Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 267681

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Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by Susan47 on August 24, 2005, at 1:57:03

In reply to Re:my love for T. Ľ jadah, posted by bird in the sky on August 23, 2005, at 18:42:42

I was wrong you weren't physical.. but I'm thinking the feeling you have, and I had, at one time too, is about transference but I'm not sure if that's right.. because it seems to be more about attaching ourselves to someone we've made a love object out of. It's more about our own insecure boundaries, about wanting this person so much because maybe what we're actually wanting is someone to help us be complete.
It's as if, for me, something is missing of myself, some part of me always feels vulnerable and alone, and very tortured too.. and this man felt so safe and warm and wonderful, and I was so attracted to him on so many levels, that I just didn't even have to try to love him, it just naturally occurred .. and my boundaries are so open that I psychotically attached somehow. I don't know, that kind of feels like how it was. Strangely enough, though, I have to say that I LOVED the feeling of loving attachment, yet it caused me a great deal of pain as well, as I knew it was only I who felt that way, it was a symptom of my poor emotional condition and nothing more, really it was all in my head, the reality was mine but it could be shattered at any time.. and it often was, but I made it happen for myself again and again and again, because I absolutely felt so unbelievably low, so sick inside, if I didn't have the feeling that he was in my life and he would stay in it because.. I wanted him to love me, which I knew was stupid and I wasn't up to snuff in any case.. I just wasn't developed properly in too many ways.
That was a bad, bad feeling.
And I still get it sometimes, and I know I'm not loved back, because it wouldn't be healthy to feel that way about someone like me ... and that's okay, I just can't make it so that I feel any less of a person.
I loved loving him. I still do. And I love to look at him, and part of me is missing on the days I don't see him... which are all of them. One day, I hope this feeling of loss is no longer with me. The worst times are the hours near dusk; maybe I'm realizing that another day has been lived without him, I don't know what it is but I miss him so much at that time of day I could just die from the feeling. I want him near me, I want him touching me, I want him looking into my eyes and smiling, and wanting more of me as I want more of him.. I want not to be afraid of him. I want to be me, the real me, the me he'll never see. God, it hurts.

 

Re:my love for T.

Posted by bird in the sky on September 17, 2005, at 23:14:16

In reply to Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky, posted by Susan47 on August 24, 2005, at 1:57:03

i love him too much... If there was something else to call this intense feeling, believe me, i would! I have never been one to be hot for somebody, except my husband. I don't mean to sound like a goody goody, but that's the way i see it. I used to get physically ill from sex or touching and then seemed to get over that pretty much when i was turned on to sex with a young woman around my age at the time. I had some physical sensations when noticing other people, which may have been sexual, but i didn't realize it at the time. Now, since i am finally realizing and understanding my sexuality (with the help of my therapist in talk sessions) i have become oversexed towards my therapist. It happened before i started understanding my sexuality and i called it love. I still do, but i am also so horny for him i can't get over it. Nothing seems to satisfy me. I usually always masturbate before i go to see him, or else i would be a nervous fool. Even so, i get real excited and i hardly get over it. Even right after great sex or coming on my own, if i think of him my heart speeds up and, well, you know the rest. Now i know what Mick Jagger was talkin' abuot. (no satisfaction!) whattammi gonnadooooo?

 

Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by Susan47 on September 18, 2005, at 13:07:12

In reply to Re:my love for T., posted by bird in the sky on September 17, 2005, at 23:14:16

Good question. Ride it out (sorry for the pun, it wasn't orginally intended but it's funny how the brain works faster than the consciousness grasps, a lot of the time.. what we think is coincidental, probably isn't.. our brains get used the right way but we have to learn the art and science of retrieval.. o man, Susan, you'll do anything to forget this guy, won't you... including being stoned every waking minute that you're not asleep or at work ... because you just can't live without him there, the ability to conjure this beautiful man C up in your mind is so much greater when stoned ... this has completely brought out your addiction to feeling good, feeling fabulous, feeling Loved.. and if his cold-seeming little wife isn't taking advantage of what this man is capable of, it's a Sin, like living in the garden of eden and sitting on a rock (did it have rocks??) in the dark corner the whole time ...)
Yes, Ride It Out, Lovey, it's the only thing to do. Rent porn, even, get yourself to a point where you can come in five minutes just by watching or thinking about sex, but OH I don't envy you hon', because the fact is if you're anything like me just even seeing him at a distance, even just that will be intensely exciting and lovely and addictive and no way, I have no WAY to satisfy that addiction, none at all, he's completely out, OUT and it is really a bit depressing, that ... but you, oh you lucky, LUCKY girl, you get to see this man for therapy, he's still sitting there looking at you and listening and talking to you and laughing, maybe, and shaking your hand even, at the end.. real, warm skin to remember, you have that ...
I have no good advice for your condition.

