Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 909724

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can't deal (triggers)

Posted by Garnet71 on August 1, 2009, at 17:26:48

How do you stop painful thoughts and emotions from renumerating through your mind? I feel immobilized and have not able to do anything for the last few days. I'm finishing up the semester, have loads of work and final exams, but can't do a thing and haven't gone to class.

I tried Prozac 10 mg a few days ago, but starting having suicidal thoughts so I quit after 2 days of taking it. I also have klonopin but have not yet taken it because I'm afraid of it making me worse off as in tired. I am avoiding xanax during the day, but still take it at night just to get some sleep.

Repressed emotions from childhood opened with a new therapist a few weeks ago. I was traumatized by the situation and have not yet recovered. He handled the situation horribly, and I haven't found a new therapist yet.

Thoughts of being objectified by this doctor are renumerating through my mind over and over and over and over again. The last time I felt like this was about 9 years ago, when I was in a relationship with a narcissist. Already well into the relationship, it was upon the sudden realization that I was viewed as nothing more than an object to him that triggered these emotions and I was then diagnosed with PTSD.

There is something about being objectified that is extremely triggering for me, and I can't think of anythign that causes more pain inside. It probably has something to do with how I was treated as a child. My parents never showed me love, or gave me emotional warmth. My mother neglected me and never protected me from SA and emotional abuse. Like I never mattered or really existed.

I wish I could just disassociate from all of this. Why aren't my coping mechanisms working? For a couple days, I turned the situation around-pretending it was a positive thing and that more positive effects would come out of it. That strategy is no longer working.

I can't stop crying and thinking about this and am now scared I'm going to fail the semester as I only have a few more days to accomplish a tremendous amount of work that the longer I wait, the more humanly impossible it will be to finish it all.

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71

Posted by Deneb on August 1, 2009, at 18:15:25

In reply to can't deal (triggers), posted by Garnet71 on August 1, 2009, at 17:26:48

I'm sorry to hear about your pain. I'm not sure what would help. If it were me I'd take some Risperdal, I find it stops unwanted thoughts and blunts bad emotions.

Are you going to find another T? I think you may need a T to get over seeing your previous T.

I really feel for you. School is really stressful, especially when you are behind. Is there any way you could get extensions from your profs? My pdoc always recommended just doing the studying though. It is the best solution, just don't worry about getting a good mark, just do as much as you can and be happy if you pass. Don't worry if you are not able to get everything done, as long as you gave it your best shot and did all you could do.

 

Re: can't deal (triggers)

Posted by Garnet71 on August 1, 2009, at 19:48:43

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71, posted by Deneb on August 1, 2009, at 18:15:25

Thanks, Deneb. I wish I could try some of your Risperdal right now. I've been trying to find information on meds that help with this, but it seems the only thing recommended are SSRIs, which take a long time to work. Plus, I've had really adverse reactions to them. I guess I should try a klonopin. I was worried it would make me too tired to study-yet, I'm doing nothing anyway so what do i have to lose?

I'm afraid there are no short term solutions. I know have prozac, tons of xanax and klonopin, and dextroamphetamine. Yet, I don't think anything will help me concentrate at this point.

I'm not so concerned with grades as I am merely passing, and it takes a lot of effort just to pass this program...I've seen some of the work done by my classmates and I've never seen a level of perfectionism and overachievement like that before. It seems pretty hopeless right now-everything.

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71

Posted by Deneb on August 2, 2009, at 3:12:06

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers), posted by Garnet71 on August 1, 2009, at 19:48:43

I agree, you should take the klonopin. Maybe if it makes you tired you can drink some coffee or something, but being tired sounds preferable to your emotional state right now which isn't letting you study at all.

Try hard not to compare yourself to other people. It will only bring you down if you compare yourself to those perfectionists when you are at this rough time in your life. Put into your position, I'm sure those perfectionists would have trouble too.

I know the fear of not knowing whether or not you will pass a class. It's not useful to condemn yourself to failure before you've even failed. Nothing is certain until you get your grade. I thought I failed my class for sure after I wrote the final exam, but it turns out I got a D, which is a pass.

Try studying a bit even when you don't feel like it. Studying may just be the thing to keep your mind off things right now. I find I feel better when I am busy and don't have time to ruminate. Try not to worry about passing or failing. Just concentrate on learning the material. You don't need the extra pressure on top of all your other stuff. Try your best and if you fail it is not the end of the world. It's just a class, not your life.

