Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 804259

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Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by Jamal Spelling on January 4, 2008, at 16:12:19

The first time I received medical treatment for depression was when I was 16 years old. I fell in love with the psychiatrist who was treating me. It was the first time I ever fell in love. I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was such a nice feeling. Probably the reason I fell in love with her was because she seemed to like me and care for me and showed concern for me. But then I began to realise that it was her job to show concern for me, and she only cared for me because she was being paid mega-$$$ to care for me. Then I began to think that she probably doesn't like me, that I irritate her, that she thinks I'm stupid, etc. After a few months, I no longer had a crush on her.

That was 11 years ago. Luckily I no longer suffer from depression, so I no longer see her. I last saw her 2 years ago.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist Jamal Spelling

Posted by muffled on January 4, 2008, at 21:32:39

In reply to Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by Jamal Spelling on January 4, 2008, at 16:12:19

Wow thats great your depression has lifted!!!!!!!!!!
Yayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Do you still miss your P=doc?
M

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by beautymarked on January 5, 2008, at 2:58:18

In reply to Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by Jamal Spelling on January 4, 2008, at 16:12:19

Unfortunately, we'll never know what our T's or pdocs really think about us. I mean you never got the chance to ask really and hear an answer (and neither did I). If you were still having sessions with her, I would've recommended you told her these feelings. I think it's also important to trust our instincts in evaluating how a person feels about us and if possible ask them as well and compare it to their response, because no one is a better judge of a situation than yourself. And that's what you did, you used your instincts and reality both to weigh the situation. Nevertheless, I think she probably did care about you as a person, granted she has other patients, she probably cares about each one of them, too.

I think times like this signal how rewarding a relationship with someone we don't pay for would be. Although a pdoc is healing and rewarding, it's much different than a real friendship not built out of obligation.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by beautymarked on January 5, 2008, at 3:00:58

In reply to Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by Jamal Spelling on January 4, 2008, at 16:12:19

Also, it sounds like you saw your pdoc long-term. There's no doubt in my mind that she would at least think fondly of your healing relationship. I just talked to a psychologist that was not my T that the most rewarding part of his job is the relationships he forms.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by Jamal Spelling on January 5, 2008, at 4:23:55

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist Jamal Spelling, posted by muffled on January 4, 2008, at 21:32:39

> Do you still miss your P=doc?

LOL, no! I just had feelings for her for a few weeks, maybe months. In the end, the solution to my depression lay outside the realm of medication. Medication was one part of it, but I came to the realisation that no amount of medication is going to fix me until I sort out the rest of my life. So I began slowly and painstakingly working on fixing the rest of my life. A decade later, it feels like I am finally getting there. I think the important thing to remember is that this is a long-term process. I am still prone to spells of feeling down, but I no longer feel depressed the way I used to. But I realise that, compared to "normal" people, my depression threshold is much lower.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by Jamal Spelling on January 5, 2008, at 4:45:49

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by beautymarked on January 5, 2008, at 2:58:18

> Nevertheless, I think she probably did care about you as a person, granted she has other patients, she probably cares about each one of them, too.

I think part of the turning point was when one day she was running late and she told me "sorry I'm late, I had a patient earlier who sat here a full hour-and-a-half", and she rolled her eyes as she said it. And that's when I realised that, ultimately, I'm just a patient, entitled to my 15 minutes of care, and beyond that, she probably has her own life and family to care for.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist Jamal Spelling

Posted by Dinah on January 5, 2008, at 9:40:35

In reply to Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by Jamal Spelling on January 4, 2008, at 16:12:19

I pay for my therapist's time, for his putting my needs always ahead of his (as opposed to a reciprocal friendship), and for him to apply his knowledge and experience to help me to the best of his ability.

He's fond of me for free.

