Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 853443

Shown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.


Friendships and such

Posted by Bird Watcher on September 22, 2008, at 13:54:07

I just moved to a different state. It is probably a bit of a challenge for anyone socially, but for me it is hell all over again. Like several other posters here, I find it hard to make friends easily. If it wasn't for my best friend, who thankfully lives here, I wouldn't have a soul to talk to, which has been the case for me so many times in the past. The only problem is that she has so much going on that it is hard for her to spend much friendship time with me, and I understand that. I take what I can get.

It seems like there are very few people out there who like me the way I am.

I know that I have a lot of issues. I can be a compulsive talker, and I know that alienates people. I think I start doing it because when I give the other person a chance to talk, they don't say anything or very little. It is like they are waiting for me to prove how socially inept I am. And trust me, I do. It's not even that I talk too much necessarily. I say offbeat things - not intentionally but out of nervousness. I guess I'm looking for some kind of reaction subconsciously, and the reaction I get is "See ya", as in permanently. By offbeat, I just don't sound cool when I'm having a conversation, more like a desperate dork.

My one friend and my husband love me and find me interesting enough, but everybody else seems to avoid me once they have had a conversation.

One of my new neighbors came over and brought over cookies not long after we moved here. I thought this was a great sign of a friendly neighborhood, as we've never had that happen in the past places we've lived. She called me a week or two later and we were on the phone for two hours. Honestly, she did most of the talking because I asked her questions about herself, which she was more than happy to answer. The next time we talked, I did most of the talking, and I guess I gave too much inappropriate info out about myself, because not only has she completely avoided me ever since, she doesn't seem to even want her kids having anything to do with mine. After calling her twice and leaving short friendly messages, and getting no response, I have given up yet again. She is a SAHM and from what she told me she doesn't seem extraordinarily busy. Her car is in the driveway almost all the time and she doesn't care for any disabled children or adults. I guess I just didn't fit her idea of a cool friend.

This seems to be a fairly typical scenario socially in my pathetic social life. It is obvious that I have problems. But no meds have helped me in this area, only ones that made me want to sleep all the time and made me feel emotionally numb. I am not on meds now, as I have been trying to practice the cognitive therapy from my years and thousands upon thousands of dollars spent in therapy.

I think I'm just a freak with low self-esteem, horrible social skills, OCD and major anxiety issues.

But I'm a nice person. Ha ha. Enough to make anyone LTAO. Wanna be my friend?


Re: Friendships and such

Posted by JayMac on September 27, 2008, at 15:21:17

In reply to Friendships and such, posted by Bird Watcher on September 22, 2008, at 13:54:07

Hi Bird Watcher,
I noticed you recently joined Babble, welcome welcome! I'm glad you have posted.

It sounds to me like there is a lot going on with you. There's a lot of stress in your life! How's cog-beh therapy working for you?

I would be honored to be your friend. =)


Re: Friendships and such

Posted by Bird Watcher on September 29, 2008, at 3:55:30

In reply to Re: Friendships and such, posted by JayMac on September 27, 2008, at 15:21:17

Thanks for your message and welcome. I actually used to post under WorryGirl, but something happened where my password stopped working, so I started all over with a new handle.

As my former name suggests, I am a bundle of worries. But I have made strides here and there. Just not in friendships. I think my anxiety turns people off. No matter how much I think I'm not coming across that way, it reeks from me. I am the kind of person people think seems pretty together and cool until I really open up my mouth. So I either have to shut it completely and alienate myself, or keep talking and do the same.

I am not currently in cog therapy because we have moved and have two houses on the market right now. But I have been trying to practice what I paid for. It seems to me like I need to focus on what I am trying to accomplish. I get off track so easily.

I get discouraged at my lack of social abilities. I'll seem to do OK for a while. I'll seem to be hitting it off with someone, then I just blurt out the wrong thing and blow it. Then maybe they give me another chance and I do it again. At that point, people either humor me (and it's not hard to spot when people are merely tolerating me, especially when they roll their eyes behind my back), completely write me off.

I overcame a MAJOR result of my anxiety not too long ago - bulimia. This gives me hope! But now it seems like a whole new set of anxieties are creeping up, probably to replace that one.

I do know that I am an approval junkie and that is always the kiss of death. I want so much not to care, but I do. It is impossible to not.


Re: Friendships and such

Posted by JayMac on September 29, 2008, at 15:30:12

In reply to Re: Friendships and such, posted by Bird Watcher on September 29, 2008, at 3:55:30

Wow, congrats on overcoming bulimia!!! Bulimia is such a complicated illness. I heard that the average recovery time for it is about 5 years. I know a doctor who specializes in treating eating disorders and she said that it's one of the most complicated illnesses/disorders because it involves so much more than physically suffering and body image. She believes that it's really about connection (getting close to people), attachment (remaining close), and affect regulation (managing one's emotions: the highs and the lows). She also believes so much more about it. Anyhow, I don't want to bore you with theory and such.

Do you have health care? If you are still battling with bulimia (even if it's just here and there), it is a paridy diagnosis: meaning that health insurance companies must treat it (along with 7 other mental illnesses, such as bipolar, depression, and more) the same way they would treat someone with a broken leg.

Something to think about and look into. Let me know if you want more information. =)

Peace. Take good care!

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