Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 613837

Shown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

How come I don't like therapy right now?

Posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

I've noticed that during the last few weeks, I have a really hard saying anything at all during the therapy session. Thoughts drift in and out of my mind so quickly, that I can't form the words to utter even a sound. I have literally sat there for 15 - 20 minutes saying nothing, not even responding to her questions.

She will let me sit with my thoughts for awhile, then try to find out what is interfering with talking with her. The best I can say is "I don't know."

Today she asked (after 15 minutes of silence) if I felt that she (my T) wasn't on my side. She recalled how criticized I felt as a child, and wondered if I felt criticized by her, that instead of seeing her as a therapist-friend, I see her as someone that is judging my life and decisions. I think that is partly true, but I don't know what else my silence is saying (besides the obvious --- I don't want to talk with you today).

Has anyone else gone through periods like this? I go again tomorrow and part of me says why bother, I don't have anything to share.

I have recently shared some "ugly" family interactions I had with my husband and daughter --- fighting, not so kind words being said back and forth. I'm not proud of these moments, but I do realize that every family has difficulties. I just seem to feel like a failure when I repeat these scenarios out loud to her.

I've fumbled somewhere and don't know how to get back on the 50 yard line.

I don't even like her right now.

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now?

Posted by TherapyGirl on February 27, 2006, at 17:19:55

In reply to How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

Hi, Annierose. I'm new to Babble, but not to therapy. Just wanted to let you know that this happens to me a lot and usually indicates that there is something I'm afraid or too upset to talk about. I can usually get myself over the hump by journaling and taking that in to my T. Have you tried writing just to see what comes up? Sometimes I'm surprised and it's not really what I thought was going on at all.

I sense your frustration and know that feeling well. I hope whatever it is, it lets up soon for you. Sounds like you have a good T, which in my opinion, is at least half the battle.

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2006, at 17:39:00

In reply to How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

Not liking her, and wanting to communicate that, seems like reason enough to me.

I usually find that if I really don't have anything to say, I chat. Talk about what's going on on Babble, or in the news, or whatever.

When I'm silent, I'm trying to tell him I'm angry with him. Although to tell the truth, I'm lousy at that form of communication and rarely last more than a minute or two.

My suggestion may sound really really silly. But can you close your eyes and try to find the source of your silence deep wihtin yourself? Then be really really open to what the silence might be trying to tell her (and maybe you too?). It sounds stupid, but sometimes I'd do that and whole sentences would pop into my mind. Things I didn't want to acknowledge thinking with my conscious mind.

Just an idea.

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2006, at 20:08:58

In reply to How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

You need to go.

I recently went though a time when I had nothing to say. He had indicated to me that he wanted me to be more spontaneous and less planned. And that threw me for a loop. After a couple of weeks (3/week) of talking about the fact that I didn't know what to talk about, we finally got to what needed to be talked about. I'm trying to remember exactly how it happened. I ended up being really upset, but not knowing why and he gently asked about my associations at that time - when I had felt that way in the past. So I told him about an old boss of mine - a very painful story. And it was directly related to the not knowing what to talk about scenario.

So keep going and keep trying. Try talking about why it is so hard to talk (that is SUCH a boring topic!!!!!).

And the fact that you talk about your family interactions in this post makes me think that that could be related. So maybe talk about how that makes you feel like a failure. Maybe you don't want to talk because you are afraid that you will say something else that makes you feel like a failure?

(((Annierose)))

We had asparagus with dinner tonight... What did you have? (The rest of the dinner wasn't something I want to admit to publically)

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? fallsfall

Posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 21:38:16

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose, posted by fallsfall on February 27, 2006, at 20:08:58

Will write more later - but you made me smile. I'm watching the season finale of the bacholor (how embarassing in itself)

But we had french toast! ... only because we went away for a long weekend and NO groceries to speak of.

Thank you, and I'll write more later.

I did want to add to the end of my post,
I don't like her, but I still love her. That makes sense, doesn't it?

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? TherapyGirl

Posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 22:07:53

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by TherapyGirl on February 27, 2006, at 17:19:55

Hi therapy girl!

Welcome to babble - and thank you for responding to my post.

I know that journaling works for so many people here on this board, but I must admit, I've never been a good writer.

It is almost as if my mind is swirling with ideas and none of them feel right. I'm sure I'll get there, but I just do not like the process --- it's painful and slow.

Thanks again. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? Dinah

Posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 22:12:47

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose, posted by Dinah on February 27, 2006, at 17:39:00

>>>My suggestion may sound really really silly. But can you close your eyes and try to find the source of your silence deep wihtin yourself?<<<

Dinah - That is what I've been trying to do for the last 4 sessions!! All I get is feedback, no real thoughts that last --- as if my mind is racing around a speed track and can't settle on any one thought.

