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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
In reply to Re: adverse effects » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:22:25
Yes, Kat, and what you're describing isn't bipolar I or II--it isn't pathological. What Bridgey and I are talking about is the kind of thing that is driven by forces beyond our control and it's uncomfortable and sort of weird, for me at least. Besides, my durn projects aren't over, they're hanging around my durn neck like dead chickens.
Which reminds me that it's time to go to the grocery store again! I just went yesterday.
rainy
Posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 12:57:27
In reply to bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 6:57:57
I have a prescription for Klonopin to take as needed. I used to take xanax or valium daily and sometimes Klonopin. I think I stoppped because I was concerned about my memory being so bad. I do no think there has been any improvement by discontinueing any of these drugs. I am so anxious all the time that a therapist once pondered if my dx should not be anxiety instead of depression at least part of the time. I am wondering if it might make me feel better to just go ahead and take some Konopin every day on a routine basis? I also have a prescription for perphenazine to take a small dose as needed. I have been considering taking one of these on a routine basis and am not sure which one would do me more good. I tend to take them more on an emergency basis when my mind is racing and the anxiety is so high I want to self injure to get rid of it. It is not clear to me which of these to take regularly. Any suggestion about how to figure this out?
irene
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 13:51:09
In reply to bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 6:57:57
> Agree, Bridgey, as much as I'd like to latch on to Kat's cool asessment. Unfortunately, the black holes can't be avoided--they used to open like pits to the netherworld under my feet as I took my morning walks. Now I never know when I'm going to fall on my face--another image--it just happenes. The triggers aren't consistent. The Topamax probably keeps me from staying there, but I'm falling further and flatter now than I did when I first began to take it a couple of years ago.
> The suicidal ideation is just that--ideation, a surprise slap upside the head. Ravens zooming a short cut through my brain. Not to worry about.
> The physical anxiety/restlessness/jitters of yesterday were awful and subsided completely when I finally gave in and popped .5 mgs Klonopin. I've been taking it almost daily for about two months, often as a sleep aid. It occured to me earlier in the week that there is the possibility of addiction here and I'd better be careful. So I stopped. Kat, I'll never learn about tapering, even after a dreadful experience going off the same med at a much higher dose a year ago. I guess after 4 mgs daily, I thought .5 inconsequential. So I'm thinking that while the provigil and wellbutrin are probably responsible for some of the ickiness right now, yesterday was compounded by Klonopin withdrawal.
> May today be interesting in a good way for all of us.
> rainytapering??? what means this strange word??
you are talking to the person who suddenly decides to quit anti-depressants cold turkey without checking on the potential risks... or even considering the possibility of withdrawal symptoms or dangers...
I just do what comes into my head...
I still think that you are pushed by your many talents to exploit those talents, hence your drive to do the many things you strive to do...
and I know from experience that it can be totally draining and exhausting...
and can lead to depression if one is so inclined...
in my case it leads to odd seizures or manifestations or whatever the buzzword of the day is...
but 'tapering' is not in my vocabulary...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 14:18:03
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
> Yes, Kat, and what you're describing isn't bipolar I or II--it isn't pathological. What Bridgey and I are talking about is the kind of thing that is driven by forces beyond our control and it's uncomfortable and sort of weird, for me at least. Besides, my durn projects aren't over, they're hanging around my durn neck like dead chickens.
> Which reminds me that it's time to go to the grocery store again! I just went yesterday.
> rainyNot to be argumentative <s> but it is a condition... and therefore I think 'pathological'. It is not something that I choose to do or over which I can exert control... it is something that controls me and for which there is actually a form of treatment and for which the original psychiatrist wished to treat me ... she also apparently realised that I was in the midst of epileptic statis or whatever it is...
but her boss found my symptoms so interesting he chose to take me on his caseload instead and messed up everything by treating me for depression and deciding I was hypomanic when he could not figure out what else to say...
This is not something I can simply sit down today and decide that I will not do any longer...
it is something that drives me... that I crave and need and I am not doing a good job of explaining... I shall try and do better when I get the sides of brain working in sync...
that should happen in this millenium...Not all the projects end the way I want them to end; not all of them end period... some are ongoing and some become so convoluted and confused that I am unable to cope with anything...
reminds me of the old 'make a black' phrase I used to hear around the Mess when I was little...
it meant make a blunder then, but to me it means that I have really blundered and made a black of my life so to speak...
for instance, I have a proposal I want to pitch to a network.. I know it will fly if I can pull it together... I know it is a great idea... but I cannot concentrate on it, because I have four other ideas on which I am concentrating sort of...Other people would sit down and say to themselves, oh, I have an idea... this would be good... let me work this through... in logical fashion...
outline it... develop it... find the necessary people to work with to take it to the next step and so on... find an executive producer with the necessary experience...
