Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 915733

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

weirdest thing tonight...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27

i went to a friends birthday. she is lovely... but not many people would go... and so i went. to drinks and then to dinner afterwards. and then a few of us went to drinks after that... and then i lost people along the way (because my department is fairly social and it is hard to do anything without running into them) and then i met some other people at the bar (after introducing myself) and then i went off home and this other bar looked interesting (undergrad hangout if ever there was one( and then i met this guy there with dancing... and then they closed... and then we went to this other bar (if ever there was this other undergrad bar) and then...

he wanted to f*ck me. and i was like 'no - but if you want to be friends then that is cool - that is what i'm up for' and he seemed to be alright with that. but then it turned out that... he wasn't. and that... was kind of weird for me. i told him that i was like 30 and i'd 'been there done that' and i wasn't really up for that any more - it really wasn't my scene. but that if he had trouble getting home then i had a place on the floor but not really any spare pillows or blankets. and he seemed fine (and i was really prepared to at least top and tail) but when crunch obviously came to crunch - he was not fine.

and i ended up saying 'I know you told me you were 20 but really you are acting like you are 14'.

i mean... i'm used to guys wanting to get into your pants... but i'm also used to guys... basically sucking that up... and acting like friends... and... eventually meeting someone who they are happy with. and then accepting me as a friend if not before... but this guy... i'd been telling him all night, but he really didn't seem to understand or get that until i was insistant on the floor without a pillow situation (which i would have reneged on if he had been okay).

i don't get that. i mean... what is up with that??? he was like 'i can't be your friend because i really want to f*ck you'. and i was like 'well, that might be it, but i know a number of guys who have felt the same way and then changed their minds over time or else have met someone else who things have worked out while I have known them'. and most of them... are fine with that. but this guy was not.

what is up with that? i mean... i really am not that amazing. i feel ashamed... i mean... it sounds like a 'pathetic' thing to be worrying about. a 'perfect person' kind of a problem... only... i don't get what is so bad with that... wanting to just be friends. i mean... i don't wear 'sexy' clothes or anything... i really don't 'flaunt' in a sexy way or anything... what is up with that? i mean maybe 20 is the new 14 or something.... or i don't know... is it so very bad for me to hang out with undergrads given that i feel this way and i'm hanging out at bars where it is common knowledge that the majority of girlls who are dancing like me are just looking for a f*ck (or something - drinking age 18)... i don't know... what is up with that??? i don't know. 6am and i feel... not happy... something... maybe.... i really am too old for this... gym tomorrow... wish me luck...

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight...

Posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 15:05:48

In reply to weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27

here's the f*ck*ng crazy thing... if he had at least done a convincing display of being okay with just being friends... then... i would have shared my bed with him okay... and then... the next morning... he would have met a whole bunch of other people here. he probably... could have convinced some of them to make him bacon and eggs... or at least got a decent pot of coffee out of them... i certainly would have made him a decent coffee...

so... what is up with that?

i mean... am i so dispicable as a person that i'm not worth knowing unless you get to f*ck me (and i'm really not counting at that at all working in my favor) or what???

At the moment i'm going with the 'not in your life' hypothesis. i mean... mr man may have thought i was a candiate for a time... but my smoking and (more to the point) my absence of exercise thing... affected him conversely...

at the moment i'm going with the 'you might think you love me / want to f*ck me' hypothesis but...
'you don't really know me / my body' hypothesis. i'm also thinking that... i can change my body / my attitude towards myself (that admittedly is really very unattractive) but that... why the f*ck should it matter? i mean... it does. in the eyes of others. and indeed in the eyes of myself. but why the f*ck should it mater? i mean... if someone doesn't love me no matter what then how much do they love me really? but then... i'm starting to like my body in a way that i really didn't before... so how much can i hold that against someone???

upshot: humanity sucks. if i feel like it then... i guess it is okay... but my body is a comoddity - i mean really... how much am i fooling myself in thinking that others view it as anything but???

it is a commodity and you cannot afford the price = my self worth.

i hate me. i suck :-(

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k

Posted by twilight on September 4, 2009, at 16:39:06

In reply to Re: weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 15:05:48

Hello Alexandra, yes, that guy was just that, a 20 year old loser. Move on from this incident. I am also in my 30's and actually do avoid those types of bars now. You'll do better at a more adult bar. Forget about this incident, it's no big deal.

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k

Posted by henrietta on September 4, 2009, at 18:40:32

In reply to weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27

Alex:
YOU are lovely. You most definitely don't suck. He sucks, he's the problem. If you have a problem it's that you need to care enough about yourself to avoid getting mixed up with a@@ho@les.
((((Alex))))
hen

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight...

Posted by henrietta on September 4, 2009, at 18:54:04

In reply to Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k, posted by henrietta on September 4, 2009, at 18:40:32

Easier said than done, I know. Sorry.
((((Alex))))

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k

Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2009, at 19:53:18

In reply to weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27

What he did had to do with who he was and what he was looking for. It doesn't say anything at all about you.

You are a wonderful friend. It's his loss that he wasn't looking for a friend.

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight...

Posted by Nadezda on September 5, 2009, at 0:08:27

In reply to Re: weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 15:05:48

Alex, don't let this one guy shape what you think about anything, especially yourself, people's view of you, your body, or the overall worth of humanity.

He's one loutish guy, whom you had the misfortune to run into at a bar one night. You had the good grace to be kind to him; he had the bad grace not to be able to appreciate or take some meaning from it.

So much the worse for him. Really. Don't beat yourself up on his account. You don't deserve it.

Nadezda

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k

Posted by henrietta on September 5, 2009, at 7:40:06

In reply to weirdest thing tonight..., posted by alexandra_k on September 4, 2009, at 14:45:27

Alexandra, I'm really sorry. I wrote in haste. I protect myself by being closed up, and it's not a route I would ever recommend. One of the most lovely things about you is your openess, your willingness to put yourself out there, to take risks in the name of friendship, generosity of spirit, and authenticity, and I hope you never lose that. I just hope you can deeply know that when you encounter less-evolved souls it is they who are in need of enlightenment, not you.

 

Re: weirdest thing tonight...

Posted by Phillipa on September 6, 2009, at 12:58:54

In reply to Re: weirdest thing tonight... alexandra_k, posted by henrietta on September 5, 2009, at 7:40:06

Yes Alex you're a lovely person body, spirit and sould and he's the one with the problem. Been there done that with the guy and sex thing. Love Phillipa


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