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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 44. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 15:52:20
Ok Does anyone else here not think that tehir T really cares about them. It didn't really bother me until I read all about the relationships you all have and Im feeling like mine is totally business and no emotion or caring. I am really feeling discouraged...also the way my sessions end really confuse me, like I never feel there is any closure...I feel as though I have been left hanging. Can anyone out there relate? i have a pretty superficial relationship I think, my sessions sound nothing like anyones here (i realize it is all individual but....) When I read about some of the sessions people here have had I feel like Im wasting money for example The times that I feel were deep and emotional sound like most peoples average appointment. Anyone with feedback? It would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you
Posted by daisym on January 11, 2005, at 16:33:24
In reply to Therapy Rage!, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 15:52:20
One of the dangers here is that you only get to hear about the partial picture, sometimes all bad and sometimes all good. I think therapy is a struggle for EVERYONE, and the orientation of the therapist makes a huge difference in how sessions are conducted and what is talked about. If you read GG's posts, she has said that she prefers one way of relating to clients but she is using a different technique because that is the focus of her clinic right now. It isn't "warm and fuzzy" or long term.
As far as being left hanging, I feel that way sometimes. My therapist seems willing to let me emote all the way up to the last second. I prefer that we pull back at least 5 minutes before I have to leave so I can contain myself. So most of the time, I pull us back. I know other people here have a closing ritual, which always sounded comforting to me. But we don't do that. On the other hand, he doesn't sit silent and wait for me to start. I'm glad of that.
I think you also have to remember that we write about what effects us so you won't read about "mundane" sessions here. I have often left sessions and thought "I want a do over!"
OK, all that said...the relationship is the best part and worse part of therapy for me. It is the reason I get so twisted up and yet I know it is the reason I'm keeping it together. I can only credit my therapist's attention to it. If you had asked me 15 months ago, I would have told you about 1x per week sessions where we were looking at life stressors and goals -- very surface stuff. It took me a while to get connected and dig deep and let him see what I needed from him.
I guess I'm trying to tell you not to compare your experience, but you already know that. I do understand longing for something different. I always am asking people how long it took them to feel better. I think I'm taking forever.
Posted by rockymtnhi on January 11, 2005, at 16:34:00
In reply to Therapy Rage!, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 15:52:20
Hello Rainbow,
After reading this board, I too felt like something was missing from my therapy. Over time, however, I discovered that I was the one who was keeping the close tx relationship at bay. Mostly, because I do not share my true and deepest feelings with my T. My goal this year is to just "Go for it" and see if I can experience some of the same closeness that others on this board enjoy with their T.
Personally, I don't think a therapist can be all business. They work in a caring profession and take care of people all day. I suspect that your T cares about you very much even though he may not be as warm and fuzzy as the other Ts on this board who appear to be what every person wants in a T.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 17:08:06
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage!, posted by daisym on January 11, 2005, at 16:33:24
>I think you also have to remember that we write about what effects us so you won't read about "mundane" sessions here
Ok that is a very good point
>As far as being left hanging, I feel that way sometimes. My therapist seems willing to let me emote all the way up to the last second. I prefer that we pull back at least 5 minutes before I have to leave so I can contain myself. So most of the time, I pull us back. I know other people here have a closing ritual, which always sounded comforting to me. But we don't do that. On the other hand, he doesn't sit silent and wait for me to start. I'm glad of that.
I have no clue what time it is and I must be a bad reader of body language cause I have no idea when my time is up, it just happens. Sometimes I am sitting there thinking isn't it time to end yet?? and other times Im shocked when it is suddenly ended.>It took me a while to get connected and dig deep and let him seew hat I needed from him.
was he receptive? I sort of feel that mine is avoiding having to deal with anything (it sounds weird). at the moment I am BURSTING with stuff and I don't feel like it is being welcomed.
Thanks so much for your post, I hadn't thought about that stuff. It is just so hard, how can a therapist reject a patient?? I honestly think it is happening. There seems to be a really thick wall up around my T. But maybe I am just feeling down I don't know.
I don't understand how sweet little old me can't get my therapist to warm up to me! LOL (sigh)
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 17:17:41
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage!, posted by rockymtnhi on January 11, 2005, at 16:34:00
>After reading this board, I too felt like something was missing from my therapy
isn't it an awful feeling? I was starting to feel like there was something wrong with me.
>Over time, however, I discovered that I was the one who was keeping the close tx relationship at bay.
Alright I think I may be guilty of that. But I have definately opened up, I am just very stonefaced about everything. I definatley jumped in recently but I felt rejected, I think maybe that is a big part of my struggle. I opened up, then tried again and then was told that I didn't have to do that again. Umm....uh.. what? was I just shot-down? It really took me off guard,it feels weird to say but /i wanted to scream, " wait! i want to get it out, i need to get it out!! please help me to torture myself!"
did that make any sense?
>Personally, I don't think a therapist can be all business. They work in a caring profession and take care of people all day.
that is true. Am I sounding REALLY negative? Im sorry if I am.
