getting mad over things that shouldn't even bother a true friend - she should have been happy that I was still going to be able to spend my birthday with a friend!
I have seen a lot of people who believe that the can never do anything right. My boyfriend is one. It is all about perceptions. When he is in a depressed mood (I say mood because he's not clinically depressed - just has down periods like everyone else) he percieves a delighted giggle from me as a laugh at his expense. He takes light hearted banter as nasty gospel. I have to be very careful what I do, because he takes everything to heart and it keeps him upset for days. Tina, I think, as others have said, that for the most part you percieve that you cannot do anything right when you are in a downer. In reality, everyone else percieves you as a kind hearted, loving and enjoyable friend, who does her best and has sucess.
Love you,
RachP.S. Sometimes I wonder if I am saying the right thing. If I ever say anything that hurts you, please let me know. I don't ever want to do that to anyone. Hugs xxx
Posted by CarolAnn on July 18, 2000, at 9:05:43
In reply to Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 17:19:12
Tina,
I am always saying things, and then much later, realizing how offensive they must sound. It's always unintentional, and I am slowly learning to take time to really think about what I want to say. Sometimes, it seems like I've spent my whole life with my foot in my mouth! The important thing to remember, is that your true friends will know you well enough to know that you never mean to be offensive. I've said awful things to a friend, and not realized how awful until the next day. When I call to apologize, my friend says, "oh I know you didn't mean it that way, forget about it". With me it's an ADD thing, I have a very poor inner censor.
Anyway, I've never noticed anything offensive in any of your posts, and if I did, believe me I can relate to your situation well enough, not to hold it against you! (((((big hug))))))!!! CarolAnn
Posted by Kath on July 18, 2000, at 10:08:57
In reply to Re: To TINAto Kath, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 21:23:18
Hey Tina! Just having a quick glance at PB before I get my act together & drive off into the sunny day (I'm being optimistic it will turn sunny). I'm going to have a wonderful time. I'm feeling really down today...it seems to be getting worse daily & I think I'm getting in touch with the GRIEF. My son has a serious addiction problem & is in total denial. I wrote details yesterday to Kerry B. about our appointment at our psychiatrist if you want details. I don't remember if I said there that he said he didn't want to come back because he didn't want to live by rules. He also said he does NOT have a drug problem; that he IS the way he is & I have to accept that that's how he's living his life & that I'm from a different generation & don't understand - his drug use is "recreational" (even though he uses every day & from what I can see it's the main thing in his mind). It's alot for me to face - he doesn't want to change. I'm going to try & be in touch with my feelings over the next few days & it will be the best thing to be with my daughter, because she's been there, to some extent & understands him better than I do, also she loves him to pieces (like I do if I get in touch with THOSE feelings, which is very hard right now, because it makes it too hard to be as "tough" as I think is in his best interest.
You're so sweet saying that about my daughter being a lucky kid. I feel like such a failure right now. Wow - that's the first time I've even realized that!!
Thanks for being there. I'm so glad my words helped you in any kind of way.
I'll be in touch on Friday. I's 11:10 a.m. or so right now. I'll probably sign off real soon & maybe check in briefly before I leave.
You'll be in my thoughts.Luv ya Kath
> >Hey Kath: Have a great time at your daughter's place. She's a pretty lucky kid if you ask me. Thanks for the kind words, as usual you have given me something to think about and made me feel better.
> Love you too
> Tina
>
>
> Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
> > I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
> > The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
> > People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
> > I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
> > Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.
> >
> > Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
> >
> > Kath
Posted by Renee N on July 18, 2000, at 14:00:19
In reply to Anybody Have ONE OF THOSE PERSONALITIES, posted by tina on July 17, 2000, at 17:19:12
In my effort to be friendly I sometimes speak to people in ways reserved for good friends. I love to tease and poke fun at myself and others with no malice intended. My attempt at humour sometimes flops and seems mean. I also am overly honest and willing to offer an opinion. Add to this the fact that I believe I can practically read people minds by just watching them and always think the worst when trying to figure out what people really think of me...Well, you know how it is...Renee N
Posted by tina on July 18, 2000, at 14:06:16
In reply to A quick note before I go » tina, posted by Kath on July 18, 2000, at 10:08:57
I guess "foot in mouth" disease runs rampant. Thanks for making me feel better guys. I still think I need to think a little more before I speak even if it is an honest opinion. I should take into consideration the other person's possible interpretations before blurting out something that may offend. Just a slight personality flaw. Believe me, i have bigger ones than this.
