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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 13:08:08
In reply to Re: also higher dosage. » Hunk20, posted by chujoe on June 12, 2010, at 7:42:50
yeah me too.. the only mistake i did is shoving guilt down everyones throat. I will go back to america because i had two great therapists there and friends that know me a whole lot better than anyone in germany.
The mental pain i had in SD was just overwhelming. BUT i was happy.
The therapists were very impressed with me. Problem is something went terribly wrong with my parents.. they were concerned and pulled me back to germany.
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2010, at 13:35:45
In reply to Re: also higher dosage., posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 13:08:08
> yeah me too.. the only mistake i did is shoving guilt down everyones throat. I will go back to america because i had two great therapists there and friends that know me a whole lot better than anyone in germany.
>
> The mental pain i had in SD was just overwhelming. BUT i was happy.
>
> The therapists were very impressed with me. Problem is something went terribly wrong with my parents.. they were concerned and pulled me back to germany.There is no need to rush.
- Scott
Posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
In reply to The two 'psychoses' i had, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 2:51:21
Hi there,
Of course only your doctor/therapist knows for sure, but I definitely think the delusions were transitory as a result of losing your sense of self and emotional flooding. I think its called 'fragmentation'. In fact, based on what you had written, I don't even think you are bipolar....
It's not uncommon for people to create a false self to numb/block the pain resulting from our experiences with our parents. Many people remain in that state, totally unaware, in denial (like your father perhaps). It sounds like you had an awakening, so the good news is--a therapist can help you rebuild your authentic self. It's only uphill from here.
Schizophrenia, from my understanding, is more of a cognitive/thought disorder rather than merely a manifestation of 'psychosis'.
It sounds like you have a good personal support system in America with your friends and understanding and skilled therapist who was truly able to reach into your psyche. It does sound like you might be better off going back to the states. What do you think?
Did your doctor in Germany prescribe you an antipsychotic, or are you sticking with the Nardil? I would stick with the lower dose of Nardil and augment with Xanax to deal with any emotional flooding, for now. Maybe try a mood stabilizer if it becomes a frequent problem. It seems like your symptoms are more psychological and the Nardil will help you cope.
Hang in there-it sounds like you are going to be better than ever working towards self growth. I am truly touched by stories like yours and am silently cheering for you.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
In reply to Re: The two 'psychoses' i had » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
thanks for the cheering violette:)
so i dont need to be scared that i cant rebuild it when i get back to the states?
Cuz i need to show my parents that the us is best for me.
For now they put me in mental hospital because i talked to my mom like i do to my therapist.Im not sure how long it takes until i can go back nor what to do.
Id prefer to stay true to myself.A city in the states and me became real love. I mean i was alive for the first time. I am BORN in that city.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 16:05:49
In reply to mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
so there is no need to rush? Means lets say i am more of my false self again for 1-2 month i can still pull it?
does time matter here?
Posted by SLS on June 12, 2010, at 17:25:50
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 16:05:49
> so there is no need to rush? Means lets say i am more of my false self again for 1-2 month i can still pull it?
>
> does time matter here?
I think you are being flooded with thoughts and feelings that you are have a great deal of trouble filtering. It might be better to take your time to process them than make decisions based upon impulse. You can be true to yourself from this point forward. However, your true self can still take his time to sort things out and consider his alternatives; making informed and well-deliberated decisions.I am still concerned that you are experiencing a manic reaction to Nardil. I am not recommending that you discontinue the Nardil, though. I don't know what your history is or what you are attempting to treat. If you are treating a severe depression or mood disorder, and you have felt dramatically better with Nardil, perhaps you can continue taking it and add a mood stabilizer or antipsychotic to prevent mania. It might very well be that you will need 60mg of Nardil. However, I would not recommend that you raise your dosage without working with your doctor to establish a strategy to treat the mania.
You might profit a great deal from psychotherapy. However, I'm not sure how much your quality of life will improve without treating a biological mental illness if that is indeed what you are suffering from.
- Scott
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 20:00:01
In reply to Re: The two 'psychoses' i had » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
what do you think about that combo?
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 20:19:44
In reply to mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 15:57:29
Hi Hunk have missed talking with you. So you are still in Germany and in a hospital there? Do they also provide theraphy there? How is your doctor? What recommendations has he/she made any? Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 20:19:44
Hey Phillipa..
The doctors are crappy.. they thought i am psychotic for saying that i never really was myself.
They just fix symptoms. So now they pulled me off to 30mg nardil, wich doesnt do anything at all.
And i lost alot of my joy and the feeling of being my true self.
Nice work right.
Posted by Phillipa on June 12, 2010, at 21:59:27
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
Hunk who originally put you on nardil? The docs in Germany or USA? How long in the hospital did they say? What meds are they giving you now? Phillipa
Posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 23:05:41
In reply to Re: mom put me in mental hospital, posted by Hunk20 on June 12, 2010, at 21:44:54
It's going to be ok H20! Because things spiraled out of control once does not mean its permanent!
Here-I came across this blog and it reminded me of you:
http://therapy-diary.blogspot.com/2009/09/dr.html
http://insidetherapy.blogspot.com/2006/08/mind-integrated-and-fragmented.html
This person is very articulate. Maybe reading this will help inspire you during this uncomfortable time (you could also show that PDoc what you meant about never being yourself).
Posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:51:05
In reply to NARDIL (Phenelzine) 4 weeks in, posted by Hunk20 on May 8, 2010, at 22:54:57
So that was not a dream that i had in the us and even though it can take 3-4 weeks to continue therapy i can get back there?
Also what can i do to support the real me while being in here?
Please guys feed me with hope. I been to church today.. Cried like crazy. But i know each tear is a bit less mental illness and needs to be cried. I always cry in church ;)
Posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:54:42
In reply to feed me with hope:) im hungry, posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:51:05
Because im running out of nardil and they dont have supply. Just hope its going to be just as good.
Posted by chujoe on June 13, 2010, at 8:11:07
In reply to switch me from nardil to parnate, posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:54:42
Hunk, you can be your true self anywhere. Try to relax into a routine, rest, gather strength. You don't have to figure out what you are going to do right away.
Posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 13:49:31
In reply to Re: switch me from nardil to parnate » Hunk20, posted by chujoe on June 13, 2010, at 8:11:07
if i was my true self, i wouldnt be in germany.
Im going now out of the mental hospital against the will of my parents..
See what happenes.Its just a way for them to avoid conflict.
Feel like the trashcan of this family...
Posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 15:10:43
In reply to Re: The two 'psychoses' i had » Hunk20, posted by violette on June 12, 2010, at 15:04:37
i dont know what to do.. just leaving feels wrong. Somehow i have to grow in here until the people let me go by themselves..
I change my mind hourly. They say they wanna help me to go back to the states.. but my mom manipulated me here in the first place.
She called me back by saying "if you dont come immediately there wont be help for you anymore"
Then i showed her my inner child, my true self and she said im crazy.The next morning i woke up and two people from the ambulance are infront of my bed asking me questions.
They left again by themselves.. i called them and went voluntary because in my eyes my mom is crazy. I did it because i wanted to show my parents that i am more healthy then they are.
Now im stuck in here dont know what to do.. i feel worse and lost alot of the happiness and smiling.Im just scared i will loose my true self and forget about it. So scared thats why i cant chill. And because i cant chill people dont believe me. This is a struggle for truth.. and i hope ill do the right thing for myself and the people around me. I want to be the first in my family to beat the fake.. if i do maybe they will pull after me.
Posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2010, at 19:15:48
In reply to what to do?, posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 15:10:43
Hunk I agree with Cujoe. Settle down and relax and then they will see you are capable. And they will release you voluntarily. Not sure how mental health system works in Germany. Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 14, 2010, at 2:32:30
In reply to Re: what to do? » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 13, 2010, at 19:15:48
im feeling worse than ever.. this is a crap situation.
Im not my true self anymore. And these f***heads just dont get what i even mean. I just want back to the states.
Somehow now it feels like the states where a dream or something like that. Like i was becoming some kind of god.
This is killing me what was going on and why is it going away
Posted by Hunk20 on June 14, 2010, at 4:26:55
In reply to NARDIL (Phenelzine) 4 weeks in, posted by Hunk20 on May 8, 2010, at 22:54:57
is this true/false self thing something like the inner child therapy?
im looking to find a therapist as fast as possible.
My true self is really angry because it isnt accepted in the mental hospital. The therapists dont know anything about it and give me funny looks when i explain. Its annoying.
Posted by Phillipa on June 14, 2010, at 19:31:23
In reply to true self=inner child?, posted by Hunk20 on June 14, 2010, at 4:26:55
Hunk I'm sorry still in the hospital? Phillipa
Posted by Hunk20 on June 15, 2010, at 4:02:53
In reply to Re: true self=inner child? » Hunk20, posted by Phillipa on June 14, 2010, at 19:31:23
Yeah.. im going back to the states. My father allowed me and said its ok. Got to pay from my money though but thats fine.
Posted by SLS on June 15, 2010, at 5:16:49
In reply to Re: true self=inner child?, posted by Hunk20 on June 15, 2010, at 4:02:53
> Yeah.. im going back to the states. My father allowed me and said its ok. Got to pay from my money though but thats fine.
You don't sound as manic right now.
I wish you the best. It sounds like you are doing the right thing. I wish to reiterate my concerns that you might experience a manic reaction to Nardil at 60mg, which appears to be the minimum dosage that you need to treat your depression.
Good luck.
- Scott
Posted by Hunk20 on June 15, 2010, at 8:28:43
In reply to Re: true self=inner child? » Hunk20, posted by SLS on June 15, 2010, at 5:16:49
45mg are enough for me believe me.
I was thinking to add a mini lithium dosage in the beginning for safety. The therapy is mentally painful...
Posted by europerep on June 15, 2010, at 13:30:52
In reply to switch me from nardil to parnate, posted by Hunk20 on June 13, 2010, at 6:54:42
> Because im running out of nardil and they dont have supply. Just hope its going to be just as good.
hmm yeah that's true, germany only has parnate (it's called jatrosom or something).. what are you doing in germany anyway though? belgium has phenelzine if at any point you desperately need it..
Posted by Hunk20 on June 15, 2010, at 21:46:03
In reply to Re: switch me from nardil to parnate, posted by europerep on June 15, 2010, at 13:30:52
I will go back to the states..
But i have to find ways to do this more safely..
Was thinking about adding low dose lithium to the nardil. That way i hope to keep the epiphanic effect of nardil but calm thoughts down and i heard something about anti suicidal.
Anyways first i have to get outta the hospital and take care of a visa etc.
Just trying to not spin things outta control more than necessary.
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