 

Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 10:49:37

In reply to Re:my love for T., posted by bird in the sky on September 17, 2005, at 23:14:16

Ahhh, itís hard, isnít it? I remember the feeling very well. In fact, I still feel it sometimes, and I havenít seen my therapist in six months. I suppose one thing you can do is enjoy the horniness! But it can be so frustrating as wellÖ

Have you talked to him about it? I discovered that some of the fantasies I had about my therapist were closely connected to the problems we were working on. When I realised the connections it made the fantasies more bearable.

From what Iíve heard, talking about it therapy does help to get it in perspective (though I have to admit I never talked about it directly; I just dropped enormous hints and hoped he would pick up on it).

If youíve told him, I think the best thing is to keep talking about it.

If you havenít told himÖ do you think you can?

One other thingÖ I was wondering whether your masturbating before a session might actually increase your desire for him rather than taking the edge off it. If it were me, I think I would be in a worse state if I went in there all post-orgasmic. But thatís just my perspective; you know yourself best!

Tamar


 

Re:my love for T.

Posted by bird in the sky on September 19, 2005, at 13:20:36

In reply to Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky, posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 10:49:37

I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come. Sometimes i do it crying instead of coming. It's a bad habit i know, and i'm trying to break it. I have already told 2 people that i am the one that had been calling because it really seemed to bother them that they didn't know who i was. Luckily they didn't have me arrested or tell my husband. Now that i am seemingly oversexed i have this desire all the time and am hardly able to control it. I know i am going to get responses from you guys like "you had better control it! " or something along those lines, but what i really want to know, is whether anyone else has ever done this? bird

 

Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 17:23:50

In reply to Re:my love for T., posted by bird in the sky on September 19, 2005, at 13:20:36

> I have this bad habit. I wonder if anyone else does. Probably not. I sometimes feel real horny and desirous of some connection. That's the best way i can explain it now. I masturbate and then when almost to come i call someone up (hopefully a recording) and let them hear me come. Sometimes i do it crying instead of coming. It's a bad habit i know, and i'm trying to break it. I have already told 2 people that i am the one that had been calling because it really seemed to bother them that they didn't know who i was. Luckily they didn't have me arrested or tell my husband. Now that i am seemingly oversexed i have this desire all the time and am hardly able to control it. I know i am going to get responses from you guys like "you had better control it! " or something along those lines, but what i really want to know, is whether anyone else has ever done this? bird

I havenít done the thing you describe, though I have done plenty of sexual things Iím not very proud of!

It does sound like itís become a habit, and maybe one you might think about dealing with, because one day someone might tell your husbandÖ I can imagine that people would be a bit freaked out by it. It wouldnít bother me if one of my friends did it to me, but if I didnít know who was calling that would freak me out. I guess I would assume someone was stalking me or something.

I donít know a lot about breaking sexual habits, but a technique that might work is to focus on a new and different fantasy that doesnít involve phoning someone just before you come. It could be anything you like (possibly involving a picture of your therapist, if you have a picture), but ideally do it in a room without a phone and leave your cell phone in another room. You might need to plan it because otherwise you might be tempted to revert to your bad habit. And I would suggest you do it fairly regularly until the new fantasy replaces the old one.

I know the feeling of being overcome with desire; I went through that about a year ago. Itís a bit frightening sometimes; you donít always feel in control. I talked a bit about it to my therapist in fairly general terms and he was very helpful. It was quite a relief to talk about it; he didnít run screaming from the room and he didnít act as if I was a pervert. After a while it settled down: I donít feel constantly horny any more, and when I do feel horny I feel much more comfortable about it.

Good luck.