I don't like her because she's there. It's nothing she said or didn't say (as the case usually is :-) ). She just seems so darn cherry and open --- I can't stand it right now. I'm not angry. I guess I don't know what I am. HELP!!!

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by Dinah on February 27, 2006, at 22:18:55

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? Dinah, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 22:12:47

Is cheery and open not congruent with your mood right now?

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by Daisym on February 27, 2006, at 23:15:33

In reply to How come I don't like therapy right now?, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 16:23:01

You don't like it because it is hard.

I think you don't like her because she isn't giving you anything to push against. Could it be that you don't like yourself very much at the moment? This isn't a wild guess, of course, because you said as much in your post. It is hard to tell about things that we aren't proud of without defending them in some tiny way. By openly accepting you, she doesn't need you to explain or defend why you said what you did, the way you did. But maybe you want to argue with her anyway? Can you imagine her saying what you said? Can you imagine her losing her cool in anyway? I asked my therapist what he looks like angry...it was an interesting discussion.

I HATE silence. It is loaded with anxiety and menace for me. I typically end up terrorized and explode into tears and babbling a mile a minute. When I'm struggling like you are, my therapist does what yours does, he leaves me alone for a few minutes (never more than 5) and then checks in about where I've gone. I've learned to describe what I'm looking at, usually the birds or leaves on the tree outside. Or I'll be up on the ceiling watching us. Some of our best conversations have happened when he's joined me "up there" and we talk about what it was like to watch things from a safe distance. Maybe you need to sit up for a little while and try a new perspective. I've also noticed that when he says, "it's OK, we don't have to talk about that right now" the pressure comes off and I usually can. I haven't figured this out yet, but it is internal pressure, it isn't coming from him.

Other times when I don't know what I want to say, I talk about the questions that are floating around. Just a list of questions, and not try to have the answers.

But all in all, the place you are in stinks. It is painful and slow. And yes, it makes total sense to me that you don't like her, but you still love her. (I'm curious, is it hard to type that, or tell her that you love her? I know it is maternal for you...maybe that is easier to talk about? See my post below as to why this is on my mind.)

 

Re: LONG Daisym

Posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 5:48:13

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose, posted by Daisym on February 27, 2006, at 23:15:33

>>>I think you don't like her because she isn't giving you anything to push against. Could it be that you don't like yourself very much at the moment? <<<

That feels really close to what I'm feeling. I did tell her last Tuesday that I don't like sharing all these painful longings, disappointments, failures, mis-steps along my life's path. That when I'm there, it one endless video running through my mind of where I went wrong. But that's not all of me. This feeling like a failure is powerful. I do believe it gets tied into my past relationship with her, after I left so abruptly. That I wanted her to be proud of me, that I did okay after I quit. And now here I am, 16 years later shedding a light on all my secrets. I shared that too last week. She said that "That person you are describing isn't me. That's not who I am. I care about you and helping you."

Yesterday, when I woke up, I felt more excited about going to see her than I had. I even left extra early due to icy road conditions. But the freeway was a slow moving parking lot. Instead of panic that I was going to be late, and calling ahead, I just accepted the lateness. When I arrived (maybe only 4 minutes late) she asked if we could change our Friday appt to Thursday the following week --- immediately after the "Golden Client" - my old appt time (as I now deemed her). Of course I said "yes" but inside I was moaning and groaning.

She asked how my skiing trip went and I lost my enthusiam for sharing my stories with her. We ski'd in early January and I was so cautious with the runs I went down. But this weekend, after weeks of stepping up my exercise routine (and not shedding one darn pound) I was able to just attack any hill my kids wanted to put me down. I was so thrilled with my body (for a change).

My husband and I got into an arguement as we were packing up to leave. Sharing this was so hard. I do feel she is saying to herself, "see, if you didn't walk out on therapy 16 years ago you wouldn't be in this situation." I did share this feeling last week as well. But I don't think she understands it's strength. Instead, she said, "At least you know he comes by that honestly (referring to his childhood). He is committed to you and the children. He is motivated to change as hard as it is --- it's not like he wants to divorce you." Inside I was reeling. Doesn't my T get it?? Of course my husband wouldn't leave me, why would he? He has it so good. I do everything, he just has to show up. It's ME that may divorce HIM!! How could she miss that??

I know that feeling of being outside the therapy room, or looking at it from a different angle. But this feeling is different. My mind is racing and just can't settle. The urge to leave is strong too. I thought about sitting up but to look at her would be worse. It's easier to be silent lying down.

I hope today goes easier, but I already feel my looming silence.

Thanks for understanding.

(Falls - this is in large part what I wrote to you last night before my post was zapped into cyber space.)

 

Re: LONG annierose

Posted by fallsfall on February 28, 2006, at 8:25:29

In reply to Re: LONG Daisym, posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 5:48:13

You are working hard. The answer is in there. Somehow all of these things tie together. Is there someone in your life who you feel that you profoundly disappointed? Someone who tried to help you?

