Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 702345

Shown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

OK, thread on TOUCH.

Posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 15:46:30

I have noticed that there seems to be differing opinions on touch in therapy, or even in general.
IMO touch is very dangerous. Touch should be handled with the utmost care. And I think there is times in therapy when a pat on the back is ok. And times where it causes alot of trouble. And how the heck is a T to know? And as well, there is times when touch may be difficult, but useful.
And I mean innocent touch. Pat on knee, pat on back, pat on hand. Mebbe safe hug if SAFE and not long. Sitting beside, arm on shoulders. Those MAY be OK in certain times. But sometimes I think touch is necessary for some. It is a part of healing. It can show the person that the T doesn't recoil at their touch. Even if they know stuff bout you. It can show that you not disgusting. That you don't hurt others that touch you. So thats what I think. I am rather struggling with this. I feel real bad, cuz my T patted my shoulder in the nicest way, and part of me was happy, but part of me got real upset. So now I told her not to touch me(in a fax of course) unless I say its OK. And I hope I didn't hurt her feelings, or make her feel repulsive, cuz it would really hurt me if someone said it to me. Yeah, I feel real bad bout it. So anyways. Anyone else got any touch stuff?
But better put a trigger warning on it if its scarey. Thanks.
Muffled

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled

Posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 17:01:49

In reply to OK, thread on TOUCH., posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 15:46:30

I think it may depend a whole lot on where you are, both in your therapeutic relationship and in your therapy progress. And also on what you find upsetting and/or comforting.

I started asking for handshakes somewhere around eight or nine years, and a hug at ten. I've gotten a few since then, not many, and I have to say I find the idea better than the actual. But it's not unpleasant either. It's sort of neutral.

But I wouldn't have been ready for it at all, at say five years. It wasn't the right time, and while I was beginning to trust him, a hug - or even a handshake - just wouldn't have been the right thing at that time.

I'm kind of glad my therapist's boundaries include touch, because I might have obsessed a bit if they didn't. But I'm even more glad that I'm in no danger of getting hooked on it. :)

I do, however, trust him, and find his touch comfortable. I don't say that about many people in my life.

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled

Posted by TherapyGirl on November 10, 2006, at 18:13:36

In reply to OK, thread on TOUCH., posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 15:46:30

What is it that feels bad, exactly? Are you afraid of the touch itself or do you think you are not worthy of being touched? I hope you don't mind my questions -- I really just want to understand.

I started longing for hugs from my T probably about year 1 or 2. I didn't mention it to her until probably year 5 or 6. I asked for my first hug after a session in year 7 or so. At first, I had to ask every time. Now we just hug at the end of every session. Mostly it's just a warm, friendly hug. Sometimes I lose it and she holds me while I cry. But that hasn't happened very often.

A few months or maybe a year after we started hugging, I asked for her to sit beside me and hold me. This felt slightly awkward at first, but just because no one (in my memory) has ever held me like that before. For the same reason, it comforts me in a way nothing else does. I use the holding sparingly, because it feels pushy or something to ask for it every week. But I love it when I position my head just right so I can feel her heart beating. And when I'm having a bad night, if I put a pillow up to my ear just right, I can simulate it. It's very soothing to me.

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled

Posted by anneke06 on November 11, 2006, at 9:07:00

In reply to OK, thread on TOUCH., posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 15:46:30

Touch in therapy is a really interesting topic to me, in part because there is such a range of opinions about it from both therapists and clients.

For me, touch has been an extremely important part of my therapy and I'm not sure I could work with a therapist who didn't use it. A well-timed hug or arm around my shoulder or pat on my arm can give me the courage to go deeper. It sounds cliche, but it makes me feel "safe", although I understand that it could have the totally opposite effect on someone else. I agree totally with you Muffled, touch HAS to be handled carefully and it HAS to be something that both therapist and client are comfortable with, otherwise it could spin horribly out of control.

I was hardly ever held or hugged or touched as a child and never, at least as far as I can remember, by my mother. For me, being held by my therapist for the first time with tears rolling down my face, let me know in a totally different way that tears and feeling sad and out of control really WAS OK. I "knew" it in intellectually before that, but experiencing that physically is something very different.

It makes me think about the discussions on here about how corrective emotional experiences can actually change wiring in our brains....for me, I feel like this might be true in terms of touch, hugs, etc.

Anyone else?? Good topic, BTW, muffled. I always really like your posts; I just don't post myself very often

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled

Posted by toojane on November 11, 2006, at 9:40:06

In reply to OK, thread on TOUCH., posted by muffled on November 10, 2006, at 15:46:30

>I am rather struggling with this. I feel real bad, cuz my T patted my shoulder in the nicest way, and part of me was happy, but part of me got real upset. So now I told her not to touch me(in a fax of course) unless I say its OK.

Muffled, because you experience yourself in parts do you find each part has a very different relationship or view of your T? You say one part was happy with your T's touch and another upset and so you sent a fax saying no touching. Why did the upset part trump the happy part? How did you decide that the happy part goes without?

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH.

Posted by muffled on November 14, 2006, at 15:38:58

In reply to Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled, posted by toojane on November 11, 2006, at 9:40:06

> Muffled, because you experience yourself in parts do you find each part has a very different relationship or view of your T? You say one part was happy with your T's touch and another upset and so you sent a fax saying no touching. Why did the upset part trump the happy part? How did you decide that the happy part goes without?

**Yes, diff parts seem to feel diff. bout T.
Upset trumped happy part cuz upset part is protection part. Protection usu. prevails.

Thanks for your reply.

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH.-allayou guys

Posted by muffled on November 14, 2006, at 15:40:09

In reply to Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled, posted by Dinah on November 10, 2006, at 17:01:49

Thanks you guys for your input on touch.
We working on stuff like that.
Thank-you.
Muffled

 

Re: OK, thread on TOUCH.

Posted by GeneralSchlong on November 16, 2006, at 20:11:02

In reply to Re: OK, thread on TOUCH. muffled, posted by anneke06 on November 11, 2006, at 9:07:00

Oh, I'm totally for touching in therapy. Totally. Never happens though.


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