Tamar


 

Re:my love for T. Ľ Tamar

Posted by Susan47 on September 20, 2005, at 19:20:46

In reply to Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky, posted by Tamar on September 19, 2005, at 10:49:37

Going in there with a glow on in addition to my usual feelings about my therapist, would've made for some very interesting sessions indeed :-))

 

Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by Susan47 on September 20, 2005, at 19:34:29

In reply to Re:my love for T., posted by bird in the sky on September 19, 2005, at 13:20:36

Wow. I've called my T's machine crying, but never in that state, that seems really asking for emotional trouble, I mean, not that feeling this way about a therapist isn't emotional trouble all on its own, it's just that it seems like right off the bat that would be addictive, sex is one of those things I think we have to be so careful about, because it feels so good and learning to relate it to doing something like that, might carry a strong possibility of creating an embarrassing and unfulfillable addiction ... ouch

And it's so personal, the sounds you make when you're having an orgasm it just feels like they shouldn't be shared over the phone, or with someone without their consent and knowledge, but then I guess one might say the same thing about crying, about sobbing, or leaving your deepest, most personal thoughts in that position ... alone, to be heard by whoever, at the mercy of their ears at whatever time they want to conjure that, to be at the mercy of someone who isn't in the moment.
Kind of like being drunk when everybody else is sober.
It's embarrassing.
Only, you're not drunk. You're in your "normal" state.
I mean, at this time in your life, what you're doing is You, right?

I hope you find someone real to replace the machine.. and me, too :)

 

Re:my love for T.

Posted by bird in the sky on September 20, 2005, at 21:21:44

In reply to Re:my love for T. Ľ bird in the sky, posted by Susan47 on September 20, 2005, at 19:34:29

I don't call my therapist in this state. It has been a couple professional people that hardly know me. One i had been thinking about for years, but our relationship was 99% fantasy on my part. The feeling o had of why i was doing it was kinda like when your lover goes out on you, you go do it with someone else, just to get it out of your system. My lover, i guess was my therapist, in my mind only... bird

 

help

Posted by lostinfeelings on October 17, 2005, at 18:42:09

In reply to Re: I'm in love with my therapist, posted by karen_kay on October 27, 2003, at 14:39:12

hello,
I anm writing in regards to this post. I have something to say here I have been in therapy for over a year now and i fell ofr my therapist. I just came out not long ago and told her that I am having feelings for her and she is ok with it, Nothing has ever beomce of it nor will it ever. I like it this way. Because of my feelings for her i am beging to see my life different as i have been dealing with my past. I do love her very much and yes I do think asbout her all the time but it keeps me going in my healing process from my childhood. right now she is in another state but will be back on the 7th, I am also in the process of telling my other half that it is over with because I know that it is better for me this way. my therapist has made me feel so much better about my life today. It is mainly because of her that I have come as far as I have. I just want her to hold me and never let go when we hug after therapy sessions but it is not anything sexually,... I do not know what to do anymore this is tearing me apart because my love for her is so strong. I know that it is transference but hey its ok as she said. please help me i want her close beside me all the time

 

Re: help Ľ lostinfeelings

Posted by Susan47 on October 17, 2005, at 21:50:45

In reply to help, posted by lostinfeelings on October 17, 2005, at 18:42:09

Thank God your therapist is okay with the transference feelings. Keep a probe on how she's doing with that, as you don't want to be suddenly let go, dropped from her roster of clients, that can be terrible and terribly demeaning and hurtful. It got me completely stuck unable to move forward, for a long, long time. But then so did the inability to lavish my "love" on my therapist, it was a double-edged sword. It was horrible. I wish you all the best in your journey, and if the therapist becomes a hurtful burden, please don't hesitate to seek others. Because you can move forward without the dependency, honestly, and the pain. IMO.

 

Re: help

Posted by bird in the sky on October 17, 2005, at 23:34:04

In reply to help, posted by lostinfeelings on October 17, 2005, at 18:42:09

You are sooo lucky to be able to hug her. Oh man,what i would give to hug my therapist. I think about it so much and yes i do love him. i have never even shook his hand. I want so much to hug him i cry for it. When i see other men hugging girls or women i get upset, jealous maybe. I always think about coaches hugging their atheletes they have trained. Remember in the olympics? If this is ok, why is it not ok for him to hug me? I believe it's ok. I think he is too hung up or scared of what i don't know. bird

 

