![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 70. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Phillipa on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:14
Why is it a certain poster seems to be going out of their way to say hurtful things to others many of who have long standing psychiatric disorders. Not meaning me. I'm thinking of those who are at their last straw. Can we not go back as most of you are to giving positive feedback to others? Or comments from personal experiences. I was shocked at how some others were treated lately. Sad on a mental health forum. Phillipa
Posted by novelagent on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:14
In reply to If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2012, at 12:21:46
Well said. It's important everyone here is encouraging and supportive of one another, especially given how many of the folks on this board are going through a lot already. Hopefully, whoever it is, they'll be banned by Dr. Bob for a week or something.
> Why is it a certain poster seems to be going out of their way to say hurtful things to others many of who have long standing psychiatric disorders. Not meaning me. I'm thinking of those who are at their last straw. Can we not go back as most of you are to giving positive feedback to others? Or comments from personal experiences. I was shocked at how some others were treated lately. Sad on a mental health forum. Phillipa
Posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:14
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing » Phillipa, posted by novelagent on July 12, 2012, at 17:30:27
This is what happens when forums aren't adequately moderated. It has become like "Lord of the Flies" here or something.
EE
Posted by Lou Pilder on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:15
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 12, 2012, at 20:51:04
> This is what happens when forums aren't adequately moderated. It has become like "Lord of the Flies" here or something.
>
> EEEE,
You wrote the above
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:15
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by Emily Elizabeth on July 12, 2012, at 20:51:04
Yes, I've noticed the same tendency lately. I just recently mentioned it to a friend off the boards that it seemed like LOTF here sometimes.
GMTA, unfortunately, in this case.
Posted by zazenducke on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:15
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing » Emily Elizabeth, posted by 10derheart on July 13, 2012, at 4:35:21
> Yes, I've noticed the same tendency lately. I just recently mentioned it to a friend off the boards that it seemed like LOTF here sometimes.
O dear!Lord of the Flies?? Not a very nice image of the Babblers is it?
Is it quite civil to say such a thing? ( I believe you are still a volunteer civility buddy so I dare ask)
Posted by europerep on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:16
In reply to If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2012, at 12:21:46
> Sad on a mental health forum.
Making accusations without specifying what exactly you refer to and especially who you actually mean may not be the best thing to do on a mental health forum either.
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:16
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » 10derheart, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 8:44:06
Perhaps. Or is this a grey area?? General statement?? Maybe I meant the quality of the writing in the posts on Babble lately is similar to that in a famous (arguably well-written) novel? ;-)
{shrug} Guess you would have to notify Dr. Bob to get a definitive answer. Do you feel accused and put down? If you do or anyone does, I apologize.
Posted by zazenducke on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:16
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by 10derheart on July 13, 2012, at 13:43:13
> Perhaps. Or is this a grey area?? General statement?? Maybe I meant the quality of the writing in the posts on Babble lately is similar to that in a famous (arguably well-written) novel? ;-)
What did you mean?
>
> {shrug} Guess you would have to notify Dr. Bob to get a definitive answer. Do you feel accused and put down? If you do or anyone does, I apologize.
>
>No I was just curious about what you thought. What Bob thinks ceased to interest me at least a decade ago :) In what way does the board remind you of Lord of the Flies?
I can't say I miss the *snort*ing and snarking days of yore myself.
Posted by zazenducke on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:17
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing » Phillipa, posted by europerep on July 13, 2012, at 13:30:33
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:17
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 14:02:02
I meant I think I've seen some uncivil posts lately that appeared to me to have a mean and/or bullying tone. And that an unmoderated board can facilitate this, IMO.
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:17
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 14:02:02
>>I can't say I miss the *snort*ing and snarking days of yore myself.
oh I think you do....at least a little...on a certain level....
Posted by zazenducke on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:18
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by 10derheart on July 13, 2012, at 16:36:01
> >>I can't say I miss the *snort*ing and snarking days of yore myself.
>
> oh I think you do....at least a little...on a certain level....No I really don't. I miss having fun on Babble but I don't miss the deputy system at all which is what I was referring to.. I prefer an exDeputy that calls people *ssh*l*s to a Deputy that blocked people for months at a time for not being as adept as her in bullying without committing "incivility".
It's been interesting watching the group dynamics here.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:18
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » 10derheart, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 17:27:39
Please don't accuse me of bullying. As deputy, I enforced the rules I did, and do, largely believe in. They may have been word games to you. They never were to me. I saw the reasons behind them. I never liked blocking anyone, and those who know me well know that. I can't change what you think of me, of course. And I suppose at this point, you're free to say whatever you like to me, without the slightest fear of administrative involvement. All I can do is request that you not.
I liked the rule about not calling people names. I'd have loved for Dr. Bob to have given a d*mn and moderated on that thread. Had I any reasonable expectation of administrative involvement, I doubt I'd have gotten so frustrated. Lowering my Lamictal probably hurt as well.
I don't know whether Dr. Bob cares enough to write studies about us anymore. But if he does, I imagine this would be an interesting next study. I hope he recognizes that Babble today can't in any way be compared to the thriving internet community it used to be. How many regular posters are there? How many new posters?
