Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 702365

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fix it

Posted by sunnydays on November 10, 2006, at 17:29:55

I think I'm broken. I had a complete meltdown last night and cried for over an hour. I managed to call a friend at one point and she came over and just held me while I cried, even though she didn't really understand why I was crying. And I spent the whole day today feeling like I'm going to burst into tears at any moment. I called my T last night and left a message, and I had my appointment with him today, where I cried a lot, and I have only cried twice before there.

He said he was really proud of me for trusting myself enough to let myself cry. And I really didn't know why I was so sad, except that I miss him. But he pointed out I couldn't be missing him if he was right there. And I just want to curl up on his couch and sleep there all weekend. And he said that's a perfectly normal thing to want. He thinks I'm so sad now not just because I miss him but because I'm grieving what I never had. And there's a lot of hope in that, he said, although he knows it feels hellacious being in the middle of it.

But I just want it to be fixed. I'm so so so sad. I just feel like I'm going to cry and I'm scared I'll fall apart.

sunnydays

 

Re: fix it sunnydays

Posted by canadagirl on November 10, 2006, at 18:58:51

In reply to fix it, posted by sunnydays on November 10, 2006, at 17:29:55

It's so hard to feel like that.
My former T asked me a few times, how long do you think you'll cry for? A few minutes? An hour? A week, a month? I've answered...maybe a day...a month....a year.... He's like - "is that all?"
Eventually you'll stop crying.
And you'll feel somewhat better.
Even if it doesn't feel like it right now.
Let it all out.

 

Re: fix it canadagirl

Posted by sunnydays on November 10, 2006, at 19:18:49

In reply to Re: fix it sunnydays, posted by canadagirl on November 10, 2006, at 18:58:51

I'm scared. And I miss him so much. I just want him to be able to take care of me. He promised he wouldn't let me fall apart if I cried in therapy, but I didn't know I would also fall apart at home. What if I fall apart? And he won't be there. And I'm so scared. I just feel like I a little kid. I had such a hard time leaving today. He even offered to let me sit in his office a little longer and it would be fine, he could find another place to sit with the next person he had to see, but I would feel too bad about doing that. I was about to start sobbing though when he said it was time to go. I was trying so hard not to cry. I think he was worried about me.

sunnydays

 

Re: fix it sunnydays

Posted by madeline on November 10, 2006, at 19:53:21

In reply to Re: fix it canadagirl, posted by sunnydays on November 10, 2006, at 19:18:49

Oh it's okay just cry. This may be the first time in your life that you actually realized what it is like to need someone, and have that need answered.

It's so bittersweet.

You're not going to fall apart. In fact, you are just putting yourself back together again I think.

Maddie

 

Re: fix it madeline

Posted by sunnydays on November 10, 2006, at 20:47:39

In reply to Re: fix it sunnydays, posted by madeline on November 10, 2006, at 19:53:21

Thanks. I'm just scared. And it feels so lonely. I really liked how he painted the picture of me sleeping in his office. I want that so much.

sunnydays


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