![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 293 to 317 of 495. Go back in thread:
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2014, at 19:56:02
In reply to Re: science, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2014, at 4:44:21
okay... i'm doing it... putting things away. getting my crap together for this year...
grading ticking along in bits and pieces an hour or two here and there. seems to be the most pleasant way of doing it.
i've put all the stuff for next year away in its boxes. textbooks, too. a week or three left... to focus on exams... once those grades are locked in they are locked in forever. what is three weeks in the rest of my life? i won't regret doing this later...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2014, at 20:14:26
In reply to Re: science, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2014, at 19:56:02
67 slides for a 50 minute lecture... ffs.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2014, at 22:03:34
In reply to Re: science, posted by alexandra_k on October 19, 2014, at 20:14:26
I phoned Mother.
Just because.
I had a feeling...
They told her she could visit on Tuesdays and Thursdays for an hour per visit. But that she needed to stay away, otherwise.
They really took the time to do it properly. Had a (her words) 'big family meeting'. And they told her that she obviously really loved her friend to be spending so much time there (yeah, it was totally about her friend)... And so on and so forth. And of course she was upset... But now she is mostly okay. She said she was exhausted with spending all that time up there...
She was full of stories.
Mostly stories which involved mother getting her friend wound up about various things and mother ringing the bell and wanting the staff to come and placate mother. I mean, her friend. Who mother had gotten all wound up.
A story about how upset her friend was that she wasn't getting this special nutrition drink that she was supposed to have / was used to having... But then she said that it was just as well she was there to remind her friend she was supposed to have the drink because she seemed to keep forgetting that she was supposed to have it! So... Mother would remind her about this super special super delicious nutritious drink that her friend was supposed to have... Don't you want your yummy drink??? Hmm... Hmm.... HMMMMM? And then ringing the bell and reminding the staff that she was supposed to be having this drink and see how upset she was that she wanted the drink and there wasn't a drink and where was her drink and see how upset she was see? see? SEE?
Then after they asked mother to go... Mother overheard one of the nurses telling her friend that the head nurse and doctor had decided she didn't need the drink since she was eating so well (though of course mother was combo force feeding her and probably eating more than half of it)...
It is really hard to listen to her go on about such things...
About how she went to look for more food for her at one point and the kitchen people said there is some stew... Or some pineapple... And Mother was like 'I'll take her the stew' and the kitchen person was like 'I thought she was vegetarian' and mother was like 'don't tell her there is meat in it and she will never know'. And then mother was trying to feed it to her and her friend was asking what was in it and mother was saying 'don't think about that - just eat it' and then the kitchen person came out and told her 'there is meat in it'. And mother was like 'ssssh she'll never know if you don't tell her haha'. And the kitchen person was like 'there is meat in it'.
And then they took mother aside (because, you know, they don't have better things to be doing) and explained to mother how she needed to respect her friends wishes. And how mother was like 'But she's got dementia'. And they were like 'But she's not totally gone yet'.
These are the things Mother will pronounce clearly. Loudly and clearly. About her own behaviour. And other people will listen... And become progressively uncomfortable... And repulsed by her behaviour. And when Mother can see them getting upset she will continue. She'll raise her voice even louder, to get more of an audience.
She was all happy... Because she was SO IMPRESSED at how they respected her friends wishes even though she had dementia... And SO IMPRESSED at how they were full of appreciation for how much she loved her friend...
There is something wrong with her. That she can't see how other people... Are repulsed by the fact that she... Uses her friends as platforms for her own dramas... Nobody would let her get near them with a barge pole.
What is wrong with her?
Is that wrong with me, too?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2014, at 22:31:43
In reply to Re: science, posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2014, at 22:03:34
those are just two examples. i tried to recount them... the way they were. minimal interpretation.
but that is her. over and over. a continual stream of it. a continual stream of stories about things... just like that.
she'll tell me that she doesn't understand why her neighbour closes her curtains during the day. her house must get all musty and be all dark with her curtains closed like that. maybe she's depressed? maybe mother should go over and try and cheer her up?
or maybe she's closing her curtains because she's stick of mother sitting there watching everything she does all day.
constant...
when i was little...
my teachers would be forced to listen to stories about how i couldn't go and ride horses because i hadn't made my bed... or about how mother needed to make me stay at the table until midnight because i wouldn't eat my mound of silverbeet.
i think...
i think she wants someone to step up to her and tell her it like it is. and tell her that her behaviour is not okay. and tell her what behaviour is okay from her. what sorts of things would be more appropriate. maybe because she doesn't know.
it is just exhausting. it is like... she's emotionally 3 years old or something. if another person is around then she simply will not regulate her emotions (she's incapable of helping regulate anybody elses).
i think i see some things in me... which is why i stay away from people. because she doesn't seem to care when they cringe away from her... but i see and it hurts me. a lot. i feel disgust and shame. she... doesn't seem to. i .. don't know what to say.
