Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 567385

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the depths of fear - falling into darkness

Posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:20:26

Sometimes at night, I sit and think about what has happened during the day. My thoughts sometimes get wierd, they get i dont know, but it triggers the depth of fear in my body.

I sometimes wonder if I am going on the edge of insanity, well at night is when i get like this. I almost have an adrenaline exhileration reacting to something, i went crazy the other day. "No No im not not" its ok, everything is ok, dont think about anything. I one night went into a ultra panic attack, smashed my cell phone and pictures. I look at all the shatter and didnt think this is happening.

I pray to god that my thoughts will be normal and stable, i will not have any abnormalties.

Have you ever watched a bathtub when water comes out, then you blast it to the max. That is what happens to nuerons, I go, i sit, i start pacing, i start walking through the house, "this is going to pass". I wonder if adrenaline will save me, from my mind. I sit at the couch and see my reflection in the window, who and why?

When i have gone to mental institutions (United Methodist Mental Hostpital) they have told me i have severe anxiety, i wasnt crazy. When they asked questions, do you have feelings of paranoia? i could awnser becuase i was paranoid that i was crazy. They said that I may have had symptoms of hypomania with panic attacks.

I am sitting here tonight, on my laptop, ready for anything, I dont even want to mention insanity becuase it will start an reaction.

I take Zyprexa 2.5 and may move to 5mg.

They referred me to a Lithium Treatment Center, i almost said you mean Thorazine Treatment Center, i did, they laughed, and told me im not crazy. Belive us we have many here.

Stillness, coldness the sound of silence is around me right now. What is going to happen? I am at the depth of fear now.

Please just tell me what you think?

 

Re: the depths of fear - falling into darkness rjlockhart98

Posted by thuso on October 15, 2005, at 23:54:13

In reply to the depths of fear - falling into darkness, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:20:26

I know you are scared to death of going insane. It's hard, but you've got to try and think of something else. The more you keep your mind on those things, the more freaked out you will get. I think you can actually see that in yourself.

There have been many times I've been scared of going insane too. I don't want to end up like my aunts. I don't want the FBI to have a file on me too!!! Whenever that starts to enter my mind, I have to FORCE myself to think of something else. Whether its by listening to music, watching tv, going out...anything to keep myself from being tortured by the thoughts and fear of my brain ending up like theirs. No thank you!

The more you dwell on the thoughts the more it will consume you. You've got to trust the people at the hospital who told you that you aren't insane. Who else would know better? They know what insanity looks like and you aren't that.

 

Re: the depths of fear - falling into darkness rjlockhart98

Posted by muffled on October 16, 2005, at 10:01:40

In reply to the depths of fear - falling into darkness, posted by rjlockhart98 on October 15, 2005, at 21:20:26

Can I just call you maybe just rj? or something?
Anyhow. I often find eves. the worst too. I think Thuso is right. You have to plan to keep yourself major distracted and not think the bad thoughts. I do a thing called thought stopping where as soon as I realize I'm going back to wrong thoughts I say stop, and redirect my thoughts. Have you ever taken alprazolam. It works exceptionally well for me? Or try visualzing Jesus sitting right beside you and you can talk to him. Thats nice too. You're not crazy. Just overwhelmed.
Hope you feel better soon.
Muffled

 

Re: the depths of fear - falling into darkness muffled

Posted by 10derHeart on October 16, 2005, at 12:49:24

In reply to Re: the depths of fear - falling into darkness rjlockhart98, posted by muffled on October 16, 2005, at 10:01:40

>>Or try visualzing Jesus sitting right beside you and you can talk to him. Thats nice too. <<

OM goodness, muffled, I have recently started doing this more and more - and it helps so much! I think this was AWESOME advice for Matt (you could call him Matt ;-)), who if I recall, is a Christian..?

Doing this lately, if I really try to stay with it, I start to feel calm and warmth and so much love....it's so great! Not easy to maintain, but I figure with practice..who knows?!

Thanks for posting that...see how your words sometimes help/validate others besides the one you're answering...? cool...


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