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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by gabbix2 on January 30, 2004, at 21:53:22
In reply to Re: Reflections » Dinah, posted by tabitha on January 30, 2004, at 17:16:32
> I don't care what you say.. I'm sure you are adorable, with your pigtails, eccentric clothing, and slightly quizzical expression..
That's perfect!
Posted by PhoenixGirl on January 30, 2004, at 22:46:50
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
Those are a lot of interesting comments from everyone who posted. I want to remind some of the people, though, that there are patterns of characteristics among demographic groups. Some people often have a filter that interprets that statement as "all people of group X have a particular quality". A behavior or characteristic can become so common in a group of people that it can identified as a pattern in that group. See the difference?
This world is not cultural vanilla pudding - there are differences between groups and between individuals.
Posted by PhoenixGirl on January 30, 2004, at 22:58:41
In reply to Jealous women at work - what to do about them?, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 27, 2004, at 19:20:36
Somebody mentioned something like this, and it's true - The resentful women see the way I look AND how I keep to myself, and they assume it must be because I think I'm better than they are. I've noticed this perception a lot. There is the assumption that attractive women think they're better than other women, so if an attractive woman doesn't mingle much, that's proof that she's stuck-up. You know, there are a number of people at work who keep to themselves, and no one thinks that they're snotty. For example, there's a feeble old man in the cubicle next to me who almost never socializes with others, and is very quiet. Many people think that it's endearing - what a sweet gentle man! They sure don't think that he is snotty about how pretty he is...
Posted by shar on January 31, 2004, at 1:46:23
In reply to One important thing, posted by PhoenixGirl on January 30, 2004, at 22:58:41
First, let me say, thanks Gabbix, for saying I've made sense... And...
> The resentful women see the way I look AND how I keep to myself...and they assume it must be because I think I'm better than they are.
[an assumption on your part?]> I've noticed this perception a lot.
[a predispostion on your part?]>There is the assumption that attractive women think they're better than other women, so if an attractive woman doesn't mingle much, that's proof that she's stuck-up.
........Could that be true? That if an 'attractive woman' thinks she is better than other women she may not deign to interact with them? Or, is that simply another assumption/predisposition on the 'attractive woman's' part?
>You know, there are a number of people at work who keep to themselves, and no one thinks that they're snotty. For example, there's a feeble old man in the cubicle next to me who almost never socializes with others, and is very quiet. Many people think that it's endearing - what a sweet gentle man! They sure don't think that he is snotty about how pretty he is...
...........a 'feeble old man' hardly has anything to offer to other men (which seems to be the topic/threatening factor at hand) and is definitely not as 'pretty' as this nubile female? And not a 'threat' to all the other 'ordinary' women (non-nubile?) that inhabit other cubicles?
...........Gee, I find myself overwhelmed by the fact that "beauty" (as in Aphrodite) is such an issue in the workplace. There is so much more to women than physical beauty it is sad to see it still a major defining characteristic. I can't help but wonder if there isn't more to the story, and, maybe, a very limited view of women in general.
..........Gee, again, I've encountered so many 'beautiful' women who far surpassed their physical characteristics to achieve greater things that 'beauty' doesn't matter because they have so much more to offer. It may just be that 'ugly' women shaped our futures, and it is to them we owe gratitude.
But, then, who am I to say what 'matters'?
Yours,
Shar
Posted by gabbix2 on January 31, 2004, at 11:05:08
In reply to Re: One important? thing, posted by shar on January 31, 2004, at 1:46:23
Well I don't know what you look like so these words aren't coming from the mouth (or typewriter) of someone being eaten alive with envy. I've only read only two posts of yours and have exceptionally strong feelings about the comments in them (especially when they are put in contrast to one another)
The feelings I have, have nothing at all to do with your appearance.> Women are generally insecure about their
looks and resentful of other women who have something they don't. I am certainly not saying this in arrogance, it's simply the truth.>Anyway, there is a hate-at-first-sight phenomenon that happens, especially among black women. I live in Atlanta, and there is a black culture here that resents whites
> People are mostly cattle, eating up whatever is fed to them by corporate America and the government - the Siamese twins. People are dumber, have shorter attention spans, and don't even give a shit about what's right anymore.
