![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by kerry B on July 8, 2000, at 5:32:16
Hi there Rick,
Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
Bye for now,Kerry
Posted by Rick E. on July 8, 2000, at 11:42:07
In reply to To RickE from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 8, 2000, at 5:32:16
> Hi there Rick,
> Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
> There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
> What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
> Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
> Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
> I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
> it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
> Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
> So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
> I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
> Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
> Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
> You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
> Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
> Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
> Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
> Bye for now,
>
> Kerry
Hi Kerry,Yes, actually, after much stress, which seems to make the side effects of my meds worse, I did end up having a good day. I got home, and make some great chicken noodle soup HEHE which nobody has tried yet :(. But, we're going to my girlfriends moms today and taking it with us!
The test that I took had 500 some questions, and the title was something like the Minnesota Mental something-or-other. I also had to answer two pages of questions that were incomplete sentences, filling in with my feelings at the time. It is kind of scary, cause you think about how one person is going to be interpretating your results, not a huge panel of people or anything. I hope the test does show some of her paranoia and stubborness, for her own good, not that I think she would honestly take a look at it.
I have been thinking about what you said about the first meeting with my kids, and hadn't really previously considered the environment that I will be seeing them in. It was ordered by the court that I see them in a psychologists office, and yes, their mother will be there. I don't know if she'll be stuck in the same room with me but, yes, that will be akward. Hmmmm. Something to think about, maybe discuss with my lawyer.
I am trying really hard to stay positive and hopeful that things turn out for the best, and you're right, it really is helpful to have my girlfriend's input and support, I know I couldn't do it without her, I just hope that I don't steal too much of her energy, she is so giving, and I really try to stay on top of giving back. I hope I am doing a good job, she says I am...
I also lost my job last month and have been looking for work since. I filed for unemployment and was approved, but still haven't received a check yet, so it's been frustrating, she has taken on the burden of my bills, and I am feeling like a chump about it, but I keep trying, and got a good lead on a job just last night, will have to check it out on Monday.
Well, it's off to the laundromat and then to her mom's...got my ativan with me, so nothing can "get" me...haha...I just like having them, even if I don't take one, it gives me comfort to know that I won't be stuck in the middle of a panic attack.
Thanks again for your prayers, you are also in mine. I was wondering, what type of relationship do you presently have with your kids? Just curious.
Talk to you soon. Have a great day!
Rick E.
Posted by kerry B on July 8, 2000, at 21:45:45
In reply to Re: To RickE from kerry B, posted by Rick E. on July 8, 2000, at 11:42:07
> > Hi there Rick,
> > Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
> > There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
> > What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
> > Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
> > Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
> > I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
> > it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
> > Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
> > So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
> > I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
> > Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
> > Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
> > You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
> > Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
> > Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
> > Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
> > Bye for now,
> >
> > Kerry
>
>
> Hi Kerry,
>
> Yes, actually, after much stress, which seems to make the side effects of my meds worse, I did end up having a good day. I got home, and make some great chicken noodle soup HEHE which nobody has tried yet :(. But, we're going to my girlfriends moms today and taking it with us!
>
> The test that I took had 500 some questions, and the title was something like the Minnesota Mental something-or-other. I also had to answer two pages of questions that were incomplete sentences, filling in with my feelings at the time. It is kind of scary, cause you think about how one person is going to be interpretating your results, not a huge panel of people or anything. I hope the test does show some of her paranoia and stubborness, for her own good, not that I think she would honestly take a look at it.
>
> I have been thinking about what you said about the first meeting with my kids, and hadn't really previously considered the environment that I will be seeing them in. It was ordered by the court that I see them in a psychologists office, and yes, their mother will be there. I don't know if she'll be stuck in the same room with me but, yes, that will be akward. Hmmmm. Something to think about, maybe discuss with my lawyer.
