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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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Posted by Shanti on March 18, 2002, at 18:33:11
In reply to Re: More on happiness, peace, posted by JANNBEAU on March 18, 2002, at 17:10:27
i agree with you jannbeau about the great diversity of emotions, i am just coming into that (this is usually my depression time) but with these posts, my husband and i communicating (amazingly while he is unemployed right now update- just got a job today!) and most importantly me allowing my self to feel a little anger, fustration the other day but not losing site completely and in the moment of the emotion i told my self it was ok to have but also integrate "love" with it - this is very complex to explain i actually never thought i would understand it but i finally do (as for finally - i obviously wasn't ready before and i am now) and this is also my way of integrating my depression into my life ( i truly believe i will have it forever but just to different degrees and also how i chose to utilize it instead of looking at it with fear and then making it worse.
i love your last quote. and no i don't think of it as a sign of mental illness i actually think of it as a sign of being closer to god for me because i find my thinking (through the use of drugs/alcohol as well) that i am always drawn to the spirits so i take this as an opportunity to learn. people who know me find me to be a "bit off center" that used to make me very sad (low self esteem) but funny thing is these are the very people that will seek me out when facing life's difficulties.
going back to your quote if i'm not mistaken didn't jesus suffer and he was/is the ultimate of holy!
peace
shanti
Posted by JANNBEAU on March 18, 2002, at 18:37:22
In reply to Re: where there is sorrow there is holy ground, posted by Shanti on March 18, 2002, at 18:33:11
Shanti, all I can say to your last post is "Amen"!! Thank you for being there for all of us. Good luck to you and your husband in his new job!
Jannbeau
Posted by Reneeb on March 18, 2002, at 20:16:20
In reply to Re: where there is sorrow there is holy ground, posted by Shanti on March 18, 2002, at 18:33:11
> i agree with you jannbeau about the great diversity of emotions, i am just coming into that (this is usually my depression time) but with these posts, my husband and i communicating (amazingly while he is unemployed right now update- just got a job today!) and most importantly me allowing my self to feel a little anger, fustration the other day but not losing site completely and in the moment of the emotion i told my self it was ok to have but also integrate "love" with it - this is very complex to explain i actually never thought i would understand it but i finally do (as for finally - i obviously wasn't ready before and i am now) and this is also my way of integrating my depression into my life ( i truly believe i will have it forever but just to different degrees and also how i chose to utilize it instead of looking at it with fear and then making it worse.
>
> i love your last quote. and no i don't think of it as a sign of mental illness i actually think of it as a sign of being closer to god for me because i find my thinking (through the use of drugs/alcohol as well) that i am always drawn to the spirits so i take this as an opportunity to learn. people who know me find me to be a "bit off center" that used to make me very sad (low self esteem) but funny thing is these are the very people that will seek me out when facing life's difficulties.
>
> going back to your quote if i'm not mistaken didn't jesus suffer and he was/is the ultimate of holy!
>
> peace
>
> shanti
Shanti, I stopped breathing for a second when I read what you wrote "but funny thing is these are the very people that will seek me out when facing life's difficulties. Boy, can I relate to that.
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 18, 2002, at 20:20:54
In reply to Re: More on happiness, peace, posted by JANNBEAU on March 18, 2002, at 17:10:27
Posted by Zo on March 18, 2002, at 20:51:06
In reply to I think Dr. Bob is going to redirect us soon (nm), posted by Reneeb on March 18, 2002, at 20:20:54
Posted by SusanG on March 18, 2002, at 20:52:32
In reply to Re: Let's talk, posted by Willow on March 17, 2002, at 21:40:42
I appreciate your suggestion, Willow, about using a forum already in place. Perhaps we should try that before we create something new. I found the Psycho-Babble Open site but I'n not sure how I would find any of you. Suggestions Willow?
Posted by Reneeb on March 18, 2002, at 20:53:10
In reply to He's out of town! Go for it! (nm), posted by Zo on March 18, 2002, at 20:51:06
Thanks for the info. I was wondering why we were getting away with it. - LOL
Renee
Posted by SueDoeN on March 18, 2002, at 22:29:31
In reply to Re: He's out of town! Go for it! » Zo, posted by Reneeb on March 18, 2002, at 20:53:10
Posted by lolly on March 18, 2002, at 22:56:31
In reply to Just recently requested to discontinue effexor xr , posted by pianoman on March 18, 2002, at 2:43:49
> Just recently requested to my doctor to go back on paxil. Years ago I was on xanax for a panic disorder without a phobia. Was on xanax for several years then weened myself off of that and went on paxil 40mg. I was trying this effexor months ago at 75mg and the last month or so 150mg for depression. I seemed to feel worse being on it so that is why I requested to go back on paxil.Wondering if I should ask to try this welbutrin some of you have mentioned.
pianoman,
I've been on effexor xr for 2 years. I started on wellbutrin to quit smoking and noticed the difference when I went off of it. The wellbutrin worked for awhile but it didn't seem to be enough. I'd say try it, I didn't notice any problems on it or going off. I'm dosing down off the effexor now. I've noticed increased side effects in the last two months. Can't go to sleep, can't wake up, kidney problems, muscle twitching, depression like before meds, no concentration, anxiety etc. Any suggestions for me? I can't take this stuff any more. I was doing better before but that wasn't great.
