Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 806220

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Re: Just slogging through right now muffled

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:56:43

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now Dinah, posted by muffled on January 13, 2008, at 21:49:21

> Some good replies above CS.
> I am thinking of you and sending good thots/prayers your way.
> (((( CS )))
> M

Thanks, I will treasure those thots!
CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now annierose

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 7:02:08

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by annierose on January 13, 2008, at 22:19:25

> Starting a business is stressful, especially taking over someone else's business. It's harder. You didn't get a clean slate. Be kind and gentle. The work you put into your business to get it up and running is HARD HARD WORK.

The lady who came over yesterday kept telling me not to worry, not to worry - but she'd been doing it for 40 years before she sold us her business. She could tell one type of glass from another with a single glance, where I'm having to scramble to find a reference book.

>
> I think what your therapist is trying to tell you is to acknowledge the pain --- be with it to try to understand where the feelings are coming from. Sometimes we push the feelings aside or below or bury them. Personally, I like to wallow in them, throwing myself a good old-fashion pitty party.

I keep thinking that I'm being silly to feel like crying, but maybe that's exactly what I need. Some tears have been leaking out here and there, triggered by things that perhaps wouldn't otherwise. I need to let those tears fall unchecked and not try to hold them back.

>
> Meditation can be helpful too.
>
> I'm sorry you feel so anxious. It's not fun at all.

Thanks, Annierose.
CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:00:11

In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56

Hi ClearSkies

I hope you are able to get some time enjoying your new venture. I can relate to the stress this time of year, the anxiety, and sort of coming "back" to some work-related pressures. Those kinds of things are weighing on me heavily right now too. Maybe take some time to feel the excitement you get from this hobby-business and think of the things you love about it. One thing I'm sure of, it's the unknown that adds a lot of stress, anticipation of how this will work out, the show and all. Once you get some successes under your belt, you will feel a lot more secure and reassured.

I hope your show goes well and that you are able to enjoy it more than stress over it.

Take good care of yourself.

Joni

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 6:56:11

> And I've never accepted that I'm a twitchy worry-wort who needs to be reassured and to self sooth in order to keep my head on straight.

I think I prefer the term "highly sensitive person". :) It incorporates the entire experience, both positive and negative.

"The Highly Sensitive Person"

 

Re: Just slogging through right now JoniS

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 8:22:14

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:00:11

> Hi ClearSkies
>
> I hope you are able to get some time enjoying your new venture. I can relate to the stress this time of year, the anxiety, and sort of coming "back" to some work-related pressures. Those kinds of things are weighing on me heavily right now too. Maybe take some time to feel the excitement you get from this hobby-business and think of the things you love about it. One thing I'm sure of, it's the unknown that adds a lot of stress, anticipation of how this will work out, the show and all. Once you get some successes under your belt, you will feel a lot more secure and reassured.
>
> I hope your show goes well and that you are able to enjoy it more than stress over it.
>
> Take good care of yourself.
>
> Joni
>
>
Thanks, Joni. I went through a little writing exercise this morning - about being my own boss and realizing that I'm not really my own boss at all! because I've always got to play by somebody's else's rules in one aspect or another. It helped me to write it out and see my delusion for what it was.

It doesn't seem to be a very gentle start to the day, but it is what it is.

CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now Dinah

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 8:30:50

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49

> > And I've never accepted that I'm a twitchy worry-wort who needs to be reassured and to self sooth in order to keep my head on straight.
>
> I think I prefer the term "highly sensitive person". :) It incorporates the entire experience, both positive and negative.
>
> "The Highly Sensitive Person"
>
>

<SNORT> I've seen you refer to this book several times, Dinah - I went ahead and ordered it. I'm also reminded of someone I knew in England whose husband was a bit of a reckless driver. He referred to her behavior in the passenger seat as a "scrabbly rabbit" as she would jump nervously as each close call.

Thanks for the reminder about the title - I think it will help me feel a bit better about myself and my reactions in general. I've always treasured my alone time - silence and a lack of stimuli in general bring me a lot of joy, and I've always thought myself odd for wanting to shut myself off like that.