>
> I am trying really hard to stay positive and hopeful that things turn out for the best, and you're right, it really is helpful to have my girlfriend's input and support, I know I couldn't do it without her, I just hope that I don't steal too much of her energy, she is so giving, and I really try to stay on top of giving back. I hope I am doing a good job, she says I am...
>
> I also lost my job last month and have been looking for work since. I filed for unemployment and was approved, but still haven't received a check yet, so it's been frustrating, she has taken on the burden of my bills, and I am feeling like a chump about it, but I keep trying, and got a good lead on a job just last night, will have to check it out on Monday.
>
> Well, it's off to the laundromat and then to her mom's...got my ativan with me, so nothing can "get" me...haha...I just like having them, even if I don't take one, it gives me comfort to know that I won't be stuck in the middle of a panic attack.
>
> Thanks again for your prayers, you are also in mine. I was wondering, what type of relationship do you presently have with your kids? Just curious.
>
> Talk to you soon. Have a great day!
>
> Rick E.
Hi there Rick!
Hope you're feeling well and happy today!!
How was the soup? I bet everyone enjoyed it and you put a smile on their faces!!!! So you can cook? What other hidden talents do you have?hahaha
The test you had sounds very much like the one I had when they were trying to establish what exactly was wrong with me. It took me ages to do. I kept having to have breaks because it was just too much. I feel for you there! When will they tell you the results? Hope not too long, there's nothing worse than waiting when you're counting on something!
I imagine your lawyer will come up with a good reason as to why you should have your first visitation alone with your boys, after all, you are visiting them, not the mother or even if the lawyer could be present. Would you feel comfortable with him/her there with you? Pity it is in the phsychologists office, is he going to be present as well? If there are others there, just ignore them and put all your focus on the boys, pretend they are not there!!! Don't think about what you will say to them either because when you are with them, you will forget everything and it will all come out naturally.
I have done that so many times, focused on how things will be, got myself all worked up and found that when I got there, it was great!!!!
Oh yeah, this test, do the results get shown to the magistrate? Well,let's be positive there because if hers is not up to par, you will have no worries at all, it will be another bonus point for you!!!!
About your girlfriend and you stealing too much of her energy, let me tell you something about women: if that was the case, she would tell you straight away. Something women are good at is telling you just what they think, so if she says you're O.K. and that you are doing a good job, believe her. She sounds so good for you, I am very happy for the both of you. So what sort of custody are you going for? Week-ends or just visitation rights to see them whenever you want? Sorry, you might have told me before but my memeory isn't to good at present.
My kids have just not long left to go to their Grandmother's for the week. My daughter 8, really didn't want to go, I felt so sorry for her but she is usually alright once she gets there. My 10 yr old son, he just goes with the flow. As soon as they left, I felt alone. I didn't know what to do with myself so naturally I came on here. As much as I love them, I do need a break so I can get myself fixed up, I miss them though. I wrote them a little letter and stuck it in their bag so they will find it when they unpack. It was just a note telling them how much I love them.
Oh yes, you asked about my relationship with my other boys. Well, we get on pretty O.K.I don't see much of them as they live in the city and have their lives there but when we see each other, it's wonderful. They tell me what they are doing, they even come out with stuff that I don't want to know about but I listen to them and just soak up every minute I have with them. Even on the phone we always end by saying "love you" which I find important. I think it's the two most important words you can say to anyone. So that's how it is with us.Hope this job comes through for you. It is so hard everywhere to get a job these days but don't despair, you will get one and then you won't feel so bad. Your girlfriend sounds so lovely!! She must love you very much because she is sticking by you and you don't find many people these days that will do that!!!!
Well, guess I've got to go now, we are having people round this-afternoon so I have to try and make myself look presentable. Wish my head felt a bit clearer but they know I have been unwell so I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm having the day off work and my poor boss (friend of mine anyway) had to go in today and do my front desk job. He was in a bit of a dilema when I phoned!!!!
O.K. You take it easy and don't get stressed out, do something that you enjoy to take your mind off things.................