Posted by Shanti on March 18, 2002, at 23:10:08
In reply to Has anyone heard from Angel Girl? (nm) » Reneeb, posted by SueDoeN on March 18, 2002, at 22:29:31
no, but angel girl if you are just reading and don't feel like talking that's cool just say hello and we will wait for you
your friend
shanti
Posted by Jackd on March 18, 2002, at 23:54:17
In reply to How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 17, 2002, at 0:30:06
...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...
Posted by chiaratara on March 19, 2002, at 0:56:29
In reply to Re: Just recently requested to discontinue effexor xr » pianoman, posted by Scott Hendrix on March 18, 2002, at 9:33:21
i have very good results with paxil and wellbutrin together. i find that wellbutrin alone makes me a bit irritable and paxil gives me that warm, fuzzy, stoned and yes, unmotivated feeling. wellbutrin gives me the edge and paxil relieves the anxiety. i recommend that you try the two together. good luck. tara
Posted by chiaratara on March 19, 2002, at 1:10:38
In reply to Re: Just recently requested to discontinue effexor xr » pianoman, posted by lolly on March 18, 2002, at 22:56:31
i had the hardest time getting off of effexor. it was just horrible! it lasted about a week and a half. i almost think that the slow/going off of it slowly almost makes things worse. you should ask someone you know though. as far as wellbutrin. i found wellbutrin and paxil together were great. i feel that they compliment each other very well. good luck. let me know if you have any questions.
Posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 6:53:44
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Jackd on March 18, 2002, at 23:54:17
> ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...is that you angel girl? i went to bed just past 12:00 am if it is you i/m sorry i wasn't here to say hello.
if this is you thank you for touching base with us and just know that sometimes we have to go that deep to come up again (thinking of it as swimming right now - you are failing in the water and figuring out how is it that you swim (it;s like riding the proverbial bike you never forget once you get back on) with graceful strokes rather than with failing arms ( you are still here ((failing arms)) but hold on becasue you are almost there to begin swimming again (i went through what you are going through many years ago so yes i do know what i am talking about and not just experienced it once but many times)
anyway, i am going to church this am (to have my pastor fill out my daughter's birth registration) so while i am there and i figure since i am going to be as close to god as one can get today! i will ask that he say a prayer for you angel girl. i hope this is ok, i too will also say a prayer that you may start to heal.
i hope to talk to you soon
i am in and out all day but will check these posts to look for you ok, so if you feel like it just give another little post so i know you saw this.
peace
your friend
shanti
Posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 8:32:54
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Jackd on March 18, 2002, at 23:54:17
> ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...Thankyou for a moment of beauty. I think you can write your way through this. It has worked for me. Let beauty grow out of suffering!
SueDoeN
P.S. Please send more!
Posted by lolly on March 19, 2002, at 13:05:55
In reply to Re: Just recently requested to discontinue effexor xr, posted by chiaratara on March 19, 2002, at 1:10:38
> i had the hardest time getting off of effexor. it was just horrible! it lasted about a week and a half. i almost think that the slow/going off of it slowly almost makes things worse. you should ask someone you know though. as far as wellbutrin. i found wellbutrin and paxil together were great. i feel that they compliment each other very well. good luck. let me know if you have any questions.
thanks for the info. i tried to go off one other time and it was the absolute worst thing ive ever experienced. wonder if welbutrin would mellow those withdrawls? guess its worth a try.
Posted by Jackd on March 19, 2002, at 14:48:17
In reply to Re: Tears just get lost in the rain » Jackd, posted by SueDoeN on March 19, 2002, at 8:32:54
Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
"Shameful perversion [of perception]"
A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
She cannot, will not see herself;
A beauty matched with inner wealth.
O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!*=Ruth: Mercy.
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 15:18:37
In reply to Re: Tears just get lost in the rain, posted by Jackd on March 19, 2002, at 14:48:17
> Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
>
> "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
>
> A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> She cannot, will not see herself;
> A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
>
> *=Ruth: Mercy.Hi Jackd, This poem was beautiful. Thank you !!
Renee
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 15:34:57
In reply to Re: Has anyone heard from Angel Girl?, posted by Shanti on March 18, 2002, at 23:11:14
Posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 18:28:45
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 6:53:44
> > ...waiting for my next fix, to fix my vision til it's nixed,
> > Try to cry but my tears just get lost in the rain,
> > Nothing left to do but drink away the pain...