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by muffled on January 5, 2008, at 10:55:16

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist Jamal Spelling, posted by Dinah on January 5, 2008, at 9:40:35

What messes me, is that T's show such caring....then they walk away...
I am quite sure that my T is fond of me.
But then she can just walk away for weeks at a time.
Sigh.
I don't get it.
I have ALOT to leanr bout stuff :-(
Wished I'd have learned it as a kid.
It should be so simple.
M

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist muffled

Posted by widget on January 8, 2008, at 8:32:48

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by muffled on January 5, 2008, at 10:55:16

I couldn't agree more with what you said. I realize I want "too much" from my psychiatrist. I hate his "boundaries" which I feel keep HIM safe from me and, perhaps, other patients whom I hate to think even exist. We seem to be coming from such different perspectives. I was trying to tell him how I'm sometimes hurt by the fact that I am one of many and not super special to him. I must admit, in retrospect, that he listened intently and asked me to be more specific about what I needed and was not getting from him. At one point, he said something about (these are his feelings) how he thought he showed a lot of caring to work with someone who had so little self love (ouch!) to try to help that person get better. I think he may have been frustrated or annoyed or both. Hmmm. oh, well, since I want him to fall in love with me, I guess we are coming from different perspectives and he, truly, will never fulfill my needs. And, yes, I know that is inappropriate of me but it is where I am and it is tough. However, I have tried and tried to convince him to fall in love with me and it just isn't working! (Surprise?) So, I must say I am getting tired of hitting my head against the stone wall of his resistance and perhaps he just would never have fallen in love with me even if I were not a patient. And, that is the very frustrating part--never really knowing his real feelings for me. If I had to guess, he is truly concerned and wants me to get better. He is invested in this and does care in that way. But, beyond that, I am another patient and he cares about all of us. And, that doesn't seem to be enough but that's what there is. How very frustrating!!!!! But, from his point of view, he is caring a lot and doing his job, too, not just because I pay him. He said if he didn't really care I would (as any patient) realize it. That you can't fake it. So, he is being real and doing his best. And, I still want more and that's the problem and he can't fix it because he doesn't see me that way and it would be against ethics, etc. I think if I knew I had somehow touched him in a special way but he knew that was his business and was inappropriate to share with me, that would be enough. I don't think this is the case. Even if it were, he could never tell me. What a catch-22! I understand the rules of his game (no personal involvement with a patient) but if only he had those feelings for me, if only, but couldn't act on them, that would be wonderful. I think I would accept that. So, I keep wondering if I may really trigger something more in him that is inappropriate but will never know. This makes for craziness!! I never thought this would happen. But, it sure has. Widget

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist

Posted by muffled on January 8, 2008, at 11:53:52

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist muffled, posted by widget on January 8, 2008, at 8:32:48

Oh Widget, this sounds so hard :-( for you.

I wonder, maybe something to explore and mayhap you already have done... is WHY is it so important to you, that you be special to him(which is very common BTW).
What 'need'(hate that word!) is not being met?
How can you meet this need in a good way?
etc etc
Take care,
M

 

Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist muffled

Posted by widget on January 9, 2008, at 15:40:14

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist, posted by muffled on January 8, 2008, at 11:53:52

Dear muffled, I've been wanting to thank you for the compassionate reply. Gee, I don't know what exactly is motivating me. I just thought it was love. You see, he is so very kind and gentle and would never hurt me. He is not like most men I have known. He is patient and really cares. What's not to like/love? And, of course, I never got that unconditional acceptance from my father and never will. The opposite was true; he was very mean. So, my psychiatrist seems irresistable. Unfortunately, I am resistable to him. I think I said before that if I even knew he was interested in me but could do nothing about it, I do believe that would be enough. I will never know this. This is frustrating and seems to keep me running in circles. But, I am getting tired of trying to convince him to love me. And, he does love me just not in the way I want. It almost seems like a power struggle. And, if so, he wins. And, I guess that's ok. Nothing else is working. I do not seem to have the right magic. Thanks so much for caring. Widget

 

hmmm widget

Posted by muffled on January 10, 2008, at 0:08:03

In reply to Re: Falling in love with your psychiatrist muffled, posted by widget on January 9, 2008, at 15:40:14

*Thanks for your kind post Widget too! :-)

* I re-read you posts a few times cuz there is something...
Just exactly WHAT I dunno!!!! How useful is THAT!!! LOL!
But anyways, there was another poster awhile back that was the same way (lol, mebbe it was you! I can't keep track!),
but they had this thing where it went beyond the just basic I want to be T's 'special' client. Its didn't seem to be a sex thing. I dunno.
Here i cut this from post, its the line that go me going.

> It almost seems like a power struggle. And, if so, he wins.

* Hmmm. So I am making myself slightly (more!) mental trying to put my finger on whatever it is I wish to figure out.
Wish I could be more helpful. Maybe you will see something in this silly post that I can't!
Anyhow. I feel for you.
Take good care.
M


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