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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
Has anyone ever chosen to take a several week break from therapy? I dont have an appt next week (again) since T filled up time (and entire day) I usually see her and doesnt have an openings. I usually go on Mondays. Rather than going back a week and half from now (earliest possible), I'm thinking of waiting maybe 2-3 weeks more to give myself about 3-4 week break. I'm feeling frustrated with her and hurt.. not just because of the scheduling thing, but that didnt help. I'm really just wanting a break to distance myself, find myself, function without the ongoing drama of therapy for a bit and see where I fall. Therapy hurts more than it helps right now. It's true that I probably havent been direct enough about that.. she knows I'm somewhat frustrated but probably doesnt realize some of it.. but I just am out of strength. I'm out of energy to keep fighting it when there's little or no positive effect right now. Has anyone ever done this? Any thoughts?
Posted by llurpsienoodle on August 12, 2008, at 17:48:40
In reply to anyone taken a break?, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
(((((((((Wishy))))))))))
I'm so sorry that you're hurting. It sounds like you don't know where you want to go from here. I think a break sounds like a not-bad idea. Maybe you can check in weekly with your T (the current one) over the phone, so that you won't lose all your momentum.My brain is kinda broken at the moment, but I'm thinking (well, trying to?) of you
-Ll
Posted by obsidian on August 12, 2008, at 19:34:25
In reply to anyone taken a break?, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
for me I hate it when I feel like distancing myself is the only workable solution for some problem
I understand it of course, sometimes it feels like it's all you can do
I think that it is exceedingly difficult to put yourself on the line emotionally without the expectation of some consistency
I don't think that is unreasonable
I don't get this..'yeah, I'll see you whenever I'm not booked up' kinda crap...WTF
it's a commitment dammit-on both sides
not fair to you!sorry for the rant,
sid
Posted by stellabystarlight on August 12, 2008, at 19:41:43
In reply to anyone taken a break?, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
I don't understand why she filled your time. Do you regularly go once a week? My T's never filled my time yet, but is forgetful, so he's decided to schedule 2 weeks ahead everytime he sees me. I would be terribly hurt too if he gave away my time.
I went through a similar phase of wanting/needing a break, and took it for 2 months. It wasn't easy, but it ended up being positive. I exercised during my ususal therapy time and read psych books. I even saw other therapists to see if I could find a better match.
I was able to endure the separation because I told myself that I could always go back when I wanted to. I finally went back because I missed my T, and felt ready to work with him again. In my case, it was good for me to go back with fresh take on everything.
The break ended up being good for me and our therapy relationship. I don't have any regrets about it.
:) stellabystarlight
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 20:10:34
In reply to Re: anyone taken a break? » wishingstar, posted by llurpsienoodle on August 12, 2008, at 17:48:40
Thanks for the hugs... I appreciate it. You're right, I dont know where I want to go. I feel like running away is the only good option. I could call my T weekly, but what momentum? I dont feel like she has the slightest idea what the problem is. I've gone from fine to having GP diagnose an eating disorder in a few months and she doesnt really seem concerned or think anything is wrong.
Here's desperation: I just called and left pdoc a voicemail saying I'm not doing well. If you read post above about pdoc, you'll know that means I'm desperate... hah.
Thank you for thinking of me.
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 20:13:24
In reply to Re: anyone taken a break? » wishingstar, posted by obsidian on August 12, 2008, at 19:34:25
Yes, that's exactly how I feel. What do I have to do to appear like I need her? I feel like I'm in the "doing okay, more flexible when it comes to needing weekly sessions" group right now and I swear, I dont know what else it'd take to show her that I'm NOT okay. I try my best to be honest. I just wrote out a long email to her but deleted it. I've hit that withdrawal point. Run away. The risk is greater than the possible benefit right now. What does it take for me to be important? Am I THAT unimportant and not special, as a person? I think I am.
> for me I hate it when I feel like distancing myself is the only workable solution for some problem
> I understand it of course, sometimes it feels like it's all you can do
> I think that it is exceedingly difficult to put yourself on the line emotionally without the expectation of some consistency
> I don't think that is unreasonable
> I don't get this..'yeah, I'll see you whenever I'm not booked up' kinda crap...WTF
> it's a commitment dammit-on both sides
> not fair to you!
>
> sorry for the rant,
> sid
Posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 20:17:07
In reply to Re: anyone taken a break? » wishingstar, posted by stellabystarlight on August 12, 2008, at 19:41:43
yes stella, normally once a week, on Mondays. She doesnt do "set times" exactly.. 3pm Mondays has never been formally agreed upon.. but I've been doing it for some time and she usually just says "same time next week?" when we schedule so it's not that she just never noticed there was a pattern. I wouldnt have cared so much about changing the time, but considering she only sees clients Mon and Thurs, being kicked off Mon is a big thing. Especially when I'm struggling. "You're doing okay and can wait until Thurs, but these other 6 or 7 clients need to see me that day and theyre more important". That's what I hear.
Thanks for sharing your experience with taking a break. I dont know if that's what I want or not. Logically I know that it'd be out of a running away/avoiding/isolating place, not a healthy place, but I just dont know what else to do and my emotional reserves are running low.
