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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pollyanna on March 15, 2000, at 15:24:07
I feel isolated in this problem. Emotionally and sexually, I like being slapped by men. I don't like really being injured, but I like the sting and the shock. I try to figure it out, and I think that I often feel that my anxieties are out of control, and the sting of a slap snaps me out of it: imposed control when I feel out of control. It lifts my depression too. In the past, I was with a man who wouldn't do it because he didn't like to hurt women. I explained that I didn't really want to be hurt, but he was not comfortable with it. Now I have a somewhat casual relationship with a man who will do it, but not often enough, and sometimes the tone of the game becomes abusive rather than controlling. Any mature feedback would be appreciated.
Posted by Janice on March 15, 2000, at 17:12:00
In reply to Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by Pollyanna on March 15, 2000, at 15:24:07
Hello Pollyanna,
sounds a bit like a coping mechanism--for at least a low self-esteem.
Personally, if I had these inclinations, I would never practise it with a man. I couldn't imagine what allowing someone else to hurt me could do to my self-esteem (it already needs all the help it can get). Janice
I don't believe any good could come from this.
Plus, I really don't believe I could respect a man that would want to hurt me.Maybe I am old fashioned, but I'd find another coping mechanism for your pain.
Janice
Posted by Mark H. on March 15, 2000, at 17:49:27
In reply to Re: Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by Janice on March 15, 2000, at 17:12:00
Dear Pollyanna, Janice and I have our differences, even though she is one of the people whose opinion I respect most on this list. Isn't that interesting? I mention it because I'm going to disagree with her, although I believe that what she wrote is not only right for her but perhaps for the vast majority of women.
Then there's you! I have always felt that I need to be thrown on the ground -- kind of an all-at-once chiropractic adjustment. When I was in college 25 years ago, I felt like a storm would build up between my frontal lobes, and that I needed it to arc across the gap like lightning from the earth to the clouds. In my twenties, I could accomplish it with alcohol, if I didn't do it too often. The clearing effect would sometimes last for several weeks. However, by my early 30s the "clearing effect" became alcoholic blackouts, and so I gave up drinking completely more than 18 years ago (and no, I never went to AA, I just quit).
In past centuries, depressives were sometimes treated by being thrown from cliffs into the chilly north seas. At other times, insulin was given to induce convulsions (this before ECT came around). ECT, in fact, may be the most crude, damaging and dangerous way of shocking people who need it -- I think we should still be looking for alternatives.
I was saved in my teens at a Christian summer camp where I was walking around with an icepick hyperventilating and trying to work up the courage to kill myself. A counselor took physical control of my body and sat me down, told me to "stay," and sat with me. She was angry, thinking I was just a jerk, and she was surprised when an hour later I thanked her for her help.
Slapping, spanking and other variations, I believe, can be effective and relatively harmless, especially when practiced with your partner in the presence of a counselor and followed-up with check-ins to make sure the man, in your case, isn't getting off into a power or SM trip, and that you aren't inviting escalating levels of abuse in the guise of soliciting a therapeutic "shock."
Human beings are remarkable. My chiropractor has me "manipulate" the wrists of people with repetitive stress disorders. Why? It seems to help them. Do I have any qualifications or special abilities? Absolutely not. It just seems to work.
If being slapped works for you, it can be a loving, stimulating and even erotic way of sharing profound intimacy with another. Does your current partner have the magic touch? If not, you might consider farming it out to a safe man who does, yet who is not likely to form any attachment to you.
Posted by Polyanna on March 15, 2000, at 18:58:17
In reply to Re: Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by Mark H. on March 15, 2000, at 17:49:27
Mark H, Thank-you so much for your response. I feel very validated by it. I'm glad I am not alone. I don't know anyone else who has these feelings. You have no idea how well I can relate to what you described as the "clearing effect." You express the experience so well. My present partner has a little too much anger when he slaps me. He doesn't understand exactly what I want. I actually wish I could get my pdoc to do it. I guess in today's litigious society he would be wary of it, even if he was willing. I guess I'm dreaming. Most of the slapping I crave is happening only in my fantasies which is not very fulfilling.
Take care of yourself, Mark, and thanks again!
Posted by saint james on March 16, 2000, at 15:02:13
In reply to Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by Pollyanna on March 15, 2000, at 15:24:07
> I feel isolated in this problem. Emotionally and sexually, I like being slapped by men.
James here.....Was there any abuse of any kind in your life ?
Posted by Pollyanna on March 16, 2000, at 16:36:24
In reply to Re: Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by saint james on March 16, 2000, at 15:02:13
> > I feel isolated in this problem. Emotionally and sexually, I like being slapped by men.
>
>
> James here.....
>
> Was there any abuse of any kind in your life ?Hi James, There was very little physical abuse in my childhood. There was a great deal of emotional abuse, rejection, humiliation, psychological abandonment. My father had inappropriate sexual attitudes toward us girls, but there was no physical molestation that I remember. There was a great deal of tension in the family. Sometimes I think about that in regard to my desires now, and I connect being slapped to resolving tension. That's my background. Thanks for asking. Any more input is most welcome.
Posted by Scott L. Schofield on March 17, 2000, at 17:21:43
In reply to Unorthodox shock therapy?, posted by Pollyanna on March 15, 2000, at 15:24:07
> > > I feel isolated in this problem. Emotionally and sexually, I like being slapped by men.
> >
> >
> > James here.....
> >
> > Was there any abuse of any kind in your life ?
>
> Hi James, There was very little physical abuse in my childhood. There was a great deal of emotional abuse, rejection, humiliation, psychological abandonment. My father had inappropriate sexual attitudes toward us girls, but there was no physical molestation that I remember. There was a great deal of tension in the family. Sometimes I think about that in regard to my desires now, and I connect being slapped to resolving tension. That's my background. Thanks for asking. Any more input is most welcome.----------------------------------
Dear Pollyanna,
How are you?It strikes me that your need to be slapped may be similar to the compulsion some people have to cut themselves - "cutting". I know so little about it, I hardly feel that it's my place to comment on it here. There are probably some people on this board who know about cutting first hand. Hopefully, they will see this thread and post something helpful.
I've heard from some people that the pain experienced while cutting serves as a release of the tension and pain they suffer from depression (or other psychiatric disorder). I don't think it "helps" by merely producing a distraction, although this may be important. I recall someone offering the idea that the relief provided by cutting is the result of the body's (brain's) reaction to the pain. One series of reactions could be considered part of the "fight or flight" response. Adrenaline is released from the adrenal glands and the nervous system becomes "excited", thereby increasing heart-rate, blood pressure, and alertness. I guess this "rush" can act as a distraction from, or a mask of, mental pain. In addition, morphine-like chemicals are released in the brain. These are known as the endorphins and enkephalins. They are essentially opium. They produce euphoria and act to numb pain. They feel good.
I think someone used the band-aid analogy. The slapping may provide temporary relief from any psychic pain you may suffer, but it doesn't come close to treating the underlying problem(s). Slapping should in no way be considered a type of shock-therapy. It does not target the causes of depression, anxiety, or any other mental illness you might possibly have. You may consider your need for slapping to be a red-flag, indicating that you should seek a psychiatric evaluation.
Perhaps there is nothing that needs to be treated.
I hope things turn out well for you.
Sincerely,
Scott
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