Oh I know all the steps because I have been there and done that... but I cannot settle for just one when there is this other idea demanding that I work on it too... and oh there is the idea about the Canadian culture program... and then there is this radio news idea... and and and...
they are all demanding to be let out and be developed...
and I cannot sort out a logical pattern in which to work on one at a time...
and I have a book on training almost finished... and a potential publisher if I ever get around to finishing it, but it is in there being juggled...
and the children's books on being yourself.. I think they are very important and I like what I am doing and what I see of them when I get to them....
there are all these plates on poles spinning and a few balls juggling in the air and I have to keep running to keep them spinning...
oh and I am to avoid stress and to relax and to do the normal things I would do in a day...
well for me normal is to run around spinning those plates and tossing the balls in the air and throwing the odd orange into the mix...
and I cannot stop...
this is normal for me...
it is not by choice... it is by nature of the beast... and my psychologist is unable to get a handle on it... he just says I should stop.
Just like that... stop...
I am hoping that my reg doctor can refer me to the first shrink and she can actually help me get a grip on this through counselling and without medication because that is out of the question under the present situation ... as they are trying to balance these meds ...
but maybe she could help me learn to control this???
someone has to do it...
because being creative is one thing... but one of these days there is going to be a loud crash and a lot of broken china...
kat
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 14:21:39
In reply to Re: bi polar II and klonopin withdrawal » rainy, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 13:51:09
Well, you're always on about, and probably rightly so, tritrating up slowly so I just assumed you'd advise the same in the other direction. Besides with Klonopin a physical addiction develops and the results of stopping quickly are nasty. I think Lar said they could be life threatening. .5 mgs is a low dose and I'm not having much trouble today (except for being smart mouthed about chickens)so maybe it wasn't the Klon, maybe I took 2 Topamax by mistake. Who knows?
I understand and respect what you're saying about the creative process and the sometimes extreme highs and lows that come with an artistic temperament, but really and truly, this is different.
What, you mean you're impulsive? You just quit stuff cold turkey? Well, me too.
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 14:55:06
In reply to dead chickens and creativity » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 14:21:39
> Well, you're always on about, and probably rightly so, tritrating up slowly so I just assumed you'd advise the same in the other direction. Besides with Klonopin a physical addiction develops and the results of stopping quickly are nasty. I think Lar said they could be life threatening. .5 mgs is a low dose and I'm not having much trouble today (except for being smart mouthed about chickens)so maybe it wasn't the Klon, maybe I took 2 Topamax by mistake. Who knows?
> I understand and respect what you're saying about the creative process and the sometimes extreme highs and lows that come with an artistic temperament, but really and truly, this is different.
> What, you mean you're impulsive? You just quit stuff cold turkey? Well, me too.
> rainyImpulsive? Moi????
Well, once my doctor found out about it, that is not the term he used... idiot was one of the terms in there...
I honestly did not know that effexor and zyprexa were addictive... no one told me so... and I never asked...
I just decided that I should quit because they seemed to be shutting down my emotional responses and hampering the psychologist's efforts to break through my natural reserves... which he was complaining about...
so I quit...
I know now that I was not the sharpest knife in the drawer to do so...
but it had not occurred to me at the time...
when I was on trazodone, and he was switching me to something else... luvox I think, the switch was made slowly, tapering the trazodone and introducing the luvox ...
then when the new doctor who hates luvox with a passion decided on welbutrin, he tapered off the luvox and introduced the welbutrin as he tapered off the luvox...
same with the welbutrin...even though it causes seizures and could make the ones I had worse, they still took me off it slowly...
but I who am supposed to be reasonably intelligent didn't catch on to the concept...
so I just quit that day...
had been taking both of them twice a day...
and quit...
but I am NOT impulsive, I am just determined...
when I decide that this is what I am going to do, I do it...
and then I was afraid that my doctor would refuse to treat me for non-compliance so I didn't tell him for a couple of months...He had started the effexor to replace the welbutrin with its insulting little happy faces, then that psychiatrist I think is so good, the WOMAN psychiatrist, that is, <GGG> prescribed the zyprexa 10 mg twice a day for the condition I can't remember the name of...
the one that means one cannot control one's urges to do more and more and more...oh I want to know when my memory will return...
