Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 805676

Shown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 6:49:09

It didn't work out -- again. I told my T last night that just one time, in my 45 years, I wish someone would pick ME. I wish someone would ever feel strongly enough about me that it would be ridiculous to NOT pick me.

I get that I'm not reprehensible -- I have lots of friends who are GOOD friends and clearly like me. But it doesn't go unnoticed that NO ONE, in my entire life, has chosen to partner through life with me. The only times I've had a partner at all are when I expect so little and give so much that it suits them -- for a time.

I had high hopes for this relationship -- it was way more equal, the signals were flying both ways. And yet, at the end of the day, I still didn't get picked. And it's just not enough.

I asked T last night if she would ever be okay with me committing suicide (I was careful to say there were no imminent plans) and she said no. She did allow later in the session that she does believe sometimes people are terminally emotionally ill, but she doesn't think I am one of those people. I think she just can't see it because we've been together so long.

I really, really hate this. And I can't just keep picking myself up and going on. And I can't just accept this lot in life. I really, really don't want to. It's just not enough.

 

Re: My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**

Posted by seldomseen on January 11, 2008, at 8:16:12

In reply to My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 6:49:09

I hear ya. Maybe we could pick each other?

Early in my 20's I was engaged. About a month before the wedding, well, we didn't make it. He was married 8 months later to another person.

However, the single most devastating break up I ever had was with a guy who said he loved me a lot, dumped me later and that was that. I told myself he didn't want to go where this relationship was obviously going. Didn't want to marry etc... HE was married less than 6 months after we broke up.

I'm not going to say "Oh, don't worry, your guy will come along". I've heard that enough myself and I don't know if it is true or not. In fact, I'm beginning to doubt it.

It's all so incredibly disappointing.

From your posts I think you are an amazing person. (Read Larry Hoover's post again - he really is an insightful guy).

Texas, I think men will come and go based on their own agendas, preferences, emotional issues etc... I'm not even sure it has that much to do with US. Yeah, sure we can look at the men we date, why we date them and can do this and that, but it's mostly out of our control.

We are who we are and what I'm working on is realizing that IS enough.

You'll get up again, you'll likely date again (hope springs eternal you know)and until you do, I'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.

You're Texaschic. You're fine.

Seldom.


 

My life sucks ... TherapyGirl

Posted by JoniS on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:25

In reply to My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 6:49:09

TG

You are not a loser. It stinks - the pain you've endured, but you are not what you said. You are strong, and thoughtful and intelligent - all obvious from your posts here.

Being "picked" has it's disadvantages too. This is rotten about me, but I'll tell you that I was "picked" by my husband. The only time in my young adult life I was picked so I thought I better grab it while it's here. I was 17 then. Married at 18. For years I seriously doubted that I did the right thing. Still do doubt - at 46. I should love this man and forgive his infidelity, but I keep on tormenting myself, feeling stuck, down on myself cause I cant seem to move forward.

Maybe it's easy for me to say, but I think it is very very good to get to know yourself, take care of yourself, develop a helthy self esteem, know what qualities you want in a mate, and don't give up on your dreams.

I wish you well. I know it's difficult for you. But I respect you.

Joni

 

Re: My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**

Posted by star008 on January 11, 2008, at 16:09:09

In reply to My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 6:49:09

There are no easy answers,, I feel the same way. Fell deeply in love a couple of years ago.. got my heart broke in the end and he got married.. I am still alone. I guess if the right one is out there for you and you find him, he will pick you.. i just took a break from the whole thing for awhile.. maybe i need to work on my own stuff so that i can find someone who is halfway healthy.

i am sorry.. i know how disappointing it is.. but you ar not a loser.. just haven't found the right one.

 

OMG! I'm so terribly sorry.

Posted by seldomseen on January 11, 2008, at 16:49:54

In reply to Re: My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by seldomseen on January 11, 2008, at 8:16:12

I got very confused in my post as to whom I was replying too.

I am so sorry therapygirl. I feel very ashamed.

Please understand that I do have some idea what you are going through and that I am here to help in any way that I can.

I hope you can forgive me.

Seldom.

 

Re: OMG! I'm so terribly sorry. seldomseen

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 17:46:26

In reply to OMG! I'm so terribly sorry., posted by seldomseen on January 11, 2008, at 16:49:54

It's no problem, SeldomSeen. I appreciate the support.

