Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 1466

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Re: Love with therapist

Posted by Pippa on February 3, 2007, at 16:53:29

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by caraher on February 3, 2007, at 16:34:00

Caraher

Hi

I know you are helping and protecting - many thanks for that.

My T is not a liar, a manipulator or the type of person who would lie about his sick wife.

His wife has MS - there is no reason for me to "drive past" and check up on him or indeed her ...

I agree I would be devastated if this was all a lie ... but it isnt ....

Pippa

 

Re: Love with therapist

Posted by bird in the sky on February 3, 2007, at 20:46:55

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by Pippa on February 3, 2007, at 16:53:29

it seems weird to me that you still call him your T. After al, isn't he your lover, your love, your friend etc. how can you just call him your T?
I fell in love with a teacher once and when we were together i would never think of calling him my teacher. how weird it must be to still be having therapy with him...

 

My T called it prostitution!

Posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 2:25:51

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by widget on February 2, 2007, at 8:03:11

When I started a relationship w my T he said we must immediately decide whether to continue therapy (and have NO relationship) or end therapy and have a relationship. He was very clear about it and HE TOLD ME that otherwise he would be a prostitute and I would become his "John", but I suppose I'd be a "Jane".
In hindsight I'm glad he made the distinction clear to me, because if I'd been his patient after our relationship I'd have been ready for a straightjacket. It would also have been virtually impossible for him to break off the relationship.
So I'm not being vicious, simply stating what my T/lover told me. He said any Ethics Board would view it that way.

Penny

 

Re: My T called it prostitution! Dis Traught

Posted by Daisym on February 4, 2007, at 3:15:36

In reply to My T called it prostitution!, posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 2:25:51

I wouldn't presume to know your unique situation but most professional boards would consider a relationship with a client unethical, even if you stopped the therapy. In my state (CA) a therapist would be breaking the law and could lose his license.

Are you now working with another therapist? And if I can ask, (of course you don't have to answer) what did you begin therapy for?

Welcome to Babble.

 

Re: My T called it prostitution!))Daisym

Posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 3:26:54

In reply to Re: My T called it prostitution! Dis Traught, posted by Daisym on February 4, 2007, at 3:15:36

I needed to be validated:)
I wrote about me in a posting headed "Do I need therapy".

Penny

 

))Daisym((

Posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 3:35:00

In reply to Re: My T called it prostitution! Dis Traught, posted by Daisym on February 4, 2007, at 3:15:36

I think it would worldwide be deemed unethical regardless of whether we'd ended the therapy or not.

Penny

 

Re: Love with therapist

Posted by Pippa on February 4, 2007, at 3:52:19

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by bird in the sky on February 3, 2007, at 20:46:55

Hello - I do seem to have opened a can of worms here. - My "T" is called Piers - I had assumed there was a requirement "on here" not to name names! But .... I really do have nothing to hide, and he is willing for me to give his name on here.

I imagine, but do not know this for sure, that in the UK we are slightly less "hung up" about the whole therapy process and the "ethics" of client therapist relationships.For the avoidance of all doubt, I have now spoken to Piers about what I have read and said on here ... He wants me to be happy - if I want to stop therapy with him ... then that is fine by him....

As for why I started therapy .... I was "gang raped" when I was 20 - after a party in Riyadh.

The men who attacked me were never convicted although the police arrested them and one of them admitted to the assault.

It appears that I provoked the attack myself because I was a young blonde western girl who was sexually available and who had drunk 2 glasses of wine.To this day I have recurring issues about my high sex drive, guilt that I "let" 10 or 11 men have sex with me and that I sometimes, even now, I admit to myself that I "enjoyed" it.

Piers is a sex therapist. He is the only man who has ever been able to make me understand that a lot of my thoughts, feelings and desires are natural and nothing to be ashamed of.

Pippa

 

Re: Love with therapist Pippa

Posted by muffled on February 4, 2007, at 10:28:50

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by Pippa on February 4, 2007, at 3:52:19

Pippa. I am glad you enjoying yourself.
I hope it goes OK?
Are you anticipating that your T will leave his wife?
MS people can live long lives. They can go into remissiom, the disease can slow or go fast. They become increasingly reliant on their caregivers for help....
I just wonder what future there is in this for you?
And he is still your T? I would find that a challenge personally if I was a T, to try and treat a client I was involved with...
Hope you don't get hurt Pippa. But if you do, you sure won't be the first or last unfortunately.
Glad to meet you. Welcome to babble.
Muffled

 

For Pippa

Posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 11:10:13

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by widget on February 2, 2007, at 8:03:11

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/4350712.stm

Penny

 

Re: Love with therapist

Posted by Pippa on February 4, 2007, at 11:33:44

In reply to Re: Love with therapist Pippa, posted by muffled on February 4, 2007, at 10:28:50

Hello Muffled

All is fine here. I have no idea if Piers will leave his wife or not.