Re: help

Posted by lostinfeelings on October 18, 2005, at 18:48:40

In reply to Re: help, posted by bird in the sky on October 17, 2005, at 23:34:04

The amazing thing is I did not have ot ask for a hug she gives it to me and it makes me feel better when i leave her office. I have never asked for a hug ever. there are times where i wished that she would hold me long enough for me to let all the pain and hurt out. I just told her this recently so hopefully she will aloow it. who knows.Bird sometimes when it comes to a hug maybe we need to learn to ask for it. it is no harm in asking for a hug. The worst thing that you could do is just do it without asking know what i mean> I know that therapist has to have boundries but hugging does not cause any harm


> You are sooo lucky to be able to hug her. Oh man,what i would give to hug my therapist. I think about it so much and yes i do love him. i have never even shook his hand. I want so much to hug him i cry for it. When i see other men hugging girls or women i get upset, jealous maybe. I always think about coaches hugging their atheletes they have trained. Remember in the olympics? If this is ok, why is it not ok for him to hug me? I believe it's ok. I think he is too hung up or scared of what i don't know. bird

 

Re: help

Posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 18:50:24

In reply to Re: help, posted by bird in the sky on October 17, 2005, at 23:34:04

I work with a lot of men, but I'm not friends with any of them outside of work. Now, it's okay for women to hug each other at work, but it's never okay for men and women to do that.
Why? Because we're all hung up about sex. It's the same with male/female therapists, I'm convinced of it, and there's no point in wishing to touch anyone if there's any possibility of sex ever happening, which is sick, sick sick Sick, because then what happens is we isolate, and that's even worse.

 

Re: help Ľ lostinfeelings

Posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 19:13:52

In reply to Re: help, posted by lostinfeelings on October 18, 2005, at 18:48:40

That's really nice, that you needed this and the therapist offered it to you without you even having to ask. I love it that this therapist's in touch with your feelings. Isn't that great? Keep telling us how things happen, because there's a lot of interest on Babble about therapies and the therapist/client relationship. I'm presently seeing a therapist who's doing EMDR with me; at the end of the last session she opened her arms slightly in some welcoming way as she said good-bye, huge huge warm smile and all, and I thought, that's nice that she's willing to do that but it's the last thing I really want, from her! The EMDR we're doing together is just all I need from her. I still don't really like her completely, she's another one of those "doctor"s with a big head. Perhaps when you're constantly helping people get better, and you think that's the most important thing you could be doing, your head just swells naturally. 'Cause that's what I've seen in all therapists, psychiatrists, and MD's. Sometimes their real personality is good enough to overcome a lot of the ugliness of their constantly-proven assertion that they're attractive, wanted, and needed, and helpful. That assertion can look just really ugly and closed-off.
My last T had it, I think, but towards the end, when I believe I wore him down to a bit more honesty, I think his real self managed to whittle its way a bit out of the hard bark he'd covered himself in.
I think a lot of what happens in therapy, maybe even most of it, has to do with the relationship between the two people. But the client has to also learn not to feel bound to take the responsibility for what happens in that relationship. Which is what seems to be happening in almost all of these client/therapist relationships that're suddenly terminated on the part of the therapist.
There's a reason we associate the word "terminate", with death. Not just the end of something, but the end of self.

 

Re: help

Posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 19:20:34

In reply to Re: help Ľ lostinfeelings, posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 19:13:52

I believe Dr. Bob sometimes has that look. It's what gives him that slightly maniacally nice, helpful, I'm-so-sexy-aren't-I look ... that look always gets him a lot of posts. But maybe not as many as his travelling pics, the little attention-seekers.

 

Re: help

Posted by bird in the sky on October 18, 2005, at 20:52:23

In reply to Re: help, posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 18:50:24

I have talked with my T a bit about this. Why he won't give me a hug. (yes, i have asked, pleaded, gestured etc) Our talk was before he knew i am in love with him. Maybe even before i knew... I think it mostly has to do with he thinks the boundaries should be this way as far as the T/client relationship. He mentioned that a client could claim improper touching and he could lose his liscence. I tried to convince him otherwise and even threatened to stop seeing him cause it sounded like he didn't trust me. I gave in first and continued to see him. I don't know why it's so important to me, he says it has to do with the love i didn't receive from my mom. but that doesn't help my desire and longing...