Thank you for posting to me I really appretiate it.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 17:26:01
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage!, posted by daisym on January 11, 2005, at 16:33:24
I am with Daisy on most of what she said especially on the all good and all bad. Also therapy is seldom wrapped up in a neat closure from session to session or in 1 session...it runs and skips all over and even jumps..then one day it seems to all come together.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 17:38:27
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage!, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 17:26:01
Does it sound like Im overreacting? I really feel upset about it, but maybe I just feel bad in general right now and it is my emotions talking.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 17:53:45
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 17:38:27
Wow thats a hard one to answer without knowing you and hearing your voice and all...I dont think you are overreacting I think...think ok...it's just you percieve many as having the best of the best and you don't have what you read or think they have. I mean here is a small odd <I can be odd with examples> if I read everyone/MANY on here got free meds for all their needs and my pharmscist didnt give them to me free....it would be way hard :( and I would feel very cheated. The key here is you are reading what we are saying and not what we never say or maybe never know...Maybe some people's T's seem so caring but are so with every single person they see, like a act in a way. Do I MAKE SENSE?
> Does it sound like Im overreacting? I really feel upset about it, but maybe I just feel bad in general right now and it is my emotions talking.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 18:07:56
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 17:53:45
Thanks, Yeah, you make sense. I understand what you are saying.
but does it sound strange that my T doesn't really want me to get into my issues? I am serioulsy considering bailing on the relationship since the whole point is to heal and I don't seem to have an invitation to share. does that make any sense? do you think this is normal, I always got the impression that T's kind of dug for info (in a gentle way). Well mine sort of mildly dug and then when i opened up it has been kindof pushed aside. and in the beginning my T even said that this was going to have to be talked about and delt with. I am sorry if i am driving anyone nuts with this but i don't understand what is going on and im too afraid to ask becasue of what a sensitive topic it is. I think i am being really repetitve in my posts...ill stop now.
Is it obvious im driving myself nuts over this??
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 19:12:14
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 18:07:56
Sorry I left for a while to exercise. I am still thinking at least give him say 3 more sessions and tell him point blank you FEEL <stress that word> like he is brushing the issues you want to work on aside...scary sounding but its easy once youre thinking hey I am paying for this :) Maybe if it is easier write it out and hand it to him. Maybe? he thinks you are afraid to go too far in that area or he is afraid it might be a bad idea for you right now but till you ask you will not know..Sometimes T's see danger for the client and want to feel around before they jump back in on that topic as not to overwhelme you but sometimes too it is there own issues....so please ask why you two have not been back to that....BTW, you cannot drive ME anywhere I am already at hahahahaha....
> Thanks, Yeah, you make sense. I understand what you are saying.
>
> but does it sound strange that my T doesn't really want me to get into my issues? I am serioulsy considering bailing on the relationship since the whole point is to heal and I don't seem to have an invitation to share. does that make any sense? do you think this is normal, I always got the impression that T's kind of dug for info (in a gentle way). Well mine sort of mildly dug and then when i opened up it has been kindof pushed aside. and in the beginning my T even said that this was going to have to be talked about and delt with. I am sorry if i am driving anyone nuts with this but i don't understand what is going on and im too afraid to ask becasue of what a sensitive topic it is. I think i am being really repetitve in my posts...ill stop now.
> Is it obvious im driving myself nuts over this??
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 19:21:38
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 18:07:56
I understand your rage, do I ever. I feel like my therapist didn't really understand me at all. He pretended, and when that didn't work, he gave up.
And he broke my confidence and eroded my trust by NEVER facing what I asked him to. He did everything on HIS schedule, nothing was ever on mine ... he did things, in the end, that eroded my faith in myself, too. And my advice to you is get out while you still have anger left.
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:00:26
In reply to Therapy Rage!, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 15:52:20
It may well be your therapist. In today's climate, with insurance and all, the emphasis is on keeping the client functional. Many therapists would be reluctant to dig too deep and open things they don't have time to fix. It really really depends on your therapist's orientation.
That being said, have you thoroughly discussed this with your therapist? Everything I have with my therapist, I worked hard for. His orientation is short term CBT. But I fought for a relationship with him, because there was something in him that was worth fighting for. If there's nothing in your therapist, cut your losses and find another. If there's something that you need, work on telling your therapist what is missing.
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040218/msgs/315688.html
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:01:59
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 17:53:45
I know mine isn't that way with every client. :)
Whatever else he may be, he's a lousy actor and too honest for his own good.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 20:05:10
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Fallen4MyT, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:01:59
That may be true Dinah :) but some are good actors
> I know mine isn't that way with every client. :)
>
> Whatever else he may be, he's a lousy actor and too honest for his own good.
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:07:53
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 20:05:10
It's true. He's too incredibly insulting sometimes to be putting me on. :)
He says that as his only really long term client, he cares about me in a different way than he cares about his other clients. And since I once was his other clients, I can see that he's telling the truth.
Posted by Daisym on January 11, 2005, at 20:08:58
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Dinah, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 20:05:10
I feel a defensive impulse coming on but I *know* it is "just" my own fear that I am the biggest pain in the pututy my therapist has ever seen.
