Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 549073

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Re: Three days now

Posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48

In reply to Re: Three days now Dinah, posted by Gabbix2 on September 3, 2005, at 18:57:10

I love you too, Gabbi.

I don't know what I'd do without you guys. You've all pulled me from the brink of despair a few times.

 

Re: Three days now

Posted by AuntieMel on September 3, 2005, at 20:05:15

In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48

I've been wanting to post, but I'm afraid I just don't know what to say.

Words escape me now (odd, isn't it).

But you know my place is your place.

 

Re: Three days now Dinah

Posted by Annierose on September 3, 2005, at 20:16:05

In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20

Oh Dinah -

I know it doesn't make you feel any better to know that we'd all be at the end of our rope to lose so much, to be displaced, and to lose the constant contact and support of our therapists. It is hell, but I know you have the strength to persevere. But like therapy, this transition will be a tedious and slow process.

If I could, I'd like to be your advance team for your new temporary home. I'd fill your cupboard with dishes and food, make the beds, put fresh flowers in each room and bake chocolate chip cookies. Garden girl would be recruited to insure all the garden beds are weeded, trimed and watered.

It's only natural to guess what your T is thinking. But I don't think he is avoiding you. I think he is in shock. Distracted. And trying to figure things out. His e-mail message to you was very positive; he wants to continue being your therapist. Remember he refered to you as "an important link" to his life.

However, until he does call to arrange a session, it's okay to call for additional support. There is nothing wrong with that. I would call in a second. Afterall, you need all the support you can gather right now.

Thank you for sharing this journey with us. I know how painful it is. I am so glad you found your in-laws.

I went to a college football game today, a stadium 100,000+ people. They asked for a moment of silence to pray for the people affected by Katrina. I was moved to tears. Within 2 seconds, the place went completely quiet ... could have heard a pin drop. Everyone was emotional. I wish you could feel our love and support.

Annierose

 

Re: Three days now Dinah

Posted by Tamar on September 3, 2005, at 20:33:12

In reply to Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 17:35:20

> And I emailed him today saying telephone or email session would be fine. No response.

He might be taking it pretty hard. Or he might be really busy trying to deal with practical things. Im sure hell contact you as soon as hes able to.

> On top of that, one disaster after another is piling up on us in the evacuation. My nerves are at the breaking point, and did in fact break today, causing my son no end of embarassment publicly. Again. :(

Dont be too hard on yourself, OK? I can imagine that most people affected by this find their nerves are at breaking point.

> I guess I should cold call therapists around here, or else call the hot line. I hate to bother them when so many people have it so much worse. But...
>
> I'm reaching the end of my rope.

You are a priority; you have a pre-existing illness that may need attention. You arent bothering anyone if you call them. If you need to call someone, youre allowed!

> (We did find our inlaws after spending a day searching shelters. They're with us now.)

Im glad you found them. That must have been a huge worry.

> I guess maybe he's thinking of me as an ex-client who's bugging him?

I very much doubt hes thinking of you as an ex-client. I really dont think hed let you go that easily. And I doubt he thinks youre bugging him. But perhaps he has to spend a few days getting his own stuff sorted out before hell be in a position to be able to help Its a strange and unusual situation to be in, for everyone. Im sure hell be there for you, but it might take a little while. I hope he gets in contact with you soon. If youre really at the end of your rope, I hope you can find some kind of temporary help.

Again, if theres anything at all I can do, just say the word.

Much love,
Tamar

 

Re: Three days now Dinah

Posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56

In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:49:48

hey. sorry i've been pretty quiet... i don't know what to say. i really don't. but i'm really glad that others are doing better there. dinah, i'm so sorry. and aside from that i am really struggling.

but i do care and my thoughts are definately with you
((((dinah))))
and of course
((((dinah's t)))))

 

Re: Three days now

Posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06

In reply to Re: Three days now Dinah, posted by alexandra_k on September 3, 2005, at 20:52:56

Oh Dinah. I'm sorry he hasn't been back in touch. I could speculate about all kinds of reasons, but I won't. I do know it's NOT because he thinks you are bothering him or because he no longers wants to be your T. But who knows what's going on with him and trying to deal with this? And who knows how he's handling it emotionally? It really really stinks that the one person you would need more than anyone else at this time is also in crisis.

Please do consider getting backup. I'm sure in this case he would not consider it to be seeing 2 T's as he's objected to before. And whenever he's available again, you'll be ready.

(((((dinah)))))

Still thinking of you.

gg

 

I guess I'm afraid

Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08

In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by gardenergirl on September 3, 2005, at 21:04:06

That if something happens to him, I'd never know. Maybe not even when I get home.

