Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 792604

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Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** TherapyGirl

Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 21:48:05

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 21:24:03

I do take it as needed. But when I'm feeling really bad, as needed is usually daily. The funny thing is that when I've taken it for a while (a week or two) and then I stop, I feel really tearful and sad. So maybe it has an antidepressant effect as well?

I think that some people just have an affinity for one sort of medication. I took one of the old antipsychotics in my worst year as an adolescent, and it may be why I'm still here. It just seems to suit me and my form of anxiety or occasional agitated depression. It's too bad that it's not great for my diabetes. :(

I also found klonopin helpful. But Wellbutrin and Effexor and nortriptyline were *awful* for me. And while I was on Luvox for four years and it did help with agitation I guess, I'm not overly fond of SSRI's either. Part of the reason is likely that few of my mood dips last long enough to justify the withdrawal.

Maybe you just need to try different types of medications? They're not all serotonin based.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by muffled on October 31, 2007, at 23:22:56

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 21:24:03

TG.
I been there, but I not now.
I think you can't remember less you been there recently, cuz its so awful you forget.
Just goto wonder that maybe you can get past this, and be OK again? Somehow. A day at a time. An hour at a time.
You not so old.
So much potential.
Once you dead all that is gone.
My friend is gone.
They put you in a box.
And your face won't smile again, laugh.
You won't post to me.
I be so sad if that happens.
I don't cry, but there's water rising in my eyes some.
I hope you don't go away.
You my friend.
I hope you can be OK.
Find your way outta the pit like I did.
Its Ok now for me.
I'm glad I am here and didn't go thru w/it successfully.
I hope you can stay.
(((((((((((((((TG))))))))))))))))))
My heart hurts for you.
M

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by Daisym on October 31, 2007, at 23:54:27

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 20:11:23

I've told my therapist before that I was mad at him for holding me to my promise. He said that just shows how much I'm hurting but that I still care enough to keep fighting back. I really don't think I want him to let go of me but sometimes the pain is really too much to bear.

So a month ago we did a future planning session. What would I miss if I took my own life? He had more ideas than I did. But one of the things he said was that I would miss (and he would miss) the opportunity to see who I was meant to be. Who ever I'm evolving into - she would never get to show her stuff...and that would be sad after all this work.

So perhaps try that. What would you miss? What dreams would die with you? Who would miss you?

It is so very hard when you are at the bottom of the well and there is no rope and no way out. But let your therapist help you - catch the rope when she throws it.

I'm glad you are posting.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 6:45:47

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by muffled on October 31, 2007, at 23:22:56

Thanks, Muffly. I can't post much right now, but I'll try to write more later.

You are a treasure, though.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Dinah

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:34:24

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2007, at 21:48:05

Maybe I do need to try different meds. But they tried so many in so many different combinations during the bad year that it scares me to death.

But you've given me something to think about. I appreciate it. And I'm feeling slightly better this afternoon.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Daisym

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:38:42

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by Daisym on October 31, 2007, at 23:54:27

Thanks, Daisy. I read your post this morning, but was crying too hard to respond. As I've said before, I really like the way your T thinks and I think you've both done an amazing job of creating a health supportive connection for you.

I'm going to tell my T about this "exercise" (for want of a better word) you did with your T and see if she will help me with it. I'll have to really think about it.

You're right about how hard it is to catch the rope, but I am trying. And the depression/anxiety abated ever so slightly this afternoon. But at least now I feel like I can fake it, which I haven't been pulling off at work. So that's progress, I guess.

I'll post more below to everyone, but I really do appreciate your support and your thoughtful suggestions. Thanks.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:48:00

In reply to Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by TherapyGirl on October 31, 2007, at 17:58:22

Thanks again to all you Babblers for being so supportive. You get it so much better than pretty much anyone else in my life -- it's hard to imagine how I'd get through this without all of you.

I am doing a little better as of this afternoon. The depression/anxiety has lifted enough that I can fake it at work, which is good. I'm afraid I've worried pretty much everyone. And I've been trying to fake it, but I just couldn't pull it off. So I've told everyone who's asked that I don't feel well and haven't been sleeping well (what an understatement that is).