Thanks again guys
Love y'all
Tina> Hey Tina! Just having a quick glance at PB before I get my act together & drive off into the sunny day (I'm being optimistic it will turn sunny). I'm going to have a wonderful time. I'm feeling really down today...it seems to be getting worse daily & I think I'm getting in touch with the GRIEF. My son has a serious addiction problem & is in total denial. I wrote details yesterday to Kerry B. about our appointment at our psychiatrist if you want details. I don't remember if I said there that he said he didn't want to come back because he didn't want to live by rules. He also said he does NOT have a drug problem; that he IS the way he is & I have to accept that that's how he's living his life & that I'm from a different generation & don't understand - his drug use is "recreational" (even though he uses every day & from what I can see it's the main thing in his mind). It's alot for me to face - he doesn't want to change. I'm going to try & be in touch with my feelings over the next few days & it will be the best thing to be with my daughter, because she's been there, to some extent & understands him better than I do, also she loves him to pieces (like I do if I get in touch with THOSE feelings, which is very hard right now, because it makes it too hard to be as "tough" as I think is in his best interest.
> You're so sweet saying that about my daughter being a lucky kid. I feel like such a failure right now. Wow - that's the first time I've even realized that!!
> Thanks for being there. I'm so glad my words helped you in any kind of way.
> I'll be in touch on Friday. I's 11:10 a.m. or so right now. I'll probably sign off real soon & maybe check in briefly before I leave.
> You'll be in my thoughts.
>
> Luv ya Kath
>
>
>
> > >Hey Kath: Have a great time at your daughter's place. She's a pretty lucky kid if you ask me. Thanks for the kind words, as usual you have given me something to think about and made me feel better.
> > Love you too
> > Tina
> >
> >
> > Hi Tina - Just wrote a big long reply & couldn't send it for some reason. I'll try again.
> > > I have found that in inter-personal-relationships there are "dances" that happen. I think in your "dance" with this person, who I will call "X", there is some kind of thing happening that you don't understand.
> > > The author of the Celestine Prophecy wrote in either that book or the one that followed it, about "control dramas". I haven't read it, but my daughter talks alot about them & finally understood what was happening with her former boyfriend & herself when she learned of the control dramas.
> > > People can cast themselves in certain roles & get "energy" from being in that role. X might like the pitty or grovelling or shame that you tend to feel when X is in "victim" mode. Alot of people are in "poor me" mode...or "how could you be so......" mode. X might get a feeling of being NEEDED when you apologize, or feel that you really care for them when you apologize. They might need to feel your caring, or affection, or love, & feel it most when you've (so-called) "screwed-up" - take note I said "so-called". It might be good to try & analyze it a bit, or even share an example with someone & see what they see in it (feel free to email me). Maybe X needs to feel self-righteous or that THEY'RE right, or they're more fair, or they've got their head on right. I have a feeling this might have 'way more to do with THEM than with you.
> > > I've never seen you be anything other than kind, caring, thoughtful, considerate, fun & likeable here on PB. Do go easy on yourself. I think you're accepting alot of blame here & I doubt if it's YOU having a difficult personality.
> > > Am going to my daughter's in Guelph for a few days. Will check in again on Friday.
> > >
> > > Luv' ya' (& that isn't why I said that stuff either.)
> > >
> > > Kath
Posted by tina on July 18, 2000, at 15:12:12
In reply to Impulsive speech + rejection sensitivity=..., posted by Renee N on July 18, 2000, at 14:00:19
>Yup Renee, I know exactly what you mean.
In my effort to be friendly I sometimes speak to people in ways reserved for good friends. I love to tease and poke fun at myself and others with no malice intended. My attempt at humour sometimes flops and seems mean. I also am overly honest and willing to offer an opinion. Add to this the fact that I believe I can practically read people minds by just watching them and always think the worst when trying to figure out what people really think of me...Well, you know how it is...Renee N
Posted by noa on July 18, 2000, at 15:35:29
In reply to Re: Impulsive speech + rejection sensitivity=... » Renee N, posted by tina on July 18, 2000, at 15:12:12
I have always thought this about myself, but it is hard to know if I really am that impulsive or just hypersensitive and self conscious about what I say.
Somtimes, if there is an energetic conversation going, I get really stimulated and revved up and have so many ideas boiling over in my brain, I get impulsive and start interrrupting a lot, and maybe offend people by being outspoken, and again, sometimes I am too critical of myself and sometimes I probably am too impulsive and could use to slow down and not say everything I think.
It is so hard for me to be sure, like I am missing the essential compass to know where I am in a situation.
Posted by Greg on July 18, 2000, at 16:54:08
In reply to Re: Impulsive speech + rejection sensitivity=..., posted by noa on July 18, 2000, at 15:35:29
Noa
I haven't forgotten that you still owe me a birthdate....
Greg
> I have always thought this about myself, but it is hard to know if I really am that impulsive or just hypersensitive and self conscious about what I say.
>
> Somtimes, if there is an energetic conversation going, I get really stimulated and revved up and have so many ideas boiling over in my brain, I get impulsive and start interrrupting a lot, and maybe offend people by being outspoken, and again, sometimes I am too critical of myself and sometimes I probably am too impulsive and could use to slow down and not say everything I think.
>
> It is so hard for me to be sure, like I am missing the essential compass to know where I am in a situation.
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