It's almost easier to worry that I'm terminated.

 

Re: I guess I'm afraid Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on September 4, 2005, at 10:17:28

In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08

That is a scary thought. That even though he intends to continue being your therapist, that things out of his control might happen to him. I can understand why that would feel awful to you. And communications are harder than usual. So it would be harder to hear about things.

But let's look at what we know. We know that he evacuated the area successfully. That he has been OK - you know this because he did email you. So, as far as the hurricane, he is safe. And from what you have told me about him, he won't have gone back into the area (first because noone is allowed back in yet, and second it sounds to me like he won't go back to assess the damage right away). So can you feel reasonably comfortable that even though Katrina wrecked chaos on your town that he is safe from *that* chaos?

He is not likely to be homeless or starving. He probably has credit cards, so even if his bank is not operating, his credit cards will be. And he is a resourceful person. He'll be able to figure out how to be OK in the short term.

But there are "normal" risks to people every day. This is true. And it IS possible that something could happen to him. But I think that it is unlikely. He doesn't have any chronic conditions that I know of. And I assume that he is smart enough that if he did have a medical problem that he would go to the ER. You have mentioned that his daughter has some problems of some sort - perhaps he is tied up in taking care of her.

It is always possible that something will happen to anyone at anytime. That is part of being human. But I don't think that his risk right now is much higher than it usually is. I'm sure he is just trying to get some of his affairs in order. You know how busy that can make people! You have told me that you are amazed at how much you need to be doing. He is doing those things, too.

He will be OK, Dinah. I'm 99.44% sure.

You need to take care of yourself so that you will be OK, too.

 

Re: Three days now Dinah

Posted by Pfinstegg on September 4, 2005, at 12:35:02

In reply to Re: Three days now, posted by Dinah on September 3, 2005, at 19:46:55

In catastrophes like the one you and your therapist are enduring, I think communication about (necessarily temporary) plans helps so much. It gives you something to hold on to, while some of the bigger problems just can't begin to be solved yet. Can you let us know what his short-term plans are?- you did say you knew about them.

If you and your family are going to evacuate for work and school hundreds of miles away, that may be a huge source of anxiety and feelings of loss for you. That may feel like abandonment and termination all rolled into one.

Thinking of you a lot, Dinah. There aren't really any words for how devastating this is.

 

He called

Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 12:49:15

In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08

His wife apparently needed him because he couldn't talk long. But he's ok, and we talked about evacuation stuff. He said I could call him, and he'd try to call me back. I had sent him my new cell number.

He didn't say what his plans were, or if he'd continue to see me. But he did ask me about my plans.

I feel better that he's ok anyway, and that he knows my number. I know from what he did say that he'll be busy for a few days, but he called and he sounds ok.

 

Re: I guess I'm afraid Dinah

Posted by fairywings on September 4, 2005, at 12:51:06

In reply to I guess I'm afraid, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 9:34:08

I'm so sorry that you are going through all of this worry on top of all of the worry you have with your home and your job and your family. I'm sure your T has got to be concerned about how you're coping with all of this too, and it's probably pretty important that you're upfront with him when you do have contact so he understand where you are, and has enough contact with you. Keep us posted on what you hear. I'm thinking about you!
fw

 

Re: He called ... YES! Dinah

Posted by Annierose on September 4, 2005, at 13:39:09

In reply to He called, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 12:49:15

Dinah -

It must be a huge source of relief!! I wish you had more time to talk, darn those pesty wives. Hold on to all the hope, strength and courage you can gather.

Annie

 

Re: He called ... YES!

Posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2005, at 16:43:33

In reply to Re: He called ... YES! Dinah, posted by Annierose on September 4, 2005, at 13:39:09

I'm so glad he called, Dinah. Now you know he's okay, and he hasn't terminated you. I completely believe that he would tell you if he had made that decision. But it does sound like you both need some time to get "back to normal" as much as you can.

I know you've been busy with all of those details. I hope you can try to keep focusing on putting one foot in front of the other for the time being. There will be a time to grieve all that is lost, and you and he can and will probably do that together.

In the meantime, if you want me to try to get you some names of emergency back-up therapists, please let me know.


(((dinah)))

gg

 

Re: He called ... YES! gardenergirl

Posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 17:24:35

In reply to Re: He called ... YES!, posted by gardenergirl on September 4, 2005, at 16:43:33

Thanks, gg. I was considering looking some up, but I really don't know where we'll be even by the end of next week. My son's school is trying to make arrangements which would make it most advantageous to be in Houston. Several of my husband's coworkers currently are working at the Houston location, but word has it that the company may assign locations. They'd better do it in a darn hurry, because those kids really do need to be in school. And my work is making plans that will probably make it most advantageous for me to be at a completely different location altogether. And of course, I don't know if my therapist's shortish term or long term plans have changed.

