Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 705705

Shown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I don't know what to do

Posted by jammerlich on November 20, 2006, at 22:55:03

I am so ambivalent about therapy right now and it is very, very painful. I don't want to talk about things or problem solve or even feel better right now. I just want to be held and loved and have it be okay to be exactly where I am, with no expectation for change. I don't want it from my T though. Well, maybe I do. I just want her to offer it; I don't want to put myself out there and ask. I'm afraid to and of the rejection. I want her to be close, but I want her a hundred miles away at the same time.

I don't want to go in there tomorrow morning and talk about the hard stuff. NO!!! And I don't want to have to tell her I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to go. Ever. I shouldn't have let her see the writing. Why did I ask whether she'd read it? Why didn't I just leave well enough alone?

Would it be so horrible if I no-showed tomorrow? I could call in the morning and cancel, I suppose; but I don't want to talk to ANYBODY, not even the secretary.

 

Re: I don't know what to do jammerlich

Posted by muffled on November 20, 2006, at 23:46:02

In reply to I don't know what to do, posted by jammerlich on November 20, 2006, at 22:55:03

(((Jammmer)))
I dunno much, but from what i read here. But could it be a transferrance thing that your having with your T? Like your T is being like your mother in a way, or that your putting those feelings to her?
I dunno what kind of a T she is.
It would seem some t's welcome the transferrance as useful. Others just seem to want to 'process' it.
Sorry I not much help.
Sorry its so hard and ambivalent for you. I sure know bout ambivalence. Like self torture or something.
I'm not one to say, cuz i don't do it or mebbe even understand it myself. But I guess it has been helpful at times w/my T, to get stuff bout 'us' into the open. Stuff she done thats pissed me off and stuff. I seem to assume the wrong things so many times...
But thats me.
I'm rambling, cuz I just wish I could help you somehow.
Thanks for your help.
Take care either way,
Muffled

 

Re: I don't know what to do

Posted by Daisym on November 20, 2006, at 23:59:18

In reply to I don't know what to do, posted by jammerlich on November 20, 2006, at 22:55:03

I think it is Ok to say, "I'm not ready to talk about any of this yet." You don't HAVE to.

But I know from experience that avoiding "stuff" only works for so long. There are times that I spend sessions building safety, or yelling at my therapist that I just want to feel better, or not talking at all. But I go.

Because not going means being even more alone with the memories and thoughts. And that is worse. Way worse.

I hope you go tomorrow. Let us know, OK?

 

Re: I don't know what to do

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 21, 2006, at 6:52:04

In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by Daisym on November 20, 2006, at 23:59:18

I agree with Daisy, Jammerlich. I think you should try to go and try to explain what you need from her right now. I understand the whole wanting her to offer it without you having to ask thing, but that mostly doesn't work and doesn't get you what you want and need.

Would it be easier to take your post in?

I know it's hard. I'll be holding a good thought for you.

 

(((Jammer?))) (nm)

Posted by muffled on November 21, 2006, at 12:35:34

In reply to Re: I don't know what to do, posted by TherapyGirl on November 21, 2006, at 6:52:04

 

I went

Posted by jammerlich on November 21, 2006, at 17:52:47

In reply to (((Jammer?))) (nm), posted by muffled on November 21, 2006, at 12:35:34

There was indecision up until the very last moment. Fifteen minutes before I was to be there and I was still in my pajamas with wet hair. I just couldn't not show up....as much as I want to. And I couldn't call and make up some reason for a last minute cancellation, either.

I managed to stay away from the bad stuff; but, I didn't say anything at all about how hard it's been to come. I can't bring myself to be very open with her about much of anything. So, I'm sure you can all probably expect a very similar sort of post next Monday because nothing has been resolved.

Going didn't make me feel any better; but, I don't feel worse, either. At least that's a good thing.

 

Re: I went jammerlich

Posted by muffled on November 21, 2006, at 21:28:04

In reply to I went, posted by jammerlich on November 21, 2006, at 17:52:47

Good for you Jammer.
My T says that sometimes the greatest act of courage is to just get up and keep going.
You did it. You went, and your right, it was a good thing.
It is your therapy, you set the pace.
IMO I still think, when you are ready, that mebbe you could let her know a little of whats going on. About your anger and stuff. I know its scarey and feels ucky, but in the end, you'll proly feel better understood, cuz T's can't read minds. I used to think my T was so dumb and didn't understand me. But I have now come to realize, how on earth COULD she understand me? I never spoke!!! I speak more now, and write alot. Interestingly my T seems to WAY better understand words spoken aloud than written stuff.
Take care Jammer,
You done good,
Don't be too hard on yourself,
Muffled


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