>
> is that you angel girl? i went to bed just past 12:00 am if it is you i/m sorry i wasn't here to say hello.
>
> if this is you thank you for touching base with us and just know that sometimes we have to go that deep to come up again (thinking of it as swimming right now - you are failing in the water and figuring out how is it that you swim (it;s like riding the proverbial bike you never forget once you get back on) with graceful strokes rather than with failing arms ( you are still here ((failing arms)) but hold on becasue you are almost there to begin swimming again (i went through what you are going through many years ago so yes i do know what i am talking about and not just experienced it once but many times)
>
> anyway, i am going to church this am (to have my pastor fill out my daughter's birth registration) so while i am there and i figure since i am going to be as close to god as one can get today! i will ask that he say a prayer for you angel girl. i hope this is ok, i too will also say a prayer that you may start to heal.
>
> i hope to talk to you soon
>
> i am in and out all day but will check these posts to look for you ok, so if you feel like it just give another little post so i know you saw this.
>
> peace
> your friend
> shanti
Hi ShantiNo, that's not me. I've been taking a few days to work on what I've done to my friendships. I booked an emergency therapy session yesterday as well. I am doing much better now. I am of a totally different mindset than I was when I posted in desperation. I am taking full responsibility for my actions and have let my friends know that. I acknowledge the pain and worry I have put them through too. However, I now have to deal with my pain and regret for what I have done to them. That will take much longer. I am no longer going to contemplate suicide as a reaction to any of my problems. As I said, I am not the same person I was a week ago. I know I'm not perfect and that I will encounter setbacks but I'm learning and realizing the impact my actions and thoughts have on the people I love.
I thank you for your prayers. They are greatly appreciated. That is very sweet and thoughtful of you.
Your friend
Angel Girl
Posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 19:49:34
In reply to Re: Tears just get lost in the rain, posted by Jackd on March 19, 2002, at 14:48:17
> Thanks, I am often inspired by my deep depressions. That poem captures one of my saddest moments of despair. This one's for the ladies:
>
> "Shameful perversion [of perception]"
>
> A wild flower with an unfitful doom,
> A rose amidst the weeds and gloom.
> She cannot, will not see herself;
> A beauty matched with inner wealth.
> O' Lord! O' Allah! O' Zeus! Oh Ruth*,
> that this gem may catch a glimpse of truth!
>
> *=Ruth: Mercy.
You poems are beautiful. You're very talented. Thanks for sharing them with us.Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 19:58:53
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 18:28:45
good to hear from you angel girl, you can do it.
i'm experiencing some DP right now all those mixed up feelings i get and don't know how to control i also feel sick too.
instead of letting it get a hold of me this time though i think i'm going to dance with it so to speak, (be my partner by me still feeling it somewhat but not to the state i usually get to) instead i am going to keep posting so i can help myself feel better by being able to look at what i'm experiencing on paper so i can understand myself better.
when we talk about friends......i asked my husband for support ; i told him i was beginning to enter my "ugliness" and instead of getting support i felt i got shit on instead. he actually accused me of not being who i presented my self to be when we first met and that as each month passes it just gets worst - straight from the horses' mouth. this hurt me a lot especially while in my place right now.
to me, i look at it as getting better and you must go down to come up and to go even higher so when he says comments like this it hurts like hell. but guess what i am not going anywhere but up and i hope he will stay and assist me along the way if not sadly to say his loss.
as he reacts this way to me i wonder what prompts him to be like this - fear, jealousy (in a brain zappy sort of way - because i am getting better and maybe i won't need him ?, anger, etc.
well, i can only fix my life and posting this right now has just done that for me!
peace
shanti
ps dear friends please say a prayer for me while i try to deal with my DP right now
Posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 20:15:31
In reply to Re: How do you deal with the loss of friends???, posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 19:58:53
> good to hear from you angel girl, you can do it.
>
> i'm experiencing some DP right now all those mixed up feelings i get and don't know how to control i also feel sick too.
>
> instead of letting it get a hold of me this time though i think i'm going to dance with it so to speak, (be my partner by me still feeling it somewhat but not to the state i usually get to) instead i am going to keep posting so i can help myself feel better by being able to look at what i'm experiencing on paper so i can understand myself better.
>
> when we talk about friends......i asked my husband for support ; i told him i was beginning to enter my "ugliness" and instead of getting support i felt i got shit on instead. he actually accused me of not being who i presented my self to be when we first met and that as each month passes it just gets worst - straight from the horses' mouth. this hurt me a lot especially while in my place right now.
>
> to me, i look at it as getting better and you must go down to come up and to go even higher so when he says comments like this it hurts like hell. but guess what i am not going anywhere but up and i hope he will stay and assist me along the way if not sadly to say his loss.