But at least we both still have jobs. That's more than most people can say. At least one of my coworkers may not be coming back at all, because her husband was laid off by this and may get a job elsewhere.

I'm definitely looking into the possibility, if it's best for my therapist. And I might even call the hotline, although I'm sure they're busy with people in far direr straits than mine.

Two N.O. police officers have taken their own lives. They mayor is trying to get the remaining officers rotated out for a rest and evaluation. There are people far more in need than I am.

I'm also much stronger than I used to be, thank heavens. And thank my therapist. I'm not sure another therapist is what I need, or if it could approximate the comfort and safety I feel from even not particularly therapeutic fellow-evacuee contact from my therapist. But if it's best for him, and if he isn't planning on terminating me, I would certainly make those arrangements as needed.

I'm worried about my son, too. He's been remarkably blase about everything, but curled up in the corner crying over a reprimand from my husband today. He hasn't done that since he started seeing his play therapist. We tried to talk to him, but he's being his usual clamshell self. Sigh. I love that he tries so hard to be good, but it takes such a toll on him.

 

Butting in to bully you Dinah

Posted by Racer on September 4, 2005, at 21:51:12

In reply to Re: He called ... YES! gardenergirl, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 17:24:35

>
>
> I'm definitely looking into the possibility, if it's best for my therapist. And I might even call the hotline, although I'm sure they're busy with people in far direr straits than mine.

Dinah, how many times do I need to repeat this: There Is NO Heirarchy Of Suffering! You are in as much need as some who've lost more than everything, and deserve it no less. Heck, Woman -- I'll bet there are crisis call center personnel who would LOVE to get a call from someone who wanted to vent about her therapist and whether she'd see him again soon, or about how much she loves her good little boy, but worries about him. After some of the horror stories they must be hearing right now, I'll bet someone would consider you a gift from the cosmos.

>
> Two N.O. police officers have taken their own lives. They mayor is trying to get the remaining officers rotated out for a rest and evaluation. There are people far more in need than I am.

See above. And what a tragedy about the police officers. The situation we're seeing on the news is horrifying -- more so since the need for more emergency planning was apparently so well known.
>
> I'm also much stronger than I used to be, thank heavens. And thank my therapist.

That's so good to hear. You had a lot to do with it, too, which you should keep in mind when you start to feel down.

>
> I'm worried about my son, too. He's been remarkably blase about everything, but curled up in the corner crying over a reprimand from my husband today. He hasn't done that since he started seeing his play therapist. We tried to talk to him, but he's being his usual clamshell self. Sigh. I love that he tries so hard to be good, but it takes such a toll on him.

Can you find him some help right away? Someone he can talk to without worrying about being good? Or can his Mommy just tell him that she's proud of him for trying so hard, but it's OK to tell her that he's scared, or to cry on her shoulder? Maybe just tell him that she's worried about him because he must be scared but is being so quiet? (I don't know how old he is -- I had that talk with my former step-Sunshine when he was turning 13.)

All my best, Dinah. Take good care of yourself, and ask for as much as you need right now. The crisis centers are there for you, we're here for you, and love on those men of yours.

 

Dinah

Posted by crushedout on September 5, 2005, at 0:39:36

In reply to Butting in to bully you Dinah, posted by Racer on September 4, 2005, at 21:51:12


It was you who recently reminded me that there was "no hierarchy of suffering" (as Racer says) and so that I was allowed to post/care about my seemingly petty problems (compared to yours). Remember?

Your needs are your needs. And your needs are real and they are serious.

People handle different things differently, and you are one of those people that handles things best with a certain level of support. As long as that's available to you, you deserve to take advantage of it. Don't you forget it.

 

Re: Dinah

Posted by sunny10 on September 6, 2005, at 11:35:57

In reply to Dinah, posted by crushedout on September 5, 2005, at 0:39:36

I am really glad to hear that your husband's job is still safe.

I am really glad to hear that you heard from T and he is well, though distracted. And who can blame him?

I also agree that there is no hierarchy for suffering. Find yourself any kind of support that you can. Think of the hotline calls as a public service action!! You feel good, then you take care of everybody around you. See, public service!

Thinking of you,
Sunny10

 

Thinking of you today, Dinah

Posted by 10derHeart on September 6, 2005, at 16:03:51

In reply to Re: Dinah, posted by sunny10 on September 6, 2005, at 11:35:57

I have some new stuff going on. It's not very good :-(

As well as the usual *old* stuff inside my head/heart..(whatever that means...) So, do pardon me if I'm in and out, off and on, with posting....but...

