Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 847432

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Re: It really doesn't matter Dinah

Posted by twinleaf on August 23, 2008, at 14:04:09

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter twinleaf, posted by Dinah on August 23, 2008, at 13:52:20

It's wonderful that even though your relationship together has spanned thirteen years, new, closer, deeper and more profound things are occurring between the two of you now. It's like a well which can never run dry.

 

Re: It really doesn't matter Dinah

Posted by raisinb on August 23, 2008, at 15:05:23

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter twinleaf, posted by Dinah on August 23, 2008, at 13:52:20

I know exactly how you feel. Therapy is fragile. The boundaries are needed.

This is exactly why I didn't want my therapist talking to my new pdoc. Neither one of them understood this. My therapist and I had to process my "forgetting" to sign the release form for it for a whole session. She was happy that I identified therapy as something precious I wanted to protect. Tell your therapist he should be too.

 

Re: It really doesn't matter

Posted by Annierose on August 25, 2008, at 11:28:12

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter twinleaf, posted by Dinah on August 23, 2008, at 13:52:20

I would be uncomfortable too ... as far as going on a walk with my therapist. The saftey of the four walls contains my emotional self. There is a fantasy (for me) of going for a walk with my therapist, casually, as friends, but the reality of actually going on a therapeutic walk would scare the daylights out of me. And the outdoor stimulation of cars honking, police sirens wailing, sunlight in my eyes ... YUCK! Give me a a cozy couch, dimmed lights and silence.

 

Re: It really doesn't matter

Posted by susan47 on August 25, 2008, at 17:03:31

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter, posted by Annierose on August 25, 2008, at 11:28:12

A therapist in the real world? I think about my ex-T in the real world and I want to piss myself.

The fear is unbelievable. But when I see him the rest of the world disappears, and it's just him and me on my little Island of Hope ... Sarah M's songs must have been written about someone like a t .. or just by someone in love, really in love.

Falling in love means loving yourself.
Therapists can really hurts patients.
Doctors can hurt patients.
They might not be meaning exactly, to do that.
But why does it happen?

So now that we know why it happens, we can stop it, can't we? Can't we?

 

Re: It really doesn't matter twinleaf

Posted by antigua3 on August 25, 2008, at 18:09:09

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter Dinah, posted by twinleaf on August 23, 2008, at 11:24:50

Chesnut Lodge? Now that was a great place.
antigua

 

Re: It really doesn't matter

Posted by fleeting flutterby on August 26, 2008, at 13:49:33

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter Dinah, posted by twinleaf on August 23, 2008, at 11:24:50

Gee-- once again it seems I'm in the minority..... though...*blushing*.... I've been told I have quite severe attachment problems.(think that is rare)
I've felt much more comfortable walking in the park with T. than in the office. I get anxiety when attention is on me... in the park there is less attention on me- thus less anxiety. I fear people getting close to me. I don't care for four walls all around me... feels less safe... can't defend myself as easily and so few distractions from me.


> My analyst once mentioned that during his work as chief of psychiatry at Chestnut Lodge, he would often start his work with severely ill patients by walking around the grounds with them. (apparently there were about a hundred acres of fields and meadows then with paths running through them) But he said that, as soon as a patient was able to do it, he wanted them to come to his office, because he felt that the therapy could become more real and effective there.<< ............

--- See I can so understand this^^^^.... if they are safe walking with me then MAYBE they just might be safe to sit in an office with .... maybe.....

I think it's cool you all can feel so safe and "connected".... I dream of that.
..... but now, I MUST keep myself safe and that is what I am always vigilent about.

flutterby- mandy..
.. ps-- this has been interesting to read all the posts. thank you.

 

:-)

Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2008, at 17:11:38

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 26, 2008, at 13:49:33

I'm sorry I disappeared. :( I've been feverishly working on another deadline. I think at least this time I got a bit of insight as to why I'm always feverishly working to meet a deadline. Now to figure out if there's any way to use it.

It's interesting that different people feel differently about it. I've actually met with my therapist in nonstandard places when necessary, and it's never made a huge difference.

I think that for me it's a contextual difference, not a place difference. The bubble of the therapy room is transportable, but the context needs to stay the same. Nobody is the same with all people or in all places. That's even more true of therapists than most people, I'd think.

In that room, he's fond, indulgent, and totally focused on the relationship. In that room, I'm open and vulnerable. If there was a quiet garden at the back of his office, we could maintain that context. But this would involve going outside his office. The context would be different and so would he.

As a minor example, I forgot my purse in his office last week. I of course couldn't leave without it, so when I was nearly down to my car, I turned around and returned. By that time, his next patient was there, and he was walking around checking his mail or whatever. As I walked in, he calmly and professionally asked if he could help me. And I answered as I would if I had left my purse with my hairdresser, although I added a joke about it not being freudian. He wasn't my therapist/mommy in that exchange, and I wasn't his therapee/daughter. The context was different, the relationship was different, and we were both different. And that was as it should be.