Tonight, I made T talk about our hospital plan again. It occurred to me last night that she didn't so much AGREE to the plan as she said, "I understand." (This was in response to me saying the hospital didn't help me -- just made things worse.) So I explained to her tonight that I really had to know that she wouldn't do that to me. That she would trust the plan we've made and trust me to hang in there as long as I can, but that she also had to know that it's MY choice whether or not to continue to treat this depression. I pointed out that no one could force me into treatment for any physical illness and that I don't think anyone should be able to force me into treatment for this. I reminded her how little of my life I've actually been in control of and told her that I *have* to be in control of how long I live like this. It is the bluntest I've ever been with her, I think, about this subject. What she said was that she legally couldn't promise me that she wouldn't force me into treatment, but that I needed to trust the relationship we have and her history with me (she is not the one who forced me in before) and know that she agrees with me. So I guess that will have to do.

I'll keep all of you posted about how I'm doing. The weekend is coming -- T has a plan for checking in with me. But I dread going back down to the well.

And it turns out the threatened loss of my little guy (from ex's new relationship) is triggering LOTS of emotions about the hysterectomy that I didn't see coming. So I still have lots of work to do. I'll do it as long as I have the energy.

Thanks again to all of you for the great support.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update TherapyGirl

Posted by Maria01 on November 1, 2007, at 19:51:46

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update, posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:48:00

glad to hear that you are doing better =)
I am right there with you with respect to how long you want to keep treating the depression. We should have the right to determine how far and how long we should go, be it for a physical illness(cancer, AIDS, etc) or for other illnesses like depression. Our T's mean well, but they don't live our lives, we do.

Your post reminds me that I need to have the hospitalization talk with my T...soon. As mentioned before, your post articulated everything that I have been feeling, and also my feelings toward deciding when enough is enough.

I am glad that it has lifted a bit, and I wish you a peaceful weekend.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by rskontos on November 1, 2007, at 20:41:24

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:38:42

TG, I too am really having a hard time and I did go on a AD even though my last one was hell getting off and I swore I wouldn't do it again but I got in exactly the place you are now. I must admit it is helping with the anxiety. Not totally because a trigger can set off a panic attack but I can control them to an extent. The depression or despair at the bottom of the pit is not so bad, it is better or manageable. I think I could get it better if I increase the dosage where the neuro said I could go but for now I am leaving it alone. I have some relief not all I could probably get but little side effects. No weight gain, in fact I am left with no appetite. So for now I am better than I was. My T is supportive of this AD but only in the short term. I will eventually taper off. That is another reason to stay low. I must admit although I didn't want anything it has helped. Just an FYI for you to consider as a different point of view. I am journeying to the deepest recessions of my mind for all that happened to me as a child and I know it was ugly I just don't have the memories. I have dissociated for so long I have no memories of most of my past and my T says I have been depression all my life. And anxiety ridden and not medicated for it. So really I do understand where you are. I have thought more about suicide than ever . So far now that this AD is working. Which is good. Anyway, I hope you find your way. I wish I had more advice I can offer much support. This is tough but you are strong. I feel that all of us are stronger than we actually realize. Take care, rk

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** TherapyGirl

Posted by Daisym on November 1, 2007, at 22:07:00

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:38:42

I'm glad I could help, at least a little. Sometimes I feel so hypocritical about this topic though. What I *know* is that feelings shift and change and we never know what surprises are waiting down the road. What I fear is that all the surprises left for me are bad. :(

I went through a phase where I read everything I could about suicide. There is one book in particular that was helpful - let me know if you are a reader. It, obviously, isn't a "planning" book, but more a research study on why people do this and the despair they feel. It helped me in some dark moments I think because this was the subject that was on my mind. And if I wasn't going to actively pursue it, I wanted to passively explore it. Or maybe I was just obsessed...I'm not sure.

As far as the hospital - I've never been in for this. I've been close. I think your therapist is being honest about her legal obligations but I think you do have to trust that you might not be able to make really good decisions for yourself at times. She won't do this lightly or without a lot of thought. I'm glad you are being so honest with her.

If if you aren't at the top of your game at work right now, so what? Everyone has bad weeks, feels ill or has problems. It is just your turn. Try not to be so hard on yourself.

