Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 617067

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Happyflower, did you see your T ?

Posted by LadyBug on March 7, 2006, at 13:56:37

I'm just thinking about you and wondering if yesterday was the day you had your appointment with you T. If I'm wrong, I'm sorry, but I thought you'd be on here posting about it. I'm wondering how your doing too.
Hope this finds you ok
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?

Posted by happyflower on March 8, 2006, at 11:30:55

In reply to Happyflower, did you see your T ?, posted by LadyBug on March 7, 2006, at 13:56:37

Thanks Ladybug for asking. I had a good session, it was nice to see him after 3 weeks.

I am feeling like crap right now so I am not into posting much (has nothing to do with my T and my appointment). I tried to see if he had a cancellation, but he didn't so I couldn't get in to see him before tonight. I really need to talk to him, I am really struggling with myself right now. He did talk to me a little bit about it on the phone and wished me luck tonight. But I know he doesn't get into therapy over the phone, so I didn't go into it much.
I am thinking of quiting the trumpet because sometimes I suck at it no matter how much I practice. Last night the directer yelled at me because I couldn't get it right. I felt bad already, but after he yelled at me, I really felt like sucky musican. Tonight is the concert and I feel like I am going to make a total fool out of myself and have a big spotlight shinning on my incompetense. I just want to hide under the covers tonight and not show up.
I need my T , I called him for an appointment this week because of the way I am feeling, but it doesn't help tonight at all. I know he is working at a school today so I should hear from him later this afternoon. But wait, I forgot to tell him to call me back. So I don't know. I left a message on his machine on how frustereated I am feeling and how I want to quit. I think he can tell by my voice how bad I am feeling, so I hope he calls me if he can even if I didn't tell him too. I don't even know if there is anything he can do to make me feel better about tonight.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower

Posted by LadyBug on March 8, 2006, at 20:32:45

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?, posted by happyflower on March 8, 2006, at 11:30:55

I can tell your down, is it in the air? I'm down too. I was just told by my 14 year daughter that basically she hates me and she's full of anger towards me that I'm stupid and that I don't know how to handle her and all I do is punish her. I won't go any farther, but she made me feel so bad I'm in tears. I saw my T. last night and we had a good visit, but she's leaving town till Mon. next week. If she were available I'd call her. I could probably call her home or her cell tonight, she doesn't leave till in the morning, but I have to figure this out on my own. It doesn't help that my marriage sucks more than anything in the world. I'm too sad to try to cheer you up even though I wish in my heart I could reach out to you and try to offer you some comfort.
I hope your concert goes well. I'm sorry you got yelled at, I understand how bad that feels as that's what my daugher did to me tonight.....
We will hang in there ok.....I can't wait to see my T. next week already. I'm feeling like a little girl that wants her mom....and she's not available......story of my life.
Hugs and Take Care of you ok?
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by happyflower on March 9, 2006, at 10:17:38

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 8, 2006, at 20:32:45

Lady Bug, your post helped me so much. I was feeling so low and down but you and only you reached out to me in my dispair, and that means a lot to me.
It really stings when our kids say hurtful things to us. I am sure she didn't mean what she was saying, I am sure she was just feeling frusterated and took it out on you. But it is hard to rationize it while it is happening to you. The people we love can hurt us the most, it is so true.
I need my T too this week. Even though we had a session Monday, we didn't talk about what I really needed too. So I tried to get in this week, and couldn't. But hearing his voice helped me some. Yesterday when he called to make an appointment for next Monday, he said normally they say to actors, break a leg, for good luck and support, well he asked me what do you say for musicans? I couldn't even say anything, I was on the verge of tears because he wanted to offer me good luck. Then he said how about "Blow that horn, babe" I said I will take that. LOL I am glad the phone call ended because I was so tearful and would have lost it on the phone with him. I have never cried during therapy, but I have a feeling the tears are more and more closer to the surface. I feel it would be okay to let myself go if I needed to, with him because I trust him . The bond has deepened a lot lately. I feel like he truely cares about me.
Well how are you feeling about you and your daugher ? Have you made up? I hope you are okay.
Thank you so much for being here for me when I just needed someone to care. Your words meant a lot. Thanks again.
Happyflower