CS

 

the book Dinah

Posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:53:07

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 8:04:49

Hey Dinah

I have that book. I started into it but never stuck with it. I guess I wondered if it would really help me or not. I htink I am an HSP but I never heard the term before as described in psychological terms. Can you mention a little more about how the book helped you?

thanks,

Joni
(please don't redirect my post)

 

Re: the book JoniS

Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:09:01

In reply to the book Dinah, posted by JoniS on January 14, 2008, at 8:53:07

I think that's a term she invented. :) What my therapist says is that in the world, some people are thoroughbreds. I always tend to think that makes it sound too good, or special, so I like the other terminology better.

I don't think she pathologizes it either. She doesn't think it needs to be a negative thing. More like having blue eyes or brown eyes.

What I got out of it is acceptance. That it's ok to need a lot of alone time. That it's ok to structure my life to not be overstimulated. That it's not weird or even all that unusual to have a finely tuned nervous system. That you're born with it, and live with it, but that you can have a good life with it.

There were also tips on how to do that. I have to admit that the tips weren't as hepful to me as the acceptance and new way of thinking.

My therapist also helped a lot with that, but in this area he was more reinforcement than direct help. He's not a highly sensitive person. He has experience with highly sensitive persons, but he's not one.

Actually, I suppose the term might sound a bit overly positive itself. But if you suffer migraines, IBS, and other various and sundry neurological offshoots of intolerance of overstimulation, it loses its luster a bit.

If you are out and about in even the most positive circumstances, do you come home and lie down and twitch, with flashing behind your eyes, as if your brain is discharging all that extra input? That used to really upset me, but now I accept it, and can lie back and view the light show without feeling like I'm *really* defective. Usually.

 

Re: the book Dinah

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 9:38:47

In reply to Re: the book JoniS, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 9:09:01


>
> If you are out and about in even the most positive circumstances, do you come home and lie down and twitch, with flashing behind your eyes, as if your brain is discharging all that extra input? That used to really upset me, but now I accept it, and can lie back and view the light show without feeling like I'm *really* defective. Usually.

I have always enjoyed that "light show" as my own special fireworks, and have done since I was a little girl. I get a little disappointed if I'm too exhausted for those lights to appear and I go straight through to sleep.

CS

 

Re: the book ClearSkies

Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:15:10

In reply to Re: the book Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 9:38:47

I don't get them quite as often I think. But then I try to arrange a quiet life. Going into the office more often is going to mess with that for sure.

Do you get the auditory discharges too? When I'm really overstimulated I get the hearing equivilant. A low murmur or medium roar of rising and falling voices, with no words distinguishable. But the cadences of conversation. Like the background in a noisy restaurant. And only when I start to fall asleep.

 

Re: the book Dinah

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 11:45:23

In reply to Re: the book ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:15:10

> I don't get them quite as often I think. But then I try to arrange a quiet life. Going into the office more often is going to mess with that for sure.
>
> Do you get the auditory discharges too? When I'm really overstimulated I get the hearing equivilant. A low murmur or medium roar of rising and falling voices, with no words distinguishable. But the cadences of conversation. Like the background in a noisy restaurant. And only when I start to fall asleep.

My disturbances are mostly visual - I also get distortions, like an Alice In Wonderland effect, that I'm overly large (by hundreds of times) than the things in my surroundings, or the reverse. Like I'm a microscopic size in comparison with what's around me, and obviously distorted, but not in a scary way. I'm always rapt when this happens but don't try to disengage it, because it's never threatening to me. If anything, I find it soothing and distracting. (This all happens with my eyes closed with no actual visual input, btw.) Noises are usually associated with migraine auras - when I can't filter out noises and so can't relax, or concentrate.

I do find it fascinating, the tricks our brains try to play on us to keep us going in a loop that's supposed to have ended, like the auditory or visual overstimulation on any given day. Like it can't bring itself to break the circuit.

And then, the other day I was really surprised when, trying to calm myself down from feeling really panicked, I lay down for a little bit and found myself sound asleep for several hours. Where did that need for a nap come from? I did feel quite restored because of it, but I'd only intended to be quiet for a bit, and zzzz.....

CS

 

Re: the book ClearSkies

Posted by Dinah on January 14, 2008, at 11:51:32

In reply to Re: the book Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 11:45:23

My brain loves to use naps to smooth out those excess firings. :)

My psychiatrist was not particularly helpful today except to urge me to look up my old migraine doctor who moved to the northern part of the state and see if she'd see me for a consult. I think it might be a good idea. I suppose I really ought to look for a new psychiatrist. He didn't at all want to discuss hormone changes and mood changes or anything along those lines.