what is wrong with her? what is wrong with me?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2014, at 18:27:58
In reply to Re: science, posted by alexandra_k on October 20, 2014, at 22:31:43
histology lab today. it is the same content as stuff they do first up next year so i'm motivated to be learning it.
physics test tomorrow morning. i think it will scare me a bit and i'll put in some good study between now and my physics exam around this time next week.
there are aspects of biology that overlap with next year, for sure. i will try and learn those as best i can. i will give some of the lecture notes content a miss... but i will try my best to learn the relevant sections of the textbook that overlap with next year.
law... i don't entirely know what to say... she puts notes up of her summaries... i will do my best to engage honestly with the topic. i don't have a bunch of time (or motivation) to be cramming various things... but i will do some study, for sure. especially with respect to sealord and the constitution... she's bound to ask about the treaty given the number of international students...
i want a dell supersharp 22 inch monitor. i have decided :) mostly because... it has fabulous reviews and i've found an ex-lease one for less than $200. if i can learn to study from pdf books... i will save myself a fortune on hardcopies and on printing over the years... i really should give it an honest effort. having a nice display will help a lot. especially for anatomy. i am kinda obsessed about learning anatomy... i know it is common for people to lament that medical students don't really learn their anatomy these days etc etc etc. well... today... in properly studying my textbooks... i remember how much i love cramming those little facts / stories about stuff.
takes a bit to get it in there in the first place... but then you get to where it rolls smoothly off the tongue. a little bit everyday... so many atlases... so many labels... a little bit everyday... i think that is the way... i hope i can get the monitor before someone else picks it up... a little bit of grading...
i hope... i... uh... i really do need to pass my classes this year. not passing physics could potentially be probematic. i've applied for a scholarship, too... not sure that i'll get it... i think it is sort of more about financial need than about academic excellence... well... sort of both... it couldn't hurt to get better grades. i'm just... well... physics seems overwhelming. overwhelming for me.
a little grading... keeps me sane, honestly. life is good.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 22, 2014, at 17:29:46
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2014, at 18:27:58
the test was truly horrible. there is no way that i passed it. i don't know what to do... exam next thursday.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 23, 2014, at 0:49:59
In reply to Re: refocus..., posted by alexandra_k on October 21, 2014, at 18:27:58
well... mother got me the monitor as an early christmas present. for which i sort of feel bad... but sort of not.
i just took a benzo. that is 2 of 5 gone. the ones i got when i lost my wallet that i found...
i... started to freak out that i wouldn't get into health science next year if i failed physics. then i didn't know what to do. i wandered over to physics... to see if someone could advise me on how best to study. should i focus on doing past years problems (following along all the worked problems i can). should i focus on understanding the textbook. should i focus on printing out what is in some instances more than 20 powerpoint slides per class???
i couldn't find anyone... so i went to the learning people... to try and make an appointment to see them... to see if they could find someone who could advise me as to whether it matters or not.
but of course i can't get in to see them until it is too late, really.
i guess i just... do the best i can.
i think... i'll say that i'll finish up the grading i've got.. but no more (the very last assignment). it will be sad about not having the extra money... but i really do need to focus on these exams.
i don't have a bunch of money to go printing off the masses and masses of lecture notes. people seem to think that you can chop a novel into powerpoint slides. sigh. still... monitor should be up and running monday or tuesday... i got a cable...
just get through this... then i can learn anatomy from all those fabulous anatomy books i managed to find online... i can view pictures and text at the same time with the A&P book i have next year... learn to use it for study that way...
and maybe a little teeny tiny bit of WOW. over the summer...
just get through physics for now. ideal gases. thermodynamics. i suppose... would be good to know. sigh.
Posted by pontormo on October 24, 2014, at 1:16:41
In reply to Re: books » pontormo, posted by alexandra_k on October 11, 2014, at 16:58:47
Hi Alex,
Sorry I haven't been around to respond.
Sounds like the nurse really overreacted. I mean of course you shouldn't hit people-- but calling the police seems really premature.
I suppose she might have thought you were about to become really violent-- and I guess she could have felt that you had crossed the line. But if she found you threatening, why not call a doctor, or just get reinforcements from some of the staff?
It sounds as though it turned out more or less okay in the end-- luckily. I guess you dodged a bullet as they say. Although they also say that all's well that ends well.
I guess in the future maybe screaming at her, rather than taking physical action, could have caused a more self-protective commotion-- and taking a few deep breaths and coming back the next day at a different time would have been a more effective --and altogether more rational--strategy.