Bye for now....Kerry
Posted by kerry B on July 10, 2000, at 22:51:29
In reply to Re: To RickE from kerry B, posted by Rick E. on July 8, 2000, at 11:42:07
> > Hi there Rick,
> > Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
> > There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
> > What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
> > Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
> > Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
> > I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
> > it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
> > Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
> > So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
> > I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
> > Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
> > Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
> > You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
> > Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
> > Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
> > Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
> > Bye for now,
> >
> > Kerry
>
>
> Hi Kerry,
>
> Yes, actually, after much stress, which seems to make the side effects of my meds worse, I did end up having a good day. I got home, and make some great chicken noodle soup HEHE which nobody has tried yet :(. But, we're going to my girlfriends moms today and taking it with us!
>
> The test that I took had 500 some questions, and the title was something like the Minnesota Mental something-or-other. I also had to answer two pages of questions that were incomplete sentences, filling in with my feelings at the time. It is kind of scary, cause you think about how one person is going to be interpretating your results, not a huge panel of people or anything. I hope the test does show some of her paranoia and stubborness, for her own good, not that I think she would honestly take a look at it.
>
> I have been thinking about what you said about the first meeting with my kids, and hadn't really previously considered the environment that I will be seeing them in. It was ordered by the court that I see them in a psychologists office, and yes, their mother will be there. I don't know if she'll be stuck in the same room with me but, yes, that will be akward. Hmmmm. Something to think about, maybe discuss with my lawyer.
>
> I am trying really hard to stay positive and hopeful that things turn out for the best, and you're right, it really is helpful to have my girlfriend's input and support, I know I couldn't do it without her, I just hope that I don't steal too much of her energy, she is so giving, and I really try to stay on top of giving back. I hope I am doing a good job, she says I am...
>
> I also lost my job last month and have been looking for work since. I filed for unemployment and was approved, but still haven't received a check yet, so it's been frustrating, she has taken on the burden of my bills, and I am feeling like a chump about it, but I keep trying, and got a good lead on a job just last night, will have to check it out on Monday.
>
> Well, it's off to the laundromat and then to her mom's...got my ativan with me, so nothing can "get" me...haha...I just like having them, even if I don't take one, it gives me comfort to know that I won't be stuck in the middle of a panic attack.
>
> Thanks again for your prayers, you are also in mine. I was wondering, what type of relationship do you presently have with your kids? Just curious.
>
> Talk to you soon. Have a great day!
>
> Rick E.Hi Rick,
I sent you a post a few days ago but it seems you didn't get it. Actually, my computer was playing up so don't think I am neglecting you!!!! It was a really long post so I will try to remember what I said.
Firstly, how was the chicken soup? I hope everyone enjoyed it and that would mean you put smiles on their faces, that's positive!!!! What other hidden talents do you have???? I bet you are neat and tidy too?
Did you see about that job you had a lead on? Hope you were successful. You know, if your girlfriend is sticking by you even though you haven't got a job and you're going through all the other stuff, she must love you and that's a positive thing too. You will get a job, gosh, you should see the job lines over here!!!! Something good will come from all of this because things can't stay down forever, things have to go up otherwise there would be no balance in this life.
Just think of it, when you get a job, you can do things for your girlfriend to show your appreciation, right?
Have you got the results from the tests you had to do? Does the judge get to see them? Don't let it stress you out because as far as I'm concerned, you are level headed and sensible and I'm sure they will see that in the tests. As for your ex, it may be the opportunity for them to see what she's really like, yes?
So what are you going for? Full custody or access to see them whenever you want?
As for the first meeting, even though it is in the psychologists office, thats ok, it's a matter of your lawyer coming up with some way that you can see them without her around. Maybe if he put it to the judge that he (the lawyer) be present with you, that would be reassuring to whoever has any concerns, namely the ex. Is the psychologist going to be present too? Maybe he also could put in a good word. It is your right to see your own kids privately without the mother especially in these circumstances. Hope I'm making sense!