...I'm keeping your family in my mind all the time. Hope you keep us Babblers updated, 'cause I guarantee I'm hardly the only one who can't stop wanting to check up on you all the time....

Your plight makes this all too terribly real.
(((((DINAH))))) Sending you warm thoughts....

 

Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah 10derHeart

Posted by Dinah on September 6, 2005, at 21:14:18

In reply to Thinking of you today, Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on September 6, 2005, at 16:03:51

I'm sorry to hear about your new stuff. If there's anything I can do, let me know.

In some ways I'm doing great. I'm shocking myself by being the most enterprising member of my office at getting people together and trying to figure out what to do. I haven't had much time to Babble. :( I'm also working on schools and apartments etc. etc.

But of course there is the underlying terror that I will be terminated. Somehow all the worry about everything else has joined that worry, like it's sucking everything smaller (like temporary underemployment and temporary homelessness and the horrible plight of my neighbors and friends who lost their homes and posessions and of course the horrible human cost of life) into the whirling vortex of therapy termination fear.

 

Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah Dinah

Posted by fallsfall on September 6, 2005, at 21:39:12

In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2005, at 21:14:18

He won't terminate you. You will be able to keep seeing him (somehow) because both of you want it to be that way.

It is so hard when so much of your life is up in the air. I hope that it comes back to earth gently.

Love,
Falls

 

Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah Dinah

Posted by 10derHeart on September 6, 2005, at 23:37:57

In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2005, at 21:14:18

Goodness, you're so sweet. Don't worry about me. I've got some resources, my T., who is really quite wonderful, and... uhhhh....Babble and Babblers! Guess I was just wanting to give an *excuse* in advance if I go suddenly much quieter...

It's not exactly me. Daughter and son-in-law are apparently intending to divorce, after 15 months of marriage. <sigh> But it may be for the best. I may start a thread and tell all about it on Relationships, or Social, soon.

In addition to that situation, I've just been sliding, sliding down anyway.....just when I thought I was staying up, up, up in my mood. Go figure - depression is a sneaky animal. Ah, well, I have to believe this too shall pass. (but...hurry up!)

Back to YOU....it sounds so good what you're doing about your workmates, etc. I am not surprised, as you always show that strength here.

I SO agree with falls - your T. is not going to terminate you. It's really just a matter of prioritizing for different people, differing needs right now, it seems. I know your need to interact with him is HUGE. But perhaps think of it like Maslow's hierarchy (sorry, can't spell tonight) right now for your therapist. He's still dealing with the basic needs, hardly much higher than food, water, shelter, safety, etc. You both are, in one way of thinking about it - if you don't take it completely literally.

What I'm trying to so awkwardly say, is the consideration and fulfillment of the higher needs will come. It will. I'll bet it'll be a great comfort for him to see you as well. It's just the waiting for that time that's so very hard.

Keep hanging in there. You're doing splendidly.

 

Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah Dinah

Posted by fairywings on September 7, 2005, at 4:51:04

In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah 10derHeart, posted by Dinah on September 6, 2005, at 21:14:18


> In some ways I'm doing great. I'm shocking myself by being the most enterprising member of my office at getting people together and trying to figure out what to do. I haven't had much time to Babble. :( I'm also working on schools and apartments etc. etc.

Hi Dinah,

I'm glad to hear in all of the madness you're trying to pull things together for the office school and apartments, I know ppl have to be so grateful for all of that. I can't imagine what you are going through. I can't imagine either that he would term. you, he knows how much you're going through and how badly you need him now more than ever. will continue to think of you.
i'm so sorry for all the friends and neighbors who lost their homes, but i'm glad you didn't have to deal with that on top of everything else.

fw

 

Re: He called Dinah

Posted by cricket on September 7, 2005, at 8:16:30

In reply to He called, posted by Dinah on September 4, 2005, at 12:49:15

((((Dinah))))

I sent you a babblemail a few days ago. I realized you might not be able to access that account.

I just want to let you know you are in my thoughts.

I hope your T keeps that contact going.

 

Thinking of you today

Posted by gardenergirl on September 7, 2005, at 10:26:47

In reply to Re: He called Dinah, posted by cricket on September 7, 2005, at 8:16:30

We're with you in spirit and heart.

((((dinah)))))

gg

 

I'm sorry 10derHeart

Posted by Dinah on September 13, 2005, at 23:23:00

In reply to Re: Thinking of you today, Dinah Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on September 6, 2005, at 23:37:57

That is something happening to you, too. It's so hard to see our kids hurting. :(


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