Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 913334

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New here, need help with new therapist

Posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

Hello,

I have read posts here but would like to ask a question myself. I started to see a PhD psychologist. I have seen the psychologist 2x so far. I did not go back for quite a few weeks because I felt no connection the first time. But I decided after reading posts here that a connection can take time. I did go back and even after the second time felt no connection. During both the first and second session I got tearful about something traumatic and the psychologist said nothing. Offered up no compassionate words. I take the silence to be indifference. Also, during the first session psychologist was asking me repeatedly "what do you expect from me". Not "what brings you here, or what issues would you like to work on" but "what do you expect from me". I honestly didn't know what that meant in the context I was in, but tried my best to answer it and psychologist kept asking it. At least 5-6 times. Went back for the second visit and psychologist started in on the same thing. "What do you expect of me". I thought since I had told what some of my issues were the first session, we would begin to work on some of them the second time, but no such luck. The psychologist seems very detached. I am a touchy, feely kind of person and am really having alot of anxiety about the detached persona. Although I have told my issues not once has this person said, "that is too bad or I am sorry".. I mean no caring response. And I was relaying something very heavy. If a T is causing me so much anxiety before we have even gotten underway with therapy, what should I do? I have a follow up appointment but have had nothing but actual nightmares about this person. Thank you for any insight or feedback. This is causing me great angst. I went into therapy for some help with traumatic events such as witnessing attempted murder of a relative, etc. Was very shocked whe T just sat there as I revealed this and said nothing. I need verbal support in a concerned and caring way. I know this is a professional relationship and nothing more, but am I making sense?

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil

Posted by antigua3 on August 21, 2009, at 12:50:17

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

Just a thought. Your psychologist may be using psychoanalytic technique, which means you will get a blank slate response from him. He won't say anything; you're to look inside of yourself to see what that kind of response this brings up in you and tell him.

I've told my psychiatrist that I hate the blank slate. It just makes me feel worse. Indifference is a great choice of words.

My pdoc has never said "that is too bad" or "I'm sorry." He just says, "you went through some awful (terrible, etc.) things as a child."

I told him I wanted him to say exactly what you want. He was pleased that I told him, and I guess by telling him, I was getting this from myself.

It's very difficult to deal with such a seemingly detached person, but they do have their ways of getting to our issues.

You might want to consider psychodynamic therapy as that is much more touchy, feely at least in my years of experience with my therapist.

Can you articulate what it is that you want from him? If so, that's a first step.
good luck,
antigua

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil

Posted by catlady on August 21, 2009, at 15:44:58

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

> I read your post and I am sorry about how detached your therapist seems to be. If he asks again what do you expect from me, you can say I expect you to be compassionate, caring, sympathetic, less indifferent etc; I want to work on some of the issues that we talked about. In other words, tell him exactly what you need then see how he responds. The idea is to be as honest as you can. It just might be that your therapist doesn't know he is coming off as indifferent. I know it's hard especially when you haven't been seeing him for very long.

The other thing is sometimes therapists and clients are not a good fit. There are some therapists out there who can't give us what we want. Like the poster before said, a lot of it depends upon what kind of therapy they practice.

I hope this was helpful.

Hello,
>
> I have read posts here but would like to ask a question myself. I started to see a PhD psychologist. I have seen the psychologist 2x so far. I did not go back for quite a few weeks because I felt no connection the first time. But I decided after reading posts here that a connection can take time. I did go back and even after the second time felt no connection. During both the first and second session I got tearful about something traumatic and the psychologist said nothing. Offered up no compassionate words. I take the silence to be indifference. Also, during the first session psychologist was asking me repeatedly "what do you expect from me". Not "what brings you here, or what issues would you like to work on" but "what do you expect from me". I honestly didn't know what that meant in the context I was in, but tried my best to answer it and psychologist kept asking it. At least 5-6 times. Went back for the second visit and psychologist started in on the same thing. "What do you expect of me". I thought since I had told what some of my issues were the first session, we would begin to work on some of them the second time, but no such luck. The psychologist seems very detached. I am a touchy, feely kind of person and am really having alot of anxiety about the detached persona. Although I have told my issues not once has this person said, "that is too bad or I am sorry".. I mean no caring response. And I was relaying something very heavy. If a T is causing me so much anxiety before we have even gotten underway with therapy, what should I do? I have a follow up appointment but have had nothing but actual nightmares about this person. Thank you for any insight or feedback. This is causing me great angst. I went into therapy for some help with traumatic events such as witnessing attempted murder of a relative, etc. Was very shocked whe T just sat there as I revealed this and said nothing. I need verbal support in a concerned and caring way. I know this is a professional relationship and nothing more, but am I making sense?

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist

Posted by Moonshadow on August 21, 2009, at 17:26:10

In reply to Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil, posted by catlady on August 21, 2009, at 15:44:58

Just my $ .02, but I would seek out another therapist. This one does not match up with what you feel comfortable with and you've given him a good shot. There are so many excellent, warm T's out there, with a style that may match up with you better.

Good luck!

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil

Posted by obsidian on August 21, 2009, at 18:30:37

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

I say try another. Maybe this T is just not a good fit for you. There's nothing wrong with trying someone else.
good luck,
sid

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil

Posted by softheprairie on August 22, 2009, at 4:41:37

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

I also think you should look elsewhere. He's just a poor fit for you. Be glad you didn't invest a lot of time, effort, and more money on him than you did.
I'm not sure about this part, but maybe you could talk to a few prospective ones on the phone and see how they answer a few questions before even putting forth the effort of an initial appointment. And/or, I think some people have talked about trying an initial appointment with multiple therapists and then staying with the one they felt best with. Of course, it would give me a lot of anxiety to have to interact with some and then turn them down, but, I do know most people here would reply that the Ts take that as part of their job, they can handle it, etc.

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist pweil

Posted by sassyfrancesca on August 24, 2009, at 12:40:35

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

Sounds as if he doesn't have empathy. If that is true, how can he help anybody?!

I couldn't be with a t who was a "blank slate." From my research, etc.....the "blank slate" is not used much anymore. It makes no sense.

I am also, huggy, kissy, touchy-feely, and I need someone who engages with me. Without that, I might as well talk t a wall!

I'd find someone else who gives you what you need.

Hugs, Sassy

When he says "what do you expect of me?" Sounds like he has no idea what to say to you or how to respond.

I would tell him: I expect you to react to my conversation, ask good questions, and help me with my issues. That is why I am here.

Yes, you are making sense; you are paying this person for a service you are not getting. I would get another psycholgist....yesterday!

 

Re: New here, need help with new therapist

Posted by LadyBelle31 on September 5, 2009, at 3:40:02

In reply to New here, need help with new therapist, posted by pweil on August 21, 2009, at 12:33:51

First impressions are crucial and while his technique of not responding might be valuable to your therapy sessions-it doesn't seem like a good personality match for you-and even so I would hope he would care enough about you to sit down and first explain his treatment Approach so you can ask qwuestions and find out if his style is compatabile to address your needs. I don't think you should continue to meet with a professional who made you feel like you described. There are so many excellent therapist's out there who when you meet your perfect match-wll be such a comforting thing for you and allow you to safely open up and explore your thoughts and feelings without a blank stare response. Goodluck and you did a nice job of trying to give things a second chance... But remember, your therapist is not like family and friends--you can really choose your own to fit you best with no obligations to "have to try to make it work" :).


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