Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 805683

Shown: posts 1 to 20 of 20. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

i have no hugs

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

in real life.

they dried up.

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2008, at 8:33:04

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

> in real life.
>
> they dried up.

What happened, sweetie? My cyber hugs are pretty sticky, I hope they work for now - ((((LlurpsieNoodle))). In the meantime, grab a cat and give a gentle squeeze.
CS

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:06

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

i feel so down. like kicked in my a*s into a half-frozen mudpuddle with dirty underwear on and I don't know how to pull myself up down.

i hope the thoughts (thots) pass before I start making mistakes.

it's h. he's mad furious at me for suggesting that we see marriage counselor. he is 'perfect' and doesn't want anyone to tell him to change. he doesn't want to change. all he wants is a happy life. i am not part of the 'happy life' equation.

ergo. i am not part of his life. whose life then? what's the point of living this misery?

my spirit is sick. so sick.

 

Re: i have no hugs

Posted by JoniS on January 11, 2008, at 9:04:31

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

Llurpsie,

You do have real hugs because the cyber hugs ARE real. The only reason they don't seem like it is because of the distance. If we were there physically with you, you'd be receiving them physically. Try to close your eyes and visualize them. The expression that we put in the cyber hugs is real feelings - think about that. Real people with real feelings of care for you, sending you hugs.

I hope that helps. I believe cyber hugs are genuine.

(((((((((((Llurpsie))))))))))))

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2008, at 9:36:30

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:06

Dearest Llurpsie, your H feels quite threatened that you've suggested your life together is less than perfect and that counseling would be helpful. In my view and vast experience, it would be best for you to get the counseling for yourself - that is, call your T about this fissure and the problems it is causing you.

You can't change H or how he thinks, but you can work on how you react to his upsets. IMO, if you get help, then you both will benefit. This is the strategy that I have been using with my T, and it has helped me become more compassionate about my own H and helped us achieve more intimacy. It's not that I'm doing all the work, either - but at this point, I'm the person who is ready to seek help; in so doing, he is growing along with me, in an inevitable way.

I think this is a good example of where our T's can help us with practical day to day issues.

CS

 

Re: i have no hugs ClearSkies

Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2008, at 12:42:24

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2008, at 9:36:30

Clear Skies have you heard that one spouse begins to get better the other begins to digress. I think I may have read and heard it from therapist. I have seen when I have a good session my husband gets angry. Wonder why anyone with any thoughts. Thanks Phillipa

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2008, at 12:43:59

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

Lurpsie and of course a big cyber hug(((((((Lurpsie))))))))) Could hubby be under work pressure. Have no idea? Love Phillipa

 

Re: i have no hugs Phillipa

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 13:22:59

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Phillipa on January 11, 2008, at 12:43:59

hmm. his work is easy. maybe it's because we just came back from abroad?

-Ll

 

Re: i have no hugs JoniS

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 13:26:07

In reply to Re: i have no hugs, posted by JoniS on January 11, 2008, at 9:04:31

thank you joni,
you are a sweet person. I am glad that you put so much genuine feeling into your babbleposts. it really shows.

you care about me? it seems so strange sometimes that people on babble actually care about me. When I have such a hard time caring about myself.

well, enough.

thanks for hugs. here I reciprocate. hugs need 2 (at least) people. (((((joniS)))))

-Ll

 

Re: i have no hugs ClearSkies

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 13:29:08

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by ClearSkies on January 11, 2008, at 9:36:30

> Dearest Llurpsie, your H feels quite threatened that you've suggested your life together is less than perfect and that counseling would be helpful. In my view and vast experience, it would be best for you to get the counseling for yourself - that is, call your T about this fissure and the problems it is causing you.

I talked to T yesterday. we reviewed everything and i felt somewhat better. but then H started in on me again. I'm just not strong enough to withstand it. H obviously has a lot to say to me. I just wish he could say it in a safe place.

>
> You can't change H or how he thinks, but you can work on how you react to his upsets. IMO, if you get help, then you both will benefit. This is the strategy that I have been using with my T, and it has helped me become more compassionate about my own H and helped us achieve more intimacy. It's not that I'm doing all the work, either - but at this point, I'm the person who is ready to seek help; in so doing, he is growing along with me, in an inevitable way.
>
I hope it works that way, because I am trying really hard. it's just that H is SOOOO stubborn and regards psychotherapy as the devil's creation.


> I think this is a good example of where our T's can help us with practical day to day issues.
>
> CS

yes, it's a good example. :(

-Ll

((((CS)))) sticky hugs right back atcha

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by MidnightBlue on January 11, 2008, at 14:58:33

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

LL,

Could you visit a nursing home or volunteer at a pre-school? I promise you you will get hugs!

MB

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Bodhisattva on January 11, 2008, at 15:01:52

In reply to i have no hugs, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:10:18

All the Buddhas past smile down upon you with open arms. But they are hard to see now, for they dwell in tranquility and peace. Turmoil, much like ripples on water, distort and twist their image. Keep your determination, and your concentration. Find your peace. You'll see all those that travel with you on this path. You'll see me. You'll see that some have closed their eyes to the world. Help them to open their eyes.