If he decides to care for her and his family that is his choice. I have made my choice to follow my heart and to be true to myself. What he decides is down to him. I have experienced quite a lot in my life. My need for therapy relates to my sex drive, my feelings of guilt about what happened to me in Saudi and how I have reacted to those events.

Piers started as my therapist, became my lover and yes, he remains my therapist. At no time has he coerced me, persuaded me to do something that I do not want to do or exploited his position.

We love each other. Its that simple.

He has responsibilities to his wife and children, as I do to mine. We are aware of our responsibilities but we also know that we have a responsibility to each other - that of true lovers and soul mates.

Pippa

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by Pippa on February 4, 2007, at 11:52:10

In reply to For Pippa, posted by Dis Traught on February 4, 2007, at 11:10:13

Penny

We are both aware of the Steven Manley case.

At no time since we became lovers has Piers asked me for money for sex or for his time with me.

I am sufficiently "grown up" to know that I could end up with nothing here - but ... I have made my choice.

At the moment I have to believe in myself and Piers. Without trust, love and self-belief what is there to live for?

Pippa

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by bird in the sky on February 4, 2007, at 22:42:15

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 4, 2007, at 11:52:10

Hi Pippa (and all)
This reminds me of a line in this famous poem in the book called The Invitation.
"I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself; if you can bear the accustion of betrayal and not betray your own soul; if you can be faithless and therefore trustworthy."
Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Take care and continue to follow your heart!

 

For Pippa

Posted by Dis Traught on February 5, 2007, at 4:33:47

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by Pippa on February 2, 2007, at 8:20:02

Please understand that I am not in any way criticising your relationship with your T. The only thing I object to is the fact that you are still in therapy with him. I object to his lack of professionalism in that respect.

Penny

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 4:39:00

In reply to For Pippa, posted by Dis Traught on February 5, 2007, at 4:33:47

Penny

Not a problem - thanks for your concern.

Piers and I have talked this through in detail - I am going to see another therapist.

My problem now is do I tell the new therapist about Piers?

Life is never simple ... any ideas?

Pippa

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by caraher on February 5, 2007, at 5:52:19

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 4:39:00

Did Piers express any worries about a new therapist "reporting" him to a licensing agency?

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 6:01:11

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by caraher on February 5, 2007, at 5:52:19

No - he has not expressed any worries. He believes that we should do whatever is best for me.

I imagine that "client" confidentiality means that my new therapist ... Who is incidently a woman!!! - would not be allowed to report him without my permission?

Piers and my new therapist have worked together for over 8 years. I will ask her what her professional opinion is.

Pippa

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by lcat10 on February 5, 2007, at 23:17:12

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 6:01:11

> No - he has not expressed any worries. He believes that we should do whatever is best for me.
>
> I imagine that "client" confidentiality means that my new therapist ... Who is incidently a woman!!! - would not be allowed to report him without my permission?
>
> Piers and my new therapist have worked together for over 8 years. I will ask her what her professional opinion is.
>
> Pippa

I find this very disturbiing. A therapist has a power differential over a patient. This is such a big no-no, and you may not recognize the problems from this now, but down the line you will. Believe me.

 

Re: For Pippa Pippa

Posted by Daisym on February 6, 2007, at 0:03:43

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 6:01:11

In the US (at least in CA) patient confidentiality does not extend to ongoing (current) abuse situations - elder abuse, child abuse, abuse of any with special needs OR abuse of a patient, medically or mental health wise -- even if the patient doesn't believe they are being abused.

However, I think each individual therapist would have to look at their own ethically obligation to doing what is best for you, which may come in conflict with reporting the abusing therapist. So it is a slippery slope. It could put the new therapist in a bad spot, couldn't it? Especially since she works with your current therapist.

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by Pippa on February 6, 2007, at 3:00:17

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by lcat10 on February 5, 2007, at 23:17:12

Hello

I am sorry that you find this all very disturbing.

Can I go back to the point that I made a few posts ago? Piers (my now ex-therapist) is my lover, my soul-mate and the best friend I have in the world.

We started this relationship because we both wanted to. At no time has he coerced me, seduced me or forced me to do anything that i did not want to. We went into this with our eyes open and fully aware that there were huge personal and professional implications for us both.

