Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 612983

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More about loving Dr. Bob

Posted by Deneb on February 24, 2006, at 22:18:38

Can someone tell me what Dr. Bob is like in person? Am I likely to become more or less infatuated with him after I meet him?

I hope my image of him doesn't completely vanish when I meet him. I like the Dr. Bob in my mind (the one who's my friend and doesn't want me to be arrested). I think I will be less infatuated with him after I meet him in real life. I don't really fall in love with people in real life.

I love my parents and sister, but it's not the same intensity of warm loving feelings. LOL, I must be weird. My feelings for Dr. Bob are the most comforting thing to me. I guess I don't care too much what he does or doesn't do (but I do like it when he "talks" to me or others).

I find that I love people or things that don't really talk back to me. Not too long ago I still had stuffed toy friends. I had grown out of talking to them, but I still loved them. I remember I would take Piglet with me to the movies and he would be my friend. He gave me lots of warm fuzzy feelings and made me feel better.

Then I had Hammie. I had lots of warm fuzzy feelings for Hammie too.

Now there's Dr. Bob. LOL

I don't really know why I love Dr. Bob. I just know that loving him makes me very happy.

I was walking in the mall and outside today and I thought about Dr. Bob and then I couldn't help but smile and walk. Ahhh...comfy feelings. :-)

Is it bad to love Dr. Bob? Is it abnormal and creepy? Should I stop doing something that makes me feel good? Is loving Dr. Bob harmful? I'm not obsessed with him or anything, at least not to the point of interfering with my life.

Is it real love that I'm experiencing?

Deneb


 

Nope Ľ Deneb

Posted by Racer on February 25, 2006, at 2:49:18

In reply to More about loving Dr. Bob, posted by Deneb on February 24, 2006, at 22:18:38


> Is it real love that I'm experiencing?
>
> Deneb

Nope, it's not. Right now, your idea of Dr Bob is awfully appealing, because you've created him. You need to find some sort of comfort, so you've chosen Dr Bob to be your comfort, you "love" him because he seems to be filling that need, but you know what? HE'S not filling that need, you're filling that need using a sort of placeholder that looks like him.

Right now, you feel as though you love Dr Bob, but what if he were just like all the other people around you in real life? What if he was crabby to you in the mornings? Or if his table manners annoyed you? What if he had a harsh voice? What if he spoke curtly, in short, sharp sentences? What if he was so shy he couldn't look anyone in the eye? What if he lisped? What if he wore his shirts inside out and an aluminium hat so that aliens couldn't intercept his brain waves? What if he was always in that "blank slate" mode, asking, "And what does that mean to you?" Do you see where I'm going with this? You don't know if any of those could be true, because you don't know him. You know the BobFigure you've made.

I hope this makes sense to you, Deneb, and that you think about it.

 

On the other hand... Ľ Deneb

Posted by Tamar on February 25, 2006, at 9:52:12

In reply to More about loving Dr. Bob, posted by Deneb on February 24, 2006, at 22:18:38


> Is it real love that I'm experiencing?
>

My point of view is slightly different from RacerísÖ I think you *are* experiencing real love. But I agree with Racer that you donít know much about Dr BobÖ so the love you feel probably isnít the kind of love a person feels for a long term partner or a very close friend.

Still, I think itís love. I think itís the sort of love people feel for a new friend or a new partner. And since you donít seem to feel such intense feelings for other people in your life, I think itís a healthy thing that you have come to love Dr Bob so much. Perhaps real-life love is a bit scary to you and perhaps Dr Bob represents someone safe: you can love him without getting involved in a very intimate relationship. Perhaps youíre learning what love feels like for you. Having the capacity for love is a very positive thing.

Just my two centsÖ
Tamar

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Deneb

Posted by Poet on February 25, 2006, at 11:44:07

In reply to More about loving Dr. Bob, posted by Deneb on February 24, 2006, at 22:18:38

Hi Deneb,

<<Is it bad to love Dr. Bob? Is it abnormal and creepy? Should I stop doing something that makes me feel good? Is loving Dr. Bob harmful? I'm not obsessed with him or anything, at least not to the point of interfering with my life.

It's not bad to love someone.

It's only abnormal and creepy if the obsession interfers not only with your life, but with his. In other words that the *love* you are feeling for him causes you to try to make him feel the same way about you.

I think you do love him, but much of it is because you have made him the ideal person. You don't really know him and so you can imagine him to be things that he might not be. He's human, he has faults, but your image of Dr. Bob won't include them.

I think the only way you will know if your infatutation will be greater or less is when you meet him. I have met him, but I can't say what you will feel when you do. I definitely don't love him, but I will admit he is cute ;)

I think Racer made many good points in her post. Think about them. Okay?