One more comment, you are not stealing your girlfriends energy, if you were, knowing women, she would let you know and if she hasn't done that yet then you're ok!!!
Have they given you your unemployment payment yet? If they're anything like out here, it's a slow process. It's a terrible system out here!!!
Hope you got it though, that might make you feel a little better!!!!
Hope you have been looking round at happy things! I'm going to hold you to that hahaha!!!!
You're as bad as me with your ativan, I take my diazapam with me all the time just for a feeling of security!! It helps to know you have them there just in case!!!!
I go for my first post traumatic shock therapy session this Friday. I don't know what's in store so it will be interesting to see. I heard there are a lot of questionaire sheets to fill out, hope not the 367 question test!!!!!! I have been writing out a lot of the stuff that I've been through since I was 4 and boy, it's not good but I guess if I want to feel totally human again, I'll have to go through all this.
I am actually on holidays for this week as my kids went to their Granny's. I guess it's good for them so as they can get away from all that's been happening here and it's a break for me. Yesterday after they left, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt alone and empty, but I got stuck into moving rooms around and that made me feel better. Nothing like a change. You should try it! I recommend it!!!!
You asked me what my relationship with my boys is like now. It is really good. I don't get to see them much as they are now living together in the city, but when we talk on the phone it's great, they tell me everything that they're doing and when I see them it's also great. We all feel comfortable and my eldest son always buys me pizza cause he knows I love it. Didin't I tell you that my 18 yr old lived with us recently for 7 months? It was great having him here but it was very tiring, trying to keep up with his hours, but I kept kissing his forehead and telling him I love him and he would reply, love you too mum! Every time we speak on the phone, we end with "love you" before we hang up. To sum all that up, we have good relationships. I could of just said that in one sentence!!!!
So how are you feeling today?? Looking at positive outcomes I hope. When do you see your lawyer next to find out about the visit with the kids? Let me know how things are going. You are definately still in my prayers, don't forget that!!!!
Well best go now (did you get your girlfriend some flowers yet?). I have a few things to do and then I'm going to sit down and do my puzzles. It keeps my mind open and I learn alot from them too.
Keep smiling and try to enjoy life the best you can!!!!!!!
Bye for now,Kerry :>)
Posted by kerry B on July 11, 2000, at 3:53:00
In reply to Re: To RickE from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 10, 2000, at 22:51:29
> > > Hi there Rick,
> > > Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
> > > There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
> > > What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
> > > Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
> > > Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
> > > I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
> > > it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
> > > Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
> > > So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
> > > I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
> > > Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
> > > Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
> > > You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
> > > Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
> > > Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
> > > Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
> > > Bye for now,
> > >
> > > Kerry
> >
> >
> > Hi Kerry,
> >
> > Yes, actually, after much stress, which seems to make the side effects of my meds worse, I did end up having a good day. I got home, and make some great chicken noodle soup HEHE which nobody has tried yet :(. But, we're going to my girlfriends moms today and taking it with us!
> >
> > The test that I took had 500 some questions, and the title was something like the Minnesota Mental something-or-other. I also had to answer two pages of questions that were incomplete sentences, filling in with my feelings at the time. It is kind of scary, cause you think about how one person is going to be interpretating your results, not a huge panel of people or anything. I hope the test does show some of her paranoia and stubborness, for her own good, not that I think she would honestly take a look at it.
> >
> > I have been thinking about what you said about the first meeting with my kids, and hadn't really previously considered the environment that I will be seeing them in. It was ordered by the court that I see them in a psychologists office, and yes, their mother will be there. I don't know if she'll be stuck in the same room with me but, yes, that will be akward. Hmmmm. Something to think about, maybe discuss with my lawyer.
> >
> > I am trying really hard to stay positive and hopeful that things turn out for the best, and you're right, it really is helpful to have my girlfriend's input and support, I know I couldn't do it without her, I just hope that I don't steal too much of her energy, she is so giving, and I really try to stay on top of giving back. I hope I am doing a good job, she says I am...