I love him and he loves me.

I wish that I had not entered into this debate, but I have and I feel that I should continue to have my say.

What are the problems that I may not recognise from this now?

You ask me to believe you but what should I be recognising? That we may split up? That he might never leave his wife? That I may end up in a worse state that when I started my therapy? I happily and gladly started this relationship in the full knowledge that nothing is permanent unless it is based on love trust and an equal sharing of views. It will take work and love. We have both accepted that we need to make an equal contribution.

I am the happiest I have ever been in my life. There are challenges that I still have to address but dont we all have those?

You talk about a power differential. In our relationship there is no use of power. I needed help. I paid for that help. Piers gave his help and time and in a natural and perfect way we became lovers. This was not a smutty series of f*cks in the back of a car or stolen time on the therapist's couch. It was and is a beautiful, warm, sexy sharing of minds, bodies and love that I believe everyone in the world deserves and needs

I have gone from a bad place to what I believe is as good a place as there could ever be.

For the first time in 14 years I am confident in my sexuality. I am not ashamed about what happened to me in the past and can give my body lovingly to a man I love respect and trust.

I genuinely believe I have been "unraped" ...

Pippa

 

Re: Daisym

Posted by Honore on February 6, 2007, at 10:26:45

In reply to Re: For Pippa Pippa, posted by Daisym on February 6, 2007, at 0:03:43

It could be said that Pippa's new therapist is being put into an untenable position, or at least one of a conflict of interest, which is inappropriate.

If she works with Pippa's lover and ex-therapist, she will have conflicting allegiances, to her co-worker, and to Pippa. She may well also have a strong interest in not rocking the boat at her job, with supervisors and other colleagues.

The issue for the new therapist is that often those who report the malfeasance of colleagues become seen as trouble makers, not good samaritans. Beyond that, they have to go through a lot of uncomfortable situations, and trouble that is made much more painful by being in prior relationships of (presumably) mutual respect with people who must, inevitably question her judgment and her report.

So it may be that Pippa has gone from one inappropriate situation to another.

Honore

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by widget on February 7, 2007, at 21:11:57

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 5, 2007, at 6:01:11

Hi, Pippa, Are you ok? Your story about why you sought therapy is very sad and you have share so much with all of us. How are you? Good thoughts for you; hope you are well.

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by Pippa on February 8, 2007, at 2:07:32

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by widget on February 7, 2007, at 21:11:57

Hi Widget - I have had a bad few days ... lots of self doubt and disgust with myself. Thats the way it is with me ... Piers is helping ...

Pippa

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by widget on February 8, 2007, at 7:35:59

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 8, 2007, at 2:07:32

It's good to hear from you. Sorry about the bad days. I'm glad you have some support. Be gentle with yourself. I know I've had those days, too. It may be trite but you can only do the best you can do.

 

Re: For Pippa

Posted by widget on February 17, 2007, at 23:39:05

In reply to Re: For Pippa, posted by Pippa on February 8, 2007, at 2:07:32

Hi, Pippa, haven't heard from you for awhile. Are you ok? Just wondering, I feel much empathy for you. Take care, Widget

 

Re: Love with therapist

Posted by jenlynnsock on March 12, 2008, at 19:46:32

In reply to Re: Love with therapist, posted by bird in the sky on November 26, 2006, at 19:53:50

> > i can't go back. its too hard and too confusing. i don't think i could even sit in the same room with him right now.
>
> (((J))),
> I wish someone beside me could tell you how normal and common this is - to fall in love w/ your therapist.
> Now since you are fighting it, it seems like it may grow and be more painful. To me, facing it and having the chance to talk about it, *helps*. It sure did me.
> I don't know if my case is different, and of course yours is a lot more delicate, since you recently lost your husband. In my case, it is kind of a recurring thing. I have always fallen in love with men in authority. Like maybe every few years.
> This is so neat to be able to be with him (my therapist) and talk to him without the risk of being unfaithful to my husband. It's like a real relationship, cause we are talking and sharing so much and i can absolutely trust him.
> It helps me if i masturbate before i go to see him though, so i'm not all nervous and horny. That way i can concentrate more and i don't act funny.
> I understand that it helps therapy for the patient to fall in love with the T, and i believe it. I have to think about why and write that later...
> Are you seeing someone else?
> bird

Bird, whazzup???I havent't thought about this for a while. So, how goes everything with you? Still at the therapist u had before, just curious. Take care of yourself. Jennifer S


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