Posted by obsidian on August 12, 2008, at 22:05:57
In reply to Re: anyone taken a break? » obsidian, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 20:13:24
I feel like you shouldn't have to be in crisis mode to expect weekly consistent sessions
I mean crisis management is one thing, ongoing therapy is another
and aren't weekly sessions the norm?I guess I might feel like "oh great, I am paying someone to provide a service I should pretend like I don't need"
geez, how do you win in that situation?
I mean really, I could probably go without therapy...I likely wouldn't do as well on a short term daily basis, I'd have some crises to deal with on my own
but beyond that I'd stop developing as a person
I mean what is the goal of less than weekly sessions?I am sorry if I am coming across as judgmental, I don't mean to be, but I feel like you are quite reasonable in your expectations and that it is OK to need someone to be there for you and to be disappointed if they aren't.
I suppose my gut is reacting to this:
There is a big part of me that says (but is less in charge now) "oh, sorry, nevermind, you're right, how can I bother you with this? I need to just pull it together. I have to not need anything from anyone."
I have a huge amount of neglect in my past. I can disappear, I can do it, I can not be a bother to anyone, and I have actually been pretty proud of that in the past. To relive trying to ask for help and not be heard however, could be immensely painful to me.don't know if you relate to any of this, but there it is........
-sid> Yes, that's exactly how I feel. What do I have to do to appear like I need her? I feel like I'm in the "doing okay, more flexible when it comes to needing weekly sessions" group right now and I swear, I dont know what else it'd take to show her that I'm NOT okay. I try my best to be honest. I just wrote out a long email to her but deleted it. I've hit that withdrawal point. Run away. The risk is greater than the possible benefit right now. What does it take for me to be important? Am I THAT unimportant and not special, as a person? I think I am.
>
> > for me I hate it when I feel like distancing myself is the only workable solution for some problem
> > I understand it of course, sometimes it feels like it's all you can do
> > I think that it is exceedingly difficult to put yourself on the line emotionally without the expectation of some consistency
> > I don't think that is unreasonable
> > I don't get this..'yeah, I'll see you whenever I'm not booked up' kinda crap...WTF
> > it's a commitment dammit-on both sides
> > not fair to you!
> >
> > sorry for the rant,
> > sid
>
>
Posted by raisinb on August 12, 2008, at 22:48:28
In reply to anyone taken a break?, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
I've quit/taken a break twice. Both times, it was out of total frustration about a therapy relationship that didn't seem to be working. The first time was a month, the second about five weeks.
Both breaks followed the same emotional pattern. Initially, I felt relieved, in control, and free. I used the time to do much-needed refocusing on myself and my own wellbeing. In about the third week, I started deteriorating. I missed my therapist terribly, hated her for screwing things up, sobbed all the time, etc. So I went back both times.
It doesn't sound like your therapy is as dramatic (in a bad way) as mine. However, it was good for me. I think that I tend to get so focused on the therapy relationship that I disregard my own emotional health. I get into a cycle where I hate everything my therapist does, and I hate myself for staying in such a crappy situation. I got perspective. I was able to go back and express my needs clearly, without screaming "f**ck you" (okay, I only did that a few times :)). I was also able to see that despite the mistakes my therapist made, I loved her anyway because she's gone above and beyond for me countless times. I could see how much I still valued the relationship.
Eventually, I am *hoping* that I'll reach a state where I can be in a very important relationship, yet still take care of myself. Hope springs eternal, right? In the meantime, it may take more breaks, if we get into similar cycles. I'm crossing my fingers that we've learned how to work together better now. But the reality is that we both have flaws and insecurities that might make future times apart necessary, and that's okay with me.
Posted by Rigby on August 13, 2008, at 12:18:34
In reply to anyone taken a break?, posted by wishingstar on August 12, 2008, at 17:02:02
It's such a fine line--figuring out if hurting in therapy is productive or not. You feel like it's hard to get a true answer anywhere because the person you're supposed to really trust, the one that you're baring your soul to, the one you want to feel would give you the "answers" and the best advise is the source of the questioning.
I took some breaks while in therapy. I stopped for a year and a half, went back a few times recently but do not consider myself super enmeshed in that therapeutic relationship. Nor do I think I want to go there again. But I must say, I had to brute force get out of there because you can get very addicted to the dynamic even when, objectively, the issues you came in for have either resolved or have dramatically been diminished.
So giving yourself a break for whatever period of time is never a bad idea, I don't think, unless it, for some reason would be deemed life threatening if you are in the middle of a crisis.
Hope this helps a bit.
> Has anyone ever chosen to take a several week break from therapy? I dont have an appt next week (again) since T filled up time (and entire day) I usually see her and doesnt have an openings. I usually go on Mondays. Rather than going back a week and half from now (earliest possible), I'm thinking of waiting maybe 2-3 weeks more to give myself about 3-4 week break. I'm feeling frustrated with her and hurt.. not just because of the scheduling thing, but that didnt help. I'm really just wanting a break to distance myself, find myself, function without the ongoing drama of therapy for a bit and see where I fall. Therapy hurts more than it helps right now. It's true that I probably havent been direct enough about that.. she knows I'm somewhat frustrated but probably doesnt realize some of it.. but I just am out of strength. I'm out of energy to keep fighting it when there's little or no positive effect right now. Has anyone ever done this? Any thoughts?
This is the end of the thread.
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