Given enough time, I'm sure we could work out a functioning out of office relationship. I even had a bit of that today, since I wasn't at all myself, having been up all night, and working. It was more chit chat than therapy. The couple of topics we discussed brought home again how totally different we are, and how little we'd have to do with each other in the real world. That was tempered by the warm acceptance and amusement with which we greeted the reminder. But it wasn't my normal therapy, and it wasn't my normal therapist, and while it may have been an amusing interlude on a day that was pretty much shot to heck anyway, it wasn't therapy.

He's going away for two separate trips in September, but probably back to back, so that he'll be gone two weeks and I won't see him for nearly three, if it works out that way. And he doesn't see that as a problem.

Therapists!

 

Re: It really doesn't matter

Posted by Daisym on August 27, 2008, at 1:11:33

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter, posted by fleeting flutterby on August 26, 2008, at 13:49:33

I worry that I can't be the *me* I need to be in therapy if therapy has to take place in the "real" world. I need to be able to float away as needed and you can't do that and maintain yourself in public. I think my therapist would be my therapist no matter where we met - but I'd be in polite hostess mode. Ick.

It is an interesting idea though. I've often found that sitting parallel to someone allows for a different kind of interaction. Maybe I could go for a drive with him.

 

Re: :-) Dinah

Posted by Annierose on August 27, 2008, at 1:17:10

In reply to :-), posted by Dinah on August 26, 2008, at 17:11:38

I remember a while back you wanted to play a card game with him ... a sort of question game. Did you ever buy it? and/or play it?

I am in week 3 of a 3 week absence (our vacations were back to back). I found out that I am doing better than I expected. I asked her for something to hold onto while she was away ... that has been very helpful to me.

 

Re: It really doesn't matter Daisym

Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2008, at 14:58:05

In reply to Re: It really doesn't matter, posted by Daisym on August 27, 2008, at 1:11:33

Does he have enough chairs that you can ask him to do that in his office?

My therapist used not to have "his chair" but now he does. Still he's willing to mix it up a bit sometimes. A couple of months ago I asked him if we could switch seats for a few minutes so I could see his view out the window.

It does sort of make a difference. The spacing, the position.

 

Re: :-) Annierose

Posted by Dinah on August 27, 2008, at 15:02:51

In reply to Re: :-) Dinah, posted by Annierose on August 27, 2008, at 1:17:10

We never did play the game. Instead we talked about what it meant to our therapeutic relationship that I felt the need for external props to make up for something intrinsically lacking. And we managed to deal with the lack without the games. He was willing, and I still have it around somewhere.

The funny thing was that since I was in totally rational mode, I was in favor of his leaving for that long, so that I could as he used to put it "try my wings". I reminded him how he used to "reframe things" in a terribly self serving way, and he laughed and agreed that therapists can do that at times. I figured it would be all to the good if I did just fine without him, since without therapy I could quit work.

Then I get home and there's all this talk about gustav, and I remembered that I always felt at some level that I caused Katrina by saying maybe I didn't need therapy anymore, so now I'm afraid I'll cause Gustav to come this way. Not at my logical level, but at the magical thinking level.

So I called him and took it all back formally, and now am worried it won't be enough. :(

 

Re: :-) Dinah

Posted by Phillipa on August 27, 2008, at 19:04:10

In reply to Re: :-) Annierose, posted by Dinah on August 27, 2008, at 15:02:51

Dinah I imagine you would be worried about Gustav. After Katrina. Did they Strengthen the leveys or walls. I have some magical thinking too. If something bad it is my fault. Love Phillipa hope it veers off.

 

Gustav

Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 11:50:36

In reply to Re: :-) Dinah, posted by Phillipa on August 27, 2008, at 19:04:10

There was better news this morning, but still as things stand now, we'll be evacuating early Saturday morning.

They say the levees are in better shape. But then they assured us the first time they were in good shape, so...

I've been thinking lately that we should have moved, even when we aren't evacuating. But... We promised our son not to move him. He's so happy at his school, and I don't want him to go through what I went through. So seven more years.

I'm kind of a wreck, but I guess everyone is. I haven't even bothered to call my therapist. What can he do?

 

Re: Gustav

Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 12:02:28

In reply to Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 11:50:36

Well, at least we have a boarding facility and hotel booked in Memphis. One worry off my mind.