Try to talk about all of the thoughts with her. Don't try to make it make sense. She'll help you untangle the threads.

Keep in touch,
Love,
Falls.

 

Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? annierose

Posted by TherapyGirl on February 28, 2006, at 8:40:08

In reply to Re: How come I don't like therapy right now? TherapyGirl, posted by annierose on February 27, 2006, at 22:07:53

Thanks for the warm welcome, Annie. I completely understand that the writing doesn't work for everyone. I hope you get where you're going soon. I'll keep the good thought for you.

> Hi therapy girl!
>
> Welcome to babble - and thank you for responding to my post.
>
> I know that journaling works for so many people here on this board, but I must admit, I've never been a good writer.
>
> It is almost as if my mind is swirling with ideas and none of them feel right. I'm sure I'll get there, but I just do not like the process --- it's painful and slow.
>
> Thanks again. I look forward to seeing more of your posts.

 

Re: I went this morning ... (to all)

Posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 11:51:47

In reply to Re: LONG annierose, posted by fallsfall on February 28, 2006, at 8:25:29

and it's only slightly better ... maybe 1/2 inch.

I told her that I came here, babble, for help and support and understanding last night. She asked why it was easier to talk to my internet friends vs. her. I didn't reply directly, but spoke about what I wrote.

There was lots of silence still but the ratio was better. She made some connections to how I felt growing up, so criticized, so alone and how I feel a need to protect myself --- that it's such an automatic response. That instead of looking forward to coming on Monday to gain insight and gather support (re: the fight w/husband), I feel ashamed and embarassed.

One comment that struck so true is how I associate any "need" with "failure and/or disappointment". That I don't trust the other person to receive my pain appropriately or follow through with their promises. She tried to instill confidence in me that she is caring, chose this profession because she wants to help others, that she does listen without casting judgment.

I let her know I felt a disconnect between us. I couldn't elaborate further.

My mom had 5 children in 9 years, and my T asked for all our birthdates. She tried to paint a picture of my life as a baby and toddler. A mother with extremely limited emotional capacities, and all these needy children. She said I probably gave up early on, depending upon myself before I had words. I feel that to be true. She made a point that children who suffer any type of emotional or physical/sexual abuse either succumb to the neglect or overcome it by sheer strength and desire --- (not her exact words) and she considered me in the latter.

Can I still hate her and love her at the same time?

No question I feel more cautious in that room. I do feel the appointment-change wound is still too fresh. And now that I have to see that woman next week is more than I can stand. Cancelling is hard on me. She isn't working that Friday, and my Thursday morning was already crammed with ortho appt and hair appt.

Remind me why I go?

 

Re: I went this morning ... (to all) annierose

Posted by fallsfall on February 28, 2006, at 12:04:41

In reply to Re: I went this morning ... (to all), posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 11:51:47

Because you believe that healing is possible.

(((Annierose)))

Keep trying.

 

Re: I went this morning ... (to all)

Posted by TherapyGirl on February 28, 2006, at 12:23:39

In reply to Re: I went this morning ... (to all), posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 11:51:47

I second what Falls said.

I also feel your pain and frustration. I am one of five children born in 10 years and I think your therapist is right on target about your willingness to need and not think of it as failure and trust that the other person will fill your needs.

I have recently had a setback that has caused flashbacks and general ickiness. Last week, I asked my therapist to hold me, which she has always been willing to do, but which I won't allow myself to ask for unless I'm desperate. She said, "I was hoping you'd ask. I think you need to be held." I have to tell you -- never, ever have I imagined that she would hope I would ask her to hold me. I thought she just put up with it to humor me.

I think we have a lot in common. I try to remind myself that being strong and dependent aren't mutually exclusive. One doesn't completely cancel out the other.

 

Re: I went this morning ... (to all) TherapyGirl

Posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 13:50:01

In reply to Re: I went this morning ... (to all), posted by TherapyGirl on February 28, 2006, at 12:23:39

Thank you. Just curious what number are you in the birth order?

I was 4th, and always told that I was a "surprise" and my younger brother was a "shock".

I didn't understand how hurtful knowing this was until I gave birth to my two children. I couldn't imagine telling them anything but how excited we were waiting for their arrival into the world.

 

Re: I went this morning ... (to all)

Posted by TherapyGirl on February 28, 2006, at 13:57:12

In reply to Re: I went this morning ... (to all) TherapyGirl, posted by annierose on February 28, 2006, at 13:50:01

I was #3 and the only girl. I don't recommend it. :-)

> Thank you. Just curious what number are you in the birth order?
>
> I was 4th, and always told that I was a "surprise" and my younger brother was a "shock".
>
> I didn't understand how hurtful knowing this was until I gave birth to my two children. I couldn't imagine telling them anything but how excited we were waiting for their arrival into the world.


This is the end of the thread.


Show another thread

URL of post in thread:


Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ


[dr. bob] Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD, bob@dr-bob.org

Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.