Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 850293

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Going through life stages you should have already

Posted by lemonaide on September 4, 2008, at 12:32:41

This is just something I have been thinking about and I brought it up in therapy the other day. I told my T about how irresponsible I am being, I stay up late because I can, I read all day and totally neglect the house chores. I used to have an organized house Martha Stewart
would be proud of. lol Well now it is more like a Rosanne Barr type house. The thing is that I do feel guilty but in a way I don't care.

My T's take on this is that I never in my life as a child or teen able to be irresponsible. So he thinks I am going through a phase and he thinks it is good as long as my kids aren't starving. Well I said my daughter has taken over the cooking. lol

He sees it as a pendulum, in my earlier life, I had to be super responsible even
as a child, something beyond normal for most kids.
Now the pendulum is swinging towards being irresponsible and carefree because I can somewhat. Kinda like teen who can be irresponsible somewhat because they live with their parents. He thinks sometimes we need to swing the pendulum in both directions to come to an equilibrium.
I forget exactly what he said at the end, but he made a joke about not wanting to cause any rebellion in me because he has had enough of that with being a father of 6 kids. I said Halloween is coming up and I know where he parks his car and I have a huge stash of TP and soap!
So now I am teen, and everyone can bite me! lol
But serious though, does this make any sense to anyone. Am I going through a phase?

 

Re: Going through life stages you should have alre

Posted by sassyfrancesca on September 4, 2008, at 13:00:45

In reply to Going through life stages you should have already, posted by lemonaide on September 4, 2008, at 12:32:41

Hey, sweetie! I've thought of myself as 18 all of my life, LOL, LOL

I am the artistic type (so I can blame it on that!!): not good with money, and do just enugh in the house so it looks presentable!

I hate housework or any kind of work. I just want to dance, sing, write, talk on the phone, eat ice cream and have fun.

instead (being divorced after 31 years of abuse), I am alone (excruciating), paying the bills,, figuring out taxes, stuff about the car and house; wondering how I am going to live on next to nothing. I'd love to be irresponible.

I only do what I HAVE to, cause no one is ever going to stand at my grave and say: "Wow, she dusted great." Sheesh....who cares.

Life is short; have fun.

Hugs n Love, Sassy

Did I answer the question!? LOL---Sorry, I got on a roll!

 

Re: Going through life stages you should have alre lemonaide

Posted by Tamar on September 4, 2008, at 15:23:55

In reply to Going through life stages you should have already, posted by lemonaide on September 4, 2008, at 12:32:41

I can relate to that! I didn't have the awful childhood that you had, but my mid and late teens were not at all good - my parents were both unavailable and my father was a big bully. I had lots of responsibilities that my friends didn't.

And the last three years or so I've felt that my adult responsibilities are too much to deal with. But I can't escape from them yet because my kids are still young. So I sometimes get very resentful.

In August my husband took the kids to visit his sister's family for a week. So I was all by myself for an entire week, with no responsibilities except to feed myself and attend to basic personal hygiene. I felt just fine. The depression lifted. I listened to music, read books, went for walks, cooked spicy food (which everyone else in my family hates) and even did some of the housework I'd been avoiding. But as soon as they came home I felt miserable again.

I want to go through a teenage phase but I think I have to wait a few years until the kids are older.

 

Re: Going through life stages you should have already lemonaide

Posted by rskontos on September 4, 2008, at 16:56:25

In reply to Going through life stages you should have already, posted by lemonaide on September 4, 2008, at 12:32:41

As Ducky in "The Land Before Time" says, Yep Yep Yep. I am in teen land too then. I don't want to be responsible for anything. Not even me. I would like to just go float on the water, enjoying the breeze, with a never-ending supple of books, and food delivered when I desire it and cleared away when I need it gone. That is all. Is that, I ask too much to ask for. Apparently.

And don't think a new house makes a difference. Not one bit. Even one you helped choose, which I did. I still don't want to clean it. I wish I was bewitched so I just twitch my nose and the mess would go away and there would be food, laundry done, etc. Oh, now I am tired just thinking about all I didn't do.

Well, I do appreciate your T labelling it as a phase. I guess now I can hope I will outgrow this "phase" I am in.

So, Lemonaide, don't beat yourself up, you have company in this "phase". We can call it Mid-teenage years I guess. LOL Let's think up a new name for our phase.

so let's not beat ourselves up over it. I can't say it makes sense but I can't seem to much about it and I seem to recall with my teenagers going through it the first time I could not do much about their apathy either.

rsk


 

Re: Going through life stages you should have already rskontos

Posted by lemonaide on September 5, 2008, at 8:33:30

In reply to Re: Going through life stages you should have already lemonaide, posted by rskontos on September 4, 2008, at 16:56:25

Ohhh, I LOVE DUCKY! yup, yup yup!

I am glad he is calling it a phase too. I can't say it is because I am depressed because I'm not really anymore. Except these migraines and cold sores are getting me down a little.

My T did say I needed to work on the guilt I feel for being irresponsible. Seems kinda backwards to me. But I am going with it, if he thinks so. haha!

 

Re: Going through life stages you should have alre sassyfrancesca

Posted by lemonaide on September 5, 2008, at 8:34:46

In reply to Re: Going through life stages you should have alre, posted by sassyfrancesca on September 4, 2008, at 13:00:45

LOL, sassy,

Your response didn't surprise me at all! haha!

I like that you love who you are, someday I will get there. (((((twin)))

 

Re: Going through life stages you should have alre Tamar

Posted by lemonaide on September 5, 2008, at 8:39:10

In reply to Re: Going through life stages you should have alre lemonaide, posted by Tamar on September 4, 2008, at 15:23:55

Hi Tamar,

I don't remember how old your kids are, but you are right you can't totally be irresponsible when you have kids. I know they still need me even though they are pretty independent. They can wash their own clothes, clean their rooms, make simple meals. (call 911 if they have to)

So I am being irresponsible, but not totally. Wow, a week alone, that sounds like heaven! I don't think I have even had a weekend alone, but a whole week. wow!


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