 

Re: Gustav Dinah

Posted by Partlycloudy on August 28, 2008, at 13:26:38

In reply to Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 11:50:36

A friend of mine has a daughter going to Loyola and they haven't decided whether or not to leave (and what personal items to take). She obviously was not there for Katrina. I know what I would do - make those plans, and leave the minute I'm advised to.
I'm watching the weather reports closely, and thinking of you.
Yours in storm readiness and wariness,
PartlyCloudy (and at the moment I do regret my choice of posting names)

 

Re: Gustav Partlycloudy

Posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 18:03:05

In reply to Re: Gustav Dinah, posted by Partlycloudy on August 28, 2008, at 13:26:38

Well, if it has to be done, it's best done quickly, hopefully before it takes ten hours to get from N.O. to Baton Rouge. :(

There are only a few paths out of the city. They get awfully crowded awfully fast. I'd rather leave and have to turn around and come back than get stuck in traffic like that.

The news actually looks better as far as strength is concerned. I won't hope that it hits somewhere else, but I can hope that it fizzles.

Then comes Hannah. :(

I'll cross fingers for all of us. They say that the warmer than usual temperatures in the Atlantic and the cooler than usual temperatures in the Pacific could lead to a nasty remainder of hurricane system.

 

Re: Gustav Dinah

Posted by TherapyGirl on August 28, 2008, at 20:21:51

In reply to Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 11:50:36

I've been thinking about you ever since I saw the path, Dinah, but this is the first chance I've had to post.

Stay safe, take us with you and check in when you can. I'm sending all my good thoughts your way. I went through Hurricane Fran in my area and, while it was no Katrina, I do know a little about what you're dealing with.

((((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))))

 

(((((((((((((((((((((((Dinah)))))))))))))))))))))) (nm) Dinah

Posted by muffled on August 29, 2008, at 0:52:24

In reply to Re: Gustav Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 18:03:05

 

Re: Gustav

Posted by Annierose on August 29, 2008, at 10:05:24

In reply to Re: Gustav Partlycloudy, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 18:03:05

Dinah -

I'm sorry to learn that Gustav may be heading your way. I'm on vacation at Yosemite so we have not had the TV on except last night to watch Obama. Hopefully Gustav will head north so you will be out of harms way ... what kind of name is that for a hurricane anyway?

Thinking of you,
Annie

 

Re: Gustav

Posted by Nadezda on August 29, 2008, at 11:49:15

In reply to Re: Gustav, posted by Annierose on August 29, 2008, at 10:05:24

It's awful that you have to worry about Gustav-- and that so little has been done to protect NOrleans.

It's good you've made preparations, though. Let's hope it becomes unnecessary to do more than that..

And how dare they name a hurricane Hannah? I like that name a lot.

Nadezda

 

Re: Gustav

Posted by Dinah on August 29, 2008, at 17:06:40

In reply to Re: Gustav, posted by Nadezda on August 29, 2008, at 11:49:15

We're leaving tomorrow morning. At least I've heard tales that 4 am counts as morning. :(

I think I'm about settled with work, which is not to say I've done any. I have most supplies I need. So now it's pack pack pack.

Sigh.

With any luck we'll be turning around Tuesday or Wednesday and coming home. I've already canceled my Tuesday therapy appointment. Today's session consisted of my asking over and over if everything was going to be ok, and if I was going to lose him like last time. He swears that he isn't going anywhere this time. I'm not going to lose him. And everything will be fine. He said he'd see me Friday at the latest. And that my take-back was enough to appease the fates.

He's really cool sometimes.

 

Re: Gustav Dinah

Posted by Midnightblue on August 29, 2008, at 20:33:07

In reply to Re: Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2008, at 17:06:40

Dinah,

Thinking of you constantly! I sure wish they were better about the when and where of these storms!

MidnightBlue

 

Re: Gustav Dinah

Posted by Fallsfall on August 30, 2008, at 9:58:24

In reply to Re: Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 29, 2008, at 17:06:40

I hope by now that you missed most of the traffic and are safely on your way to Memphis. I hope you brought a laptop so you can keep in touch!

(((((Dinah)))))

Thinking of you,
Falls

 

Re: Gustav Dinah

Posted by antigua3 on August 30, 2008, at 12:49:16

In reply to Gustav, posted by Dinah on August 28, 2008, at 11:50:36

Wishing you the best of luck and sending prayers your way.
antigua

 

We're safely evacuated

Posted by Dinah on August 30, 2008, at 17:42:25

In reply to Re: Gustav Dinah, posted by antigua3 on August 30, 2008, at 12:49:16

My family and my dogs are in a very nice hotel in Memphis. Now we'll just hope that it weakens considerably before coming ashore.

I hope all Babblers along the central gulf coast is safely out of harm's way.

The amazing thing is that last time I evacuated I thought constantly about my therapist. This time, I just hope he and his wife are safe. I'm not obsessing.

Which doesn't mean I can get along without him or that I want a chance to try my wings. I hope to be safely back home and in therapy on Friday.

Thanks for the good wishes. I hope everyone is safe.


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