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2008, at 12:47:29

In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56

Clear Skies just wanted to say I relate as this one of mine is depressing and so is the weather. I have no answer. Love Phillipa

 

Re: Just slogging through right now Phillipa

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 13:39:19

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by Phillipa on January 14, 2008, at 12:47:29

> Clear Skies just wanted to say I relate as this one of mine is depressing and so is the weather. I have no answer. Love Phillipa

I think the answer is that we have to get through this, Phillipa, and sometimes it sucks to be us! Gotta laugh or else we'll cry (again).
CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now

Posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:17:59

In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56

Hi Clearskies,

I think that until the show is over arm yourself with take out menus. When the stress of planning/attending/packing up what doesn't sell (of course if all will sell, so skip that part) then you can go back to planning and cooking.

I agree that babble is a safe (still hate that word) place for "poison" to go. I think its better to have those poisonous thoughts get out of your head then to keep them going round and round. Hmm, I should take my own advice sometime.

Poet

 

Re: Just slogging through right now Poet

Posted by ClearSkies on January 14, 2008, at 18:12:22

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now, posted by Poet on January 14, 2008, at 15:17:59

> Hi Clearskies,
>
> I think that until the show is over arm yourself with take out menus. When the stress of planning/attending/packing up what doesn't sell (of course if all will sell, so skip that part) then you can go back to planning and cooking.

Oh, I could kiss you for that optimism! and I like that idea, to just not even try to keep up with the planning/cooking end until after this flurry is over. I feel like you just gave me permission :-)

>
> I agree that babble is a safe (still hate that word) place for "poison" to go. I think its better to have those poisonous thoughts get out of your head then to keep them going round and round. Hmm, I should take my own advice sometime.
>
> Poet
>
>

Definitely - speak up!

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by antigua3 on January 14, 2008, at 18:40:06

In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56

I haven't read all the follow-ups but I had to write and tell you how much I can relate.

The post-holidays are always hard. I almost actually had a drink the other day but I figured out what was wrong before I did. I can't tell you how happy I was to have dodged that bullet.

the trigger was similar in a way to what you're describing. I'm entering a new business and we are at the point where we're talking money. I don't like to talk money, and what I realized is that I REALLY don't like it because it tends to take me to that core place where I can feel worthless about myself. I feel like I have to prove I'm worth a certain amount and I work myself into a tizzy thinking "Who do I think I am, saying I'm worth X amount of dollars?"

The truth is I AM worth the dollars, but anytime I come to a situation where I have to rationalize it, I become the scared little girl who thinks she's worth nothing. I don't really know why the link is there, but it's an important one for me to explore.

Also, going into a new venture, like you are, can be very scary. Heavens, ClearSkies, you might succeed, and then what will you do? Teasing of course, but fear of success has held me back for years because it reflects back to my own feelings of worthiness. I've even been known to sabotage myself. But now I know this, and I'm going to push through this and be successful!

best of luck to you. You deserve the good things that are happening, please try to remember that.
antigua

 

Re: Just slogging through right now

Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 14, 2008, at 21:02:51

In reply to Just slogging through right now, posted by ClearSkies on January 13, 2008, at 16:50:56

Hi CS,
I'm so sorry you're going through a rough patch. I hope your debut goes well. I KNOW it will, because you are so thoughtful in everything you do.

I apologize that I ddon't have energy to read all the posts to this thread. I just wanted to say hi. I hope you have a bit of fresh air tomorrow and get a bit of sunshine in your neck of the woods.

(((((((((((((CS))))))))))))))

I feel anniversary depression too. 2 years since my big clinical depression set in.

 

Re: Just slogging through right now llurpsienoodle

Posted by ClearSkies on January 15, 2008, at 8:38:17

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 14, 2008, at 21:02:51


>
> I feel anniversary depression too. 2 years since my big clinical depression set in.

You know, I can't even remember my siblings birthdays, but my BODY remembers depressions :-( Yesterday I didn't leave the house. today I will try to go out for a bit. I think there is a sky out there.