I personally don't see lord of the flies here at this point. (Of course, I don't read every post.) But my experience with internet forums in general is that unmoderated forums are not known for their kindness. As people internalize Dr. Bob's lack of presence, I wonder what will happen. I hope I'm wrong and that the small remaining community are those who value kindness, forbearance, and support for its own sake.
Posted by zazenducke on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:18
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2012, at 19:02:01
Dinah my personal experience and observation of you was that you bullied others during your time as a deputy.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:19
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » Dinah, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 19:08:01
I think that, as with so many things in life, people see the facts and infer the "truth". You and I both saw the results, and we differ as to the truth of my motivations. As much as I dislike Dr. Bob's using actions rather than motivations as the criteria for his judgments, I do see there are some ways in which that *is* fair.
I try to remain open to the idea that my view of the motivations of others could be completely mistaken. I think of you as someone who attempts to do good as much as I did as deputy. I see you trying to protect those who you feel need protection, or those you see as worthy of protection, against those you see as those who are harming them. Yet sometimes, I don't agree with you as to who needs protection and, far more importantly, who deserves whatever you say.
I've cried countless hours over what you've said to me over the years, and I am not alone in this.
I am aware of one time when I misunderstood what was going on with you, and acted on that misunderstanding. I tried later to fix it, but by then Dr. Bob was involved, and it was no longer up to me. I regretted that then, and I still regret it. Every time you say something that hurts me, I remember that moment, and realize that I do deserve for you to dislike me. When I say to people that I've been disliked by people who really can hurt me, your name is one of the top in my mind.
But even given that, I think you misjudge my motivations and my thoughts. And I ask that you not accuse me based on your inferences. I ask that you consider that if you think it's wrong for deputies to judge who is the victim and who is worthy of blocking, that you also consider whether it's right for individuals to decide who is and isn't worthy of kindness.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:19
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2012, at 19:40:40
Well, I may be alone in the actual *crying* part.
Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:19
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2012, at 20:07:14
hey phillipa...just curious to know who it is...anyways my babblemail is not on...maybe like facebook and ill keep it confidencial. Thanks...but reatlly theres some posters here that judge me on a sitation I can't even change for the current period of time. It's like when im posing for some support the opposite thing happens...which is not ironic...but it just irratates me that people judge grass for not growing in the desert....well theres alot of evil stuff people plan and say in their minds so it doesnt suprise me....
love ya!
rj
Posted by SLS on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:20
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » Dinah, posted by zazenducke on July 13, 2012, at 19:08:01
> Dinah my personal experience and observation of you was that you bullied others during your time as a deputy.
Where was I during these times? I was gone for about 1 1/2 years several years ago. Maybe these things occurred during my absence? Otherwise, I must disagree with your opinion. I don't know what you experienced personally or otherwise observed, but the word "bullying" represents a judgment of a behavior, and not the behavior itself. My best guess is that you and I read the same posts, but perceived them very differently. I did not see behaviors of Dinah that would lead me to judge her actions to be bullying.
Perhaps this thread should be redirected to Administration.
- Scott
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:20
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by SLS on July 14, 2012, at 0:44:49
>>Perhaps this thread should be redirected to Administration.
Yuh. Fat chance of that. Or perhaps only *my* recent pleadings for redirections and other things fall on the deaf ears of any "administration."
Posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:20
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me, posted by Dinah on July 13, 2012, at 20:07:14
Doubt it. In fact,.....well, nevermind.
Posted by marylou333 on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:21
In reply to If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by Phillipa on July 12, 2012, at 12:21:46
I an a lurker , but to me all the mods had many flaw,s to judge posts. Take Dinah, many problems herself, carnt even function without a theropist for 20 years. Who needs theropist for 20 year,s thats not healthy, her husband must feel a little inadequate. Theropy that long is wrong what more can be said after 20 years you carn tell you husband. Totally wrong to judge other peoples post when she needs a theropist herself just to survive. Dinah what if he dies tommorow do you.
Posted by SLS on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:21
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Say Nothing, posted by marylou333 on July 14, 2012, at 4:12:44
> I an a lurker , but to me all the mods had many flaw,s to judge posts. Take Dinah, many problems herself, carnt even function without a theropist for 20 years. Who needs theropist for 20 year,s thats not healthy, her husband must feel a little inadequate. Theropy that long is wrong what more can be said after 20 years you carn tell you husband. Totally wrong to judge other peoples post when she needs a theropist herself just to survive. Dinah what if he dies tommorow do you.
Don't we already know you?
I think there should be some discourse on Administration about how to handle situations in which a blocked poster infiltrates a thread. Is it desirable to delete the whole thread, or only those posts made by the offender? As things are managed at the moment, I foresee this whole thread disappearing. That, of course, is ruinous to the contributions of others.
I'd like to see more written about the phenomenologies of spanking, physical abuse, and neglect, and how these things affect the psyche of the child and his social environment. However, I would say that the Psychology board is a better forum for such a discussion.
- Scott
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:22
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » zazenducke, posted by SLS on July 14, 2012, at 0:44:49
Thanks Scott.
A simple statement like that can ease a lot of hurt.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2012, at 19:26:22
In reply to Re: If you Can't Say Anything Nice Talk To Me » Dinah, posted by 10derheart on July 14, 2012, at 1:27:19
Well, I didn't want to make any assumptions. :(
Go forward in thread:
Psycho-Babble Administration | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.