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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 36. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 6:47:08
OMG TODAY IS MY LAST APPT WITH MYTHERAPIST AND THIS IS THE DAY I HAVE BEEN DREADING... I HAVE BEEN CRYIN AND MY NOSE BLEEDS CUS OF STRESS .. I DUNNO EVEN KNOW ANYMORE I AM SO SOS OS SO SAD
Posted by fallsfall on December 15, 2003, at 7:49:03
In reply to HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 6:47:08
I know how hard today will be for you. Please remember that it is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.
He's sending you to someone down the hall, right? Can you talk to him about that person - what their orientation is, what they are like? Is that the best choice for you? Why did he pick that person? You need to know enough so that if this new one doesn't work for you, you can know what to look for in someone else.
Have you met the new person yet? Will they talk about you? When is your first appointment? Can you see your old therapist again after meeting the new one - so if you have questions about the new one you can discuss him with the old?
Please try to feel like you have a reasonable plan for the future.
You should also feel free to tell your old therapist how you are feeling about all of this. You don't have to spare his feelings. He can take it - and he should be able to help you.
I left a beloved therapist of 8 1/2 years - in the middle of a very painful transference/countertransference mess. I've been with my new therapist for about 6 months now. He is very different. I think that I am making progress. I'm really glad that I changed therapists. At the time, however, it was the scariest thing I had ever done.
You will make it through. Know that you have the capacity to get well and find someone who can help you do that. Let us know how it goes.
Posted by Joslynn on December 15, 2003, at 10:03:56
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 15, 2003, at 7:49:03
I wasn't sure from your previous posts...he is resigning your case because the feeligs are too intense, what did he mean by that? Are his feelings for you romantic in nature and he is afraid he will act on them? Or he can't help for some other reason? I would want more of an explanation.
Just remember, this isn't your fault. It sounds like he has issues.
Of course, it is still going to hurt like crazy. I would be honest with him about how abandoned you feel. Let him know.
Check in after your appointment, ok?
Posted by naiad on December 15, 2003, at 12:34:17
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by Joslynn on December 15, 2003, at 10:03:56
I am sending you my best wishes and hugs -- I am so sorry that you are in such pain and hope that your old therapist can help to make your transition to your new therapsit as positive as possible.
Even though it hurts, you must, on some level, understand why its necessary to end the therapeutic relationship.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 13:00:17
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by naiad on December 15, 2003, at 12:34:17
well i am back and i have saw my therapist for the last time and it was ok ... i felt so many dofferent things there anger pain heartache ... it is crazy ... but he ended it cus on both ends the feelings were strong and was not helpin the therputic realtionship at all... but he did give a name of a place to go ,,cus i do not want to stay there cus it will hurt too much to see him ... i am a wreak now though and scared of going to a new therapist but i know i need to ..he also said i need to call him friday and let him know how i am doing and things like that ... any ?s i didnt answer pleas ask them again my mind is lil distrought right now thank u
Posted by Raindancer on December 15, 2003, at 14:24:17
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 13:00:17
You did really well and that was just the hardest thing to do. I have it coming up too in the New Year and I'm very shaky about it. If you can meet with the new therapist and think about it as a new start, perhaps your old Twill help you through the early transition period. He seems to be a caring person even though he is doing this. Take care of yourself. You have many friends here.
Posted by fallsfall on December 15, 2003, at 15:19:57
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 13:00:17
Good for you!
When can you interview someone at the new place?
Posted by Dinah on December 15, 2003, at 17:53:45
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 13:00:17
You did well in a difficult situation.
Did he tell you anything about the new therapist?
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 22:28:05
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by Dinah on December 15, 2003, at 17:53:45
well it was hard and i am feeling it now .... my t has not told me nothing about this new therapist and i still have not decided to stay there or go else where ... in away iw ant to just stay out of therpy but i know it is wrong .. what do u think ? will this pain ever go away .. i feel like i cant count on anyone no more ...i wish this would have never happen
Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 6:21:08
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 22:28:05
Yes, the pain will get better. It will not hurt this much for very long.
Please find a new therapist - either one he recommends or one you find yourself. It is hard work to find a new therapist, but they can help you heal and feel better.
It took about 2 or 3 months for me to start feeling better after leaving my first therapist. Then I was able to start volunteering at the library 4 hours a week, and I felt like there could be days when I wasn't in agony. My new therapist helped me get through that period. I can't imagine doing it without him.
It sounds like you still need therapy (as did I), so somehow you have to decide that the risk of trusting a new therapist is less than the risk of falling into the black pit of dispair. Can you get recommendations for someone to see from people you trust (your regular doctor, your pdoc, friends who are therapists or work with therapists)? If you have a friend who loves her therapist, that therapist might not see you (because she is seeing your friend), but she might be able to recommend someone else.
Please try to find someone. Interview a couple of therapists before you make your decision so you can see what the choices are. They can really make this phase easier. Even the interviewing process can help. I found that each therapist I interviewed was able to give me perspective and some new information on the situation I was in. So even the interviews were comforting to me.
In the meantime, surround yourself with supportive people. Fill in with appointments with your regular doctor, your pdoc, your lawyer, your financial planner, your dentist, whoever you have who "takes care" of you.
Post often. You can make it through. If I can make it through, you can, too!