Take care,
CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now antigua3

Posted by ClearSkies on January 15, 2008, at 8:44:19

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by antigua3 on January 14, 2008, at 18:40:06


> the trigger was similar in a way to what you're describing. I'm entering a new business and we are at the point where we're talking money. I don't like to talk money, and what I realized is that I REALLY don't like it because it tends to take me to that core place where I can feel worthless about myself. I feel like I have to prove I'm worth a certain amount and I work myself into a tizzy thinking "Who do I think I am, saying I'm worth X amount of dollars?"
>
> The truth is I AM worth the dollars, but anytime I come to a situation where I have to rationalize it, I become the scared little girl who thinks she's worth nothing. I don't really know why the link is there, but it's an important one for me to explore.
>
> Also, going into a new venture, like you are, can be very scary. Heavens, ClearSkies, you might succeed, and then what will you do? Teasing of course, but fear of success has held me back for years because it reflects back to my own feelings of worthiness. I've even been known to sabotage myself. But now I know this, and I'm going to push through this and be successful!
>
> best of luck to you. You deserve the good things that are happening, please try to remember that.
> antigua

Yes - this is all about worthiness for me. I'm investing a lot of myself in this - my time, my creativity, my energy; and I'm feeling extremely needy about getting an "attagirl", but also, there's been no material returns for all my efforts yet. I'm nervous about blindly putting all this effort into something that has no tangible benefits yet. It's kind of bleeding the pleasure out of the process if I think about it too much.

I think I need to take a day off from it. I've been spending time every single day on this hobby/business since October. Maybe I'm just burned out?

Thanks, Antigua.

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by antigua3 on January 15, 2008, at 8:55:14

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now antigua3, posted by ClearSkies on January 15, 2008, at 8:44:19

Maybe you are burnt out. I'd say come on over here, but it's too cold to sit outside and enjoy the backyard. We could have hot chocolate and bundle ourselves up anyway. What do you think?

Just try to get out today. Maybe that would help. Or just decide that you aren't going to think about it today at all and read a good book.

I had a boss once who told me, "You sure need a lot of reassurance, don't you?" He was right. So here's the "Atta girl" for you. I know what it's like to put in the effort, not knowing if there will be a payoff. It's great you've made this move though, trying to turn a hobby into your business. It's your thing, and no matter how it turns out, nobody can take that away from you.

antigua

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on January 15, 2008, at 19:00:01

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now antigua3, posted by ClearSkies on January 15, 2008, at 8:44:19

Clear Skies I do relate to you and agree time out is warranted as well as a set time for stopping work. Just went through this today as I didn't sleep last night took extra sleep med and feel miserable . I know I must only do so much. Set limits. Not seeing rewards that are significant either know what it's like. Phillipa

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by llurpsienoodle on January 16, 2008, at 6:28:42

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on January 15, 2008, at 8:38:17

Dear CS,
sometimes the only thing we can do is put one foot in front of each other.

I wish I had better advice for you. Is there any scheduled activity that you can use to get out of the house on a regular basis- an exercise class? Set up a standing lunch date with a friend? promise to get coffee at the same place at the same time each morning?

These things have helped me in the past, and the present

((((((((((((CS)))))))))))))

-Ll

 

Re: Just slogging through right now llurpsienoodle

Posted by ClearSkies on January 16, 2008, at 7:59:23

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies, posted by llurpsienoodle on January 16, 2008, at 6:28:42

> Dear CS,
> sometimes the only thing we can do is put one foot in front of each other.
>
> I wish I had better advice for you. Is there any scheduled activity that you can use to get out of the house on a regular basis- an exercise class?

Check. Went to the stress busters class at yoga last night - it rocks!

>Set up a standing lunch date with a friend?

Maybe check? Meeting a new friend for lunch this Friday. Remember - I'm the one without friends IRL, LOL. And SHE called ME (why on earth??!).

> promise to get coffee at the same place at the same time each morning?

I like that one, but it means making a commitment to leave the house every single day! I dunno about that ...

>
> These things have helped me in the past, and the present
>
> ((((((((((((CS)))))))))))))
>
> -Ll

Thanks, I am working on this stuff, putting one foot in front of the other, and it does actually help to do it.
CS

 

Re: Just slogging through right now ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on January 16, 2008, at 18:52:13

In reply to Re: Just slogging through right now llurpsienoodle, posted by ClearSkies on January 16, 2008, at 7:59:23

CS I've been told by pdocs and therapists I must leave the house every day or my agoraphobia will remanin. So I do. Even if only for an hour. But mornings no. Love Phillipa


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