Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 951371

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feeling the unthinkable

Posted by annierose on June 17, 2010, at 22:26:16

Although I have been in therapy for a really really really long time, I feel I always hit a brick wall eventually. When sharing stories about my childhood, it's more that I report to my therapist what I saw, what I went through and how I protected myself.

On Tuesday, during an added session, I felt a crack open in my emotional armor. It was a nice session and I left feeling more connected to my therapist.

Later that night, as I passively watched a movie while catching up on my e-mails, I overheard a scene from the movie ... wherein the girl, age 16, was left parentless. At that moment, I sobbed and sobbed. All these feelings of being left alone with no adult to help me came crashing into my being. It was a good cry. Although I was sad, it was a huge release to finally feel what I kept pushing away.

It's a start. Six years later ... and it's a freaking step forward... not a leap.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose

Posted by Workinprogress on June 17, 2010, at 22:39:33

In reply to feeling the unthinkable, posted by annierose on June 17, 2010, at 22:26:16

Annierose...

That is so awesome. I'm so happy for you- sounds like it feels good and you must feel so proud of yourself for that progress. I think it's absolutely a leap! Letting yourself actually feel those core feelings (even if it's what we know intellectually will help us- is really scary, we put up LOTS of unconscious barriers) is really hard. You overcame all that and are getting to a place of healing. I hope you'll think twice before minimizing such an important victory.

Xo
wip

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable Workinprogress

Posted by Annierose on June 19, 2010, at 17:36:47

In reply to Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose, posted by Workinprogress on June 17, 2010, at 22:39:33

thanks for the encouragement. i guess it feels more like a baby step because at my next appointment i was back in my head again. however ... once home, i felt those feelings again. it feels like i am crying for the little girl who was left alone - giving her my hugs, love and support.

so in that way, they are healing tears.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose

Posted by Dinah on June 20, 2010, at 15:18:25

In reply to feeling the unthinkable, posted by annierose on June 17, 2010, at 22:26:16

:)

I'm pleased for you Annierose. It is so special when things reach a new and deeper level. For me too, the feeling is the hardest thing to do. It's so much easier to think.

I remember a similar experience I had with the movie "What's Eating Gilbert Grape". It shook me to my toes.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable Dinah

Posted by Annierose on June 20, 2010, at 19:59:51

In reply to Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose, posted by Dinah on June 20, 2010, at 15:18:25

I think you are right in descibing it as special. I do feel a little different about my t right now in a good way. I often feel my relationship with her is more down than up - but I also recognize my own dysfunction in wanting to see it that way.

I told my t a few months ago, that the closer I feel towards her, the harder coming to therapy is for me. She said, "that's exactly right." I equate feeling close with feeling rejected so I protect myself around this. It's all so complicated and so difficult to unravel.

Dinah - there is a new therapist to like on TV. On Bravo, the reality show "Bethany getting married?" (who is a trip) goes to therapy with a fairly famous therapist [Dr. Amador - author of many books including 'I'm right, you're wrong, now what?']. Although he is a fairly regular contributor on the "Today Show" and "Good Morning America" he seems slightly awkward having their sessions taped for a TV show ... but I like him a lot. I like his comments and how he thinks.

Dr. Bob - I did not put the book in double quotes because my thought was not about the book - just to give Dinah a frame of referance to who Dr. Amador is in case she has read his books.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable Annierose

Posted by Dinah on June 21, 2010, at 17:39:48

In reply to Re: feeling the unthinkable Dinah, posted by Annierose on June 20, 2010, at 19:59:51

I'm trying to figure out how I'd feel about seeing real therapy.

I love reading case studies, and I love watching shows like "In Treatment". But I'm afraid someone showing real emotions might upset me too much. I love Dr. Drew, but I didn't make it past ten minutes of his rehab show.

Is it embarrassing? Or uncomfortable? I'd love to see a good therapist at work, but I'm not sure I want to see a real client with him.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose

Posted by deerock on June 22, 2010, at 10:51:12

In reply to feeling the unthinkable, posted by annierose on June 17, 2010, at 22:26:16

annie, how are you feeling today a few days after your post? reading your post brought up a feeling for me that comes up pretty often.

i often feel there is so much to understand and walk through and talk about and experience in therapy that it seems like therapy can help only a little. and when i get discouraged by this, i become really sad because therapy is really my main outlet for change and when i see that this can only help me a little bit, i feel very discouraged. i tell this to my T and she says sometimes a little can go a long way. and then i start to feel like that is a trite answer and not something that has any real bouyancy to it and not something that makes me feel more hopeful about therapy.

not trying to bring you down. just wondering if you can relate. i hope we can all find some freedom through this process. it often feels like there are many points which we come to that do not contain much freedom.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable deerock

Posted by Annierose on June 22, 2010, at 12:41:09

In reply to Re: feeling the unthinkable annierose, posted by deerock on June 22, 2010, at 10:51:12

I do feel some freedom from the sadness. And I still feel closer to my t. Which is really important right now since a ton of summer interruptions begin the following week.

 

Re: feeling the unthinkable Annierose

Posted by deerock on June 22, 2010, at 12:42:52

In reply to Re: feeling the unthinkable deerock, posted by Annierose on June 22, 2010, at 12:41:09

that is phenomenal. CONGRATULATIONS!!

dee


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