![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 69 to 93 of 150. Go back in thread:
Posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:49:52
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Adia on August 26, 2003, at 22:36:38
Adia, Glad you decided to post. It has been very helpful for me in the short time I have been posting here. Suddenly I am aware that there are these other people out there going through the same stuff. Its very comforting to know you are not alone even if it is only in cyberspace! In someways its much better than talking to a friend who you have to worry about judgement and telling others, etc. Anyway, it sounds like your having a rough time, but its good that you have esatblished such a solid relationship with your therapist, and she can help you get through life. I definitely know that desperate feeling you talk about that happens to you in between sessions....uughhh....thats the worst. Hope you are doing okay.
Posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:52:33
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Bunnyz32 on August 27, 2003, at 7:24:26
Since when is teaching an "accomplished" career? Thanks anyways. I teach biology. What do you do?
Posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 20:17:22
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:13:48
Your therapist sounds great. Its nice that she is taking the time to read "In Session" to try and understand you. I was going to ask my therapist whether or not she has read that book as well. It seems like she has read everything. We spend a lot of time talking about books. I enjoy that. It sounds like you had a good session with her and cleared the air about whether your attachment is really due to hypomania. Now that your session is over, are you obsessing about it?
Yes, my diagnosis is unipolar depression, so I guess I can see how you would question her dismissing your transference as part of hypomania. I can also imagine how being in a hypomanic state might intensify the feelings. That's all I would need is more energy, so I could obsess even more! No thanks! Maybe there is a positive to being bipolar though, I mean many of the greatest minds suffered from bipolar depression and their greatest work was accomplished during hypomanic episodes. Are you particularly creative? If you can write 20 pages in your journal about the perfume incident, just think of what you might be capable, while people like me sit like a lump on the couch staring at the wall!
I teach biology, but don't start until next week. I finally will meet with my therapist next Tuesday. It seems like I haven't seen her in ages. I've now moved away from thinking about how I should terminate to "i can't wait until next Tuesday." Its all so crazy. You may hear from me less when school gets going, and I don't have a spare minute. I hope I'll have some time to keep posting. Do you work outside of the home (I am almost afraid to ask that, because I hated that question when I was a stay-at-home mom.)?
Posted by allisonf on August 28, 2003, at 1:24:22
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by Dinah on August 27, 2003, at 12:10:21
Thought flypaper! I like that.
I do write an awful lot about therapy and about what I want to say, etc. & sometimes it helps, but other times I still have a hard time shutting it off after I write it down. Then I end up writing more, and as I get more hypomanic, the sentences become more disjointed, etc. But fallsfall mentioned writing the racing thoughts that are keeping you up at night. I'm going to try that one. My bedtime racing thoughts can be all over the place and are often accompanied by various musical selections--I'm not sure writing will work. But it beats lying in bed thinking!! Thanks for the ideas, you guys.
Posted by allisonf on August 28, 2003, at 1:55:07
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 20:17:22
About my recent session, I'm really trying to not make much out of the "In Session" thing. I gave her the book to look at (we've been sharing books lately too) and then after leafing thru it, she asked to borrow it. So, I'm telling myself that it probably was not so much related to wanting to understand me as much as it was maybe a personal interest in the topic or to benefit other clients. Now I'm just afraid she might reference the book in our next session and I won't remember and I'll sound dumb...plse excuse my nagging social anxiety disorder! So I guess that answers your q about am I obsessing about the session! :) I'm trying to think of a session recently where I didn't obsess afterwards.
Thanks for asking about the creativity thing. I try to hold onto that in my worst moments and write my way through them. Since I was diagnosed 2 years ago, I've gone thru those blank books like nobody's business. Some of what I write when hypomanic is really freaky--it is the epitome of "flight of ideas"--and I like to think I am making a good record of the experience. But noone has read any of my journal so far--again with the social anxiety!
Biology--that's really cool. Good luck with your teaching (do you teach upper level or the bigger freshman classes?) and with your session on Tuesday. I'll be thinking of you. I understand about the posting. This is the first time I have been regularly posting, and I love this bd & the people, but the time factor is difficult (I tend to ck the bd compulsively now...that can't be a good thing). If you ever want to ck in w/o posting, plse feel free to e-mail: allisonfly7398@yahoo.com
I'm at home full-time with kids right now, but in my past life, I was a lawyer. I'm planning to go back to school to study counseling psychology at some point in the next yr or two. So I just started looking for a PT psych research position, but no luck yet...