 

Re: can't deal (triggers)

Posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 9:41:45

In reply to can't deal (triggers), posted by Garnet71 on August 1, 2009, at 17:26:48

No competition wanted here..lol. In grad school, you have to have a B ave. to pass....and the 'average' here is really well above average, that's all I'm sayin'...

But I'm much better today. I told myself last night-don't worry, tomorrow is a new day.

That was sweet of you, Deneb, for saying all that. I feel much better after getting that all out, talking about it...I really can 'deal', just had a temporary setback is all.

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71

Posted by obsidian on August 2, 2009, at 11:15:52

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers), posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 9:41:45

how do you feel the therapist objectified you?

when these emotions come up, it's been my experience that you have to have some kind of experience different than you did in the past

meaning: you don't want to feel like it's all the same stuff all over again, and it sounds like unfortunate timing with you current responsibilities

deneb gave some good advice about the school stuff. I'm sorry you had a bad experience with the T..it doesn't have to be that way. I'd go with the klonopin too and see how you feel. You can get through this.
be well,
sid

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) obsidian

Posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 12:27:12

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71, posted by obsidian on August 2, 2009, at 11:15:52

When I was in a state of emotional distress, and right after telling T about sexual abuse, he was cold and unempathetic and disconnected. I allowed myself to trust him, had a parent/child attachment dynamic with him, so it was rather traumatic. I don't think it's me, per say, but something to do with him. Still, his reaction was disturbing and it really hurt me.

With T, it felt/seemed almost identicial to a situation that happened almost 10 years ago, where my bf-one of the few people I allowed myself to trust and share SA past and other intense emotions--reacted to my emotional distress in a similar way. After being in a relationship with him for some time, I found information and suddenly realized I was only regarded as an 'object' to him. I was shocked and horrified--and he reacted with no empathy or connection to my pain and had no remorse for things he did that knowlingly hurt me. With him, it also had nothing to do with me-he was like this before me and after me. Yet, when you invest your emotions and trust in someone, and after believing them to be safe, it hurts.

I know this all relates to childhood trauma and abuse. But that is all repressed, so in my adult life, I've recently realized these emotions come out only when I feel objectified. SA definitely implies objectification-being viewed an object for sexual gratification rather than a human being with needs and emotions. People who sexually abuse are not thinking of you as a whole person-just a sexual object.

As a young child, I didn't 'deserve' to have my needs met, be protected, nurtured. It was as if I didn't exist as a person to them, but an object who doesn't have feelings or needs.

There is an unhuman element about this that is very disturbing to me-it triggers me. I've been in situations with total strangers or mere acquaintences who showed more caring and emphathy with me in certain situations, and me for them. Except I wouldn't be triggered if a stranger was mean or cold to me if I was upset about something. These emotions seem to be connected only with people who I allowed myself to trust and initially felt safe with.

So PTSD symptoms manifested again. I really need therapy and soon :(

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71

Posted by Phillipa on August 2, 2009, at 15:29:05

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers) obsidian, posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 12:27:12

Hi Garnet yeah!!!! you made it through the semester when you didn't think you could. Now I am sure you will do very well on your finals. For the short haul try and think positively. You can do it!!!! Love Phillipa

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Phillipa

Posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 19:57:41

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71, posted by Phillipa on August 2, 2009, at 15:29:05

Thanks, Phillipa :) I have 6 classes, but was only able to get my work done for one of them this weekend - and it was the easiest one. This is pretty bad :( But I'm better now. I tried the Klonopin-just .5 mg gave me a headache and made me so sleepy, went back to sleep and got hardly anything accomplished.

Three years of therapy in the past, and I never knew I had a childhood attachment issue...how strange is that?

 

Re: can't deal (triggers) Garnet71

Posted by Phillipa on August 2, 2009, at 20:55:29

In reply to Re: can't deal (triggers) Phillipa, posted by Garnet71 on August 2, 2009, at 19:57:41

Garnet not meant in a negative way but I know for myself when I go to a doc or therapist it seems like I just get worse as something always is found. So I'm staying away from them for now. Six subjects? That's way too much in my opinion only. Just get the finals over and your degree will be in what? Love Phillipa


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