Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 954658

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Transition with Old T not really working for me...

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 16, 2010, at 10:11:26

I talked to her on the phone this morning. The last 2 phone calls have been painful. I can feel and hear the difference in our connection -- in HER connection to me. You know, the connection she said would be there no matter what. Well it's not.

She's coming to town AGAIN and doesn't have time to see me. Three times. I asked her when she would be coming for longer and she said she has no plans to do so at this point. Before she retired, she was planning to be here every 6-8 weeks and I'd see her every other time or so at first. It's been 5 months since I've seen her and no end in sight.

I don't know if this is worse or better. I'm hurt, I'm sad and I'm angry.

 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me...

Posted by Dinah on July 16, 2010, at 14:01:02

In reply to Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by TherapyGirl on July 16, 2010, at 10:11:26

I wish she wouldn't tell you she's coming to town. It's rather insensitive of her.

I think that despite the best of intentions at the time, this type of relationship might be hard to maintain once therapy ends. Well, I suppose that's true of most relationships. I can't tell you the number of dear friends who have dropped out of my life. I'm sure she didn't lie at the time. But like promising college friends that we'll stay in touch, the relationship changes with no regular contact.

Maybe this is an extra step on the grieving process?

How is the new and different sort of therapist working out? I know they aren't interchangeable, but is she at least being helpful with the grief?

 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me...

Posted by Annierose on July 16, 2010, at 17:24:02

In reply to Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by Dinah on July 16, 2010, at 14:01:02

I think your former therapist is stumbling trying to help you with your grieving process while moving forward with her retirement. Over the phone, she keeps reminding you that she is retired, in effect, that she is no longer your therapist. She opened a can of worms in trying to help you and help herself make this transition "comfortable" ... which is impossible.

Sort of like ripping off a band-aide quickly vs. the slow and painful peal.

I think it would help to focus on the new therapist and your life without your former therapist (it is a balancing act that she is unable to figure out)... as painful and difficult as that process it ... I do understand.

As my therapist would say, "It hurts when your 'insert person here' disappoints you. But you are still okay."

 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me...

Posted by healingmysoul on July 16, 2010, at 22:50:12

In reply to Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by Annierose on July 16, 2010, at 17:24:02

TherapyGirl,

I agree with the previous post. My current t and i have had our up and downs. When it is up, therapy is great, but hwen it is down, it is really down! Two years ago i fired him and when back to t #1, and he stayed in contact with me. It was hard because he wanted to support me through this process, but I was never able to make a total break, so went back to him. I'm sure you wish this was an option, but therapy is meant to give us the tools so we can have healthy productive lives. I really think you need to start grieving and utilizing your current t.

Consider doing something this weekend that brings you joy and comfort.


 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me... Dinah

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 18, 2010, at 19:42:29

In reply to Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by Dinah on July 16, 2010, at 14:01:02

Thanks, Dinah. I totally agree about her telling me she's coming to town when she has no plans to see me. Here is our email exchange about that:

Hi, T:
Thanks for the phone call this morning. It was good to catch up with you.

I've been thinking about this a lot and I think I would prefer for you not to tell me when you are in the area unless you have time to see me. I get why you're telling me, but I think the chance of running into you is so minuscule that it will be easier for me if I just don't know. I hope you understand.

Thanks.
TG

That makes perfect sense. I was not thinking of it from that perspective and appreciate your letting me know what you need.

It was good to talk with you - look forward to next time.

T

So one problem is solved. I don't know what to do about the rest of it. I'm trying to figure out if it's more painful to stay in contact with her under these new more restrictive conditions or to cut loose. I don't have an answer for that yet.

New T is great, really. I just don't quite have enough of a connection to her to get very far with the grief thing. It will come, I know, and she's been good about bringing that up. I really do like her.

TG

 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me... Annierose

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 18, 2010, at 19:44:51

In reply to Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by Annierose on July 16, 2010, at 17:24:02

Thanks, AnnieRose. I don't know if I'm ready to give up quite yet, but what you say makes a lot of sense.

 

Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me... healingmysoul

Posted by TherapyGirl on July 18, 2010, at 19:46:05

In reply to Re: Transition with Old T not really working for me..., posted by healingmysoul on July 16, 2010, at 22:50:12

Thanks. I did have a fairly good weekend with my little guy and the pups.

I am using new T and I really like her, it's just going to take a little longer to build up our connection. She's great, though, and we are working on it.


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