Posted by fallsfall on August 28, 2003, at 6:49:55
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » fallsfall, posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:18:45
I think I have fewer obsessional thoughts with my new therapist for a couple of reasons. First, he's still fairly new to me (ask me again in 6 months or a year!). Second, the transference took hold of the old relationship and kept building on itself - I was never without transference. With the new therapist, we have seen the transference a couple of times, but have been able to recognize it and then either he did something or I did something to put it in perspective. So while I see the transference, it doesn't live with me all the time. Does that make any sense?
Very interesting stuff.
Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2003, at 7:11:39
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 28, 2003, at 1:55:07
Obsessing about what happened in session used to be a bigger problem than it is now, and writing might not have helped them. Even now, I assess the situation and decide on the best response. He encourages me to call him if I'm angry with him between sessions and writing doesn't do it, because otherwise my obsessive mind can twist something minor into an epic drama.
When I get really really upset, my ability to write goes waaaaayyyyy down, as I can't seem to find my words.
I think after going to him for so long, we've hashed out most of the major transference issues. I now have a reasonable comfort with the idea that he's not going to abandon me. And while it's occasionally shaken, it doesn't take as long to go back to normal. And I feel much more free to tell him what I'm thinking without censoring it, so things get cleared up easier.
For example, the other day I told him he should work on his communication style. He always comes out with the bad part first and then tries to ease it with positive statements. Like once, his group center was closing, and if I hadn't stopped him and asked him to tell me if I was still going to be able to see him when he said he had bad news for me, he would have opened with that, and then eventually made his way to telling me I could still see him in whatever arrangements he made to continue practice. Well, by that time my amygdala would have flooded, and he'd have lost me. No matter what he said later, that adrenaline and cortisol would have been released, and calming myself would have taken longer than 50 minutes.
A similar thing happened the other day, and he was angry with me for not listening to the rest of what he was saying (frustrated, he always says frustrated instead of angry). But the next session I had thought it through and remarked on what I thought the problem was. He agreed to try to be more sensitive to how he phrased things, but admitted he'd probably sometimes forget.
So things blow over more quickly now because I feel safe and comfortable in the relationship. I sometimes think he thinks I feel too safe and comfortable, so he likes to stir me out of my rut from time to time. :)
Be glad she's reading the book. You should be able to discuss your feelings with her more openly if the context is there that it's not unusual to feel that way. It should reduce the potential embarassment on the part of either of you.
Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 28, 2003, at 10:38:41
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Bunnyz32, posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:52:33
Biology, neat!=0) Yes, teaching IS an accomplished career. If you teach highschoolers or junior high I will venture to say you are brave as well.
For now I am staying at home and raising my children. I am also going to dog grooming school.
I tried myself out in the medical field but found that was NOT my nitch in life.
I have a new appreciation for nurses etc, that's for darn sure.
Posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 17:56:45
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by allisonf on August 28, 2003, at 1:55:07
I wouldn't say that your T is only looking at the book because of her own personal interest or for other clients. Its ok to think that she might actually be looking at it to help her understand you! Anyway, I'll be interested to see whether or not my T has read it. It sounds like all of us here obsess after our sessions. I'm glad to know its not just me. I suppose if we didn't spend a lot of time thinking about what happens in each session, it wouldn't be at all productive. Sometimes I wish I could just turn those thoughts off. Iwouldn't worry about your T discussing some passage in the book that you forgot about. Even if that happened, just ask her to remind you.
Its pretty neat that you are interested in counseling psychology...what an interesting field, and I think someone who has been there like yourself could really help others. Good luck in finding the research position. Did you decide that being a lawyer is not for you? That must have been a tough decision after so much schooling.
Thank you so much for the email address. I wrote it down and will definitley use it once school begins and I have less time to goof around here. I'll also feel more comfortable using it when discussing sex with my husband:-) and details which might actually disclose my identity (as if anyone would really care, but I do!)
Are you still obsessing today? How long does it take you to stop between appointments, or maybe you never do!?
Posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 18:02:23
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 28, 2003, at 6:49:55
Yes, it absolutely makes sense. It sounds like you have dealt with it before it becomes too big of a deal. I'm hoping taht that will be the case as I explore this more with my T. Its funny I feel so much calmer about all of this transference stuff this week. Last week I was ready to throw in the towel and suffer the termination to get out of this. I'm sure I'll be there again soon...it seems to be a cycle.
Posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 18:12:01
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy?, posted by Bunnyz32 on August 28, 2003, at 10:38:41
How old are your kids? I really am finding this striking how it seems that most of the people who frequent this board are depressed, educated, mothers (this is a generalization-I hope I didn't leave anyone out). What does this say?
Posted by Bunnyz32 on August 29, 2003, at 6:48:46
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Bunnyz32, posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 18:12:01
I suppose women are "allowed" by society to express their emotions, unlike men. Men are supposed to "be a man and suck it up" and anger is more of an "appropriate" emotion for men.
If one is educated I suppose they have more expectations of life, and when we don't get them that can be a great dissapointment. Also, if one does not have an education the person is probably working 2 or 3 jobs and really does'nt have time for emotions.
I tried college, but I saw what MY wants were doing to my children I decided the children won't always be children and I can pursue my wants when they are older
. Example, I was trying to write a paper and my, then, almost, two year old would stuff things in the disk drive, or get a hold of the disk I was saving my papers to and take the metal thing a ma bob off the disk.
My son is 9 and my daughter is 5.
Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:02:45
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2003, at 7:11:39
I think it is a cool thing that you are actually teaching your therapist how to communicate with you (and with other clients by extension). Like he has to keep in mind that you have a quicker physical reaction (as most of us more sensitive/perceptive/feeling/female(?) types do) to what he says than other people might. And that physical reaction makes you lose concentration, close up, etc. It sounds like you and your therapist really do communicate well tho. You have the insight when there is a problem to communicate about how you are communicating, which is very problem solving oriented and less judgemental. That's probably why things blow over more quickly with him. That's really great.
I am totally there with you about the decline in writing ability when I get really upset. But even when I'm not that totally shaken and I can write, I'm not convinced that it's always helpful for me to write my obsessive thoughts down after therapy sessions. My transference manifests itself differently from yours--instead of abandonment issues (which are there eg. her vacation) mine is mostly this romantic infatuation. I tend to relive our encounter in my writing (don't laugh, but one time when she came to session in sandals and painted toenails, I wrote 3 pges about the whole shocking experience of not being able to concentrate b/c of her toes!) which then makes the obsessive thoughts build. So, I actually take some pride in being able to go x no. of days without writing.
Thanks for saying that about her reading the book. You're right, it should give us some context for discussing some of these things. I am going to leaf thru another copy in the bookstore before the next session tho, to see if there's anything specific I want to focus on. And then of course she won't bring up the book next session, right?!
Happy Labor Day weekend!
Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:07:10
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by fallsfall on August 28, 2003, at 6:49:55
This totally makes sense to me. I try to imagine switching to a new therapist and I can see where the transference might surface again...but not be as intense. Maybe b/c you have less history with this person, there are less encounters & less information to draw from, resulting in less obsessive thinking.
Posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:29:19
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » allisonf, posted by stebby on August 28, 2003, at 17:56:45
Thanks for your supportive comments about the book. She's never borrowed a book from me before so I'm not sure what to expect--if she'll return it and discuss it during the next session or if she'll never mention it again. I guess I can always bring it up with her. Definitely, I'm curious to see if your therapist has read it. You said she has read quite a bit esp in the psych area. I wonder if it's the type of book that therapists know about. I think it should be required reading for therapists in training!
And thanks for not rolling your eyes (not that I could see!) about the counseling psychology thing. I have fought with myself for years in & out of therapy about whether I am capable of studying counseling/ being a therapist given my own psych disability. I am just going to do it! I went to law school for the wrong reasons and it was just never right for me. You're right, it was a huge decision to leave law--it was why I went to therapy the first time back in 1993. But my life has been so much better since...
Are you still planning to bring in the posts from here to your next therapy session? I talked about this bd in my last session for the first time. I wonder how many people use this bd as a launching pad for discussion in therapy. Good luck with your session, keep us posted on how it goes.
Not really obsessing so much anymore...maybe b/c I get to talk to everyone here! :) Or maybe it's the Geodon?! I say that in a very small voice b/c I don't want to jinx anything...
Ok, gotta run and get those kids in the bath, we're headed to the beach in a few hours. Have a great LD weekend stebby and everyone else!
Posted by Dinah on August 29, 2003, at 21:34:21
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Dinah, posted by allisonf on August 29, 2003, at 11:02:45
Well, you could always bring it up yourself. Says the person who has never mentioned the book I lent my therapist probably almost a year ago. Neither has he.