You're probably pretty, there are a lot of pretty/beautiful women around, but the world just doesn't go around thinking about how pretty people are and focussing on it.
There is no one physical *type* that everyone thinks is beautiful; and the reality is if someone thinks an extreme one way, chances are someone else is thinking an extreme way in the other.
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 11:20:19
In reply to Re: One important? thing, posted by gabbix2 on January 31, 2004, at 11:05:08
I have to agree with gabbi. I know that some women don't like me. But it has nothing to do with the way I look, at least I really don't perceive that to be the reason. I think the reason that some women I work with don't like me is because of my attitude. I'm very blunt. I'm very flirty. I'm very loud. I'm rather rude. But, I'm also very kind. I do socialize with the women I work with, but some women tend to dislike me based on the way I am. That's fine with me. Take me or leave me. I really couldn't care less. But, I highly doubt anyone's jealous of me based on my appearance. If they are, well, I'm flattered :)
Now, to the original poster (sorry, I'm bad with names, forgive me please)... Maybe these women are somewhat rude to you because they see you as being somewhat prissy and aloof. If you don't socialize with them, then they would tend to find you arrogant in a way. If you just assume they are jealous of you because of the way you look, you may be off base. I'm not trying to be argumentative, just trying to add a different point of view.
You have a right to talk to people or not talk to people. But, if you don't talk to people at work, they would naturally assume that you think you are "better than them." I'm not suggesting that you start talking to them, but they may not be jealous of you. They may just think you are stuck up. Now, I'm not saying you are. I'm just saying that that may be the impression they have of you, if you don't socialize with them. See what I'm saying. And I'm not trying to be offensive. I hope you aren't getting that from me. I've just taken some meds, so I may not be expressing myself just right. Oh...If you are offended post back and I'll reread this and see what I wrote. But the ladies in your office may have the impression that you are aloof. If may have nothing to do with the way you look.
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 15:23:02
In reply to Re: Reflections » Dinah, posted by tabitha on January 30, 2004, at 17:16:32
I like that vision of myself. :) I think I'll print it out to see myself in your eyes every once in a while.
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 15:27:13
In reply to Re: Reflections » Dinah, posted by tabitha on January 30, 2004, at 17:16:32
And how did you know about the quizzical expression? I'm constantly tilting my head to the left. :) And one of my few genuine attributes is a pair of reasonably nice brows that don't need to be plucked and come to a natural point that is perfect for quizzical. :P
Posted by tabitha on January 31, 2004, at 16:01:24
In reply to Re: Reflections » tabitha, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 15:27:13
> And how did you know about the quizzical expression? I'm constantly tilting my head to the left. :) And one of my few genuine attributes is a pair of reasonably nice brows that don't need to be plucked and come to a natural point that is perfect for quizzical. :P
I just figured you'd display some sort of cute earnest effortfulness mixed with vulnerability... quizzical seemed about right. Now I'll add that leftward head-tilt and shapely eyebrows to my mental image. Adorabler and adorabler!
Posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 17:22:15
In reply to Re: Reflections » tabitha, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 15:27:13
What I wouldn't give for some gorgeous, natural brows. Lucky girl!
Posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 18:55:11
In reply to Re: Reflections » Dinah, posted by Miss Honeychurch on January 31, 2004, at 17:22:15
After years of waxing, I am finally letting mine grow free!! Yahoo!! And I have the unibrow! Oh, the horror! But, mine were waxed so thin, they were barely there. And a bit too far off. They made my eyes appear to be too close together, I think... I even brought it to the attention of my friends and now they endlessly tease me that "My eyes are too close together." Well, at least I don't have monkey toes, as another one of my friends does... That's what's great about my girlfriends. We can point out that we have monkey toes or eyes that are too close together and not be offended. I think???
I'm waiting to get my brows reshaped and hoping the unibrow stays away...
Posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 20:49:02
In reply to I hear that!! » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 18:55:11
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 21:27:39
In reply to Re: Reflections » Dinah, posted by tabitha on January 31, 2004, at 16:01:24
>
> I just figured you'd display some sort of cute earnest effortfulness mixed with vulnerability... quizzical seemed about right.Golly, Tabitha (you'll have to imagine the drawl I get when I am genuinely touched). I really do like my reflection in your eyes. Earnest effortfulness... I can't imagine a nicer description. And one that fits my self image enough that I can believe it.
Posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 21:28:17
In reply to Re: Reflections, posted by Dinah on January 31, 2004, at 21:27:39
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 1, 2004, at 2:52:22
In reply to Re: and another thing......, posted by Psychopoppy on January 29, 2004, at 23:59:50
> none of them have been been given a rough time by the (ahem) "plainer" masses.
> But then, none of them were given to making sweeping statements about the attitudes
> or intentions of others either.
>
> gabbix2> if everyone that sees me thinks, "Well, she looks like she has her sh[*]t together, then I can fool myself into thinking that I have my sh[*]t together." ... But, don't think for one second that I'm not jealous of every other person out there who is comfortable enough to just be who they are and admit that they don't have their sh[*]t together and just laugh about it.
>
> Karen_kay> when I hear people say things like..."I think that whole group of people hates me for whatever reason ... then its so screamingly clear that the analysis needs to be turned inwards, as in, into the self.
>
> PsychopoppyI know it can be tricky to have this kind of discussion, and I appreciate everyone's efforts to be sensitive. Still, let me remind everyone not to use language that could offend others or to post anything that could lead them to feel accused or put down.
If you have any questions about this or comments about posting policies in general, or are interested in alternative ways to express yourself, please see the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#civil
or redirect a follow-up to Psycho-Babble Administration. Thanks,
Bob
Posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 7:22:38
In reply to Re: please be civil » gabbix2 » Karen_kay » Psychopoppy, posted by Dr. Bob on February 1, 2004, at 2:52:22
Sorry Dr. Bob... :( I'll try very hard to be better with my language. Thank you for the warning. Can we still be friends? :)
Posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 7:24:59
In reply to Monkey toes? (nm), posted by gardenergirl on January 31, 2004, at 20:49:02
You don't know what monkey toes are??? Very long toes that you can pick things up with. I've noticed that many musicians have them as well. Maybe it's just because musicians have long fingers? That makes it easier to play string instruments.. Look at your toes. I bet you have monkey toes :)
Posted by gardenergirl on February 1, 2004, at 11:59:39
In reply to Re: Monkey toes? » gardenergirl, posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 7:24:59
No monkey toes. At least I don't think so. But I do have crooked toes, according to my lovely mother. When I was really young she used to tape them together so that my toes didn't stay crooked like my dad's. I don't even want to go there as to what her hang up is with crooked toes. Yikes!
Thanks for the explanation. I'll start practicing picking things up with my toes so that I'll have a corrective emotional experience from this. :)
gg
Posted by EscherDementian on February 2, 2004, at 6:41:22
In reply to Re: Monkey toes?, posted by gardenergirl on February 1, 2004, at 11:59:39
i feel like an eavesdropper!
Just finished lurking this *whole* thread, and it is both dearhearted & TOO MUCH FUN....
Even more fun than the above Flylady posts (kitten heels indeed!)
Thanx for the smiles and giggles~ you PBabblers are wonderful....i once or twice tried to get silly on PBsocial and the thread ended so soon after that i thought maybe i'd scared everyone... but not you, dear fearless Gabbix2, eh? (shall we replace the duct tape on our foreheads yet?)
gardenergirl ~ do we have the same mother!!?? My mother had a thing about toes too.
i definitely do NOT have beautiful long monkeytoes, but used to pick things up with my stubby little ones all the time. and point at my mother's back with my big toe after one of her tirades, too.Dinah, do you miss BarbaraCat? Where is she anymore? i'd expect an immediate launch from her 100Monkeys ;)
Mobius
Escher
Posted by Karen_kay on February 2, 2004, at 14:05:40
In reply to Re: Monkey toes?, posted by EscherDementian on February 2, 2004, at 6:41:22
An eavesdropper???? No way Jose!!! The silly posts help even everything out, IMHO anyway, if that counts for anything. I happen to think my opinion is the law. I take it for fact anyway....