 

Re: help

Posted by lostinfeelings on October 19, 2005, at 17:29:58

In reply to Re: help Ľ lostinfeelings, posted by Susan47 on October 17, 2005, at 21:50:45

>yes she is ok with it and i do not think that it is her intention of ever hurting me,she has already told me that she would not drop me because of my feelings for her.Because of my feelings for her it motivsates me to work on me because I fel like i am someone and she respects me like i respect her


Thank God your therapist is okay with the transference feelings. Keep a probe on how she's doing with that, as you don't want to be suddenly let go, dropped from her roster of clients, that can be terrible and terribly demeaning and hurtful. It got me completely stuck unable to move forward, for a long, long time. But then so did the inability to lavish my "love" on my therapist, it was a double-edged sword. It was horrible. I wish you all the best in your journey, and if the therapist becomes a hurtful burden, please don't hesitate to seek others. Because you can move forward without the dependency, honestly, and the pain. IMO.

 

Re: help

Posted by lostinfeelings on October 19, 2005, at 17:38:37

In reply to Re: help Ľ lostinfeelings, posted by Susan47 on October 18, 2005, at 19:13:52

>Yes i think it is wonderful that she understands, we also have our boundries in all of this and we both understand it and i am ok with it because she does care and she told me that she does, ... the thing is everytime she does hug me it makes me feel wonderful inside and I feel like i am doing something right for a change ,,,,, I love it when she hugs me,,,,, if I can get nothing else from her at least I know that she cares and she will not turn me away because of my feelings for her,
when i wrote her a letter on telling her how i felt about her she said that she was very moved and touched by my letter and that made me feel good because it beomes easier for me ot talk to her each seesion, not all therapist is cold hearted there are some out there that does understand how we feel about them and is willing to accept it without crossing the boundries.
to be able to have these feelings for my therapist and for her understanding it makes it easier on me. to be able to move on with dealing with my past. I do love her so very much as a matter of fact she thinks I need to end the realationship that I am in now due to being emotionally abused and she thinks I am indeeed worth loving and that helps me. I am in the process of getting me another car and moving on without my other half because I found out my other half called her ex girlfriend so I see all these months my therapist was right


That's really nice, that you needed this and the therapist offered it to you without you even having to ask. I love it that this therapist's in touch with your feelings. Isn't that great? Keep telling us how things happen, because there's a lot of interest on Babble about therapies and the therapist/client relationship. I'm presently seeing a therapist who's doing EMDR with me; at the end of the last session she opened her arms slightly in some welcoming way as she said good-bye, huge huge warm smile and all, and I thought, that's nice that she's willing to do that but it's the last thing I really want, from her! The EMDR we're doing together is just all I need from her. I still don't really like her completely, she's another one of those "doctor"s with a big head. Perhaps when you're constantly helping people get better, and you think that's the most important thing you could be doing, your head just swells naturally. 'Cause that's what I've seen in all therapists, psychiatrists, and MD's. Sometimes their real personality is good enough to overcome a lot of the ugliness of their constantly-proven assertion that they're attractive, wanted, and needed, and helpful. That assertion can look just really ugly and closed-off.
> My last T had it, I think, but towards the end, when I believe I wore him down to a bit more honesty, I think his real self managed to whittle its way a bit out of the hard bark he'd covered himself in.
> I think a lot of what happens in therapy, maybe even most of it, has to do with the relationship between the two people. But the client has to also learn not to feel bound to take the responsibility for what happens in that relationship. Which is what seems to be happening in almost all of these client/therapist relationships that're suddenly terminated on the part of the therapist.
> There's a reason we associate the word "terminate", with death. Not just the end of something, but the end of self.
>
>

 

Re: help

Posted by lostinfeelings on October 19, 2005, at 17:42:27

In reply to Re: help, posted by bird in the sky on October 18, 2005, at 20:52:23

>I can understand what you are saying there are some therapist out there that are afraid because they may had been through the same thing and they have been stalked by the clients, sometimes that puts a fear in them if you know what I mean. some therapist just do not understand maybe you might want ot find another one that does understand and maybe it might help you heal.... It took me 35 years to find the right one for me,

I have talked with my T a bit about this. Why he won't give me a hug. (yes, i have asked, pleaded, gestured etc) Our talk was before he knew i am in love with him. Maybe even before i knew... I think it mostly has to do with he thinks the boundaries should be this way as far as the T/client relationship. He mentioned that a client could claim improper touching and he could lose his liscence. I tried to convince him otherwise and even threatened to stop seeing him cause it sounded like he didn't trust me. I gave in first and continued to see him. I don't know why it's so important to me, he says it has to do with the love i didn't receive from my mom. but that doesn't help my desire and longing...