Poet

 

Re: Nope Ľ Racer

Posted by Deneb on February 25, 2006, at 13:02:35

In reply to Nope Ľ Deneb, posted by Racer on February 25, 2006, at 2:49:18

>
> > Is it real love that I'm experiencing?
> >
> > Deneb
>
> Nope, it's not. Right now, your idea of Dr Bob is awfully appealing, because you've created him.

Yeah, I know. :-) I just hope Dr. Bob doesn't completely destroy the image of him I've created when I meet him in person.

>You need to find some sort of comfort, so you've chosen Dr Bob to be your comfort, you "love" him because he seems to be filling that need, but you know what? HE'S not filling that need, you're filling that need using a sort of placeholder that looks like him.

I think it's cool that I'm filling that need myself.

>
> Right now, you feel as though you love Dr Bob, but what if he were just like all the other people around you in real life?

Yeah, I know I don't know him. I don't think I love the "real" Dr. Bob...I love the Dr. Bob in my mind. I love him based only on what he does on the boards. I know that is not the real Dr. Bob. I like loving him, so I'm pretty sure I'm going to continue it.

> I hope this makes sense to you, Deneb, and that you think about it.

Yes, it makes sense to me Racer. Thanks for your thoughts about this.

Deneb

 

Re: On the other hand... Ľ Tamar

Posted by Deneb on February 25, 2006, at 13:12:20

In reply to On the other hand... Ľ Deneb, posted by Tamar on February 25, 2006, at 9:52:12

>
> > Is it real love that I'm experiencing?
> >
>
> My point of view is slightly different from RacerísÖ I think you *are* experiencing real love.

I agree. I think it's real love too. I think if there was a way to "see" what love is like in the brain using some sort of imaging, that my brain would show real love.

>But I agree with Racer that you donít know much about Dr BobÖ so the love you feel probably isnít the kind of love a person feels for a long term partner or a very close friend.

I completely agree. I think the love I feel is more like the love I had for my stuffed toy friends or Hammie.

> Still, I think itís love. I think itís the sort of love people feel for a new friend or a new partner.

I don't really think that's the sort of love I feel. Dr. Bob is not new to me.

> And since you donít seem to feel such intense feelings for other people in your life, I think itís a healthy thing that you have come to love Dr Bob so much. Perhaps real-life love is a bit scary to you and perhaps Dr Bob represents someone safe: you can love him without getting involved in a very intimate relationship.

Yep. He's safe. He has *very* strict boundaries I found out. I think it'll be interesting to compare Dr. Bob with DocJohn on PsychCentral and think about why I don't love DocJohn, even though they are both administrators.

Deneb

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Poet

Posted by Deneb on February 25, 2006, at 13:20:01

In reply to Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Deneb, posted by Poet on February 25, 2006, at 11:44:07

> It's not bad to love someone.

Good. That makes me feel better about this. :-)

> It's only abnormal and creepy if the obsession interfers not only with your life, but with his. In other words that the *love* you are feeling for him causes you to try to make him feel the same way about you.

I don't try to make Dr. Bob love me at all. In fact I think I would be majorly scared if he did love me or befriend me in any way. He wouldn't be safe anymore. I don't need Dr. Bob to love me back. I just love him the way he is.

> I think you do love him, but much of it is because you have made him the ideal person. You don't really know him and so you can imagine him to be things that he might not be. He's human, he has faults, but your image of Dr. Bob won't include them.

Yep, he's perfect. LOL

> I think the only way you will know if your infatutation will be greater or less is when you meet him. I have met him, but I can't say what you will feel when you do. I definitely don't love him, but I will admit he is cute ;)

I have a feeling my infatuation will be less...because meeting him might reveal that he's not perfect. When I saw that lecture Dr. Bob gave, the one for the grand rounds thing, I saw that he wasn't perfect for a while and I wasn't as infatuated with him for a while.

> I think Racer made many good points in her post. Think about them. Okay?
>
> Poet

Yep, will think about them. Thanks

Deneb

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob

Posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2006, at 15:42:48

In reply to Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Poet, posted by Deneb on February 25, 2006, at 13:20:01

The love you're feeling for him can be the love you feel for yourself, or the love someone else feels for you (!) too .. provided they've also had that experience. Transferential love (?) is incredible, it's beautiful but if you focus on not having the person feel the same way about you, I think maybe it could become harmful, so don't ever get that way, I think you're really smart Deneb, and it's wonderful to see your grip on this, and your ability to enjoy what's happening to you and not be afraid of it or embarrassed about it, you've got courage, you always tell what you're thinking if you're worried about it. And you have the sense to BE worried about things that matter ... go, girl.

 

Dr Bob, over here please?

