Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 569824

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reading and bipolar depression

Posted by Maynerd on October 21, 2005, at 12:40:31

I have a problem that I hope some of you can help me with. I have rapid cycling bpd and have a real problem with reading. When I am manic I am able to pour mountains of information into my head, but when I am depressed I can barely comprehend the words that I am reading, even the things I already learned. I have been able to bs my way through most of college to this point, but things are getting hard enough at this point that I can no longer survive by auditory and manic learning. As I am going to college this is becoming a real and unmanageable problem for me. I know my T says that lithium will help me, but it hasn't done much more than make the peaks and valleys of my moods somewhat better and more manageable and I can't afford any other meds without insurance. Is there anything else I can do? The frustration and anxiety this creates in me makes me feel even worse and makes the dark thoughts fly around in my head even more and I don't know how much more I can take before I finally give in and quit school. Any suggestions would be appreciated more than anyone can understand.


Re: reading and bipolar depression

Posted by rainbowbrite on October 21, 2005, at 14:18:09

In reply to reading and bipolar depression, posted by Maynerd on October 21, 2005, at 12:40:31

I think relate to some of this too much to be able to help....
Not the mania bit but the school trouble. I cant concetrate at all and it is an intense time right now. everything I hear or read leaves through the holes in my head.
The best advice I can give is try the lithium, it may make it easier. It is worth a try. Do you have insurance thorugh school? another thing would be to try reading in tiny bits. I have to do this. I read a couple of pages then break the minute I feel frustrated. It take forever but its better tehn full blown panic. I wish I had more answers...


Re: reading and bipolar depression

Posted by Maynerd on October 21, 2005, at 16:58:50

In reply to Re: reading and bipolar depression, posted by rainbowbrite on October 21, 2005, at 14:18:09

Not really insurance, but I get therapy for free (5 visits per quarter, per therapist). I have to pay for my meds, but $12 for lithium is not bad so I take them as I hear they will hopefully help. So far it has had very limited effect, I've been told due to the rapid cycling, but not enough to make the roller coaster ride stop. I got to say, I wish with all my heart that I could exist in a hypomanic state where life is incrediblely easy to understand for me. Unfortunately it only lasts a little while before I climb too high and go over the edge of sane thinking.


Re: reading and bipolar depression/TRIGGER!!! Maynerd

Posted by terrics on October 21, 2005, at 18:20:46

In reply to reading and bipolar depression, posted by Maynerd on October 21, 2005, at 12:40:31

Well at least you are not alone. That makes me happy because I am not alone. You do not want me to tell you how long it took me to get a 2 yr. degree. Really, you do not want to know.
I am on lamictal because I overdosed on lithium. Well to get to the point lamictal works better for me. With the lamictal and DBT brain washing which 'keeps one in the moment I now have less problem with the reading. I cannot say it is gone though. MY dx: borderline pd and bipolar. The moods are a 'nightmare'.terrics


Re: reading and bipolar depression/TRIGGER!!!

Posted by Shame on October 24, 2005, at 12:55:44

In reply to Re: reading and bipolar depression/TRIGGER!!! Maynerd, posted by terrics on October 21, 2005, at 18:20:46

It seems that my posts are never what you would consider 'good news'. I'm generally brutally honest with people, and I don't try to make things seem easier by bullshitting you. It is, however, quite possible that I have gone about life in totally the wrong way and have no idea what I'm talking about, but I'll share what I have with you.

I'm a BP, and I managed to claw my way through college. It took 6 1/2 years. None of my meds were working. My first real breakthrough was when I stopped holding myself to the standards of the healthy people around me. I know that sounds bad, but the fact of the matter was that I wasn't operating on the same level that they were. I accepted that I had to take fewer classes, and that I would have to take some over again. I accepted that I wasn't always going to do well. This was obviously incompatible with the view my parents, the college, and the people at financial aid shared. My therapist and psychiatrist had to write more than one letter for my appeals to the Dean to re-instantiate me despite my poor GPA. It was a very difficult time, and it's when I finally realized that this wasn't something I could hide from. I found that taking martial arts helped me focus my mind more, and the exercise helped level my moods just a bit. It was a real bitch talking myself into going when I was down, and it didn't always work out, but I think overall I got some value out of it.

I'm a bright guy. I'm an Avionics software engineer, and I'm very good at what I do. Now that I'm on the 'right' meds, things are different. Things get better. The simpler you make your life, the easier it is to get a hold on things. Once you get the diploma and your doing what you love, everything else doesn't seem as bad.

Best of luck.

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