Now, my mother never tied or taped my toes together, as they are perfect indeed. I use my toes to pick up my boyfriend's dirty underpants when I'm collecting laundry.... (What is my deal with underpants??? It must be some sort of obsession I have. Maybe I should ask Bubba, but he may be too forthcoming with information abut his underpants, os I try not to talk too much about it... Oh dear, me and underpants. I could talk all day... Back to the original subject.... And if you'd like to know about my underpants, please feel free to ask. I have entire drawers full and I have night time underpants, day time underpants, going out underpants, work underpants and school underpatnts... Oh, dear...) Well, at least that way I don't have to touch his underpants. Yucky, ducky...
Back to monkey toes. I'm sorry your mother taped them together. But, are they straight now? Maybe it worked? Maybe it didn't? My mother was obsessed about bugs and worms.... (Now this is rather embarrassing, but I'll tell since no one knows me, I hope...)
Weeelll, when I was a child, my sisters and I would frequently scratch our rear ends (like most children do, don't they???)and my mother would frequently take us to the doctor claiming we had worms (like we were dogs or something???? She had issues with cleanliness!!!!) Finally the doctor told her, "Look, they are children and they are going to scratch their butts! They are not dogs and they do not have worms. Quit wasting my time and your money bringing them in here for this nonsense." She finally quit. But then I had a friend at school when I was very young (I'd say about 6) who got lice and after that she began checking all of us for lice. She threw away all of our toys (burned some too) and cleaned everything in our house. From the time I was six until the time I was 18 she checked my head for lice. Every single day, she combed my hair with a fine toothed comb. And she still cleaned the house top to bottom, as if we had them. And we never did have them.... She just had issues with cleanliness... I look back on it now and just laugh. At least we always had a clean house to come home to, and my hair was always combed.... Maybe that's why I refuse to comb my hair now???
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 2, 2004, at 23:35:08
In reply to Re: please be civil » Dr. Bob, posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 7:22:38
Posted by Camille Dumont on February 5, 2004, at 10:04:41
In reply to I hear that!! » Miss Honeychurch, posted by Karen_kay on January 31, 2004, at 18:55:11
I don't know about you guys but I LOOOVE to have monkey toes ... well they're not that long but I grab things with them.
My s.o. is jealous because when I take a bath I can just reach with my foot and open / close the tap without having to stand.
I also have this habbit of using my toes to pick things up. Like if there is a piece of clothing on the floor I'll grab it with my toes, fling it in the air and grab it with my hands.
All you have to do to get them is practice doing things with them and they become stronger / more flexible.
Monkey toes are a lazy person's best friend :P
Posted by Angielala on February 5, 2004, at 10:13:56
In reply to Monkey toes rule!, posted by Camille Dumont on February 5, 2004, at 10:04:41
I never knew there are a name for my foot weirdness! Hahaha. I answer the phone with my foot and I'll often hear on the other line, "Am I being foot-ed right now" hehehe. I also pat my cats with my feet and change the channels with my toes and sometimes even try to out do my best-friend/monkey toe rival by smoking cigarettes with my toes- haha. Yeah, sounds gross, but if you can just imagine me, trying to light, flick and put out a butt with just my feet- you'd be very entertained :)
> I don't know about you guys but I LOOOVE to have monkey toes ... well they're not that long but I grab things with them.
>
> My s.o. is jealous because when I take a bath I can just reach with my foot and open / close the tap without having to stand.
>
> I also have this habbit of using my toes to pick things up. Like if there is a piece of clothing on the floor I'll grab it with my toes, fling it in the air and grab it with my hands.
>
> All you have to do to get them is practice doing things with them and they become stronger / more flexible.
>
> Monkey toes are a lazy person's best friend :P
Posted by Angielala on February 5, 2004, at 10:14:35
In reply to Re: Monkey toes? » gardenergirl, posted by Karen_kay on February 1, 2004, at 7:24:59
Posted by EscherDementian on February 12, 2004, at 5:18:23
In reply to I do I do- I have monkey toes!!! (nm) » Karen_kay, posted by Angielala on February 5, 2004, at 10:14:35
Okayyyyy, who else used to climb up an open doorway or hallway walls at home with one foot and one hand on each side - kinda spread-eagle, 'till you got to the ceiling and then hung there waiting for a sibling to come by so you could scare 'em? Or had races to see who could MonkeyClimb to the top the fastest?
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