I'm glad it turned out as it did.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2014, at 2:28:13
In reply to Re: your case-- (from upstream in the thread), posted by pontormo on October 24, 2014, at 1:16:41
hi :)
> Sorry I haven't been around to respond.
that's okay. i mean... it is nice to have responses... but it is also nice to... vent. or something. i do feel bad seeing lots of my posts on a page... but i don't suppose it stops me... so... all is well.
yeah... the cop said that she was having a bad day and decided enough! i guess... we were both about as stubborn as each other. i won't be going back there...
so... it worked out okay in the end, yeah. i ended up going to a GP who was reccommended by an autism support group who i'd emailed. she turned out to be really great. and now i regularly see a nurse from there. she is mostly great. sometimes not... but being sometimes not is being human. so... she's pretty terrific, yeah.
> I'm glad it turned out as it did.thanks.
how are you doing? anything you want to share about what's going on for you?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2014, at 18:04:30
In reply to Re: your case-- (from upstream in the thread) » pontormo, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2014, at 2:28:13
I have rearranged my room... It makes a huge difference, actually. Something that I like to do every now and then. A bit of a fresh start. It has been a bit hard with the places I've been living. Having such a tiny space. Only one logical place for things. Perhaps that was why I needed to move rooms occasionally.
Anyway... The monitor makes a huge difference. Really, very. Odd.. For what is, in many respects, a very tiny thing. I guess my mobile phone made a huge difference to my life, too. My mobile... Gives me instant access to emails. And I can phone people occasionally. Which I've actually taken to doing. My Mother, even. For better or worse... I think it is important to the both of us to get along.
The monitor ties me to my desk, rather. Which would have been a bit of a pain before. For so many years now... Like... 11 or 12 years... I've loved laptops for their portability. Being able to write my thesis in cafes or under a shady tree...
The only writing I do these days is Babbling. All my assessments have been multiguess. I can't remember the last time I had to submit written work... Even law is exams rather than essays. I had to write a one page assignment for tech... Aside from that... Applications for things... But no written work since Australia.
I don't really need a laptop anymore. Maybe I'll get a desktop next time around. Bootcamp windows. Play Skyrim ahahaha.
The main thing I need in a study space is... To have the stuff, yeah. The books and the powerpoints etc... I'm hoping I can get away without a printer with having the monitor display... But what I really need... Is to be able to chatter to myself. Tell myself stories. 'There are 5 kinds of junctions: tight, adherans, desmosomes, hemidesmosomes, gap. tight junctions bind cells tightly so contents of organs don't leak. they can be found in the lining of the stomach, intestines, bladder. they are comprised of strands of transmembrane protein...'
And then of course, one day, find a good group of people who study like me... And we can quiz each other 'what is the transmembrane protein in a hemidesmosome?' and 'where would you find a gap junction?'...
none of this.... 'draw a graph of the pressure - volume relationship shading the amount of work'.
I think I might get a bean bag. They have them in the short loan library and they are terrific. You can sort of... Lie back on them to stretch out your hip flexors. YOu can lie across them on your belly like a whale... Until the library people grump at you for lying on the floor (no lying on the floor! it is a rule, apparently. And beanbags count as floor sometimes according to some of them). You can move about in them, that is the point... So you don't get... Stuck. Siezed up. Gosh darn it I am getting old. I have been thinking about getting one for a while, but thought there wasn't really room for it... But I think there is room for it... I can squash it into a corner under my desk... Or into a corner beside my desk... I might even be able to get a little table / book shelf / drawer space kind of thing... Sorely need one... No freaking drawers / stuff all shelves in this room... Living out of bags...
I know it is weird... But little things like this... Are so important to me, psychologically. Perhaps because this really is my home. It isn't a... Hotel. I'm not here for a 6 month student exchange and then moving on. I'm not even here for the 24 weeks of the academic year and then moving on. This is me... This is it... I don't have much... But I kinda like the idea of really... Really liking the stuff that I've got.
I remember one of my friends saying something like that to me... She said that she was used to having lots and lots and lots of stuff growing up. She had a bunch of sisters... So clothes, in particular. Lots and lots of stuff... But then moving around a lot for conferences... And study stints here and there... And she was coming around to this idea of having 1 suitcase full of good stuff. Instead of wardrobes full of mostly crap. Or... Stuff she didn't really like. Or stuff she might fit into one day. Or whatever...
I really like that way of thinking... Except for these nice wool / silk pants I got for my last med interview... Pretty charcoal and they sit just right... Before I got my squatters *ss. God dammit... THey never will fit again :( Bloody things are probably cursed, anyway. Perhaps that is the way to look at it...
The monitor... Really is very beautiful for moving images. Wow... Wow, indeed. Pictures... Are terrific, too. Text... I am dissapointed in text. I think it is because of all the stuff I read off the internet... People were saying that text was a very basic thing... Moving images... Colour... Those are hard. Basically making it sound like text is to moving image as walking is to running (toddlers learning aside). Like the demands on moving image are so much higher... Anything competent in that can handle text easy.
But I'm finding moving image to be beautiful, indeed. But text is looking grainy to me. Grainier than textbooks. The edges of text - at any font size - look pixelated. But I don't find that with printed textbooks. Why is this???