Posted by judy1 on December 16, 2003, at 9:54:35
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 15, 2003, at 22:28:05
fallsfall really phrased it well- you WILL feel better, gradually (and probably) over several months. to help this happen you do need the help of another therp (been there). initially, why don't you look at it as a person who will support you through this crisis, then assess the need for further therapy. I actually went to a psychologist just to get over a pdoc termination, then saw somebody else for other reasons. The psychologist was a tremendous help, he had treated people who had been through this and knew exactly how to help. Please find someone soon to lean on until you feel better- judy
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 16, 2003, at 14:41:45
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by judy1 on December 16, 2003, at 9:54:35
i have my new appt with a new therapist a feamle ... on monday .. the 22 .. it is so unbarbale ... the pain it causin many different effects on my body and i am not sure how to deal with i feel my my whole life is messed up now ill keep u updated on how i feel and how it goes monday
Posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 14:46:10
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » judy1, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 16, 2003, at 14:41:45
Wonderful. I'm glad you have an appointment.
Please remember, though, if you find that you don't like her you can keep looking.
Distraction is a great coping skill to use until Monday.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 7:23:56
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 16, 2003, at 14:46:10
welll... as the days go on and i am relizing that my old t is gone ... i get teary eyed and start feelin like i have nothing to go on for ... i am so very attached to him ... when spoke to him on the phone he sounded like he was so upset and not knowin what to do i am not sure what to think i know he cares and all... he kept tellin how it isnt my fault he wants to dee me get better and off diablity .. he wants to see the i get my GED and wants be to broing it to him wheni recive it .. he stills wants me to keep in contact ... still wants me to send/give him some of my potrey i write .. isnt that going to be harder to let go ?? is that right ?
Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:30:12
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 7:23:56
I think that periodic updates are fine. Particularly if they are via mail rather than in person.
I wish my old therapist wanted periodic updates...
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 8:05:58
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2003, at 7:30:12
i dunno if i can handle it .. he dont have a email it would be in person .. i think that would crush me more and more ever time i saw him ...
Posted by judy1 on December 17, 2003, at 12:05:03
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT., posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 7:23:56
do whatever feels right to you. I still (after 3 years) call my old pdoc periodically, it really helps. at first I used to cry but now we have normal conversations and sometimes I even get mad!- progress!!!!
take care, judy
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 13:49:21
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » lilmsbubbles07, posted by judy1 on December 17, 2003, at 12:05:03
i am sfarid to call him though maybe i wont be in time
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 17:38:17
In reply to Re: HELP ME ... 2DAY IS MT LAST APPT. » judy1, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 13:49:21
ok i am confused .. transfernce is noral is what i am getting and it seems most therapist keep there patients why didnt mine what could be some of th reasons?
Posted by Joslynn on December 17, 2003, at 21:39:16
In reply to Re: ummmm, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 17:38:17
Well, as I understand that, the therapist might end the therapy if he or she thinks that their own feelings could affect the therapy or if they think that they might be in danger of crossing a boundary. It's to protect you (and also to protect them from lawsuits). But it's not that you did anything wrong.
I know it must be incredibly painful for you now. Do you have a structured plan for the weekend, to keep yourself busy and around people, so you can get thru it until you see the new therapist?
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 22:26:09
In reply to Re: ummmm, posted by Joslynn on December 17, 2003, at 21:39:16
well not really i have no plans at all mostly i will be alone all weekend just thinkin
Posted by Joslynn on December 18, 2003, at 8:49:47
In reply to Re: ummmm » Joslynn, posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 17, 2003, at 22:26:09
Hmm. For me, if I spend too much time alone when I feel abandoned, it's not a great thing. That's just me though. Maybe you could even just hang out at a bookstore or something? Write out Christmas cards? Brave the malls? But, if you think that would make it worse, then don't. I guess it depends on your own personality style.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 18, 2003, at 20:16:36
In reply to Re: ummmm, posted by Joslynn on December 18, 2003, at 8:49:47
well i went to my therpy place cus my moom goes there too and i saw my t that just discharged me he was very nice and kind ... i didnt cry at 1st but i needed to speak to him to get some papers for school ... and my heart just was pounding and i was sweatin so bad i thought i was dying !!! well i went in to his office and he asked me how i was and how i was dealin with all this and i told him not that well and i just busted in to tears he couldnt even look at me and he kept tellin me to hang in there i can make it to never give up... i know he cares and it is tearin him apart along woth me i think today is the 1st day i really did not want to go on with out him ... i think he thinks hemade the wrong choice does anyone have any advice
Posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2003, at 21:16:01
In reply to Re: i broke down , posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 18, 2003, at 20:16:36
It will get easier with time. It really will.
It will also be easier when you have a new therapist to help you. So you just have to get from here to there. Take it one day at a time. When you feel really miserable, try to distract yourself - a movie, or a book, or something that will take your mind off things.
It must be hard to see him. I don't know if I could see my old therapist - and I left 6 months ago! But my day-to-day life is OK without her. It just takes time.
Posted by lilmsbubbles07 on December 19, 2003, at 7:38:20
In reply to Re: i broke down » lilmsbubbles07, posted by fallsfall on December 18, 2003, at 21:16:01
well i feel need to see him and once i see him i break down into tears then i feel a since of relief!!!! my day 2 day life is not that great since i have hard time doing things due to agoraphiba..when i do stuff i still always think of him ... and i cry in the middle of the store it is so embarssing!!
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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