> >
> > I also lost my job last month and have been looking for work since. I filed for unemployment and was approved, but still haven't received a check yet, so it's been frustrating, she has taken on the burden of my bills, and I am feeling like a chump about it, but I keep trying, and got a good lead on a job just last night, will have to check it out on Monday.
> >
> > Well, it's off to the laundromat and then to her mom's...got my ativan with me, so nothing can "get" me...haha...I just like having them, even if I don't take one, it gives me comfort to know that I won't be stuck in the middle of a panic attack.
> >
> > Thanks again for your prayers, you are also in mine. I was wondering, what type of relationship do you presently have with your kids? Just curious.
> >
> > Talk to you soon. Have a great day!
> >
> > Rick E.
>
> Hi Rick,
> I sent you a post a few days ago but it seems you didn't get it. Actually, my computer was playing up so don't think I am neglecting you!!!! It was a really long post so I will try to remember what I said.
> Firstly, how was the chicken soup? I hope everyone enjoyed it and that would mean you put smiles on their faces, that's positive!!!! What other hidden talents do you have???? I bet you are neat and tidy too?
> Did you see about that job you had a lead on? Hope you were successful. You know, if your girlfriend is sticking by you even though you haven't got a job and you're going through all the other stuff, she must love you and that's a positive thing too. You will get a job, gosh, you should see the job lines over here!!!! Something good will come from all of this because things can't stay down forever, things have to go up otherwise there would be no balance in this life.
> Just think of it, when you get a job, you can do things for your girlfriend to show your appreciation, right?
> Have you got the results from the tests you had to do? Does the judge get to see them? Don't let it stress you out because as far as I'm concerned, you are level headed and sensible and I'm sure they will see that in the tests. As for your ex, it may be the opportunity for them to see what she's really like, yes?
> So what are you going for? Full custody or access to see them whenever you want?
> As for the first meeting, even though it is in the psychologists office, thats ok, it's a matter of your lawyer coming up with some way that you can see them without her around. Maybe if he put it to the judge that he (the lawyer) be present with you, that would be reassuring to whoever has any concerns, namely the ex. Is the psychologist going to be present too? Maybe he also could put in a good word. It is your right to see your own kids privately without the mother especially in these circumstances. Hope I'm making sense!
> One more comment, you are not stealing your girlfriends energy, if you were, knowing women, she would let you know and if she hasn't done that yet then you're ok!!!
> Have they given you your unemployment payment yet? If they're anything like out here, it's a slow process. It's a terrible system out here!!!
> Hope you got it though, that might make you feel a little better!!!!
> Hope you have been looking round at happy things! I'm going to hold you to that hahaha!!!!
> You're as bad as me with your ativan, I take my diazapam with me all the time just for a feeling of security!! It helps to know you have them there just in case!!!!
> I go for my first post traumatic shock therapy session this Friday. I don't know what's in store so it will be interesting to see. I heard there are a lot of questionaire sheets to fill out, hope not the 367 question test!!!!!! I have been writing out a lot of the stuff that I've been through since I was 4 and boy, it's not good but I guess if I want to feel totally human again, I'll have to go through all this.
> I am actually on holidays for this week as my kids went to their Granny's. I guess it's good for them so as they can get away from all that's been happening here and it's a break for me. Yesterday after they left, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt alone and empty, but I got stuck into moving rooms around and that made me feel better. Nothing like a change. You should try it! I recommend it!!!!
> You asked me what my relationship with my boys is like now. It is really good. I don't get to see them much as they are now living together in the city, but when we talk on the phone it's great, they tell me everything that they're doing and when I see them it's also great. We all feel comfortable and my eldest son always buys me pizza cause he knows I love it. Didin't I tell you that my 18 yr old lived with us recently for 7 months? It was great having him here but it was very tiring, trying to keep up with his hours, but I kept kissing his forehead and telling him I love him and he would reply, love you too mum! Every time we speak on the phone, we end with "love you" before we hang up. To sum all that up, we have good relationships. I could of just said that in one sentence!!!!