?
Posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 20:51:32
In reply to nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 24, 2014, at 18:04:30
not feeling the love for physics or for law. which is bad of me, rather, since my grades from here actually mean something...
i have lost... that part of me that loved learning for learnings sake. that part of me that thought it would be wonderful to take a first year course in everything there was. that part of me is gone, now. i think because i've found my focus.
i always used to feel a little... scathing? at the people who didn't have a love of learning for learnings sake. and i never really understood how making something practical made it easier. or how making something relevant to something that a person is interested in makes it seem easier.
but now... physics stuff comes up... refractions through the parts of the eye... diffusion through cells of different areas and thicknesses... and that stuff makes sense. seems relevant. seems interesting. seems important. whereas physics in the abstract... i really can't wrap my head around it. and i'll admit... it is something that i just sit there... in a little pool of despair about... not something that gets me perked up or interested. or feeling the love, really. it just all seems a bit too much.
my thesis got to be like that. with my hating it.
i... i don't think it will matter to entry next year if i fail physics. i... don't think they will fail me. i think they will find it in their hearts to scrape me a pass... oh please oh please oh please...
i've... perhaps learned a lesson about how there are a variety of reasons why people get the variety of grades they do. i perhaps... was a bit too keen to write people off as not very bright or ill motivated before... i feel... kinder now. which is good. humbled.
so...
parts of animal bio.
-- plan B. i need one. so i'm not totally destroyed if things don't work out. turns out that you can do a bunch of MEDSCI papers with a physiology major. and that switching to a physiology major won't land me with a physics requirement. if i don't get into med... i can finish off a degree and apply again. switching out of health science and back into science... might mean it takes me an extra year (though perhaps not with the papers i've done this year). only my last 2 count for GPA for med entry...
there was also a blurb that came out... about applying for med. they do want a 350 word blurb on why you want to do it... they also want a 150 word blurb on leadership and the like. i have stuff to say about organising conferences and peer review etc. i have done stuff in the past like volunteered for riding for disabled and summer camp... i... am looking into joining a weightlifting club... i could actually join the NZ club as a carded athlete... even if i never compete... it is something to say... uh... it sounds a whole lot better than 'i like the gym'. and there isn't a university club... there is actually a proper weightlifting club... a bit of a hike... but actually hikeable. i think they do get kids... saw some vids of some girls... high school age... doing something like that one day a week... perhaps on a saturday morning... could be really terrific for me. i'll see...
anyway...
ticking along. a bit scared i'm... letting people down somehow. that people will... be... angry? dissapointed? in me that i won't do well... something...
i think i have learned an important lesson about focus, though. i... do need to follow my passions. there's nothing else to be done with me...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 21:18:52
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 20:51:32
and it isn't that i'm lazy...
i AM prepared to work. i work very hard on my squats. i work very hard on chemistry... mostly on the latter because it actually seems possible... in a way that physics does not.
i think...
i think i'm mostly at peace about it...
our last biology lab we made a slide of a rat intestine. it was beautiful. they had slides of all different kinds of tissue... it was beautiful.
anyway...
just the final consistency check and the grading is done...
i think i might get a cheap brother monochrome multifunction laser printer... i have spent a fortune on printing this year... and maybe a mouse with some buttons i can attach various spells uh, i mean, programs onto...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 22:28:21
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 21:18:52
actually, i don't need a scanner. i think i've only scanned 4 or 5 things in my life and i can use a scanner in the uni or the public library. i do need a printer, though. for printing off all those lecture notes... not sure why that didn't properly occur to me before... can get a monochrome laser one for about the same cost as replacement toner ahaha. printer ink... about the most expensive liquid in the world...
(depending on pressure and temperature etc etc ahaha)
overkill?
http://www.razerzone.com/gaming-mice/razer-naga
i swear i saw something about a free cape...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 22:33:22
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 22:28:21
it is like a barbell, you see. i think... i haven't used a mouse since i moved to laptops... they really seem to have come a long way...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 27, 2014, at 14:43:16
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 26, 2014, at 22:33:22
so... there is this wrapper called wineskin... that promises to wrap windows stuff (e.g., games) so that you can play them on mac OS.
ooooooh.
i have a hankering for morrowwind... which a lot of people seem to have got to run okay. and of course dun dun dun dun... might and magic: day of the destroyer.
kinda scared they won't work...
they just don't make games like they used to.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 27, 2014, at 23:11:42
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 27, 2014, at 14:43:16
and so... i probably won't.
it is a very weird thing, but watching playthroughs on youtube seems to take care of the hankering to play computer games. odd, huh.
getting back into my books... did some reading about kidneys in the comparative animal biology book... and read a little thermodynamics from the physics book (which isn't anywhere near so nice). which is of course part of the problem.
i don't like thermodynamics... because it tells me that the world will never be a better place for having had me in it. i mean... i suppose i could help in some small localised sense... but overall... taking more and more and more and more and more into account... overall... i make things worse. i don't like physics anymore.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:09:30
In reply to Re: nesting, posted by alexandra_k on October 27, 2014, at 23:11:42
So I just had a nice chat with my mother. which was... nice. It really does seem to depend on what kind of a mood both of us are in. I caught her in the middle of squashing snails in the garden, which is a thing she loves to do, so it was a nice conversation, yeah.
