Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 792634

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i wanted to be a writer

Posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 20:50:14

once.. i was pretty good. In the 6th grade i was entering, placing and sometimes winning high school writing competitions. i was having short stories published in the high school newspaper. i never had an english lit grade lower than 95% on any paper or written assignment. In uni my creative writing prof pulled me aside and asked me privately to enter a national competition.. i didn't because i didn't have the confidence..

but there's something else... a larger reason i didn't write.

my sister

it was her dream to write.. i can't talk about why, but she didn't have a lot of dreams. The dynamics were complicated.. but i haven't seen her in almost 10 yrs. It seemed like i had it all and she had nothing at times... and she'll never know that i sacrificed my writing for her. i just couldn't take her dream.. i couldn't succeed at the thing she wanted most. She didn't work hard enough, had even less confidence than i do and she fell flat.. never made it as a writer... never made it through uni. It would have been so awful to have been what she wanted.

it makes me sad still. i am happy with what i do, i am passionate about it, but i still think about writing.

family is strange

 

Re: i wanted to be a writer

Posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 21:23:32

In reply to i wanted to be a writer, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 20:50:14

Go for it Dory! You can be passionate about more than one thing! ;-) I am taking a creative writing class next semester, feeling a little nervous about that, but I am going to try.
It sounds like you have talent, so give it a try. I love to write but I don't think I would want to do it for a living. Way too stressful for me! lol (unless it is for Playgirl) lol

 

Re: i wanted to be a writer happyflower

Posted by Phillipa on October 31, 2007, at 22:40:19

In reply to Re: i wanted to be a writer, posted by happyflower on October 31, 2007, at 21:23:32

Dory could you try and write with a brief history of how your sister inspired you to write in the beginning? Just a thought. Phillipa

 

Re: i (want)ed to be a writer Dory

Posted by B2chica on November 1, 2007, at 8:00:26

In reply to i wanted to be a writer, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 20:50:14

Dory, i don't think wanting to be a writer or not even matters. the writer friends i have (few)...well, you either ARE or ARE NOT a writer. no matter what else you do in your life...if you have it in you, its comes.
it is something you can work very hard at and perfect, but there is some kind of natural talent inside.

i think for yourself AND for your sister you need to write.
you don't need to try to publish anything (for now) if you feel it will hurt your sister still. but write it. maybe then share it with your sister or a friend, or a child, or here...or maybe no one.
but write.

 

Re: i wanted to be a writer Dory

Posted by Dinah on November 1, 2007, at 8:49:32

In reply to i wanted to be a writer, posted by Dory on October 31, 2007, at 20:50:14

Dory, I'm not sure what subtle or unsubtle messages your parents gave you. But my thought is that nothing another person does can diminish or enhance who you are. What you do is what you do. And what your sister does is what your sister does. I think the best way to respect your sister is to fill your own potential. I think I'd feel worse about myself to know that someone thought I couldn't tolerate their achievement than I would if they achieved.

If it's something you wish to pursue, you should pursue it. I'm sure you do write now anyway. Journals, babble posts. If you want to expand your scope, I say go for it.

Or at least that's my take on it.

 

Re: i (want)ed to be a writer B2chica

Posted by Dory on November 1, 2007, at 11:14:31

In reply to Re: i (want)ed to be a writer Dory, posted by B2chica on November 1, 2007, at 8:00:26

that was beautifully said B2 :)

i suppose you are right.. and it's weird that i didn't see it that way, because i have always liked the expression that i'm an artist who makes art or one who doesn't. i guess i'm a write who hides my writing, completely or by anonymously posting online. *sad smile

 

Re: i wanted to be a writer Dinah

Posted by Dory on November 1, 2007, at 11:20:32

In reply to Re: i wanted to be a writer Dory, posted by Dinah on November 1, 2007, at 8:49:32

i think i'd feel the same dinah.. i'd be disappointed i my sister didn't succeed at something because of me. i think i have just been taught to diminish what i do because she wasn't as successful. Now that i look at it that way... i am kind of overwhelmed by sadness.. i don't think it ever occurred to me that my achievements were second-rate to my sister's lack of them. :(

i love my sister. It put me in an impossible situation... to fight for recognition meant i had to fight her and make the family turn and look... which came back to me as me being selfish and cruel. In my family i guess it was either/or, not *and.*

this makes me very sad. :(


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