> So how are you feeling today?? Looking at positive outcomes I hope. When do you see your lawyer next to find out about the visit with the kids? Let me know how things are going. You are definately still in my prayers, don't forget that!!!!
> Well best go now (did you get your girlfriend some flowers yet?). I have a few things to do and then I'm going to sit down and do my puzzles. It keeps my mind open and I learn alot from them too.
> Keep smiling and try to enjoy life the best you can!!!!!!!
> Bye for now,
>
> Kerry :>)
Me Again,
I was just looking through the threads and discovered that the one I thought didn't get through, actually did. It's not all the same but I guess they are similar so if you want something to do, you can read them both, one on the 8th and the last one on the 10th july. Sorry, I'm still learning this thread thing and never know where to find them (no I'm not little bo-peep!!!). I guess I'll get the hang of it, I just worry in case I haven't acknowledged someone.
Well, going now to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
Hope you are O.K. Take it easy!!!!!!! Keep me posted!!!!!Kerry
Posted by kerry B on July 13, 2000, at 18:08:56
In reply to Re: To RickE from kerry B, posted by kerry B on July 11, 2000, at 3:53:00
> > > > Hi there Rick,
> > > > Got your post and I'm glad you are trying to see the positive things in everything!!!!! It does help and when you think back to where you were 2 years ago, you have made progress! As to happy products, if you look around when you are shopping and see a "happy or positive" label, it makes you get through the shopping easier. Another thing I do, well I try to do each day is give someone a compliment. For eg: The grocer store I go into, well the woman had all her long hair cut off and I looked at her and told her how much it suited her (it really did) so she was really happy and I was really happy because she felt good and it reflected back onto me. It's good to make someone feel good each day then you feel better too.
> > > > There are many things you can do to stay positive. I try out different things all the time and I guess that's how I get through, but, I still have my down periods and I just have to acknowledge them and go with them. Maybe you could buy your girlfriend a bunch of flowers just to see the light shine in her heart when you give them to her. It makes it easier if you have a partner, because it can help with your well-being by doing little things you know they would like and that makes them happy and you also. (Hope I am Making sense).
> > > > What was this psychological test you had to do? Was it the 367 or so questions you had to answer? All these tests are tough because in the back of your mind, you're thinking, what are they going to find, will it be satisfactory? But Rick, from the way you write and the way you think, as far as I know you, you will be fine. Don't know, but maybe they might pick something up about your ex from this test? That would be good if they could see what was behind her mind!!! How her mind ticks, you might be surprised!!!! I do hope your parents get to see your children because grandchildren are special for them and for them to miss out on them growing up is heartbreaking!!!!
> > > > Stay cool until September, I know it is a way off but just think, in that time you can get organized, establish yourself and be optimistic that you will have your kids. Look around the shops at what you would want your kids to have etc and just focus on the brightest outcome because I feel that everything will go your way.
> > > > Your ex would have to slip up or be discovered sometime so hang in there!!!!!!!!!
> > > > I'm thinking about your first meeting. It will be awkward, seeing as the mother has wiped you, but just be yourself, probably don't be physical with them but just be yourself and speak in the language that kids can relate to. That's what I did, just ask simple questions as if you are their best friend and believe me, they will become attached to you and love you.
> > > > it would be great if their mother wasn't around while you established this bond because you will feel more at ease, actually, it might be best if you are alone with them or maybe with your parents, grandparents especially grandmothers have that special nack with kids.
> > > > Anyway, we'll work on this until the time comes.
> > > > So have you had a good day today? Found something nice and cheerful to focus on? I hope so.
> > > > I can't believe how much our lives parallel. Maybe we were meant to meet here so as we can support each other, me already having been through this!