I've been thinking some more about books. After looking into printers and printing costs. Seeing how much variation in price there is in different kinds of paper. Coming to realise that that is one of the things that is nice about my newest books... Glossy white paper yeah. Squeaky under the fingers. High resolution printing. Beautiful colors... I don't need any of that for printing off powerpoint notes... But I see that that is why 700+ double sided books are expensive... And then there is the hardback and the binding...
Something that pisses me off no end is how education people like to go on about 'different learning styles'... And while I do think that there is something legitimate to it I also think that often the notion is bandied about in a way that doesn't do anyone any favors. E.g., Doing a brain storm and getting a bunch of sentences... Throwing them up on the board all disorganised... Then drawing circles around them and strings like balloons really isn't doing anything for the 'visual learners'.
My chemistry friend last semester... I was telling her about how I was writing out the chemistry concepts... And learning to draw pictures. Because past years exams included questions like 'draw a face centered packing cubic unit cell'. She was like... 'Oh, I don't learn like that'. She'd been told that because of her ethnicity she was a verbal (as in talking to people) learner. Unfortunately... No amount of talking to people is going to prepare her for drawing a face centered packing cubit unit cell. That situation pissed me off because... Telling her that she was a verbal learner was preventing her from learning the information that she was going to be assessed on. It was... Harming her. Not helping her.
I got to thinking some more about books... I have really started reading the A&P book for next year and it is super-dense, yeah. Not very many wasted words at all. But the more you go over it... The more sense it makes and the more it sinks in. First reading... Most of it goes straight over, yeah. Second reading... Find myself remembering some of the key words... Third reading... More key words... Covering up parts... Of text... Of pictures... Remembering them. It is hard how a lot of the figures / tables etc referred to in the text involve a lot of page flipping to find... But it is hardest on the first reading when you don't have a mental image of the figure / table referred to. As you start to learn it... It is actually good that you don't use the physical copy so much as a crutch...
Beautiful books... Outlines to prime you of important concepts... Key words in bold... Succint... To the point... No wasted words. Summary. Questions to help you think about what you have learned. The very best teaching there is... Really... It is just wonderful...
I think people are too quick to write off books as being for 'verbal learners'. Which is crap... Because education people have started banding about 'verbal learners' as a label for people who like to crap about in groups... Lots of chatter... Someone who can't shut their pie hole for 5 minutes gets to be called a 'verbal learner' which has... Nothing to do with books, seems to me.
Reading books out loud to yourself... Or trying to recall contents outloud to yourself... Seems to be to be verbal learning. Saying and hearing. There is something about those neural pathways... But there is something about visual information, too... Building a mental picture of the bones and how they fit together... Or of the flow of blood through the heart or the kidneys... Writing and drawing... Kinesthetic... From eyes to hand or from ears to hand or whatever... Different neural circuits... The more the merrier... Slightly different parts of the elephant or something...
I like psychology very much for its stuff on learning. Education... Not to much. What do education people know about learning ffs? You don't typically end up in the school of education if you did well in science... I don't understand why the science people who care about teaching their subject look to Education... Does science really scorn psychology that much?????
I get tired of mistakes... In lecture notes and the like. I think they think that they are teaching people to think. Because people wouldn't think otherwise. It gets me feeling mad and resentful and I don't want to play their stupid little game. That is how I feel about that. If they can't be bothered fixing up their mistakes over however many years of teaching... If they don't can't respect their subject / their students that much... Why should I waste my time for them. Because that is what it is... I try the problem... As best I can... Which takes time. Then I check the answer... And if I got the problem right... I think I got the problem wrong. I could spend a couple of hours trying to figure where I'm going wrong... What am I doing wrong. I could even work myself up into some rationalisation to get the (wrong) answer they got. Congradulations... You just taught me how to do the problem wrong. Thanks so much for that. Not.
Perhaps they should try that teaching strategy on student doctors. Give them a bunch of wrong information about symptoms or drug dosages. You know, to encourage them to think about what they are doing and to learn. Give those doctors to the people who think that is a legitimate learning strategy.
FFs people. FFS
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:36:38
In reply to Re: books, posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:09:30
You know...
English Literature classes don't start out being all apologetic that you have to read the same book that you studied in school all over again. You don't start out studying Hamlet or Pride and Prejudice with apologies that you have probably read the book before so it is probably boring for you or whatever.
Only science does that.