I want it all and I want it now...kat
Posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 16:07:18
In reply to klonopin versus perphenazine » rainy, posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 12:57:27
Um, Irene, from what I just read, perphenazine is an antipsychotic with weight gain among first line adverse effects, and Klonopin (can't spell it) is an anti-siezure benzodeziaprine with anti anxiety whatevers. Unless you're really concerned about addiction, it seems like Klonopin would be the drug of choice. Pdoc said with some heat that if I took it every day of course I'd get addicted (she didn't say you dumb cluck), but if you're feeling as awful as you describe you need something. Do you have some Klonopin on hand? This sounds like an emergency of sorts.
I'm concerned.
rainy
Posted by iris2 on November 13, 2004, at 18:22:25
In reply to Re:perphenazine vs klonopin, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 16:07:18
Believe me it is always an emergency with me. Actually this is not an emergency but I do not think most people can distinguish with me when things actually are at least not my family. They have committed me to a hospital with lies because they thought it was an emergency when it was not even close to one and other times when I tell them that it is they blow me off. I am not sure if it is how I am comunicating or my fathers sense of control that makes this all happen so often. I think taking the Klonopin regularly is what i will do. I do stil have a little on hand and refills so there is no problem doing this. I would say if you take it a long time and at a reasonable dose it could be physically addicting but I do not think it is addicting at all psychologically.
Thanks,
irene
Posted by kwax on November 13, 2004, at 19:35:55
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by RES on June 8, 2002, at 13:34:35
I'm so glad I found this site - the previous postings have been very helpful in my quest for info about taking Topomax. I took it a few years ago when my migraines got really bad a few months after my daughter was born. I had the tingling, I can't remember if I had memory loss or the "dope-a-max" effect (hmm...), but I switched doctors (he was a real asshole) and went on Paxil. Sort of helped. Sort of helped my mood. I also have various eating disorders: have been through bulimia, general bingeing, extremely obessed with my weight etc. I did lose a little weight with the Topomax last time.
I am now about 1 month away from my due date with my second child. My doctor recommended that i take Topomax immediately upon giving birth (I am not planning to breast feed). I am really nervous about it: all the side effects, etc. I don't think I was on it longenough last time to feel anything. How bad are they, for those of you who have taken it? I definitely swing toward depression (never been clinically diagnosed but it runs in the family),and am generally moody (although could be from all the hormones). I'd appreciate any input you all have about the side effects of topomax and how it makes you feel, etc.
Thanks so much.
Posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
In reply to Re: adverse effects » headachequeen, posted by rainy on November 13, 2004, at 10:53:11
I know what those highs and lows feel like. What kat is talking about I understand, too. But it isn't the same thing. I am a very creative person, too. I always have something going on. I have a small farm to run and kids to take care of. I'm an artist and a musician. I'm a single mom to boot! But when I get the highs, I really have a hard time functioning normally. I can't get much done because I have so much on my mind all at once. My music can't wait so my animals have to go hungry. My mind starts racing and I can't concentrate on my music. Then I get anxious so I have to paint but then dinner doesn't get made. My house won't get cleaned. and on and on it goes until I realize I'm manic and I have to try to stop myself before everything goes to pot. I feel awful. I can't breathe. I can't stop. I can't sleep. So I have to take a something like xanax or klonpine to calm myself and slow myself down. It is an awful feeling. It's not very fun. But the opposite pole is worse. the black pit of despair. That is the hell I don't want to visit. The topomax so far has been keeping me even keel. I have rapid cycling type II, so I can go up and down within days, hours, minutes. It's hard to tell when I will change cycles. It is something that is hard to live with. My daughter suffers from depression and is being treated with meds. She has her own pdoc and therapist. She is 14yrs old. I have to be strong for her.
Today, I feel a little down and weepy. I worked outside all day cleaning all the poopy I negleted to clean last week. My furry and feathered friends are no longer mad at me. Sometimes I panic because when I feel down like this I think that the topomax quit on me.