But for the most part, you're right. We do communicate well together, but it took years to get to this point. I asked him the other day if he would never think again of me if he terminated me. He said of course he would think of me. That he had grown a lot as a therapist in the last eight years, which he has, and that I had been a big part of that, which I think I have. Not terribly modest of me. But since I wasn't about to leave him, I had to learn to talk about the things that were upsetting me.
I hope you get there someday with your therapist. :)
Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:45:13
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by allisonf on August 27, 2003, at 9:27:50
Hi! Thank you so much for responding to me and sharing. It means a lot right now..!!
THank you for sharing what your T said to you..I too tell myself that eventually I will be able to share with her but it hurts so much to keep things inside and see how i miss the chance the way I do. My therapist told me I can't keep running away as I do. Now at least we have agreed that I will write to her (if i feel calm enough to write) and we will read together, so I have a way to make sure I tell her.
I so wish she could see me twice a week, I've told her it was so hard in-between sessions lately but she hasn't offered that so I don't want to pressure her or risk being rejected by her, that would really hurt me..
I saw her yesterday and it happened again, I burst into tears unable to say a word of what I wanted to say. and now again, thinking of all the days till next friday makes me feel desperate :-(
Thank you for sharing with me, maybe I will try to tell her or ask her if she could consider seeing me twice a week at least for a little while till I am more stable..
Thank you for sharing and posting back.
I liked what your T shared with you :-)
Thanks again,
Adia> Welcome to the conversation Adia! fallsfall's post just made me think of this: have you thought about seeing your therp twice a week for awhile? I know that times when I've been feeling like I'm having a hard time making it to the next appt, I schedule double sessions that week. I know that might not be feasible time or $ wise, but it's just an idea. I think it's great that you can e-mail her between sessions! I would definitely be doing that if I had my therapist's e-mail address (I think its odd how all these therapists have different policies on out of session communication).
>
> Also, something else you made me think of...I am always thinking, thinking, thinking of what I didn't say to my therapist, what I should have said, what I will say next week, how she will respond, etc. (racing thoughts, I think?) and it nearly drives me crazy. I know this isn't what you described happens to you, but I do understand that feeling of desperation that comes from not having said something you intended to say. My therapist said something to me once, that I always repeat to myself when this whole thing gets bad. She said, "everything you want to say in therapy will come out eventually." I know that's not anything all that profound, but somehow it gets me thru.
>
> Glad you decided to start posting here.
> Take care--A
Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:51:49
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by fallsfall on August 27, 2003, at 9:14:04
Hi..
Thank you so much for posting back to me.
It really means a lot!!
I'm going through a hard time and it helps to be able to share a bit or hear how others have coped or dealt with things in T..
Thank you for sharing with me.
My focus right now is to get through the days till i can see my T on fridays...I do feel I need her so much and I so need the safety she makes me feel. It's the only moment of the week when I feel safe and loved...
I try to feel close to her writing in between sessions..
Thank you for sharing and letting me share too.
It really helps..
Adia> I can certainly relate to that! Therapy has often seemed the only important focus of my week. She would encourage me to "get a life" so that therapy wouldn't be my life. But that was not something I could do. With my new therapist I don't feel that way as much. I don't know if that is because he sees me twice a week, or because our relationship is too new to have that kind of depth (?).
>
> It sounds like you are trying to do what you can to make progress in your therapy. It is hard when you can't say what you need to say. I often would write things down and then read them, or have her read them if I couldn't speak the words.
>
> I'm glad that you have some support from her between sessions.
>
> I'm glad you posted, Adia. Let us know how it goes!
Posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:55:23
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by stebby on August 27, 2003, at 19:49:52
Hi Stebby,
Thank you so much for writing back and making me feel welcome...
I've been reading a lot here and it helps to feel less alone in your feelings and to be able to learn a bit and share and find out you are not alone in how you feel.
Thank you for writing..I'm here hanging on in between sessions somehow, it does help so much not to feel less alone right now.
Thanks!
Adia.
> Adia, Glad you decided to post. It has been very helpful for me in the short time I have been posting here. Suddenly I am aware that there are these other people out there going through the same stuff. Its very comforting to know you are not alone even if it is only in cyberspace! In someways its much better than talking to a friend who you have to worry about judgement and telling others, etc. Anyway, it sounds like your having a rough time, but its good that you have esatblished such a solid relationship with your therapist, and she can help you get through life. I definitely know that desperate feeling you talk about that happens to you in between sessions....uughhh....thats the worst. Hope you are doing okay.