 

Re: My life sucks ... JoniS

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 17:47:31

In reply to My life sucks ... TherapyGirl, posted by JoniS on January 11, 2008, at 8:59:25

Thanks, Joni. I'm in shutdown mode now, but will try to respond more fully later. I do appreciate the support.

 

Re: My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger** star008

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 17:48:08

In reply to Re: My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by star008 on January 11, 2008, at 16:09:09

It's hard to keep telling myself that. I'm sorry you know how I feel, Star, and appreciate the support.

 

You aren't a loser

Posted by Dinah on January 11, 2008, at 20:03:07

In reply to My life sucks + I'm a loser **Trigger**, posted by TherapyGirl on January 11, 2008, at 6:49:09

> The only times I've had a partner at all are when I expect so little and give so much that it suits them -- for a time.

This is the part of your post that I felt saddest on reading. You are *so* much more than that. You deserve *so* much better than that.

I know I stand in no good place to say a partner isn't all that important in life. I've been with the same guy since high school. But I will say that while I love him dearly and appreciate all we have, he doesn't make me happy or fulfill my life. Life with a partner can be just as challenging and as diminishing to one's feeling of worth as being alone can be. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he makes me unhappy or prevents my happiness or fulfillment. But those things have to come from me. He's the whipped cream and cherry added bonus of life. It's when I'm happy with myself that I'm happy with him. It's when I find myself love-able that I most find him love-able.

You deserve so much better. And I don't mean a life partner. You deserve to expect and want the best for yourself and not to accept anything less. In any area of life.

If a partner comes along to join you, that's great and wonderful and you can have someone to share life with. But whether or not one does, you can have a worthwhile life. And having a worthwhile life doesn't depend on whether or not one does.

Again, I know I don't have much right to talk about this. But my husband and I both laugh that if it weren't for him, I'd likely have never married. And it's likely true. Because carving out the best possible life for me didn't *depend* on having a mate.

 

Re: You aren't a loser

Posted by muffled on January 12, 2008, at 11:21:47

In reply to You aren't a loser, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2008, at 20:03:07

I agree w/the others.
You so not a loser.
You are a good person with a good heart.
You need to find you path in life.
Lifes a journey.
Some parts are w/o a partner. A partner is not the be all, end all.
I have my hubby sure. And I used to him being around. But like Dinah said...well she said it good.
Better no partner than a nasty partner too.
Can you try and be closer w/your friends? Get more involved in interests that you have?
Life has got lotsa hurts but its got good stuff too.
Damn I'm rambling I think. My head is in a weird place right now.
I just wish I could say the magic 'right' thing. Cuz manoman, in my time here at babble conversing w/you and reading your posts. Well, your a good person. I just want you to feel better.
I guess there's just some mighty sh*tty times in life. But we goto remember that there's good times too.
Take care (((TG)))
I want to see you around to enjoy the good times that WILL come.
Forgive me if my words are wrong somehow.
M

 

Re: You aren't a loser Dinah

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 12, 2008, at 17:18:14

In reply to You aren't a loser, posted by Dinah on January 11, 2008, at 20:03:07

Thanks, Dinah. I wish I could believe you. Not that I think you're lying -- just that the depression is so much LOUDER. I appreciate the support, though.

 

Re: You aren't a loser muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on January 12, 2008, at 17:21:06

In reply to Re: You aren't a loser, posted by muffled on January 12, 2008, at 11:21:47

I've never known your words to be wrong, Muffly. Sometimes they're hard to take in, but I don't think they're wrong.

I get the better no partner than a bad partner thing. But this partner was not bad -- I really thought this was a near perfect fit for me. And T, who knows new person, agreed. And still it didn't work out. It's just hard to keep hoping that some day something will work out the way I want it to, you know?

I exercised with my little man today and felt better inspite of myself. But it p*ssed me off because I really don't want to feel better. I really don't want to keep doing this.

I should shut up now because there is nothing but negative sh*t coming out of my mouth these days. I hope I don't infect you or other Babblers with it too much.

 

Re: You aren't a loser TherapyGirl

Posted by Dinah on January 12, 2008, at 18:40:40

In reply to Re: You aren't a loser Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on January 12, 2008, at 17:18:14

(((Therapygirl)))

You spent time with your little guy today? I'll bet you're very very special to him.


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