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower

Posted by bent on March 9, 2006, at 13:21:10

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by happyflower on March 9, 2006, at 10:17:38

HF-
I saw your post below. I am glad your concert went well. Thats great. Something caught my eye in this post. It sounds like both you and I have talked a lot about painful past events in therapy. Things that I think most people would cry when they are talking about them. But I havent cried either. In 4 years I havent. I have wanted to but I cant. I can cry all the way back home, but not in the session. What do you think it is for you? I cant figure mine out. One time only, I had a single tear roll down my face and that was when I told my T I was thinking about terminating. I dont get it.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?Trigger* bent

Posted by happyflower on March 9, 2006, at 15:37:06

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower, posted by bent on March 9, 2006, at 13:21:10

Well for me I have trouble letting anyone see me cry. As a child I was not allowed to cry even during abuse or I would get it harder or longer. SO I learned to hold it all in.
I also think also it is a vunerability to let let someone see you cry. I also know my T won't hug me or hold me if I cry, and knowing that I don't think I could stand having him sitting accross me while I fall apart. It would feel lonely and I would feel like he didn't care about me. Why do you think you don't cry?

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?Trigger*

Posted by TherapyGirl on March 9, 2006, at 17:52:59

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?Trigger* bent, posted by happyflower on March 9, 2006, at 15:37:06

Hi, HappyFlower.

For me, the reasons for my inability to cry in front of other people is twofold: the first is that I was trained not to cry, no matter what (and it sounds like you were, too). The second is an offshoot of that and has to do with how hard it is for me to be safe.

I have been with my T for 21 years and I can count on one hand the number of times she's seen me cry. But I have been able to do it on occasion and I hope you will allow yourself that comfort, too. Someone else on Babble (maybe Daisy or Dinah?) said that her T can hold her without physically holding her. Maybe that would work for you with your T?

I hope you find the comfort you need soon.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?

Posted by LadyBug on March 10, 2006, at 11:26:40

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by happyflower on March 9, 2006, at 10:17:38

Hey Happy
I'm slow to reply to you. I'm glad your concert went well. Your awesome and don't forget it.
I haven't exactly made up with my daughter yet. She made me a cute card, but it was on the floor by the side of my bed. I didn't see it until this morning. I came home from work yesterday, ate some pizza for dinner and crawled in bed in my clothes!!! I stayed there till 6:15 am!!!! Man am I a mess and my T is out of town. She did call me from her cell yesterday before she boarded her plane. We talked for a min. I have a lot to work on!!!!!!!! My daughter hurt me to the core. Right now I feel I'm done with her. If I do things for her, she hates me, if I dont do anything she hates me. Last week I took her to get her hair done, (a weave, colored etc. ) then I took her to get a set of nails put on, then I gave her money to go to a movie with her friends. Ya more that a hundred bucks and she tells me she thinks I'm retarded, stupid and that I don't know how to handle her. And then she told me to leave her room and leave her alone. That was only part of what she said, it hurt!!!!!!!! So bad I wanted to take a bottle of pills and just die, she'd be better off without me!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm glad it's Friday, I can go hang out with my older daughter tonight and maybe the younger one if she feels she can stand to be with me.
I think your T said some awesome things to you to wish you luck for your concert. He's a sweetheart don't ya think, at least most the time. Mine is too, even though she's a female.
Hugs and Have a good Friday~~~~~
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by happyflower on March 10, 2006, at 19:13:36

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ?, posted by LadyBug on March 10, 2006, at 11:26:40

Hey LadyBug,
I am so sorry your daugher is being so hurtful. Part of it is her age and those dreaded teenage years, but I don't know it seems like she needs a good grounding or something. Does your husband help at all when she is acting like that? You said you might hang out with your older daugher, how old is she? Do you have a good relationship with her? I am getting nervous, my daugher just turned 11 and she is getting a little mouthy sometimes.