To be fair... There is perhaps more variation in teaching. Different things one can draw out or focus on. One of the things I loved about tutoring was how we used to have to attend lectures... I would learn so much attending the lectures... Different lecturers focus on slightly different things and I'd get to think about things in slightly different ways. I loved reading introductory textbooks, too. For the same reason. Philosophy at it's best... Trying to make things as simple and clear as possible... Different authors focusing on slightly different things with a slightly different emphasis.
Science has that too. Different textbooks explain things in slightly different ways... Sort of... Parts really are the same... Like... Nearly word for word... But I find something reassuring about that. Vaguely comforting. Those parts can be skimmed unbelievably fast, anyways, so I don't see the problem.
Like how some lucky bastards attend schools that provide their lecture recordings in a format that lets them listen at 2x or 2.5x speed...
At this school they still haven't got their heads around the idea that some students might learn better when they don't have other students whispering all the way through the lectures... When they don't have 10 minutes of 'OH MY GAWD she said that he said that she thought!!!' before most lectures... When they can pause and high speed etc etc as THEY see fit. Oh my gawd indeed... Students who actually know how they learn best...
I feel... A little scared that I'm not doing more to prepare for this lot of exams. On the one hand... I feel like there is something important in being able to suck it up and do the job even when the job seems... Distasteful... Or something. (Apparently the TRUE AND CORRECT answers to the last few years multiguess of physics are available now)... On the other hand... I feel like... It doesn't matter. I am enjoying learning human anatomy / physiology right now. Even if it is partly a procrastination strategy.... I am currently in a good learning space... A space where I do my best learning... Where I weave those textbooks into part of myself and where I retain that knowledge forever. I should... Run with that while it's going.
Do I deserve a slap on the hand... Focus. I worry 'she's not even able to stick with something when it doesn't interest her. It isn't like every part of the medical curriculum or clinical placements is going to appeal. how is she going to cope with the *ssh*l* doctor who she doesn't feel like working for? or the 2 day workshop or whatever where we have to tell ALL the students 'you won't freaking well graduate if you don't get your *ss to it'... because there is bound to be... a lot of sucking it up...
On message boards... People are often 'what can I do over summer to prepare'. They are routinely told: 'enjoy your summer! things will get hard soon enough! if all goes well for you then you really won't have any summers in future so enjoy while you still can!' But then... If you dig a bit deeper... People will say... That they got the books or whatever... And they tried to do focused study... But they didn't really have any idea of what to study or how to study... So they just sort of kludged about in a way that didn't turn out to be helpful. So... Enjoy your summer!
(Unless of course you enjoy your books - as it turns out many of them did).
But it isn't so very likely to be helpful...
Which is... Sort of true. But sort of not true. I know from experience... Everyone says 'get the A&P book'.. And.. Well.. I simply don't see how knowing certain things... Can't help. But then... I suppose I have the benefit of having past years exams... And also... A genuine interest / desire to know about A&P... For its own sake. Exams aside...
I think... I'm not going to worry so much about these exams.
I think... I'm not going to do stats over the summer. I'm going to enjoy my books now, while I've for the time to enjoy them. Hopefully.... I'll internalise them well enough so that my superquick skimming of them (which will all I'll have time for) will be enough of a reminder...
Chemistry... Really will take up the significant majority of my time. Even internalising the textbook... The textbook bears dubious relation... Lots of little tricks... Little puzzles... She will teach us everythign we need to know... But learning it... Will take up most of my time... The more biology I've got behind me the better...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:52:59
In reply to Re: books, posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:36:38
so...
i know pre-meds are tiresome because they are all about doing the bare minimum they need to do to get an A... and because they are all like 'do i have to learn that, like will that be on the test?' but now i see... there are only so many hours in the day... and also a little bit of... peeve... if you don't think this is important enough to be on the test... if you are incapable of presenting it in a way that is learnable.. then why are you wasting my time with it?
i feel...
guilty that i am thinking about joining as an athlete pretty much solely because it will sound better on an application thing. i know pre-meds are tiresome for signing up for things (club secretary etc) that they think will boost their cv and then they go on to really do a crap job / neglect what it is that they are supposed to do...
but then on the other hand... apparently i am not good at selling myself. and i suppose that is the way that i need to be thinking of this... as part of self promotion. which i feel... scathing about... but, whatever. i'm not going to join a rugby club... (not appropriate as a girl, anyway, i suppose running club would be the equivalent, really)... but sport really is the perfect answer. to the whole 'what are you going to do when you have a crap day at work?' question...
i need some 'community embeddedness' thing, too... because even though weightlifting is a sport they might possibly be dubious about the whole meathead aspect of it... not entirely sure what to do... keep an eye on the volunteer list, i guess... i have noticed that more serious stuff seems to be coming up now... only rattle a tin on a street corner kind of stuff nearer the start of the year...