On Tuesday, my therapist and I spent half the session talking about what I believe happens when we die - is there an afterlife and all that. We talked about ghosts and spirits and universal consciousness. It was a weird conversation, philosophical and theoretical. Maybe he is afraid I'm going to haunt him?

I'm glad you have a plan for the weekend. Don't forget to check in here too.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by I need a hug on November 2, 2007, at 1:53:37

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** TherapyGirl, posted by Daisym on November 1, 2007, at 22:07:00

TG,
Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I see my T on Friday so I've been try to get my thoughts in order before I go. That's not an easy task! I usually try to write things down because if I don't, I end up forgetting things I really wanted to talk about.
How is the xanax working for you? I've been taking ativan for a long time. I works really well for me. My T lets me adjust my dose when I feel I need to. She knows me well enough to know that I won't abuse it. If I need it, I take it. If I don't, I don't. It helps with PMS. It's pretty similar to xanax so I just wanted to mention it to you as an alternative. I've had a lot of problems with meds. A new med is what led to my first migraine 2 years ago, sending me to the ER and getting shot up with morphine and demerol. I went off of the med but I had to make another trip to the ER for the same thing. This was before I started seeing a neurologist. She's a fantastic doctor and soon had the headaches under control. I don't know what brought this one on but I'm glad it's over. Well, enough about me. I think it sounds like you've got a good PCP who is willing to work with you and your T. Some doctors try to do more than they are qualified to do. After my mom died is when my depression started(actually, it started years before that but I never did anything about it.) My PCP prescribed 2ADs she felt comfortable with. When they didn't work or I had side effects, she suggested therapy. That was the beginning of a beautiful 9 year relationship with my T. When the migraines started, she immediately ordered an MRI and referred me to a neurologist. I have a great deal of respect for her because of this. I hope you have a relaxing weekend and I will continue to follow your posts. Please let me know if I can do anything for you. HUGS

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update Maria01

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 18:56:39

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update TherapyGirl, posted by Maria01 on November 1, 2007, at 19:51:46

Thanks, Maria. I'm tired today, but not in the bottom of the pit.

I encourage you to have the hospital talk with your T, but you'll need to take her a viable plan. For me that is a list of about 4 or 5 friends who have agreed to let me come stay with them in lieu of the hospital. Some of them had to think about it and what responsibility they are taking on. But mostly for me it's just that I need to not be by myself and a change of scenery doesn't hurt either. So they have agreed. Do you have friends you can make that agreement with?

Thanks again for all your support. I hope things get better for you soon.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** rskontos

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 18:58:50

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by rskontos on November 1, 2007, at 20:41:24

I'm glad they AD is helping you, RS, even if it's just a little bit.

I think ADs are generally wonderful drugs and I know they help a lot of people. Maybe one day I'll try some small dose of a newer one for a short time and see what it does to me. Part of the problem in the past is that they just kept piling on and switching without letting me come off in between. So maybe there is one that would help. I'm not willing to try it yet, but I will if it gets that bad.

I hope you continue to get better. Thanks for your support.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Daisym

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 19:06:08

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** TherapyGirl, posted by Daisym on November 1, 2007, at 22:07:00

Thanks, Daisy.

And I'm right there with you about my fear about what surprises are left. Even on my good days.

I'm a big reader, so if you would send me the name of that book, I'd appreciate it. It would give my thoughts an outlet that is better than the outlet I naturally come up with when it's like this.

I am still depressed, but functional now. So at least I can deal with it. I'm a little anxious about how the weekend will play out (it's little man's birthday), but I feel as comfortable as I can with the plans I have in place for dealing with it.

I should probably have the afterlife discussion with my T. We did venture into spiritual territory last night -- which I usually veer away from. But I was telling her that one of my friends suggested to me last weekend that I pray for myself -- that God will be there for me when no one else is, blah, blah, blah. In theory, I get that and I want to be comforted by that. But there was a 5-year-old in my head screaming, "If God wouldn't protect ME, why would he protect HER? Where the h*ll was he when my mother was beating the sh*t out of me?" Okay, maybe it was my teenager and not my 5-year-old, but you get the drift. My T chose not to respond to that, but instead asked me to think about asking my friend to pray WITH me the next time. She thinks that would open up avenues of support from my friend that she has had trouble expressing in the past. I don't know if I can do it or not, but I'm thinking about it. I'd love it if you would post about your conversation with T about the afterlife.