Is it okay that I am having a glass of wine tonight? I'm not a drinker. I just wanted one glass. I'm exhausted.
merry
Posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 21:42:32
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
I always have something going on. I have a small farm to run and kids to take care of. I'm an artist and a musician. I'm a single mom to boot! But when I get the highs, I really have a hard time functioning normally. I can't get much done because I have so much on my mind all at once. My music can't wait so my animals have to go hungry. My mind starts racing and I can't concentrate on my music. Then I get anxious so I have to paint but then dinner doesn't get made. My house won't get cleaned.
Now this is close to the reality I live when I am not scared to death that if I don't watch my step I may do something to put myself into status epilepticus again...
oh life can be more challenging than I expected;
should have read the fine print...
where we differ is that while I ignore the housework until there is a need for it... company coming and I have an hour to tidy and vacuum this huge old place...
the dogs must be cared for and groomed and their training and socialisation is a priority over anything else and that includes the people....
that is always top of my list no matter what...however, one thing that I have not made properly clear, when I refer to 'artistic temperament'... there is no such thing ...
what I should be saying and I am so tired of misfiring neurons and crossed wires, is ' the so-called artistic temperament...
when people refer to the artistic temperament in talking about the difficulties in dealing with musicians or artists or actors or writers or whatever,
according to my psych, they are actually refering to this out of control condition that leads to the undone or the overdone and to the anger and tantrums and panics that accompany...so when I get cranky and hard to live with, it is because I cannot do all the things in a day that I think I should be able to do... all the things that my mind things I should be able to do and my body screams there is no time no time...
oh some day I will actually be able to put into words what I think and feel and what I actually mean...
I just hope that day comes when I am still able to remember what it was I was trying to explain...it really is not that simple a thing -- the zyprexa made it simpler I guess, as I no longer tried to keep all thep plates spinning -- I didn't even care if one or two of them were moving a little let alone spinning...
I just floated quietly through life...
and felt like a zombie all the time...
add the effexor and as my husband says, I was the walking dead...
probably never had a thought to worry about...kat
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 7:34:50
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
About the wine, merry, I think yes it's OK, although more than one glass can be a definate downer. So can everyday drinking one glass, at least in my experience. The little warning on my bottle cautions only that alcohol can intensify the drowsiness topamax may cause. Pdoc knows the extent of my drinking and hasn't thrown a fit or anything. (She forgets stuff between appointments, though, which is sometimes useful and sometimes not.)
Are you on an antidepressant as well as the Topamax? In a way, having all those co-creatures dependent on you is probably to your benefit--you do have to be strong for them. I have the weird value that animals are as important as we humans are. I also know that feeding the cats and cleaning their box and not totaling my husband are often the most difficult tasks of the day.
Writing is coming hard this morning, or slowly. It's Sunday and I don't want to do what I gotta. Another project undertaken in fervor and now there it is, around my neck and not the least bit creative. It requires a smile and a bit of perkiness. Bleagh.rainy
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
In reply to Re: Topamax: weight loss/mild depression, posted by kwax on November 13, 2004, at 19:35:55
Hi Kwax. I'm not real clear about why your MD wants you to go on this controversial drug. Are you having mood swings? Problems with the eating disorders now? Is your physician an OB-GYN or Pdoc--where is she/he coming from?
When I first went on it a couple of years ago I was meaner than an I don't know what every time I went up .25 mgs even though it was over a period of time. At first I didn't attribute it to the increased dose and then Aha! occured. There was the tingling in face and hands that subsided. It's recurring in my hands now and I've been steady at 300 for six months. (I'm also plenty mean, but that's me.) Cognitive problems and weight loss began at 225. People here will tell you that if you control the rate at which you go up, the side effects will be minimized, but I respect your "nervousness" about taking this med with a baby and a child to care for.
I don't think Topamax is particularily good for depression, but I'm treatment resistant bi polar II. It has helped to keep my 47 year old eating disorder at bay. That's why I want to stay on it.You may have read some of the posts from Friday in response to a woman who wrote in asking about Topamax for weight loss. I guess you've informed yourself about the possible side effects. I think that most of them, including eye and balance problems have come true for most of us. I mean all of us have experienced at least one if not more. Problems with balance for me occured late at 300 mgs. That's not good with a baby or little person to take care of.
Good luck with your decision and the months to come!
rainy
Posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57
In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?
Posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 9:30:35
In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
Hi everyone, I finally finished reading the posts, (without my daily soda, or coke as I call it)and am wanting to reply to everyone if that's possible. I don't know.
About the klonopin- I have taken .75mg per night for six years because I have restless leg syndrym, and now it's effecting the rest of my body. (yes, I do have my own ailments <GGG>)(gradma's words again) I think...no pun intended, that it's dulling my memory some. I'm almost 43, and I don't think I should be forgetting things like I am. I don't know if I am addicted, because I take it so my husband and I can both sleep, because I will wake myself and him up with my jerking in the bed. I have taken it on occasion, maybe once or twice for anxiety during the day, and keeps me from blowing-up!!I always feel much better when I have a project going on......I pretty much depressed when I don't. I am not bipolar, but much of what some of you are describing seems to be how I function. Maybe all of you are just fine? Maybe not bipolar after all? <G> I'm with you all, I have many things going at the same time, and it drives my husband crazy! I thought it was just me, and he was just lazy. Here I go with the "I" sentences.....sorry....but it seems like it get on a roll and go from one thing to another in a frantic pace. Almost in a panic, like it's gotta get done, NOW, and the world will end if it doesn't. The next week or even the next day, I have a diffent outlook and the panic is over until I get another bur up my ***.....and there we go again. Do any of you follow?
SEE? You are all just fine. -L
Posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 10:49:42
In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57
Hello,
You may want to go back and read some of the posts from the past eight weeks on Topamax. My daughter started at 25mg am and pm for one week, and increased 25mg every week, for binge eating disorder. She is currently at 225mg and it's just starting to kick in for her (I think). It starts working at different mgs. for different people, as you will find out with the girls that respond. Don't let me discourage you. Everyone on here will say go up slowely, because that will decrease some of the side effects. She went slower than her doctor prescribed, because I LISTENED to the advice of friends I have made on this board. Thank goodness I did. I sounds like you have a good plan and if you stick with titrating at a slower pace things will be fine. You are lucky to have found such a great place for advice and support, keep writing through the good and the bad days. Most of the people have been on topamax longer and will offer more advice, and more therapy than you can get in any office or group around. Nice to meet you. -L
Posted by kwax on November 14, 2004, at 14:47:54
In reply to for Kwax, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 8:06:28
Thanks for the response. My doc who recommends the topomax is actually Doc/internist who specializes in migraines. He wants me to go on it right away because last time after my daughter was born I had many major headaches - this is to avoid them as much as possible.
I am definitely going to take the advice of everyone here: increase dosage very slowly and keep my eye out for strange side effects.
Thanks again for your help!
Kwax
Posted by redscarlet on November 14, 2004, at 15:09:46
In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57
Yes, this anticonvulsant medication is used to treat seizures, headaches, eat disorders, and for mood disorders.
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 15:17:10
In reply to Re: Is this for me?, posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 10:49:42
Heady, I sent you a post earlier and it went poof; I'm to lazy to replicate it. And by the way, not to take a dig at stresser's last post where she gave you some excellent advice, I do want to tell you that I'm not by any stretch of the imagination a girl. At 62, I'm probably the oldest woman on this board. (Sorry L if you read this-- my feminist nerve was awake today.) But I'm a newbie at Topamax--I've been on it since very early spring 2003. The only side effects I noticed were those I mentioned to Kwax and they began the moment I went from .25 to .50 mgs about two weeks apart. The food issue, bulimia, wasn't addressed until about 225 or above and that was a happy surprise. I'm not sure what you mean by food obsession. I still read menus, even those in the phone book with fascination. It has, at 300 mgs, curtailed my urge to binge/purge and it's primarily for that reason that I want to stay on this powerful and sometimes nasty drug.
So read everything you can, ask everybody you can and then make up your mind. You can alsys quit if it isn't working and the side effects will resolve, or so a neurologist who hates Topamax told me.
best wishes
rainy
Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:17:43
In reply to Re: adverse effects, posted by merry on November 13, 2004, at 20:40:01
>
> Is it okay that I am having a glass of wine tonight? I'm not a drinker. I just wanted one glass. I'm exhausted.
>
> merry
>
>
With Topomax, as with most AEDs alcohol is not a wise idea...
for one thing as it usually warns on the label of the bottle and with the side effect warning sheets it can intensify the drowsiness effects...
but with Topomax the after effects are awful...