Yes, you've stumbled. But you have not fallen, you can't. You've got so many willing to catch you. Bring understanding and love to bear, they will aid your cessation of suffering.

Take care.

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by star008 on January 11, 2008, at 16:16:54

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:06

maybe if sees a counselor he won't feel like he's better than you anymore?? He might be afraid that they will have something to say about him too.
i think marriage counseling can be very helpful but not if only one person can admit that they have things to work on. My marrige counseling was a diaster but i think the counseler had alot to do with that.. she had her own issues.

don't let this affect your sense of self worth. I do it too, but isn't it sad that we let someone else determine how we feel about ourselves??

 

h took a big step today star008

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:00:46

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by star008 on January 11, 2008, at 16:16:54

he acknowledged his anger towards me and set up an appt. with GP to get referral for marriage counselling.

I'm ***hoping*** that if he takes these steps himself that he will be more receptive to counselling.

I'm trying really hard NOT to allow this to color my sense of self-worth. I thought my marriage was the strongest thing going in my life. was it an illusion? or is my life truly falling apart?

-Ll

 

Re: i have no hugs MidnightBlue

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:02:12

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by MidnightBlue on January 11, 2008, at 14:58:33

> LL,
>
> Could you visit a nursing home or volunteer at a pre-school? I promise you you will get hugs!
>
> MB

welllll... they just changed my hours at work. coffee in the pm. so, maybe I'll have time for it, but not energy. I have to study tho. can books hug me?

-Ll

 

Re: i have no hugs Bodhisattva

Posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:06:23

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by Bodhisattva on January 11, 2008, at 15:01:52

> All the Buddhas past smile down upon you with open arms. But they are hard to see now, for they dwell in tranquility and peace. Turmoil, much like ripples on water, distort and twist their image. Keep your determination, and your concentration. Find your peace. You'll see all those that travel with you on this path. You'll see me. You'll see that some have closed their eyes to the world. Help them to open their eyes.

and myself from time to time. my eyes glued wide shut.
>
> Yes, you've stumbled. But you have not fallen, you can't. You've got so many willing to catch you. Bring understanding and love to bear, they will aid your cessation of suffering.
>

I will meditate on babble support. I'm gradually building up stamina after taking a year and a half off of meditating.

I bought a lovely buddha image in SE Asia, sitting, with one hand on knee and one hand folded gently in lap. a slight *slight* smile tickling the corners of his (her?) mouth. no reason women cannot be enlightened, IMO

-Ll
> Take care.

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by MidnightBlue on January 11, 2008, at 18:46:09

In reply to Re: i have no hugs MidnightBlue, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:02:12

LL,

I just tried to give you a hug in chat but you didn't answer and timed out....

MB

 

Re: h took a big step today LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2008, at 19:34:09

In reply to h took a big step today star008, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:00:46

I'm glad he did that. It *is* hopeful.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was getting back home. I'm not sure how to put it in words, but coming back home after being away sometimes throws life as it is starkly in your face. More starkly than just going from day to day ordinarily does.

Maybe he's unhappy himself, even if he won't admit it.

But thinking of calling, especially given his feelings, shows commitment, doesn't it?

 

Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Kath on January 11, 2008, at 21:01:35

In reply to Re: i have no hugs LlurpsieNoodle, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:06


By not part of his life, do you means he ignores you?

Would he go for "I'd like us to be able to relate better; feel more connected."

I am so sorry, Kath

i feel so down. like kicked in my a*s into a half-frozen mudpuddle with dirty underwear on and I don't know how to pull myself up down.
>
> i hope the thoughts (thots) pass before I start making mistakes.
>
> it's h. he's mad furious at me for suggesting that we see marriage counselor. he is 'perfect' and doesn't want anyone to tell him to change. he doesn't want to change. all he wants is a happy life. i am not part of the 'happy life' equation.
>
> ergo. i am not part of his life. whose life then? what's the point of living this misery?
>
> my spirit is sick. so sick.

 

Re: h took a big step today LlurpsieNoodle

Posted by Kath on January 12, 2008, at 15:26:26

In reply to h took a big step today star008, posted by LlurpsieNoodle on January 11, 2008, at 18:00:46

> he acknowledged his anger towards me and set up an appt. with GP to get referral for marriage counselling.
>
> I'm ***hoping*** that if he takes these steps himself that he will be more receptive to counselling.

*******What wonderful news! That is really MAJOR!!****


> I'm trying really hard NOT to allow this to color my sense of self-worth. I thought my marriage was the strongest thing going in my life. was it an illusion? or is my life truly falling apart?
>
> -Ll

********I can relate.....in my 1st marriage, when my husband had an affair I felt the whole WORLD was falling apart. Try not to blame yourself. People change. People go through things (I'm referring to possibly your hubby). People encounter stresses in their own place of work that weakens their ability to deal as well with other areas of their life. Things get to them that might not have before. People keep things inside & then EVERYthing starts to bother them. Maybe your h is reassessing his career/ his life & is grieving about stuff that has nothing to do with you.

Please know that this might have VERY LITTLE to do with YOU!!!!!!!!

Please keep letting us support you & congratulations for doing so & for asking for hugs!!!


(((((((((((((((((((((((((you))))))))))))))))))))

much love, Kath


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