Thanks for everything, Daisy. I will check in as I can over the weekend.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** I need a hug

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 19:09:06

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by I need a hug on November 2, 2007, at 1:53:37

Thanks, Hug.

The xanax seems to be working okay, but the real test will be this weekend. I will be upping the dose for Sat. and Sun. nights. I guess we'll see what shape I'm in on Monday.

I hope your session went well today. I used to see my T on Fridays and I really liked it. But now she only works some Fridays and usually only half a day at that. It sucks to have a semi-retired T.

Your PCP sounds great, too. My current one seems good -- she discusses things with me and believes what I tell her about my body's reaction to drugs. That's the most important part of being a good doctor in my book.

Thanks for all the support this week. I'll keep you posted and you do the same. Okay?

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by muffled on November 2, 2007, at 20:08:14

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Daisym, posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 19:06:08

Yup semi retired T's suck.
I was reading your post to Daisy and I had to laugh cuz the part where you said bout kid saying ma beating you, I thot, NAW goto be teen, and then you said bout teen!
Ya....the Godstuff...I pretty much have said the same thing.I dunno what happened to my inside kid, but the older parts are not happy bout Godstuff at all. One preacher said Jesus WAS with me, hurting too. My T says I ask deep questions. But Jesus was beaten and stuff so He knows how it feels too....I can't goto church these days cuz the angry at God part is triggered.....but I miss Godstuff. Last session my T said she uses Godstuff to calm me, but wasn't sure if it was OK. I told her AGAIN that I like Godstuff mostly, just when the other part is triggered it don't go down well.
I have to start meds on VERY low doses at least 1/2 recommended. There's been times I literally ate 'chips' off of pills and worked my way up to a full pill over time....
Take good care,
Hard to type, my kids harassing me, apparently scooby doo isn't interesting enuf!
M

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update TherapyGirl

Posted by Maria01 on November 2, 2007, at 21:07:36

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update Maria01, posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 18:56:39

Hi TG-
I'm glad things are looking up for you =)
I don't have any friends I can stay with in lieu of hospitalization..a lot of my IRL friends have scattered all over the country over the past couple of years(academic appointments, work, etc.). I had one friend out here I was very close to, but after a rough couple of days, she sent me a letter explaining how she doesn't feel she can handle the friendship at this time. Lesson learned for me: Keep other people out of my hardships!
At any rate, I'm glad things are lifting for you a bit, and I hope you have a restful weekend. =)

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update Maria01

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 21:16:13

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update TherapyGirl, posted by Maria01 on November 2, 2007, at 21:07:36

Okay, I get it and have been in that situation. The only reason I'm not in it now is that I'm older and most of my friends are married/partnered and settled.

But for you that means you will need to be more creative in your non-hospitalization plan. You're probably going to need to be very specific and put something in writing for your T. Feel free to start a thread (or use this one) to start thinking it through.

Okay?

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 21:19:26

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by muffled on November 2, 2007, at 20:08:14

Muffled, have I told you lately how much I adore you? Because I do. Your post the other morning made me cry. Not because it depressed me, but because you reminded me that there is a way out and how lucky I am to have people like you in my life.

When T and I were talking about all the things I did to get through last weekend, I told her I posted all of my breakdown here. She asked if that helped and I teared up and said, "Yes, because they've all been in exactly the same place. So they get it in ways that others don't."

Thank you for being here for me. You've been my rock these last couple of weeks.

And you and I should have a God talk some time.