You are right my T is a sweetie! LOL I mean he called me babe! LOL Nobody ever said that to me. It seems like he was really wanting to say something to help me feel better and offer support. Blow your horn, Babe, well that was good. :-)
I hope you have a goodnight too, you are a sweetie too! ((((((((Ladybug)))))

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower

Posted by LadyBug on March 11, 2006, at 14:31:52

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by happyflower on March 10, 2006, at 19:13:36

Well as for my daughter, she got even with me last night I guess. I decided to go pick her up at her friends house un-announced. She thought she could talk me into a sleep over....no way.... Her and her friend were at a different house so I went there to get her. She asked if her friend could sleep over at our house, I was mad but said ok.. They both got in the car and I could smell it right off the bat!!! They had been drinking!!!!!!! She's only 14 and this has been an ongoing problem. I took her friend home and told them to say their goodbyes as I was never taking my daughter up to her house EVER again. They've been best friends for 4 years. It is about a 15 to 20 min. drive so without a ride, she's stuck unless she tries to ride her longboard to her house. She tried to deny it, but she's messing with the wrong person. Her dad and my husband is a recovering alcoholic and addict. He still uses narcotics. So she has it in her genes. When it comes to helping her, he understands her, but I don't like how he handles it. He doesn't know about last night. My T. is out of town till and won't be in her office till Mon. I sure could use someone to talk to right now. She understand a little bit about it, but I think her kids are "perfect"!!!!!!!!!! Two of them are attorneys and one is a Counselor in a University Hospital for OB-GYN patients with fertility problems. I'm not sure what the younger 2 are. One of her sons-in-law is an attorney also. So she probably thinks my daughter is a reflection of my screwed up marriage and life and I think it is too.
I don't mean to change the subject in this post, and I'm sorry I got carried away with it. My older daughter is 20 and we get along great. Her and her sister are close and she tries to help how ever she can. I'm still trying to decide how to handle all this. I took our house phones and locked them in my trunk and locked my car. I took her cell phone away and I have a password on our computer so she will have a hard time communicating with her friend. I'm torn today, she's hurting and she won't talk to me. She said she wants her cell phone back, It's 1:30 pm and she's just laying in her bed staring at the wall with her music on.
I want to see my T. but at the same time, I'm ashamed of my daughter and her choices. It's hard being a mom especially when they are at this age. It's so hard. My other daughter was hard at this age, but she grew out of it around 16. She did't drink or do drugs though so I am worried that this will become an addiction with her.
Thanks for caring, not sure you wanted to hear all this though. But I had to vent.
I bet your excited to see your T on Mon, to call you BABE, oh I love that.....my husband called me that when we first met. I loved it! But now 21 years later, I don't really like him anymore....long story.
I imagine your T being so cute!!!! And I know you will say he is too. Have a good weekend.
And for the tears, it's good for you. I go in spurts, sometimes I don't cry for a long time and then I do. Tears have never hurt me yet, they relieve pressure.
Hugs (((((Happyflower))))) and thanks for reading this!!!
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by fallsfall on March 12, 2006, at 12:02:16

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 11, 2006, at 14:31:52

You are a good Mom. Stick to your guns.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by Susan47 on March 12, 2006, at 12:29:04

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 11, 2006, at 14:31:52

I feel for you. I had the same kind of scenario last night but I was able to stick to my guns and she's only 11 .. she keeps telling me stuff like I'm ruining her life, and her friends are afraid of me, and I stick my nose in where it doesn't belong etc etc and how she'd rather be with anyone else BUT me, and how I'm a really terrible horrible mom and everything bad in her life is somehow, most definitely, MY FAULT ... I tell her I GAVE her life, that I know I'm not perfect and yes I make mistakes, but I TRY DAMN HARD, and I WANT us to have a good relationship .. she's being disrespectful, she's making me feel bad about myself and I'm supposed to be the person she looks up to so how is that going to make HER feel .. in the end .. I try to make her see the circle she's helping to create ... how it all comes back to her, HER ultimate happiness, in the end, can only be related SO MUCH to my influence .. and I try to tell her I'm always open to how she's feeling, even if I disagree .. but try and think it out ...
but I'm an addict and I know my kids have that possibility too .. and she's only 11, so I can get away with more than you probably can ... and we're all effed up in our own ways .. but our kids need to learn their own strength .. as long as you can maybe lay in bed with her .. maybe .. put your arm around hers .. but she might stiffen up, she might hit you, or kick you away, or yell at you .. which hurts so much, it really does, until they learn to trust you. I don't know if that's right or wrong, but I'm pretty sure I'm not always trusted to love her enough .. I don't know.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by Susan47 on March 12, 2006, at 12:43:04

