Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 838518

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by healing928 on July 6, 2008, at 20:47:22

I have been in therapy for over a year. Lets call him my t VR. Boy has my life changed. VR gave me the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder year ago. It seems like my whole life has been in chaos. I started seeing him for anxiety and depression, and now I have Borderline Personality Disorder. I am going back to a therapist I had many years ago. He saw me during my teens and is certain i don't have BPD. He said he saw me through some difficult times, and was dealing with PTSD. I was never dependent or had any BPD traits with my former t. I became really attached to VR, and I guess he brought out the worst and best in me. He has taught me so much, but i have developed a deep dependence on him. I see VR for my last session on Wednesday, and I know it is going to be very emotional. We clicked from the start. I felt this deep bond with him, and he agrees that our personalities get along well, and he really likes me as a person. This isnt the usual type of sexual transference. I just became attached and I guess I wanted more and more of his time.

Has anyone else been through anything similar?

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by lucie lu on July 7, 2008, at 5:18:34

In reply to major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 6, 2008, at 20:47:22


Healing - first welcome to the board! And second, can feel for what you are going through. So many of us, myself included, wrestle with strong feelings for our T's. If you read through the recent posts and look through archives under "love" or something related, I'm sure many things will sound familiar to you. So don't have answers for that but you certainly are in good company.

A couple of other questions - what kind of therapy(s) do your first and second Ts do? And is it finances that would keep you from extending your sessions with your T? Since he has given you a diagnosis of BPD he may be trying to indicate that it would be useful to take an in depth look or approach to your current everyday problems and that they may be influenced by your past. That may be very difficult to do in such a short period of therapy. But different T's use different approaches. It would not be unusual for a psychodynamic or analytically oriented therapy to take one or more years in such a case where a more cognitive approach might be tried in a shorter period of time if it is specifically targeted in that direction. There are lots of different approaches, including dialectic, that can be helpful for someone wth such a background. And there are plenty of us on this board with BPD traits who are trying to work them through.

Please realize that BPD is merely a shorthand description of traits and behaviors that you already exhibit (at least in the opinion of whoever makes that diagnosis). It is not a disease that now you will have to deal with - you already are dealing with it.

Anyway, welcome again to the board and look forward to hearing more from you!

Take care, Lucie Lu

 

p.s.

Posted by lucie lu on July 7, 2008, at 5:26:41

In reply to major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 6, 2008, at 20:47:22

Just reread your post and saw that your first T actually diagnosed you with PTSD rather than BPD. The two share a lot of traits including past experiences that have been difficult to work through due to trauma.

Anyway, the point I was trying to raise is that I think diagnoses aren't nearly as important as finding a good T and appropriate therapy.

Best, LL

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 8:28:30

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy, posted by lucie lu on July 7, 2008, at 5:18:34

Lucie Lu,
Thank you for the warm welcome. Both of my t's are Cognitive Behavioral therapists. He backed away when he started having personal problems. What hurts the most if i thought we had a special bond but now I believe it was all a part of the therapy. It seems when he started having problems and he couldn't see me every week, he got frustrated. IT's like he was trying several things, but I think this all has to do about my past that leads me to where I am today. My old t that I am going back to is certain i don't have BPD. He saw me during some tough times when i was younger, and if i had BPD it would have been clear back then. Sure i had problems, but I guess he feels that was his job as my t.

Thanks for your support!

Healing

 

Re: p.s.

Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 8:31:31

In reply to p.s., posted by lucie lu on July 7, 2008, at 5:26:41

Has anyone terminated therapy, and did a "wrap up" session? I am curious in the way he facilitates it. We have been going back and forth in emails; he seems supportive, yet defensive.

 

Re: p.s.

Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 8:41:11

In reply to Re: p.s., posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 8:31:31

A part of me thinks he gave me the BPD dx for his own personal gain. I have been back and forth with him on this. I am just confused I guess. He says he would never do that, but I wonder. There are a few things that my just be coincidences.

Also I think some pdocs and t's don't like the term BPD because how it is used in the field.

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928

Posted by raisinb on July 7, 2008, at 10:18:30

In reply to major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 6, 2008, at 20:47:22

Healing, welcome and I am so sorry for what you are going through.

I wasn't clear why you are terminating with your current therapist? Was it at his instigation or yours?

It sounds like the dx embodies a lot of the problems in your relationship with him--maybe you feel like he is distancing himself from you--treating you more like a "diagnosis?"

Lots of therapists (mine included) don't diagnose--and even if they do, they give a sort of "cover" diagnosis to the insurance company and don't use it in therapy. I like that approach. I am not sure why it's helpful to give a potentially pejorative label to a client.