 

Re: help

Posted by FreetoFly on October 19, 2005, at 18:23:23

In reply to Re: help, posted by lostinfeelings on October 19, 2005, at 17:29:58

I wrote this long reply to all of your posts, and then couldn't log in!!!! UGH.

I had to re register under another name, but i want you guys to know I have been reading your posts from the beginning and you all amaze me with your honesty, insight and courage.

I want to re-write what i wrote earlier, but I can't right now.

In a nutshell...my t. holds me. Every session. For 2 years now. We are both female...and yes, I had feelings of arousal for her at first. Now it is more like she is my mom. I still want to rip her blouse off and breast feed, though!

I do know those unmet needs are SO HUGE and SO STRONG and SO PAINFUL. I am in the middle of it. When you have been neglected your whole life it is really a basic need that can't be filled by anyone. It has to be someone you trust who will be safe...it took me 2 years with her to get the nerve to ask. I was so glad she said yes!

Will write more when/if I can. Until then, I smile as I think of all of you. thanks for sharing everything you guys do. It helps me tremendously to not feel so alone or like a freak.
Free to Fly

 

Re: help

Posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2005, at 20:15:56

In reply to Re: help, posted by lostinfeelings on October 19, 2005, at 17:38:37

> when i wrote her a letter on telling her how i felt about her she said that she was very moved and touched by my letter and that made me feel good because it beomes easier for me ot talk to her each seesion, not all therapist is cold hearted there are some out there that does understand how we feel about them and is willing to accept it without crossing the boundries.

Isn't that funny. Anything I ever wrote to my therapist was completely ignored, except for the occasional, "Don't write".
What an *ss. I guess. Maybe I was the *ss, for ever wanting to be loved by this person ... I don't know, how am I supposed to look at this?

> to be able to have these feelings for my therapist and for her understanding it makes it easier on me. to be able to move on with dealing with my past. I do love her so very much as a matter of fact she thinks I need to end the realationship that I am in now due to being emotionally abused and she thinks I am indeeed worth loving and that helps me. I am in the process of getting me another car and moving on without my other half because I found out my other half called her ex girlfriend so I see all these months my therapist was right
>
>
> That's really nice, that you needed this and the therapist offered it to you without you even having to ask. I love it that this therapist's in touch with your feelings. Isn't that great? Keep telling us how things happen, because there's a lot of interest on Babble about therapies and the therapist/client relationship. I'm presently seeing a therapist who's doing EMDR with me; at the end of the last session she opened her arms slightly in some welcoming way as she said good-bye, huge huge warm smile and all, and I thought, that's nice that she's willing to do that but it's the last thing I really want, from her! The EMDR we're doing together is just all I need from her. I still don't really like her completely, she's another one of those "doctor"s with a big head. Perhaps when you're constantly helping people get better, and you think that's the most important thing you could be doing, your head just swells naturally. 'Cause that's what I've seen in all therapists, psychiatrists, and MD's. Sometimes their real personality is good enough to overcome a lot of the ugliness of their constantly-proven assertion that they're attractive, wanted, and needed, and helpful. That assertion can look just really ugly and closed-off.
> > My last T had it, I think, but towards the end, when I believe I wore him down to a bit more honesty, I think his real self managed to whittle its way a bit out of the hard bark he'd covered himself in.
> > I think a lot of what happens in therapy, maybe even most of it, has to do with the relationship between the two people. But the client has to also learn not to feel bound to take the responsibility for what happens in that relationship. Which is what seems to be happening in almost all of these client/therapist relationships that're suddenly terminated on the part of the therapist.
> > There's a reason we associate the word "terminate", with death. Not just the end of something, but the end of self.
> >
> >
>
>

 

