Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 912521

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random thoughts...don't bother to read :-)

Posted by obsidian on August 16, 2009, at 23:46:18

I just need to write, and it's easiest to do it here (in some ways), and because in fact I have a lot going on. My T and pdoc are away. I want to change my meds, my career, my education, my residence. In fact all of this will be changing for me in the relatively near future. It's going to be a wild ride I'm sure.
Today however, my mood is relatively stable, but that will change. Medication will continue to be part of the glue that will keep me together. My thoughts of throwing all the meds out the window will have to wait I think.
As usual, it doesn't make much sense to me to think of myself as someone "requiring" medication. In fact I feel guilty that anyone would think so, that I've somehow led them to believe that by telling them the truth. The truth is subjective though. I am simultaneously hopeful about what med combo might help me attain greater stability...funny aren't I? Mood disordered? I don't know..intense? surely, but who isn't.
I think I need to simplify. Things are too complicated...too many possessions, wish I could just pick up and wander if I needed to, but I know I'm not built like that. I'd never be one of those people who travels out into the wilderness...but I do feel stuck.
I used to think that things would fall into some type of natural order...I know that's not true anymore. I wish I could just forget myself, live in whatever moment there is, but I keep wanting so many things.
Again, I have so many changes coming up and what I have written is so very vague. I can't be any clearer here, but so many changes, not sure if for better or worse.
ah well....
-sid

 

deja vu ;-) all over again (nm)

Posted by obsidian on August 16, 2009, at 23:47:21

In reply to random thoughts...don't bother to read :-), posted by obsidian on August 16, 2009, at 23:46:18

 

Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) obsidian

Posted by Dinah on August 17, 2009, at 11:17:40

In reply to random thoughts...don't bother to read :-), posted by obsidian on August 16, 2009, at 23:46:18

I hate change. :( I especially hate when a bunch of them happen at once.

Is it possible to think about the things that won't change? Babble will be here. I'm sure there are other unchanging things. Sometimes when I feel myself anxious about that, I anchor myself in the constants - even if they aren't particularly good constants.

 

Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) obsidian

Posted by Angela2 on August 17, 2009, at 13:43:13

In reply to random thoughts...don't bother to read :-), posted by obsidian on August 16, 2009, at 23:46:18

Hey Sid. I can relate to your post. I need a change too. Natural order...I know. I thought that too and now know too that it's not true. I think...making your life into something that makes you happy is something ppl have to work at sometimes. at least, I do. You say you have changes coming up. Are these inevitable changes or changes you have made?

I think it's good to just "post" and vent sometimes. I need to do that too. I have a blog, but too many people know about it and I am a private person. Venting is good and so is posting because you can sort out your thoughts. Hope you're feeling better. Angela

 

Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) Dinah

Posted by obsidian on August 17, 2009, at 20:14:49

In reply to Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) obsidian, posted by Dinah on August 17, 2009, at 11:17:40

yeah, I will have some constants. I sometimes long for a life that is simpler, more predictable, that progressed at some expected pace, that didn't leave me wondering.
I won't jinx myself though by forgetting that I have a lot to be grateful for. I feel like I'm whining, I know I am. I'll surely weather these changes. I sometimes just want things to be settled and manageable, and I'm not sure I've ever felt that.

 

Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) Angela2

Posted by obsidian on August 17, 2009, at 20:18:51

In reply to Re: random thoughts...don't bother to read :-) obsidian, posted by Angela2 on August 17, 2009, at 13:43:13

thanks Angela, I do need to sort things out. These are mostly changes I am initiating, generally because I think they are necessary. They aren't changes I completely embrace, but ones I think are necessary for my own self care and in order to meet my responsibilities.

I'm in organizing and problem solving mode I suppose...hope I don't muck things up.
thanks,
sid


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