Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 618141

Shown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

The child inside that house ***trigger***

Posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

So, tonight I was doing this positive visualization exercise where I picture myself doing and feeling things that would normally scare me to death in real life.

I was visualizing a very positive interaction that I had just had with my T and reliving the suffusion of really positive feelings that came out of it.

And I started thinking about all of the fear I felt as child in the house I grew up in. I mean it was like a stuttering, overwhelming kind of fear. Even though I didn't want to, I began to see myself (as a child) back in that house.

This overwhelming desire came over me to want to (as an adult) get back into that house and save that poor little girl there, just snatch her up and get her out of all that pain and run away.

That desire is still very strong even as I write this.

But instead of actually getting into the house, there are bars or something on the windows and doors. I can see her (me) in there, but I can't get to her.

I had to snap out of the exercise. It just became too much to take.

I've been progressing a lot in therapy, and this feels like a real backslide to me.

Does anyone have any idea what this could mean?

Maddie

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** madeline

Posted by muffled on March 9, 2006, at 23:06:51

In reply to The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

I think its nice you want to protect the kid. I think you getting there.
Muffled

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** madeline

Posted by Daisym on March 9, 2006, at 23:08:31

In reply to The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

Sounds scarey Maddie. I wish you could find a way in and save that little girl. Maybe you just don't have the right key yet, but it seems like you are getting closer. Perhaps the work you are doing in therapy, and feeling safer is allowing you to move closer to this age state and figure out what she needs to be free from this fear.

That live fear you described is very disturbing. I think this is one of the things that is a bit mind-blowing about frozen feelings...when you thaw them and feel them, they are so REAL...you have to try to find a way to remind yourself that you aren't in immediate danger.

The other thing that I've learned is that the bars and locks and walls and other defenses do not come down easily. So as close as we think we are to freeing ourselves, we still have work to do. The trick is to get up quicker when we get knocked down and to shake ourselves off and move on.

When is the next time you see your therapist?

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** madeline

Posted by JenStar on March 9, 2006, at 23:34:41

In reply to The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

hi madeline,
that fear sounds awful. I'm sorry to hear about it. And I'm sorry that the exercise turned negative on you so suddenly.

This is just a thought, but it came to me because I was thinking about my OWN childhood and how I wish *I* could go back and help/fix/save that little girl of mine.

Maybe...instead of trying to rescue that girl...you need to forgive her for not being able to save herself? Because you can't go back, no matter how hard you try to visualize it. And things that happened to you were not your fault, but most people feel guilt and self-anger at not being able to prevent them.

So that's where I was thinking: Instead of raging at the past and trying to save the small me/you/etc, maybe we should just try to gently forgive them?

That might be TOTALLY off base for you, and I apologize if it's ineptly worded. It feels really meaningful to ME right now, for MY past, so I got excited and wanted to share that idea.

take care,
JenStar

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger***

Posted by TherapyGirl on March 10, 2006, at 8:47:46

In reply to The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

I don't think this is backsliding, Maddie. As awful as it must feel right now, I'm guessing these are feelings you need to feel and process to get on with your healing.

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger***

Posted by madeline on March 10, 2006, at 16:44:24

In reply to The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 9, 2006, at 22:04:55

I just wish that I could have some happy thoughts without memories of the past just flooding in and ruining everything.

I see my therapist on monday and I will talk about it then with him. He will be very happy that I'm doing my exercises (or imaginings as I call them).

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger***

Posted by happyflower on March 10, 2006, at 19:39:35

In reply to Re: The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by madeline on March 10, 2006, at 16:44:24

Wow, that sounds so scary. I wish I could of saved myself too when I was a child. But I couldn't I was just a child. But I want to help save other little happyflowers who might be going through what I went through. Maybe that will make it better?
I think you are progesssing to me, not backsliding. I think the locks means that as a child, you couldn't of gotten out of the house by yourself either. I know the feeling, it is scary. ((((((((Madeline)))))))

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** happyflower

Posted by madeline on March 11, 2006, at 11:19:25

In reply to Re: The child inside that house ***trigger***, posted by happyflower on March 10, 2006, at 19:39:35

I know what you mean about saving other little happyflowers.
I identify so much with little kids and animals and usually have a flock of either one or the other around me.

Maybe my experience in the exercise IS telling me that I need to pay more attention to little maddie.

I may be doing better, but I don't think she is doing so hot.

 

Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** madeline

Posted by Susan47 on March 12, 2006, at 9:59:34

In reply to Re: The child inside that house ***trigger*** happyflower, posted by madeline on March 11, 2006, at 11:19:25

She survived, though, with you inside of her, even if she's not doing so hot right now you brought her here with you so you can definitely help her.
That flock of real little kids that's around you is pretty lucky.


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