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**

Posted by I need a hug on November 3, 2007, at 17:42:03

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** muffled, posted by TherapyGirl on November 2, 2007, at 21:19:26

TG,
I hope your day went well. I had a really good session with my T on Friday. When she asked how I was doing I told her I thought I was losing my mind. She told me she thought she was losing hers, too. I told her something I had heard or read along time ago, "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most." We both laughed. She knows that no matter how depressed I get, I have never lost my sense of humor. I'm 47 and she's 38 or 39 and we're both female. I think that's why I can relate to her so well. I thought of something you might want to ask your T about the xanax if you keep taking it. Ask if you can take it 2 0r 3 times a day instead of just at bedtime. I take the ativan 3xday. It relieves the anxiety during the day and helps with sleep at night. This works for me and I wanted to mention it to you. I'll check in later. HUGS

 

Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** I need a hug

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2007, at 22:15:25

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers**, posted by I need a hug on November 3, 2007, at 17:42:03

Thanks for the info., Hugs. I'm glad your session went well and that you found a T you can work with so well. That always makes the hard work of therapy more tolerable.

So the ativan doesn't knock you out if you take it during the day? Because I would be very interested in something I didn't have to wait until night to take.

My day went fine -- better than expected. I'll post more about it below.

 

Re: So far, so good

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2007, at 22:20:54

In reply to Re: Two sessions this week **Triggers** Update, posted by TherapyGirl on November 1, 2007, at 18:48:00

Today was fine -- actually pretty close to a good day. The depression is still there, but much more under wraps than it's been the last couple of weeks.

My ex and I actually had a conversation today about guardianship of my little guy. So we are going to get the legal papers to make me his guardian if anything happens to ex (which we should have done years ago, but never got around to). My little guy has a developmental disability, so we are having to file papers for his regular guardianship some time during the next year. I will be named backup guardian whenever we do that. So I will be able to stay in his life, no matter what and that has relieved a lot of my anxiety.

And a co-worker called and asked me to do something tonight. I couldn't do it 'cuz I was with my little guy and it's not clear whether it was to be a date or just an invitation, but it was nice to get no matter what.

And I slept really, really good last night. I'm headed to bed now for what I hope is a 2nd night of deep sleep.

Thanks again for all the support. I'll keep hanging in there and I hope you all do, too.

 

Re: So far, so good

Posted by I need a hug on November 3, 2007, at 23:09:39

In reply to Re: So far, so good, posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2007, at 22:20:54

TG,
I'm so glad everything went well for you. I hope you got a good nights sleep. Now that you and your ex have reached an agreement regarding your "beautiful little guy," maybe that will do a lot to put your mind at ease and relieve your anxiety. As far as the ativan goes, it doesn't affect me. I'm not an expert but both drugs are benzos and I think they are quite similar. I checked a reference book I have and the most common side effect for xanax is mild drowsiness during the first few days of therapy. I think if you start out with the lowest dose possible, that would be your best bet. If I can help with anything else or if you ever feel like "chatting," I'm on disability so I'm home a lot. HUGS

 

Re: So far, so good

Posted by muffled on November 4, 2007, at 7:24:09

In reply to Re: So far, so good, posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2007, at 22:20:54

> Today was fine -- actually pretty close to a good day. The depression is still there, but much more under wraps than it's been the last couple of weeks.

*WOW. Thats GREAT to hear TG.
>
> So we are going to get the legal papers to make me his guardian if anything happens to ex .I will be named backup guardian. So I will be able to stay in his life, no matter what and that has relieved a lot of my anxiety.

**Holp crap!!! This is HUGE!!! Yayyyy!!! :-)

> And a co-worker called and asked me to do something tonight. I couldn't do it 'cuz I was with my little guy and it's not clear whether it was to be a date or just an invitation, but it was nice to get no matter what.

*:-) Good for you for noticing that its a good thing and 'taking it in'.

> And I slept really, really good last night. I'm headed to bed now for what I hope is a 2nd night of deep sleep.

*((((Sleep))))

> Thanks again for all the support. I'll keep hanging in there and I hope you all do, too.

*I am thrilled you are having some releif. Seems like theres some good things happening.
TG, you seem like the kindest person. I'm so sorry you have to struggle with the demon of depression :-(
But I am SO glad that maybe you are doing a bit better.
Ya, hang in there, and I will too.
(((TG)))
M

 

Re: So far, so good TherapyGirl

Posted by Dinah on November 4, 2007, at 20:14:01

In reply to Re: So far, so good, posted by TherapyGirl on November 3, 2007, at 22:20:54

I'm so happy about that. That must be a huge weight lifted.

:)


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