Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 615313

Shown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.


I'm so confused

Posted by Voce on March 3, 2006, at 0:56:34

I'm going to e-mail T2 again and let her know that while I don't hate her for life, I was uncomfortable with her discussing me with T1. Who knows if she'll care.

The funny thing is, I feel so happy most of the time. I love my fiance so much. I want to be with him all the time. It is only when I actually let myself stop and think about therapy when I hurt. Like when I had my one-on-one with our pre-marriage counselor and I cried and cried for the whole session.

What now? My former T is 1 hour north of me. It would incredibly easy to drive up there, to show up in his office, to shock the hell out of him. What I want is to sit down with him and dissect the messy ending of our relationship/termination. I want to tell him how irresponsible I think psychodynamic therapy is, when the attachment is encouraged even with the timeframe is limited. I want to accuse him of getting too emotionally involved.

Is this going to bring me closure, though? Or will it just prolong the pain? How will I lay eyes on him knowing that I am here to tie up loose ends and then cut myself emotionally free? How would I ever let him go for good?

There is a little comfort in knowing that I don't *have* to hurt myself over it because I'm no longer his patient. Seeing him in the flesh would make the pain more intense, for awhile at least. I don't have to look for him here because he's gone.

But this crazy idea of driving up and slapping him upside the head is becoming more and more appealing. But I would run the risk of wounding myself in the process.

Maybe I need to cry a little more in the marriage counselor's office before I drive up there. Maybe I need to talk myself out of it; it's a bad idea, oh yes.

I'm angry at him, oh yes. I am so angry at him that I wish he could have witnessed the 2 years of grief I've had over him. I hope someone hurts him like I've been hurt. I want him to see all my pain in all it's ugliness because it's his fault, oh yes. But he is conveniently unavailable.


Re: I'm so confused

Posted by Tanzanite on March 3, 2006, at 12:24:33

In reply to I'm so confused, posted by Voce on March 3, 2006, at 0:56:34

I am pretty new to the board but I am so sorry you are having to go through this anger/hurt situation. I definitely think what you are feeling hit a chord and that I would also want to go back and see what I could do or say for some kind of closure. But, in the end I would hope that I would be able to find closure in a different way, because it may cause more pain and confusion to confront someone. I can only hope that in time your wounds will heal and you have my best wishes. Blessings and Peace


Re: I'm so confused

Posted by pegasus on March 4, 2006, at 12:00:44

In reply to I'm so confused, posted by Voce on March 3, 2006, at 0:56:34

I wish I had something helpful to say. Your pain really touches me, and it resonates with my own. I think this is the worst thing about therapy. The potential for this kind of heartache.

I'm glad that you know that it's a bad idea to drive up there and chew him out. I don't know what's a better idea. I think it's good to think of what you'd want to say to him. And it's good that you're directing your anger toward him, where it belongs, IMHO. The hard part is figuring out what to do once you've worked out your feelings. Maybe communicating with him in some way is not out of the question?

I forget whether you've tried in the past. I think he refused all communication, right? That just sucks. I think it's totally the wrong thing for him to have done. My feelings are right with you; He should know about the pain he has caused by his approach to the situation.

But . . . here's what I'm worried about: What will be the most helpful for you? Him getting hurt is probably not actually going to solve your problems for now. And you chewing him out probably won't result in a response that will help you. Is there anything that seems like it would be helpful? Or if you're like me . . . it probably seems like there is nothing helpful except time.


This is the end of the thread.

Show another thread

URL of post in thread:

Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ

[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,

Script revised: February 4, 2008
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.