> > > > Don't take the last 2 1/2 years as a waste of time because it's all been a learning process to strenthen us so as we can tackle the next obstacle that comes along, don't you think? I look at it that way.
> > > > Gosh a week ago I couldn't even function and they were ready to lock me away but now with the right meds I'm feeling better, it'as all just a process we all have to go through, I believe this anyway.
> > > > You can be SURE that I will be praying for you, I said another one today for you and the kids so you have my prayers and I'm sure the prayers of everyone else!!!!!
> > > > Well Better go as I'm hungry. REALLY feel like PIZZA but I just can't have it! drats!!!
> > > > Hope to hear from you soon when you have time O.K.
> > > > Look after youself till then and don't let anything stress you out. Just take each day as it comes, don't think about tomorrow or yesterday, just think of today and what you have to do. Everything will fall into place, you'll see!!!!!!!!!
> > > > Bye for now,
> > > >
> > > > Kerry
> > >
> > >
> > > Hi Kerry,
> > >
> > > Yes, actually, after much stress, which seems to make the side effects of my meds worse, I did end up having a good day. I got home, and make some great chicken noodle soup HEHE which nobody has tried yet :(. But, we're going to my girlfriends moms today and taking it with us!
> > >
> > > The test that I took had 500 some questions, and the title was something like the Minnesota Mental something-or-other. I also had to answer two pages of questions that were incomplete sentences, filling in with my feelings at the time. It is kind of scary, cause you think about how one person is going to be interpretating your results, not a huge panel of people or anything. I hope the test does show some of her paranoia and stubborness, for her own good, not that I think she would honestly take a look at it.
> > >
> > > I have been thinking about what you said about the first meeting with my kids, and hadn't really previously considered the environment that I will be seeing them in. It was ordered by the court that I see them in a psychologists office, and yes, their mother will be there. I don't know if she'll be stuck in the same room with me but, yes, that will be akward. Hmmmm. Something to think about, maybe discuss with my lawyer.
> > >
> > > I am trying really hard to stay positive and hopeful that things turn out for the best, and you're right, it really is helpful to have my girlfriend's input and support, I know I couldn't do it without her, I just hope that I don't steal too much of her energy, she is so giving, and I really try to stay on top of giving back. I hope I am doing a good job, she says I am...
> > >
> > > I also lost my job last month and have been looking for work since. I filed for unemployment and was approved, but still haven't received a check yet, so it's been frustrating, she has taken on the burden of my bills, and I am feeling like a chump about it, but I keep trying, and got a good lead on a job just last night, will have to check it out on Monday.
> > >
> > > Well, it's off to the laundromat and then to her mom's...got my ativan with me, so nothing can "get" me...haha...I just like having them, even if I don't take one, it gives me comfort to know that I won't be stuck in the middle of a panic attack.
> > >
> > > Thanks again for your prayers, you are also in mine. I was wondering, what type of relationship do you presently have with your kids? Just curious.
> > >
> > > Talk to you soon. Have a great day!
> > >
> > > Rick E.
> >
> > Hi Rick,
> > I sent you a post a few days ago but it seems you didn't get it. Actually, my computer was playing up so don't think I am neglecting you!!!! It was a really long post so I will try to remember what I said.
> > Firstly, how was the chicken soup? I hope everyone enjoyed it and that would mean you put smiles on their faces, that's positive!!!! What other hidden talents do you have???? I bet you are neat and tidy too?
> > Did you see about that job you had a lead on? Hope you were successful. You know, if your girlfriend is sticking by you even though you haven't got a job and you're going through all the other stuff, she must love you and that's a positive thing too. You will get a job, gosh, you should see the job lines over here!!!! Something good will come from all of this because things can't stay down forever, things have to go up otherwise there would be no balance in this life.
> > Just think of it, when you get a job, you can do things for your girlfriend to show your appreciation, right?
