Psycho-Babble Relationships Thread 848887

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Question about making new friends

Posted by Little Bird KK on August 28, 2008, at 23:38:02

Hi,
I'm kind of new here,so I hope I'm asking the kind of question people here can give me some perspective on. My concern is that I'm 34 years old and I don't have any female friends. I haven't had any female friends in about 5 years that I can hang out with and confide in and its really getting to me. I do have trust issues when it comes to making new friends because all the friends I had in the past ended up treating me bad once they got to know me, by taking out their insecurities on me.
I do have a boyfriend and his mom that I'm grateful for..but I find myself wondering, what if things don't work out between me and my boyfriend? Who can I hang out with then?
When I do meet new women I am skeptical that they will want to hang out with me as a real friend so I end up treating every new woman I meet as just an acquaintance.
I was wondering if anyone can give me some perspective on this matter so I can move on from the bad friends I had in the past and be able to trust a new female as a friend.
It's gotten so bad for me that even when I go to places where I can meet prospective female friends I end up closing myself off from people and just being shy and have short meaningless conversations with people then I feel the need to leave the situation as soon as I can. Like even at church gatherings and such, where I know it's safe to meet new female friends. HELP!

 

Re: Question about making new friends Little Bird KK

Posted by JayMac on August 29, 2008, at 2:05:50

In reply to Question about making new friends, posted by Little Bird KK on August 28, 2008, at 23:38:02

Hey Little Bird,
I can relate! So I don't know how useful I can be with advice, but at least we both know we're not alone. I have noticed that I seem to ignore my girl friends, the very few that I have, when I'm dating someone. I just get so focused on being in a relationship with a man, that I lose sight of my girl friends who I have known for years. I don't know if that's what's happening to you. But it seems now that even though I'm single again (and damn happy about it!) that's it's really, really difficult meeting new people.
Like you, I find myself just settling to have women as acquaintances. I do have a couple girl friends, but it's difficult making time to get together. I find myself making the time, but they don't reciprocate.
I'm not the type of person that needs a million friends, just a handful of close and dear friends: quality over quantity.
Anyhow, maybe someone can enlighten us to their ways.

JayMac

 

Re: Question about making new friends

Posted by WaterSapphire on August 29, 2008, at 2:47:04

In reply to Re: Question about making new friends Little Bird KK, posted by JayMac on August 29, 2008, at 2:05:50

The few friends I had I lost contact with or they just stopped talking to me. My health has really gotten in the way of my ability to seek out friendship. I always was one to have just a few close friends, as I am sociable but never liked being around lots of people. It waxes and wanes, and I am not sure if I have agoraphobia, social phobia, or who knows. Maybe going to some functions specifically with smaller groups might help to start. I am always paranoid people will hate me and I am always afraid I chase people away. I hope you don't feel like this. I wish I could offer advice, but I can say that it is hard and I hope so much that you are able to find a few really good friends. Best of wishes on your journey

Chelle

 

Re: Question about making new friends

Posted by kb76 on September 22, 2008, at 14:45:21

In reply to Question about making new friends, posted by Little Bird KK on August 28, 2008, at 23:38:02

Littlebird: I have found many friends by joining local groups. Here are some suggestions: volunteer for a charity, or do an endurance event for a charity (i.e. Team In Training)- I have found life-long friends here; join your local food co-op where you have to volunteer some time to recieve benefits -- I have met friends on my "shifts"; tutor children at a local boys and girls club - I have met other volunteers.

Not only will you find friends, you will feel good about yourself!

Good luck!


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