Posted by stebby on August 30, 2003, at 20:50:35
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Adia on August 30, 2003, at 12:55:23
Hi Adia, What is it that makes it so hard between sessions that sometimes you feel like you won't survive untilthe next one? Then you get there and forget everything you want to say. Somehow its just nice to be with soeone who understands you. Often when I have left therapy, I feel like I'm all alone again and have to be strong again. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I often wonder (which is why I started this thread in the first place) if all of these feelings are somehow worth it. I just can't seem to get past the idea of the fact that I'm paying someone to make me feel loved and cared about. This probably isn't what you need to hear about right now, but its on my mind. And then, when you feel that love and caring, you feel you can't survive without it and you long for it everyday. Then I get sad that her love isn't real. Do you know what I mean?
Posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by stebby on August 30, 2003, at 20:50:35
Sorry this is a bit long... :(
Hi stebby,
Thank you for taking the time to respond...
I do understand..so much. I've been struggling with the very same feelings...
I do crave to have her love and care and I feel I need that love and safety to get through the days..She has told me that in my fantasy I wish somehow that she could adopt me and take care of me as if I were a child.
I too felt bad (sometimes I still do) inside for somehow knowing I had to pay to feel loved. But I do believe that she cares about me. I try to think that she just has to make a living like everyone else and needs the money but that our relationship is real...
I have asked her soooo many times if it was real, if she could accept me and love me or if i had a place in her heart..I asked her lots of times if I could trust that our relationship is real. She has always reassured me that it is..Maybe you should ask your T and tell her how you are feeling? maybe you have already. I think that maybe you need to address all this with her? I believe that a T does care and that it is real. I do feel my T cares about me. I hold on to the things she's done which show me that, she has told me that our relationship is real, even though it's a special kind of relationship and she can't love me the way I want her to...(as a mother would love her child) But that she loves me as a T, from her heart. She has cried with me, she has said I love you very much..she has always been there for me, even when she didn't have to be. I've called her thousand times in b/sessions, I've even waited for her in the stairs of her office, crying, in the middle of a crisis and she has stayed with me till I was better.
About the money, I sometimes can't help thinking that I am paying to be loved and that's sad and painful, but then I think that my therapist waits when I can't pay her, she has waited entire months without me paying her,she has told me we would always work something out, that she just had to make a living..but that she wants the best for me and we are going to work together.
I do believe in her. I so wish you could believe in your T too...She has explained to me how in between sessions it's not that I just disappear from her heart,she told me i had trouble internalizing things, or believing that she was with me even though we didn't see each other every day. She explained that the safety I seek doesn't exist..But that it doesn't mean that care goes away, that we are in each other's hearts. In a different way, but no less real.
I do feel it's true, I feel she has no reasons to lie to me or not to be honest when she knows that the truth is what I most need and she would kill me if she ever lied to me about something as important as that. She told me I have to believe in the strength of our bond. That when she's there with me, as a T, she is giving me all she is, all she has...that it is real and from her heart.
We have talked about transference and how from my abuse history and issues I sometimes wish she were my mother and I look for that kind of protection from her and I go to her as a little girl...and I fear all the time she will leave me and I need reassurance and if I don't hear her say I care about you I don't know if it is like that still or I have done something to lose it.
I've asked her if she can care about me..if she does and she has said she does and I feel she has proved that by what she's done for me.
I really hope you can talk about it with your T...
In my opinion, the love and care is real..
it's a special kind of relationship but it's real...
I may be trying to convince myself of this :-) but it's how i feel it..
I've felt the way you do lots of times, and I have struggled in the past year to get past those feelings you are having..and I do feel that I can trust that the feelings are real,I know it's painful, and I still have moments in which I don't know if I should believe...I feel scared to need her so much, to need her to love me. It hurts to have such a deep need and ache inside. Sometimes it does scare me to feel that her caring is what keeps me alive...cause I feel she has so much power over me. It terrifies me, she reassures me she has made a commitment with me and a promise and she won't abandon me.
I don't know if any of this helps in any way,
I just wanted to share how I feel it and let you know that I understand...
I think you should really try to share with your T, maybe you already have...Why do you feel that her care and love is not real? If you haven't shared with her, I think it would be so good if you could talk and somehow get to feel that it is real and it's not all about money...
I wish you the very best,
Adia.