Posted by Susan47 on February 28, 2006, at 10:38:28

In reply to Re: More about loving Dr. Bob, posted by Susan47 on February 25, 2006, at 15:42:48

I think I should get a PBC for saying "you have the sense to be worried..." because I knew when I wrote it, how it sounded, and the fact is, that I'm making a statement of judgement here and it isn't right, because I have no right to be saying who has sense and who doesn't and it sounds wrong ... and lots of times, I had NO apparent sense .. and if I'd read something like that .. it would have worried me terribly, and made me more paranoid. For naught. I mean, for nothing. Only to create anxiety. Anxiety is very easy to create when you're dealing with a lot of stuff. I'm sorry.

 

Above also for Deneb (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on February 28, 2006, at 10:39:15

In reply to Dr Bob, over here please?, posted by Susan47 on February 28, 2006, at 10:38:28

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Deneb

Posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 14:25:59

In reply to More about loving Dr. Bob, posted by Deneb on February 24, 2006, at 22:18:38

hi Deneb,
well, I've never met Dr. Bob so I can't help you out there.

But I would say that no, it isn't "real" love that you're feeling - not exactly. I think you've created a "Dr. Bob persona" in your mind, an ideal Dr. Bob, that treats you the way you'd like to be treated.

Although I'm sure the REAL Dr. Bob is polite, conscientious and caring, he definitely won't be the same as the imaginary one. It might be a little disappointing. But I bet you'll get over in a few seconds and enjoy meeting the real guy.

Probably after meeting the real one, you WILL be less attached to the imaginary Dr. Bob, because you will know a bit more about the REAL one, and the two will not match up.

I think many people take bits and pieces of what they know about a real person and supplement it with wishes and dreams and idealized fantasties, and create a dream-person. This dream-person might have the face and shape of a real life person, but the personality is usually all different. Crushes work that way a lot -- if you get a crush on someone you don't really know, in your fantasies you "fill in" details to make that person ideal.

I think it will be good for you to meet the real Dr. Bob. And I hope you have fun at the reunion!

JenStar

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ JenStar

Posted by Deneb on February 28, 2006, at 16:29:18

In reply to Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Deneb, posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 14:25:59

> But I would say that no, it isn't "real" love that you're feeling - not exactly. I think you've created a "Dr. Bob persona" in your mind, an ideal Dr. Bob, that treats you the way you'd like to be treated.

I'm not really sure what "real" love is. Is it love when I say I really "love" the colour green? I feel like I have an intense love with green. Maybe I feel the same way with Dr. Bob. Maybe I just like the small bits of himself he shows to us and maybe that is enough. With all my thinking of him I've not actually imagined many details about him. Sometimes I just feel things and I don't know why I feel them.

I think I still know what you mean. I don't really know Dr. Bob at all. I can only guess from what he does here what he is like. I must fill in a lot of blanks.

> Although I'm sure the REAL Dr. Bob is polite, conscientious and caring, he definitely won't be the same as the imaginary one. It might be a little disappointing. But I bet you'll get over in a few seconds and enjoy meeting the real guy.

I hope it won't be too disappointing. LOL. I think you're right. I think I'll be less infatuated after I meet him. I hope he uses full sentences! I wonder if he will talk to me? I wonder what we will all talk about?

I'm amazed by what you wrote JenStar! You have really good insight and you described things just right!

Deneb

 

Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ Deneb

Posted by JenStar on February 28, 2006, at 17:33:59

In reply to Re: More about loving Dr. Bob Ľ JenStar, posted by Deneb on February 28, 2006, at 16:29:18

hi Deneb,
I'm sure he'll talk to you! He wouldn't have suggested a babble get-together unless he wanted to talk to all the babblers, I think.

As for what you'll talk about - I'd guess a bit of small talk first off, to break the ice, like with anyone new. I'd guess that he'll PROBABLY not disclose too many personal details, but he'll be friendly and warm. He'll probably still remain somewhat of an enigma. (That's only my guess, though! You'll have to tell me if I'm right.)

What do YOU want to talk about? Maybe you could come up with a list of questions to ask, almost like an interview. Of course he might not answer all of them, since I tend to think he'll safeguard some of his personal information. But maybe you can get answers to some of your questions. :)

I like the color green, too. Sometimes I feel strong attachments to colors or pretty things, like a warmth and happiness that just fills me up. Maybe that *is* love, too -- I don't want to dismiss it out of hand. I suppose love takes all kinds of shapes and forms. But I do think that love for a person that you *know*, a person who is committed to you in the same way you are to him, is going to feel a lot deeper and more rewarding than the color green/Dr. Bob persona love. (Although the green/bob love -- if it makes you happy -- can't be a bad thing.)

hope you're having a good day!
JenStar


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