I have a sister-in-law who was prescribed Topomax for the seizure sort of symptoms she has related to a broken back; she quit taking it because of the alcohol thing... she is an alcoholic although she claims she is not as she only drinks beer...
and would not give up the beer for the spasm or whatever it is relief of Topomax even though it worked...
she is the one who warned me about the alcohol effect...
I am not a particularly alcohol inclined person...
the occasional glass of wine with dinner and rarely finish it although I do like the taste of some liqueurs... that almond one comes to mind and another one that I can't remember the name of either... when does this memory thing start to work again?????at any rate, I forgot about it once and had a glass of white wine with dinner and a liqueur after dinner...
the next day I knew I was dying...went to emerg because I was sure that this was the big one, Elizabeth...
they did too until one of the emerg doctors called the epilepsy clinic and came back to ask if I had imbibed at all the night before...
I will never try that again....
LOL
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:29:38
In reply to Is this for me?, posted by Heady on November 14, 2004, at 9:17:57
> I was just put on 25mg of topamax and will go up 25mg every 7 days until I reach 75mg. I have an obsession with food and eating. My Dr. feels that this drug will help with my obsession and help me lose the 50lbs I need to lose to be healthy. Have any of you heard of this being used for obsessions with food?
AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH
that is the scream heard all the way from the Canadian north woods...
there is no way you can or should or would even want to increase every seven days
NO MORE OFTEN than at TWO WEEK intervals and then only if your body has adjusted....
that is the only sensible thing my first neurologist had to say other than that this med would help with my migraines and that it had a weight loss side effect...it can also help with binge eating but it does not work overnight on anything...
I have a tendency to binge...oh my I have more confidence in the people here than in the psychologist I was seeing or in that second excuse for a psychiatrist <GG>
because I never admit to this to anyone...
even my husband doesn't know this one...used to do the hiding the eating routine...
binge on foods that appealed to me when there was no one around to see when I was really not satisfied with the way things were going...
chocolate and a number of other illegal foods were the comfort foods I craved to make me feel better about myself and I would simply binge for periods of time...
stop at the bakery on the way home and hide wonders of chocolate concoctions and confections and then stuff myself with them and hide the evidence... and I was well into my late twenties when this started...
and it continued off and on until early 2003...
the anti-depressants they used to try and control what everyone thought was depression didn't help as I piled on even more weight...
would go for days without eating to make up for the binges so that I maintained a reasonable appearance for the goldfish bowl...
but then it began to be a real battle between the food and the weight that accompanied the pills...
the topomax has curbed the secret eating and the urge to eat...
don't even want chocolate bars not even the dark chocolate with raspberry filling I saw when I was in one of the specialty shops yesterday...
now that is a first for the CBC and I think it edged the hockey strike off the news...
I have taken to eating one meal a day... chicken mostly with perhaps cauliflower or another vegetable and don't even look at baked potatoes drowning in sour cream... don't want them...you know, I don't think I like this Topomax very much...
I don't even want lemon meringue pie and we have this old family recipe that calls for a deep dish crust lined with dark baker's chocolate before the lemon goes in....this is a dangerous drug indeed and not in the way that you people think...
all of a sudden I am eating healthy stuff...
and craving protein....
I wonder if they really examined this drug before letting it into the country???? LOLI may have been sixty or more pounds heavier...
but oh I had fun before Topomax...
kat
Posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:39:21
In reply to Re: Klonopin and many projects, posted by stresser on November 14, 2004, at 9:30:35
> Hi everyone, I finally finished reading the posts, (without my daily soda, or coke as I call it)and am wanting to reply to everyone if that's possible. I don't know.
> About the klonopin- I have taken .75mg per night for six years because I have restless leg syndrym, and now it's effecting the rest of my body. (yes, I do have my own ailments <GGG>)(gradma's words again) I think...no pun intended, that it's dulling my memory some. I'm almost 43, and I don't think I should be forgetting things like I am. I don't know if I am addicted, because I take it so my husband and I can both sleep, because I will wake myself and him up with my jerking in the bed. I have taken it on occasion, maybe once or twice for anxiety during the day, and keeps me from blowing-up!!