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by backseatdriver on July 7, 2008, at 11:04:14

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928, posted by raisinb on July 7, 2008, at 10:18:30

I don't like the BPD diagnosis in general. I worry that doctors use it to pathologize normal behavior in stressful situations. Like psychotherapy!

Does cognitive therapy really work for you? I find that I do best with someone who is trained in psychodynamic psychotherapy.

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 12:29:47

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928, posted by raisinb on July 7, 2008, at 10:18:30

I was the one who initiated the termination. I was going through an issue with a family member, and I needed his support and he wasn't there for me. During this I was having major issues needing him, so I decided the pain wasn't worth it, and I couldnt live like this, so I contacted my former t. Thanks for the welcome!

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928

Posted by Lucie Lu on July 7, 2008, at 19:23:44

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 12:29:47

Healing, if I am understanding you correctly, there is an awful lot of ambivalence for T2: loving feelings, longing, feelings of rapport, etc. and yet it also sounds like either he is not behaving in a trustworthy fashion or perhaps you are interpreting his behavior in that way. (I'm not criticizing, just trying to understand.) T1 on the other hand sounds perhaps more boring ;) but more solid and in your court. Am I right in picking up this ambivalence for T2 and if so, what do you think that's about? It may be helpful in terms of helping to resolve your feelings for him if you can clarify them.
And could you just return to T1? If you can work together OK maybe he can help you deal with your feelings about terminating with T2.
So sorry you are hurting.
-Lucie

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 19:40:19

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928, posted by Lucie Lu on July 7, 2008, at 19:23:44

I connected with t2 from the start. When I had T1 i was much younger, and very shy. I didn't open up to him, but I think I can do that now. I was young when I started seeing him, so it was kind of like a teacher thing. T2 is more like a friend, nothing sexual. He sends me emails, and at first seemed to be there for me. Now I am wondering if that was just part of my therapy. He dx me with BPD, and t1 doesn't believe i have that. T2 is having some personal problems, and has really backed away, and is disappointed with my progress. It is just really confusing. Sometimes I just feel like he used me so he could have another BPD on his list of disorders he has treated.

SOrry, I don't know if i am making sense or not...

Healing

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy healing928

Posted by Lucie Lu on July 7, 2008, at 20:15:01

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 19:40:19


Well, I have to say that your T2's behaviour doesn't sound very professional or helpful. Maybe he is a nice man, one who you were able to connect with, but his inconsistency and all the emphasis on the BPD diagnosis now suggest that he may not be doing such a great job as your T. Maybe it is personal problems, as you suggest.

Now that you know you really can connect with a T, maybe it's time to go back to T1, who sounds good, and move your therapy forward from there.
You will feel sad losing your connection with T2 but perhaps strongly connecting with your old T will help you get over it.

Best of luck, Lucie

 

Re: major transference and terminating therapy

Posted by healing928 on July 6, 2013, at 23:42:27

In reply to Re: major transference and terminating therapy, posted by healing928 on July 7, 2008, at 19:40:19

After I wrote the below post so much happened.... Due to my phsyical health I don't remember the details but I went back to T2, but that was cut short when I got physically sick. He pretty much abandoned me. I have many health issues now and my daughter has autism. I think being in therapy covered up so much. I started therapy with t2 because I knew something was wrong, but he made it out to be about my anger. My anger was i knew something was wrong with my baby! anyway, I am beyond stuck. It turns out that my daughter and i have a genetic disorder and my health issues are so complex. t1 and I have a friend of a friend on facebook, i messaged him two weeks ago; he read it but won't respond. The last i talked with him was a few years ago. I remember calling him about my daughter and thinking she had autism. We got disconnected and he would never call me back. I don't get it. Is it guilt? For years he diagnosed me with bipolar but told him I didn't agree because my fatigue is not depression and then when my daughter having autism did he realize that he had a genetic component?? SO uncertain right now about so much..... Very tired, so hope this makes sense...
~Healing


w> I connected with t2 from the start. When I had T1 i was much younger, and very shy. I didn't open up to him, but I think I can do that now. I was young when I started seeing him, so it was kind of like a teacher thing. T2 is more like a friend, nothing sexual. He sends me emails, and at first seemed to be there for me. Now I am wondering if that was just part of my therapy. He dx me with BPD, and t1 doesn't believe i have that. T2 is having some personal problems, and has really backed away, and is disappointed with my progress. It is just really confusing. Sometimes I just feel like he used me so he could have another BPD on his list of disorders he has treated.
>
> SOrry, I don't know if i am making sense or not...
>
> Healing


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