otherwise... i don't suppose i'll worry... i guess the sport thing will be enough... need to wait and hear what message board people say about the application, anyway... since they have introduced the whole multiple mini thing due to their being cheap skates.... the interviewers can't ask us questions arising from our application... because, you know, reading our application and keeping track of stuff from it would take time... (and besides, would probably introduce all the biases they are hoping the interview format will eliminate) so... i don't really see what any of that stuff is for (except to prepare us for the 'personal question' mini interview question that we get). in which case i can afford to be a one hit wonder with the weightlifting thing....
though it is weird because we are told specifically the interviewers won't know our grades or UMAT scores (to prevent bias) but one of the things the interviewers score us on is out ability to do science wtf??? Perhaps they mean... our ability to convey to the interviewer that we have ability to do science whether we can do science or not?
there there... science says: feel better.
i need... to prepare an answer to a question along the lines of what i think is my most negative trait or whatever... one that... is a backhanded selling of myself. part of the game...
i suppose that is what they want to see, really... that we can play the game. the whole 'making people believe they are getting the best possible treatment' game.. 'there there feel better'. there there.
Posted by alexandra_k on October 29, 2014, at 18:53:50
In reply to Re: books, posted by alexandra_k on October 28, 2014, at 19:52:59
it was okay. it could have been so very very very very very much worse. i mean, i know i didn't do amazingly... but i am pretty darned sure that i passed. i am also pretty darned sure that studying for it would have made me to do worse on it. i went in feeling fairly relaxed about it all, which was the best thing i could have done, really.
feeling a bit motivated to study for biology since i've realised it is only the last 3 sections of the course... so... into it...
Posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2014, at 20:34:49
In reply to Re: one down, posted by alexandra_k on October 29, 2014, at 18:53:50
So, I found the might and magic games that i like... And i got the 7th one (the one after my favorite one) for, like, six dollars. And i tried to run it with wineskin... with making my own skin... and it works!!! if i run it in a tiny window. not sure what is up with that... i have fiddled about with the skin settings... but it ghosts really badly on any other visual settings. so... tiny little window screen it is. it is playable... but so much for my pretty monitor.
I don't know why it didn't properly occur to me to buy a freaking printer. I have been moaning about how hard it is to print off powerpoint notes all freaking year... And how expensive it has been to print on campus... I've decided on a Brother HLL2365DW... Wireless duplex monochrome laser that comes with a regular sized toner...
And I've looked and looked and looked at beanbags... They have become quite the trendy thing... And I realize that fabric is important. I don't need a 'just leave it on your boat in all seasons' one... I also don't need a sheepskin one... But some of the other nicer fabrics are expensive... Anyway... I'm going to get a cheap corduroy one... I think the corduroy will be okay... It isn't shiny polyester, at any rate. 200L... The ones I like in the library are 250L it turns out... They are perhaps a little too big, though.
The library people said they needed to replace the beans every 6 months... So that makes them fairly expensive, actually. And nobody likes to ship beans... Anyway... I think the thing to do is to start out with this one and see how useful it is... If it turns out to be the multi-function desk / lounge chair that I envisage it to be... Will it sit to the right height? It is because my back does ache, rather. And I remember in Australia... How it would interrupt me working / interrupt me sleeping... And if I am going to get more serious about the gym and study both then heavy squats require comfortable studying positions.
So... That was nice... To get to decide what I want to spend the grading money on... And to do a lot of research on it so I know I'll be happy with what I get... I really do like online shopping...
Mouse can wait... And some other stuff... Printing and comfortable sitting... Desk lamp... I need a desk lamp, too...
:)
Posted by alexandra_k on November 3, 2014, at 19:30:45
In reply to Re: one down, posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2014, at 20:34:49
so i discovered that they expect me to have a B average to transfer into health science next year. at which point i discovered, like, 5 typos on that webpage. sniff. i suppose that is fair. i feel... somewhat nervous... i wish they would take course selection into account... still... i should get a B+ or better out of animal biology, i reckon. And i am keeping my fingers crossed for some kind of B out of physics... i would have thought it impossible before the exam, but now i do have some kind of hope... and i guess... i'll just have to hope for the best with respect to law. try my best to write my exam like... like i really want to get into law school. which is, of course, what most of the others will be doing... trying to impress the external examiner with all the knowledge they have from their OTHER law class this semester. sigh. nothing much i can do about that.
the A&P book is making me really very happy indeed. it is succinct. not many wasted words / diagrams. it is very logical in its progression. i like the way it introduces words in bold with a pronounciation guide and a little blurb about where the term came from. i like the beautiful pictures... the glossy paper... it really is a delight to read.
campbell's biology... getting over it, i am. it goes into a lot more detail about cell processes, in particular. a bit too high level for me at the moment, i think.