Re: help/in love with my Therapist

Posted by bird in the sky on December 17, 2005, at 0:45:46

In reply to Re: help, posted by Susan47 on October 19, 2005, at 20:15:56


I don't know if anyone is continuing this thread. I am curious to know how Jadah is.
I am another one in love with my Therapist. I thought it would gradually diminish but it has not. I guess I don't seem so needy and always thinking of him like i used to, but it seems more real and healthy now, not like obsession but like real love. It's just so depressing to (almost) accept the fact that i won't have an intimate or physical in any way relationship with him. I get so excited just with the thought that we could hug and what it would feel like to be mutual. I am so close to him and i believe i know him pretty well too. I've never had this before and i just can't hardly stand the idea that it's just an hour that i pay for. It's not a real relationship, though nothing has ever felt this real. Last time he said he had been thnking of me a lot and my feelings for him and his for me ("after all, i am human") and how he's glad i'm getting better. I am taking this out of context a little, but just to think he has feelings for me too, yet will not allow us to express them at all is pretty torturous. It has been a little over a year and a half i have been having these strong feelings for him and it doesn't seem to have a purpose for me. I have mixed feelings and want to see him less maybe, but i don't know if he'll go for that. Of course i would want to see him more, but all i do (just about) is talk about my love and desire for him. I know he would miss me too if i stopped seeing him. Is this supposed to be healing me? The original problem i went for has gotten a lot better and now problems with my husband i feel funny talking about because i have the feeling like my therapist is my boyfriend and wouldn't want to talk about my husband. Oh, i am sorry to have wasted your time... it really is a big thing to me even tho it may not sound like it. bird

 

Re: help/in love with my Therapist Ľ bird in the sky

Posted by fallsfall on December 17, 2005, at 8:20:47

In reply to Re: help/in love with my Therapist, posted by bird in the sky on December 17, 2005, at 0:45:46

It is a problem if your feelings for your therapist prevent you from talking about things that you need to talk about. I would encourage you to let him know that there are things that you don't feel comfortable discussing.

Your therapist is NOT your boyfriend (it sounds like he does have appropriate boundaries) - though he may let you learn what relationships CAN be like. So the relationship with him can be beneficial because it is a learning tool that you can then generalize to other relationships in your life. This is how being in love with your therapist can help you heal.

I would encourage you to talk about how your feelings for him make it hard to talk about your husband.

Good luck!

 

Re: help/in love with my Therapist

Posted by Susan47 on December 19, 2005, at 22:42:27

In reply to Re: help/in love with my Therapist, posted by bird in the sky on December 17, 2005, at 0:45:46

>
> I don't know if anyone is continuing this thread. I am curious to know how Jadah is.
Hi, I think Jadah's either posting under another name, or has gone off the boards. I've asked once or twice with no success, no answers. Perhaps someone will let you know here. I'm sorry about your love for your therapist. I hope he handles it with sensitivity and success; you said you maybe want to see your T less but you don't know if he'll go for that; does it matter? These sessions are about Your health, not his. He has to have learned how to take care of himself. And I'll bet you he can. Worry less about him if you can. It sounds like he might be showing himself to be a bit more vulnerable to you than you're ready to handle.. actually. Hm. What's your feeling?

> I am another one in love with my Therapist. I thought it would gradually diminish but it has not. I guess I don't seem so needy and always thinking of him like i used to, but it seems more real and healthy now, not like obsession but like real love. It's just so depressing to (almost) accept the fact that i won't have an intimate or physical in any way relationship with him. I get so excited just with the thought that we could hug and what it would feel like to be mutual. I am so close to him and i believe i know him pretty well too. I've never had this before and i just can't hardly stand the idea that it's just an hour that i pay for. It's not a real relationship, though nothing has ever felt this real. Last time he said he had been thnking of me a lot and my feelings for him and his for me ("after all, i am human") and how he's glad i'm getting better. I am taking this out of context a little, but just to think he has feelings for me too, yet will not allow us to express them at all is pretty torturous. It has been a little over a year and a half i have been having these strong feelings for him and it doesn't seem to have a purpose for me. I have mixed feelings and want to see him less maybe, but i don't know if he'll go for that. Of course i would want to see him more, but all i do (just about) is talk about my love and desire for him. I know he would miss me too if i stopped seeing him. Is this supposed to be healing me? The original problem i went for has gotten a lot better and now problems with my husband i feel funny talking about because i have the feeling like my therapist is my boyfriend and wouldn't want to talk about my husband. Oh, i am sorry to have wasted your time... it really is a big thing to me even tho it may not sound like it. bird


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