> Hi Adia, What is it that makes it so hard between sessions that sometimes you feel like you won't survive untilthe next one? Then you get there and forget everything you want to say. Somehow its just nice to be with soeone who understands you. Often when I have left therapy, I feel like I'm all alone again and have to be strong again. I wonder if that feeling ever goes away. I often wonder (which is why I started this thread in the first place) if all of these feelings are somehow worth it. I just can't seem to get past the idea of the fact that I'm paying someone to make me feel loved and cared about. This probably isn't what you need to hear about right now, but its on my mind. And then, when you feel that love and caring, you feel you can't survive without it and you long for it everyday. Then I get sad that her love isn't real. Do you know what I mean?
Posted by stebby on August 31, 2003, at 21:28:28
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21
Adia, Your message was so heart felt, it brought tears to my eyes. To have had such a difficult childhood and then have someone who is completely there for you like she is is heart-warming. I'm glad you can trust her like you do and I desperately want to trust my T like that, and I think I do. One of the problems is that my first T did in effect "abandon" me. She had to terminate and then when I saw her on the street she ignored me. I thought she had a special place in her heart for me. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Since then, I cannot seem to get past this idea, that the therapist is just doing her job by being caring, but its not real. I have talked to my T about this, and she was reassuring, but of course she is, that is her job. I am going to talk to her again about it on Tuesday. It keeps coming up. She has never done anything to break my trust, but I think its going to take time given my first experience with transference and therapy. I am really afraid to let myself feel that close again and keep trying to convince myself that she's really a fake, so as not to get hurt again.
I really appreciate your supportive words and the effort you put into your note to me. It means a lot.
Posted by crushedout on September 3, 2003, at 16:47:02
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » stebby, posted by Adia on August 31, 2003, at 13:08:21
Adia, your message brought tears to my eyes, too. And it was soooo helpful for me in thinking about my therapy. Thank you so much.
Posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:29:58
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by stebby on August 31, 2003, at 21:28:28
Hi stebby,
your post meant so much to me! Thank you for feeling it with me...
I so hope you can build trust with your T..I'm really sorry you had such a painful experience with your previous one. I would be devastated if mine abandoned me and I would have such difficulty to trust someone new and let someone close again. I understand the fears you're having after what you went through. It is scary to let someone close and risk being hurt...I still feel scared of giving my T so much power to hurt me, but after all I've been through with her I do feel her in my heart without doubting everything she tells me. I am really, really sorry your previous T hurt you so much.
You are very brave for trying to trust someone new. It takes time to trust, I do hope you can believe in your T and in what she tells you..Maybe you still have lots of work to do with her in order to build trust and so that you can feel in your heart that her care and what she gives you and tells you is very real.
I am glad you're giving her a chance...
I would encourage you to just keep talking to her and telling her your fears and hurt over all of this. I know it is scary to let someone close after being hurt so badly, I hope you can build trust with your T and start believing in your heart that what she gives you is real. I tell my T that I really need her to reassure me, I tell her that I am afraid of her not loving me anymore or not being with me, I tell her if I feel scared of things not being real, and every time she reassures me, and it helps some...Maybe you can try to share a bit with your T and tell her about the fears you are having...I hope she can be there for you and you can build a solid, strong bond with her, based on honesty, truth, respect and gentle love.
Thank you for listening to me and sharing back.
wishing you lots of trust with your T,
Adia> Adia, Your message was so heart felt, it brought tears to my eyes. To have had such a difficult childhood and then have someone who is completely there for you like she is is heart-warming. I'm glad you can trust her like you do and I desperately want to trust my T like that, and I think I do. One of the problems is that my first T did in effect "abandon" me. She had to terminate and then when I saw her on the street she ignored me. I thought she had a special place in her heart for me. It was one of the most painful experiences I have ever had. Since then, I cannot seem to get past this idea, that the therapist is just doing her job by being caring, but its not real. I have talked to my T about this, and she was reassuring, but of course she is, that is her job. I am going to talk to her again about it on Tuesday. It keeps coming up. She has never done anything to break my trust, but I think its going to take time given my first experience with transference and therapy. I am really afraid to let myself feel that close again and keep trying to convince myself that she's really a fake, so as not to get hurt again.
>
> I really appreciate your supportive words and the effort you put into your note to me. It means a lot.
Posted by Adia on September 3, 2003, at 21:32:56
In reply to Re: Why bother with therapy? » Adia, posted by crushedout on September 3, 2003, at 16:47:02
Hi..
I'm glad it helped you in some way...It actually helps me to feel my therapist closer to my heart, too. :o)
Thank YOU for reading and 'listening' to me...
I'm really glad it helped you to think about your therapy...
all the best,
Adia.> Adia, your message brought tears to my eyes, too. And it was soooo helpful for me in thinking about my therapy. Thank you so much.
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