Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 793773

Shown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**

Posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 14:17:44

So I said some pretty nasty stuff to t. I have realized it was fear generated and explained it to her. She DID say she don't like to be called names, and I LOVE that she honest, cuz then I can trust she not b*llsh*tt*ng me.
I have been sort of ooozing stinking sh*t her way.
She say thats OK.
I dunno.
The thing of it all though that I am SO confused about...is that I feel little or no emotions as I read/write some presumably nasty stuff as relates to this body I guess. I have little memory, just bits, some visual. Just sorta technical bits bout certain things. I describe it dipassionately...but its pretty obvo what it might be.
No emotions.
My head spins some.
My T hammering away at me to take meds.
Who am I?
I am not the child.
I am nothing.
I dunno what meds to take.
HATE seroquel.
All mixed up am I.
Maybe take some little bit of seroquel to get thru this hump....since I still got some.
My T is so nice.
Sweet nice lady.
I feel like I am making her dirty with my filth.
:-(
M

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**

Posted by rskontos on November 7, 2007, at 14:43:29

In reply to My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 14:17:44

Muffled it is not filth. It is something that happened to you that you couldn't control. I understand how you feel because I feel the same way. The nothingness is a way to control the horror you have been through. The numbness is a way to be safe again. That is all. To share it with her is a honor and it is the only way to make yourself better. I understand my T said she was so surprised I shared some of mine so quickly I said I had to or I would disappear. YOu have to dissociate with the bad stuff but my T said something I still remember. To relive it it can't hurt again like it did the first time because you were strong enough to live through it and memories aren't the same as the the real people that hurt you orginally. Take the meds. I am. My T said ok to take them for a while. They are helping not 100% but enough to take the edge off things. I am not so bad. I am still remembering bad stuff, still depressed but not in despair land. Of course you are mixed up we came from messed upville. But we you all of us will be ok one day. Little by little. But you are reaching a deep point with the younger little girl that knows some things you dont but they are only MEMORIES they CANT HURT YOU. In remembering you will SET yourself FREE. Remember that. You can get through this pain and be whole. Your T is strong enough. If she wasn't she would have fleed a LONG time ago. Dont worry bout her just you the best one I know muffled you will be ok. I got your back. You are sweet lady too. rk

 

s'mores triggers rskontos

Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 15:19:36

In reply to Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by rskontos on November 7, 2007, at 14:43:29

muff,
I can think of a couple things. pick your poison
1) you are testing her limits, hoping that she will dump you, or at least dump the part of you (the angry one? sorry I'm bad at learning names) that you are having a hard time integrating
2) PMS
3) you are having a hard time right now, unrelated to therapy, and it spills over into therapy land.
4) getting too close to the root of it all. it defends itself
5) part of you resents that she is recommending medication. After all, you should be able to figure everything out on your own, right? It signals the end of her expertise and it scares you that she cannot be everything to you.
6) the end of my llurpsielist

filth? did someone say filth? hmmmm. I dunno about that. How about you and I go build a nice big bonfire on a cool night and make s'mores. You're not filthy at all. pass me a marshmallow. Your hands are clean enough to break off a square of chocolate. Hey, can you get the graham cracker ready. these s'mores take 4 hands.

I NEVER make s'mores with filthy folks. Let's just say that you're toughing it through the tough times, and you will emerge a little cleansed. doesn't mean you're filthy inside, though, just a little mixed up. your marshmallow got a little too crispy. it's okay, we can start over. mmmm crackling wood... mesmerizing flames

you're gonna be okay. I just have this feeling ;)

-ll

 

Re: s'mores triggers for muffled. rsk invited too! (nm)

Posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 17:06:13

In reply to s'mores triggers rskontos, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 15:19:36

 

psssst...canIhavethecrispyone? like 'em charred:-) (nm) llurpsienoodle

Posted by 10derHeart on November 7, 2007, at 17:59:14

In reply to s'mores triggers rskontos, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 15:19:36

 

Thx (((RSK))) (nm)

Posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 18:22:15

In reply to s'mores triggers rskontos, posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 15:19:36

 

MELTED CHOCOLATE YAYYYYYYYY!

Posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 18:23:38

In reply to psssst...canIhavethecrispyone? like 'em charred:-) (nm) llurpsienoodle, posted by 10derHeart on November 7, 2007, at 17:59:14

And I love a campfire!
:-)
M

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery** Muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 7, 2007, at 19:12:32

In reply to My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 14:17:44

You're not making your T dirty -- YOU are not dirty, Muffled. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, though. I wish I could make it all better for you.

Meds might help (and you know I don't say that lightly). I think the Xanax helped me. I hope your Seroquel helps you.

You are a treasure (and I bet your T thinks so, too).

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**

Posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 23:02:42

In reply to Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery** Muffled, posted by TherapyGirl on November 7, 2007, at 19:12:32

> You're not making your T dirty -- YOU are not dirty, Muffled. I'm so sorry for what you're going through, though. I wish I could make it all better for you.

**S'ok TG. I am not having emotions so its no big deal.
I just don't wish to cause my T to be sickened at all, esp when its nothing to me. So why make her look at ugliness?

> Meds might help (and you know I don't say that lightly). I think the Xanax helped me. I hope your Seroquel helps you.

*I may have to take the seroquel.
My mind is messed. I may go to the clinic and see if I can get risperidal to try. After this long weekend.

> You are a treasure (and I bet your T thinks so, too).

*Thank you TG.
Your managing to keep on keeping on OK?
Take care,
M

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery** Muffled

Posted by Phillipa on November 7, 2007, at 23:41:11

In reply to Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 23:02:42

Do you have permission to try the seroquel since you've already taken it it's less scarey as you know what to expect. Good lucke Muffled. Phillipa

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery** Muffled

Posted by RealMe on November 7, 2007, at 23:45:01

In reply to My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 14:17:44

Muffy,

No way are you making your therapist dirty with your stuff. You aren't dirty either. If meds would help for a time, then go for it. I hate them too, but I think what my T has in mind is more rather than less medication, like something to help me with my moods and so I can go to sleep at night. I have to find out what is wrong with me physically though too.

So, she doesn't like to be called names. I don't like to be called names either and didn't like being called names when I was doing therapy, but I got called names anyway. I have to laugh thinking about it as I never took it personally. It is your stuff, and your T knows it is. She is not saying for you to try to be different. She wants to help. Yes I know how it is with talking about stuff with no emotion. What I did was pick one incident to talk about and try to remember what I was like then, my thoughts, feelings, fears, etc. And then I started sobbing and could not stop. I hate crying in front of people, but now there are times with T that I can't seem to turn the faucet off, and I am afraid he will decide he can't take much more of it. Well I guess that is not true. So, you are doing good.

RealMe

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery** Muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 8, 2007, at 6:43:14

In reply to Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 23:02:42

Yep, I'm managing. Still have a fair amount of depression, but the anxiety is gone (at least for now).

We'll keep on truckin' together, okay?

 

Re: My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**

Posted by JoniS on November 8, 2007, at 7:56:46

In reply to My T DON'T run?!!! I need babble...**triggery**, posted by Muffled on November 7, 2007, at 14:17:44

Hi Muff

Read your post. I'm in a rush but wanted to say you are doing better with therapy and I am so glad for you. I can tell by your posts how you are trying to push your T away and wh wont go. That is awesome. You are learning to trust her. Now you can work more on the hard stuff that you want to fix. Sorry I have to run. Dont know all your details but I'll check in later.

Keep up the good work. You are an awesome person.

Joni

 

Re: s'mores triggers for muffled. rsk invited too! (nm)

Posted by rskontos on November 8, 2007, at 12:20:22

In reply to Re: s'mores triggers for muffled. rsk invited too! (nm), posted by llurpsienoodle on November 7, 2007, at 17:06:13

 

Re: thanks for the invite Ll (nm)

Posted by rskontos on November 8, 2007, at 12:21:48

In reply to Re: s'mores triggers for muffled. rsk invited too! (nm), posted by rskontos on November 8, 2007, at 12:20:22

oops on the above post. I love smores.....rk


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