> > Have you got the results from the tests you had to do? Does the judge get to see them? Don't let it stress you out because as far as I'm concerned, you are level headed and sensible and I'm sure they will see that in the tests. As for your ex, it may be the opportunity for them to see what she's really like, yes?
> > So what are you going for? Full custody or access to see them whenever you want?
> > As for the first meeting, even though it is in the psychologists office, thats ok, it's a matter of your lawyer coming up with some way that you can see them without her around. Maybe if he put it to the judge that he (the lawyer) be present with you, that would be reassuring to whoever has any concerns, namely the ex. Is the psychologist going to be present too? Maybe he also could put in a good word. It is your right to see your own kids privately without the mother especially in these circumstances. Hope I'm making sense!
> > One more comment, you are not stealing your girlfriends energy, if you were, knowing women, she would let you know and if she hasn't done that yet then you're ok!!!
> > Have they given you your unemployment payment yet? If they're anything like out here, it's a slow process. It's a terrible system out here!!!
> > Hope you got it though, that might make you feel a little better!!!!
> > Hope you have been looking round at happy things! I'm going to hold you to that hahaha!!!!
> > You're as bad as me with your ativan, I take my diazapam with me all the time just for a feeling of security!! It helps to know you have them there just in case!!!!
> > I go for my first post traumatic shock therapy session this Friday. I don't know what's in store so it will be interesting to see. I heard there are a lot of questionaire sheets to fill out, hope not the 367 question test!!!!!! I have been writing out a lot of the stuff that I've been through since I was 4 and boy, it's not good but I guess if I want to feel totally human again, I'll have to go through all this.
> > I am actually on holidays for this week as my kids went to their Granny's. I guess it's good for them so as they can get away from all that's been happening here and it's a break for me. Yesterday after they left, I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt alone and empty, but I got stuck into moving rooms around and that made me feel better. Nothing like a change. You should try it! I recommend it!!!!
> > You asked me what my relationship with my boys is like now. It is really good. I don't get to see them much as they are now living together in the city, but when we talk on the phone it's great, they tell me everything that they're doing and when I see them it's also great. We all feel comfortable and my eldest son always buys me pizza cause he knows I love it. Didin't I tell you that my 18 yr old lived with us recently for 7 months? It was great having him here but it was very tiring, trying to keep up with his hours, but I kept kissing his forehead and telling him I love him and he would reply, love you too mum! Every time we speak on the phone, we end with "love you" before we hang up. To sum all that up, we have good relationships. I could of just said that in one sentence!!!!
> > So how are you feeling today?? Looking at positive outcomes I hope. When do you see your lawyer next to find out about the visit with the kids? Let me know how things are going. You are definately still in my prayers, don't forget that!!!!
> > Well best go now (did you get your girlfriend some flowers yet?). I have a few things to do and then I'm going to sit down and do my puzzles. It keeps my mind open and I learn alot from them too.
> > Keep smiling and try to enjoy life the best you can!!!!!!!
> > Bye for now,
> >
> > Kerry :>)
>
>
> Me Again,
> I was just looking through the threads and discovered that the one I thought didn't get through, actually did. It's not all the same but I guess they are similar so if you want something to do, you can read them both, one on the 8th and the last one on the 10th july. Sorry, I'm still learning this thread thing and never know where to find them (no I'm not little bo-peep!!!). I guess I'll get the hang of it, I just worry in case I haven't acknowledged someone.
> Well, going now to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
> Hope you are O.K. Take it easy!!!!!!! Keep me posted!!!!!
>
> Kerry
Hi Rick,
How is everything going for you? You must be busy these days which is a good sign. Just thought I'd write this quickly before the kids wake up. They have actually come home early so there goes "the day to myself" thing I was looking forward too.
Well, just a quicky this time. I sent you a post a few days ago which appears on this thread I think?
Hope you have worked something out with your lawyer about your first visit with the kids, you can keep me posted if you like, only to glad to listen and help if I can.........Take care......Kerry B
This is the end of the thread.
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