>
> as he reacts this way to me i wonder what prompts him to be like this - fear, jealousy (in a brain zappy sort of way - because i am getting better and maybe i won't need him ?, anger, etc.
>
> well, i can only fix my life and posting this right now has just done that for me!
>
> peace
>
> shanti
>
>
> ps dear friends please say a prayer for me while i try to deal with my DP right now
ShantiI'm so sorry you are going through a rough time right now. Of course you have my prayers. I know exactly what you're going through with your husband. It seems so much more difficult to go through this without the support and understanding that we need. I know his words cut deep and sharp. That's what happened to me last week to. I'm trying to learn from my experience and to mend things with them. So far one of them has agreed to give me another chance. The other one has yet to read my email. It is killing me that she is taking so long to get to it when she knows it's there. It's like torture and I feel that she will not be as forgiving as my other friend is. But I have to learn to accept that so you see, I know how you feel about your husband. I truly believe that depression is one of those things that can not be fully understood by somebody who has not experienced it firsthand themselves or by living with somebody who is. Most people think it is something you can snap out of. I wish you luck with your husband and hope your depressive mood lightens soon. I know how horrible a place it is to be in. You have my <hugs>, my prayers and my well wishes.
BTW, was it you who was talking to me before about books and music???? I tried replying that post but I think I forgot to click on confirm. That is the 2nd time I've done that when I had a long reply. Very frustrating. :( Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I'm not much of a reader although my brother who suffered from depression last year and attempted suicide leant me a book that I have yet to open. It's called "The Feeling Good Handbook". By coincidence, a very close friend who has offered me the world of support has suggested that book so I think I will dust it off and start reading it this week. Also, I too have been listening to Sarah McLachlan's "Surfacing" CD ALOT!!!! Do you have any other of her CDs??? I only have the one but was contemplating getting another but wasn't sure which one. Do you have one you would recommend or even another artist???
Again, you have my prayers always. I wish you luck with your husband and a short period in the depression.
Angel Girl
Posted by Shanti on March 19, 2002, at 21:46:34
In reply to Re: dealing with the loss of friends??? - Shanti, posted by Angel Girl on March 19, 2002, at 20:15:31
hi angel girl
thanks for the hugs and prayers, i literally felt them (through my head ((if you follow the shakras(SPELLING?)the head is one of the places where you receive and release energy and i could feel yours coming through (it feels like a headache but once you recognize it it becomes a good headache so to speak))
instead of looking at the absence of your frienship right now, think of it as more time for you to heal on your own (remember the healing can never begin until the want comes from within)
Ah, books and music, yes, my hope for you is to begin to read that book from your brother, it will answer some questions you have been thinking about lately!
Shawn Mullins both cd's i can relate to him! Chris Isack sort of you have to see him and understand me i guess to hear anything?
U2 definetly messages from above!
many different songs usually relating to times in my life i am going through at the momentlike right now Grammy 2000 cd for some reason most of these songs i can relate to right now (thank you) especially Alicia Keys (my husband) Elton John all i hear is Robert Downey Jr. because he is the only person in this video in a big open, lonely room - if you haven't seen it you should. i love how he is expressing himself
also the song that is from a blusy sort of band (don't know there name - the song was from the movie brother art thou or something - awesome ! i realte to marshall tucker band sort of musiclove life - match box 20 i saw them in detroit at St. Andrew's hall - big open space holds about 2000 people? general admission (we paid $50 us = $75 canadian or sometimes $99 canadian ha ha for a $25 us ticket) was it worth it hell yes, Rob Thomas made love to my soul that night and not in the kinky way people would assume.
i could go on and on!
i have a cd burner if you would like i can burn these and send them to you (i did post earlier with a thread called angel and i'm not sure if you saw it but i picked up something for you and would like to send it if i may have your email address to then receive your mailing address)
as for Sarah, oh sweet Sarah, the other cd i like is Possession, actually i think i will listen to that tomorrow and introduce my daughter to it! as for the others, not really do i listen to them but i am certainly looking forward to her next (she had a baby did you know?)
paula cole, for those of us who have encountered sexual abuse
the list goes on and on! for me music is defenitely theraputic through the good times and the bad!
talk to you soon,
peace
your friend
shanti
Posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 22:20:49
In reply to Angel, could you pls check in with us! (nm), posted by Reneeb on March 19, 2002, at 15:34:57
Hi Angel, I am glad to hear from you. I read your post to shanti and now will not panick if we don't hear from you for a few days. I hear what you are saying about yours friends, but don't put all the blame on yourself. If I read what you wrote prevously it isn't only you that needs to take responsiblity for thier actions. Your friends have some soul searching to do also.
Take care,
Renee
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