Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 915170

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Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.)

Posted by Danneh on August 31, 2009, at 22:09:37

I have this friend, whom I'm extremely close to. The other day, a third party observer pointed out something that made me pause.

We're emotionally connected- but in such a way, we work in opposites.

It's almost as if we're both holding onto a rope, and who ever has the most rope on their side gets to be happy.

Which is odd- because I have extreme mood swings and he doesn't.

and I don't think it's a reaction to each other-
because... for example- this morning.

I woke up extremely happy, and we ride together in the mornings- so I was waiting outside for him.

The moment he arrived, he was in a bad mood. He 'emotionally attacked' me- which, we do probably a bit more often than we should. but that's not the point. We're argumentative, it's what we do.

By the time he was done venting his anger out on me, my good mood was gone- and we both kind of lulled for a moment. then he became inexplicably happy.

For the first few hours of the morning, I was extremely upset by a few of the things he said- however, eventually one of my friends cheered me up.

As we got to the lunch room, and even before I had spotted him- she mentions that he looks like he just lost his favorite teddy bear.

and he really did.

but I was happy anyway.

When I arrived home, I needed to fetch something from his house- so I skipped down there in an unusually perky mood.

I'm pretty sure if he didn't see crying an insult to his manliness, he would of been. His eyes were red and he was rubbing his head.

but I just couldn't seem to come down from my high.

the thing is- this is normal for us.
and it isn't as though we see each other before our emotions come into play.

He doesn't know I'm depressed before he bursts into my room singing about Cheerios.

and I don't know he's upset before I come skipping down to inform him that I just made crayons.

and due to the third parties observation... I just had to go back and think..

I honestly cannot think of a time where we were both.. happy.
Content? yes.
but normally we rest on opposite emotions.

Does anyone know of a reason this might happen?

 

Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.)

Posted by backseatdriver on September 1, 2009, at 11:36:27

In reply to Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.), posted by Danneh on August 31, 2009, at 22:09:37

This reminds me of psychological "enmeshment," where members of a family sort of "distribute" emotional work over the whole family. So the father might be emotionally reserved or withholding and the mother, to compensate, might overreact to everything. Over time, both the mother and the father reinforce these "characteristic" behaviors in each other -- each becomes more "himself" or "herself." (In the worst case, each becomes a caricature of himself or herself.) Enmeshment isn't necessarily bad -- it might be a good way of dealing with naturally differing temperaments, for instance. Everyone gets a role in the family that's suited to their emotional style.

 

Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.) Danneh

Posted by obsidian on September 1, 2009, at 19:57:53

In reply to Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.), posted by Danneh on August 31, 2009, at 22:09:37

I think I've had that...a friend with whom I am in a separate mood from, sometimes I think I just make her anxious, I'm just a little too crazy for her I think...maybe too moody, but I think she over-reacts to my emotions. I can express my emotions, it's that I just feel things very deeply and I think it scares her, but I am generally in pretty good control.

...but back to your question- why would you be in so very different moods? I don't know, but it must suck because depressed people usually don't want to be around happy people and vice versa, so it's too bad you can't likely have quality time with them...but maybe somehow you are managing it? because you said you feel emotionally connected. This sounds interesting.

 

Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.)

Posted by Danneh on September 2, 2009, at 18:38:48

In reply to Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.) Danneh, posted by obsidian on September 1, 2009, at 19:57:53

The thing is- we do have a connection, and we spend a lot of time around each other.

Mostly because the one who is happy, won't leave the one who isn't alone.

The happier of us always tries to cheer the other up, which either fails so that the person stays upset, or we switch.

Occasionally we get a lull of just.. calmness. not really happy and not really sadness... but honestly, some of our best memories are when we're both at extremes.

There is nothing like being upset and depressed, and having someone come over and force you to bake cookies with them.

 

Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.)

Posted by obsidian on September 2, 2009, at 20:24:33

In reply to Re: Emotionally Connected(but oppositely so.), posted by Danneh on September 2, 2009, at 18:38:48

yeah, that does sound really sweet, having someone there who knows what you're going through
I'm not sure I have a lot of people who really know what I am going through. I'm afraid though that at times it's been fairly obvious, that I've been really out of it at times or that I am barely dragging myself through the dirt, and those times that I have been so irritable that I could barely stand to be touched, so fragile sometimes.

I don't think I talk too often about what that's like, except to some degree with my therapist. The giddy times I can barely remember.
These are things that are hard to describe.


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