>
> I always feel much better when I have a project going on......I pretty much depressed when I don't. I am not bipolar, but much of what some of you are describing seems to be how I function. Maybe all of you are just fine? Maybe not bipolar after all? <G> I'm with you all, I have many things going at the same time, and it drives my husband crazy! I thought it was just me, and he was just lazy. Here I go with the "I" sentences.....sorry....but it seems like it get on a roll and go from one thing to another in a frantic pace. Almost in a panic, like it's gotta get done, NOW, and the world will end if it doesn't. The next week or even the next day, I have a diffent outlook and the panic is over until I get another bur up my ***.....and there we go again. Do any of you follow?
>
> SEE? You are all just fine. -L
Oh L!!! Are you sure you are not living in my body???
I have to go to a sleep clinic in a week or two... one of the reasons they let me out... and I thought it was for good behaviour <g> ... otherwise I would have had to stay in until they could book me into theirs...
they think that restless leg syndrome may be what wakens me at night and then I can't get back to sleep when I waken... and apparently there is sleep apnea... whatever that is and I don't want to know...
of course, they don't care; they will tell me when they feel like telling me, just to burst my bubble...
maybe I will fool them and have one of my let's not sleep tonight nights...but your project approach sounds quite normal to me LOL (but then what do I know about normal <GG>)
I cannot sit and watch television unless I am reading a book and if possible knitting or doing something with my hands... otherwise it is time wasted...
that drives the other half of the partnership totally out of his mind...
he is the most relaxed individual I know... and I am anything but; I do not know how to relax... it is not in my vocabulary or my behaviour patterns...
we are so mismatched...
I really feel sorry for him at times...
I can't even read a book (when I can read that is :( ) I have one on the go in the bedroom, one in the living room, one in the big shoulder bag I call a purse and he calls a steamer trunk, and one that I can grab at a moment's notice if I think I need to ...
and it is worse since I came home...
I have this wild conviction that I can't explain that drives me to want to use every moment just in case...
right now I am taking a break from decorating the house for Christmas...can't wait any longer...
have to do it now... although we will have a tree decorating party in a week or so...
and another on my birthday...
we have four trees each year...
and I can't wait to have it all out where I can see it and enjoy it and rearrange it until it is perfect... usually the hour before it is time to put it all away
kat
Posted by bridgey1128 on November 14, 2004, at 20:16:20
In reply to Re: adverse effects » bridgey1128, posted by headachequeen on November 13, 2004, at 10:22:25
My problem, and I guess this is why I am bipolar II and not whatever your psych pinned whatever you have, is that I get psyched about doing something and then burn out. I can start something but not finish. I think that is the problem with bipolar II. We get excited about doing something and get our spoons in too many pots and then quickly get burned out and lose interest. The excitement is more about being a part of something rather than finishing it I think sometimes. I have no doubt of your creativity. I am very creative too, but like I said, my interest wanes in something that I once was on fire for. Now, being on meds, it's much better. Theatre isn't like that though. I guess because it's a general interest. I guess I am a lot like you though. I don't do something unless I think I will be the best at it. ;) I don't like NOT being. I am quite competitive. Anyway, I am fighting off being sick at the moment so I shall go back to doing that. Hope everyone is doing well and not sick!!
Posted by merry on November 14, 2004, at 20:46:41
In reply to Re: adverse effects » merry, posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 7:34:50
I didn't finish that glass of wine. I got tired and went to bed. I felt okay the next day. Thanks for your responses, I should know better. Topomax is a crazy med. I should be careful with it anyway. It was heck when I was going up in dose and now I was mixing it with wine. Am I nuts?
Yes, I am on anti-depressant, rainy. 300mg wellbutrin. Keeps my pants up.
Heady, please go up slower. Believe me, 7days is not long enough to adjust to topomax. Give your body at least 2 weeks before going up the next dose.
merry
Posted by rainy on November 14, 2004, at 20:55:11
In reply to Re: Klonopin and many projects » stresser, posted by headachequeen on November 14, 2004, at 17:39:21
L, I started Klonopin many years ago for the kicking-your-husband-out-of-bed issue. Prozac was the culprit and my legs waved around like sea grass to say nothing of bruising poor David until he complained. You're the first person I've heard speak of taking it for the same reason. Now off the SSRI's, restless leg syndrome has subsided.
What happened was that I developed a tolerance for it so that over the years the dose went from .25 mgs every day to 4 /day for the same effect. Pdoc thought that was adding to depression so off I went quickly, quickly, icky, icky.Now what does this have to do with your post?
This day is over; I just wanted to say I was glad the see your experience.
goodnight
rainy
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