I don't think he is acting though. (shuts eyes, puts fingers in ears, begins to recite the alphabet)
Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:22:22
In reply to Actors » Fallen4MyT, posted by Daisym on January 11, 2005, at 20:08:58
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:06:24
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2005, at 20:00:26
>It really really depends on your therapist's orientation.
apparently its eklectic>That being said, have you thoroughly discussed this with your therapist?
No, I have said nothing, it seems too awkward to do. It is weird I can discuss certain issues but otehrs are really hard to talk about. I think im afraid my T will take it weird and act differently or fake with me.
>If there's nothing in your therapist, cut your losses and find another. If there's something that you need, work on telling your therapist what is missing.
After reading your post, thankyou for attaching that, I think I need to work on it a bit. I know things aren't going to change that much but maybe a little. I am starting to think it is me and my issues with attachment, only I have never ever had such a problem getting close to a person. It generally just happens.
thanks your post was helpful, I think I am going to try to work up the courage to bring it up :o
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:12:27
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 19:21:38
That really sounds awful, I am sorry to hear it didn't work out. Do you have another one?
I am definately frustrated, I don't know wether the relationship is good or not?? But sometimes recently I have said things that I know my T will not know or would need clarification and I am not asked for clarification. hmmm...that is leading me to believe Im am only being half listened to. but on one level I think the relationship is good becaseu it is so distant OMG! i am driving myself crazy. But I agree with you, if it doesn't seem right then im wasting my time. I have spent so much time analizing this that I should get refunded LOL.
thanks for your support.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:21:27
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Fallen4MyT on January 11, 2005, at 19:12:14
> am still thinking at least give him say 3 more sessions and tell him point blank you FEEL <stress that word> like he is brushing the issues you want to work on aside...scary sounding but its easy once youre thinking hey I am paying for this :)
scary is an understatement! Oh I am dreading this but it needs to be done. :(
>Sometimes T's see danger for the client and want to feel around before they jump back in on that topic as not to overwhelme you but sometimes too it is there own issues....so please ask why you two have not been back to that.
Ok my theory (just wanted to share) is that my T doesn't want the responsibilty of a patient who is not stable. I think I got kindof iffy emotionally after talking about my *stuff* and I think It took a little more time thatn our scheduled session out of my T or something. I am going to investigate this further cause I really hope Im wrong. But I never hear call me if you need to or are you ok?
>BTW, you cannot drive ME anywhere I am already at hahahahaha....
OMG ME TOO! I knew I saw you at the starbucks tehre! I just knew it. LOL
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 22:27:26
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Susan47, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:12:27
Well, you mentioned not being fully listened to, I mean saying things that need clarification and none is asked for. My therapist struck me exactly that way, too.
In the end I believe he thought he knew more than he did.
Good luck with yours.
I hope you have a successful outcome.
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:30:51
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » rainbowbrite, posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 22:27:26
>Well, you mentioned not being fully listened to, I mean saying things that need clarification and none is asked for. My therapist struck me exactly that way, too
Really? Did he sit there 'suposedly' listening and not offer much back?
mine just kind of sits there and then when a topic of interest comes up becomes more alert.
does taht sound familar?
Posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:35:52
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Susan47, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:30:51
FOrgot to add that when my T seems uncomfortable or at a loss for words will say soemthing that sounds like it came out a textbook for standard psychology lines. something like, "so how does that make you feel" After I just said how I @#@#@# felt. Or "that *is* a problem", ummm noooo really?
just thought id add on
Posted by Susan47 on January 11, 2005, at 23:32:08
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Susan47, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:30:51
Yes.
Posted by Fallen4MyT on January 12, 2005, at 0:03:23
In reply to Re: Therapy Rage! » Fallen4MyT, posted by rainbowbrite on January 11, 2005, at 22:21:27
I just got back from ER sorry so late...ok here is what I think please ask him ...cause he must have all kinds of clients and we all..ALL think we are their worst or neediest or so on....some T's like mine never tell you to call they wait for YOU to ask or they THINK they told you that I am unsure of but whats the worse that can happen you will fire him right? The best is he may say I was waiting on you to bring it back up and yes please call me if you need to....T's go into the biz knowing they will see and hear it ALL ...Keep us posted and babble me if ya need to talk
HUGS
> > am still thinking at least give him say 3 more sessions and tell him point blank you FEEL <stress that word> like he is brushing the issues you want to work on aside...scary sounding but its easy once youre thinking hey I am paying for this :)
>
> scary is an understatement! Oh I am dreading this but it needs to be done. :(
>
> >Sometimes T's see danger for the client and want to feel around before they jump back in on that topic as not to overwhelme you but sometimes too it is there own issues....so please ask why you two have not been back to that.
>
> Ok my theory (just wanted to share) is that my T doesn't want the responsibilty of a patient who is not stable. I think I got kindof iffy emotionally after talking about my *stuff* and I think It took a little more time thatn our scheduled session out of my T or something. I am going to investigate this further cause I really hope Im wrong. But I never hear call me if you need to or are you ok?
>
> >BTW, you cannot drive ME anywhere I am already at hahahahaha....
>
> OMG ME TOO! I knew I saw you at the starbucks tehre! I just knew it. LOL
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