the A&P book... and the courseguide notes that i have for one of the classes next year... are reminding me of what i loved about some of my psychology classes... of what really stayed with me over the years as something that i missed... the idea of a manageable chunk of content. 3 things. or 5 things. or maybe 7 things. then you learn them so you can repeat them. maybe you describe them, too. or describe how one leads to the next. and then there might be 3 parts to the first thing and 4 parts to the second... and there is a logical accumulation like that.
i get a lot of satisfaction from learning a managable chunk of content. and i know that it is preparation for the getting to think ABOUT the content that you get to do once you've got the content in there... i enjoy it, at any rate.
i'm not finding animal biology to be so very much like that... which is demotivating for me, rather. the rat lab (in particular) will stay with me as a memory forever, though. anyway...
i was sort of thinking about doing a chem paper for summer school... even though it says it isn't designed to prepare you... anyway... i see the physics one i tried out last semester... won't actually let me enroll in it since i've done the one i've done... i think i'll just go and audit it. because... i'm finding i'm seeing physics everywhere... pressure here and diffusion there and electrical conductance here and waves there... and little equations and stuff... and, well, it isn't supposed to be hard in biology... the point is accumulating the masses of information. but i guess a huge part of what makes it 'not hard' is that one has focused on harder aspects... it will do me good to revisit the concepts even if i don't get particularly better at calculations. setting up the equations... seeing how variables are related... i see why it is required for bio-med. they let me get away with avoiding it if i major in physiology... but that isn't to say that the concepts won't haunt me forever after...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 3, 2014, at 19:44:22
In reply to Re: one down, posted by alexandra_k on October 31, 2014, at 20:34:49
big brother australia is back on. yay. it is like... a 5 day test cricket match (or similar) for studying... you can have it on in the background and pretty much tune it out... then you hear when something interesting happens and you can catch the replay.
i like it because... the people are so very different from me. i couldn't imagine anything worse than being stuck with other people in a closed environment like that 24/7. i really couldn't have a worse nightmare than having everyone watching everything i do all the time... and most of them aren't really the brightest...
and to start out i usually take a strong dislike to ALL of them... to start out... when they are presenting their face to the world... but over time you get to know them. they start to let their guard down... they get hungry angry lonely tired and you see what they are like... and i usually end up liking most of them... or at least some of them... and i realise what a judgemental bitch i can be to have judged them so harshly to start out... and i get to reflecting on being a nicer person and being kinder to people IRL and perhaps getting to know some of the amazing people out there who i might typically write off as being too dis-similar to me...
anyway...
i'm sure i could do the spoiler thing on the internet since it aired in australia already... but i won't. i remember... it entertained me last summer, too.
anyway... happy i am. pretty happy. auditing the summer school paper will be important for my sanity because i'll be mighty lonely about then... and i'll be starting to get demotivated from my own study...
i don't know how much focused work i will get done over the summer... chem in particular... i guess the most important thing is to... have fun with it. i do have some idea of sections they will focus on next year (e.g., i know there is a lot of heart / lung physiology with equations and graphs)... but i also know that it is important to go into the year feeling rested and keen and feeling... humble. open to learning new things. that sometimes thinking 'yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i know it all already' can be ones undoing...
Posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2014, at 15:19:42
In reply to Re: one down, posted by alexandra_k on November 3, 2014, at 19:44:22
I actually passed the last physics test. Not by heaps, admittedly, but just slightly above the class average this time. Last time... I got a better grade overall but was well below class average, which freaked me out with respect to what was to come...
I might just come out with a B or maybe even a B+ for physics, after all.
:)
Posted by alexandra_k on November 5, 2014, at 18:36:23
In reply to Re: oh, my, posted by alexandra_k on November 4, 2014, at 15:19:42
biology this morning. not bad, not bad, a lot better than expected. my perusing of past years exams: most useful. i mean, really, nobody likes to write exams???? anyway... i guess they don't put up past years exams ANSWERS, to be fair... anyway... the odd shocker... we will see... i will hope for an A- and pray a little bit for an A is how I feel about that.
law... fingers crossed for a B-. today: off. then back into things... yeah... c'mon B-...
weird thing: all the places i've taught had regulations on how the percentage of the marks for the course were allowed to be distributed. so they had a rule that not more than 50% of the course could be due to the exam. but law... for example.. here... has plussage. and... the first test is worth 20% of your total mark for the course (if it is to your advantage for things to be that way) and the exam 80% otherwise: exam takes all.
even physics... 60% exam. and 10% test 2 weeks before exam (and graded much about the same time). so there... 70% of the course grade decided all of sudden right about the end.
on the one hand: things come together (or not) about then. so that does seem fair. on the other hand: sometimes things don't... for whatever reason.
honestly... I think... things mostly do. it is fairer this way. but it is a lot more stressful. things are more up in the air. you know grades are assigned to a distribution (or at least I do) and you worry about what your fellow class mates might be up to... (slacking, it seems to be, but we will see)... eep... eeep..... eeeeeeeeeeep.
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