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? happyflower, posted by LadyBug on March 11, 2006, at 14:31:52

I was just wondering if you could talk to the parents of the other girl and both go to AA or Al-anon with the girls or the parents. They need limits, they need to be cared for, they're not grown up no matter what they look or act like.

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? fallsfall

Posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 7:06:14

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by fallsfall on March 12, 2006, at 12:02:16

Thanks falls, just as I'm beating myself up over being such a bad person/Mom. I'm doing the best I can.
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? Susan47

Posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 7:12:44

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by Susan47 on March 12, 2006, at 12:29:04

Thanks Susan,
I haven't told the other parents about Friday night. They are really wierd!!! Either myself or my husband is planning on taking our daughter to an AA meeting this week. If he doesn't I will take her on Friday night. I've thought about taking her to a therapist, but she told me she doesn't want to end up like me...........nice huh. My kids think my therapist has messed up my life. Maybe someday they will realize the pain I've suffered living with an addict. And growing up with a mom thats bipolar was hard too. I think the world of my therapist, but my kids don't understand.
Thanks for sharing your story.
LadyBug

 

Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug

Posted by Susan47 on March 13, 2006, at 15:37:13

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? Susan47, posted by LadyBug on March 13, 2006, at 7:12:44

> Thanks Susan,
> I haven't told the other parents about Friday night. They are really wierd!!!
Like, in denial weird? As in, they annoy you?

Kay, here's my opinions 'cause I gather you posted wanting support and I REALLY REALLY want to be supportive here, because, in my family I am a bit addicted .. a bit .. hah .. how do you like that? There's no such thing, that's an oxymoron, it's, like, the ultimate in denial I guess .. I'm the addict, here, and I'm terrified that my kids are going to be too so I can sympathize with your daughter saying the horrible thing that she doesn't want to end up like her mom, because I know my girl will use those very words against me, too. Just because that's the thing a lot of girls say to their mothers, that's the thing coming out with their understanding of what they're seeing, and a lot of times, they're dead on .. but that doesn't make us less than we are, which is loving mothers who see and understand and try to live with their limitations, teaching their kids to take a different road while at the same time trying not to inflict a sense of shame in the child with the road that I've been able to take, within my limitations .. sometimes the only thing I can say is I'm loving them to the best I'm able, and I know sometimes it doesn't feel like enough, but that's because I'm deficient in that .. without them using those words against me when they're angry. It's a balancing act I'm always falling on one side of, then the other, I'm rarely up there right on the rope .. and it is, it's a tightrope that gets strung looser and looser as they walk across it, because the tightrope is time and the child is the walker and the parent is holding the rope, but the parent has to let go of the rope, see .. without the child losing their balance and falling off .. and they do, we lose a grip before we should and they pay the price and lose their balance ... my heart is SOOO with you ...and she's lucky that you're doing this for her, you know, that is acknowledging that you need help to do the hardest things, and I think living with someone who's addicted is probably tough, depending on how they handle it .. there's denial creeping in there again ...
It doesn't sound like Dad's handling it well .. is it your dad too and theirs?
Ladybug, you know, your internal strength is a real gift and I believe that your kids are learning from you all the time and one day they WILL understand. Yeah. Especially if they're smart like mom.

 

Re: Susan47

Posted by LadyBug on March 14, 2006, at 1:14:47

In reply to Re: Happyflower, did you see your T ? LadyBug, posted by Susan47 on March 13, 2006, at 15:37:13

Thank you sooo much. It's very late and I need to get to bed, I will write more tomorrow or as soon as I get time. I did include a bit of info in my later post about attachment.
Thanks, your awesome!!
LadyBug


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