Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 548115

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no babies....

Posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 11:12:28

just had appt with pdoc friday. since march i've been wanting to be able to taper of meds to start trying for family. had some set backs and docs (both) said definately not yet. last few months i've been doing pretty well so i thought he'd give the green light. i was wrong. he said my depressive sypmtoms were very severe and if i was asking him he'd say to wait till next spring to taper off meds.

it's weird cuz part of me is relieved and the other half (i think now larger half) is very hurt. technically i could do it, but i do trust my pdoc very very much and he wouldn't say that if it wasn't really important.

i'm just not getting any younger and i'm scared. i finally psyched myself up enough that i thought i could handle having children and now...i think that's why i've been going back a little into lethargic dpression, no energy, don't care, sleep all the time.
just had to share.
don't need reply's.
thanks for listening.
b2c.

 

Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 11:24:01

In reply to no babies...., posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 11:12:28

I'm sorry B2, this has to be a source of confusion for you, but having kids and being depressed is so so hard, esp. when they're babies and little. I was fine with my first 3, and then had pp depression with the 4th. With babies, I"m sure you know, you get no sleep. There's just nothing to compare it to. You're at the mercy of their cries. It's like being totally, overwhelmingly exhausted, and having someone bang a gong unrelentingly in your ear, and you know you have to get up and be attentive to them, despite the exhaustion. And you have to mirror their innocence and wonder in order for them to grow up happy and complete; that's so hard when you feel so awful yourself.
I hope you get to the point where you can feel the timing is right, your ready, and you can make it w/o the meds. It's just not fair is it? I'm so, so sorry, and I hope you start feeling better.

fw

> it's weird cuz part of me is relieved and the other half (i think now larger half) is very hurt. technically i could do it, but i do trust my pdoc very very much and he wouldn't say that if it wasn't really important.
>
> i'm just not getting any younger and i'm scared. i finally psyched myself up enough that i thought i could handle having children and now...i think that's why i've been going back a little into lethargic dpression, no energy, don't care, sleep all the time.
> just had to share.
> don't need reply's.
> thanks for listening.
> b2c.

 

Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica

Posted by kerria on August 29, 2005, at 11:46:21

In reply to no babies...., posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 11:12:28

(((((((b2c))))))) safe hugs

It's just a few more months until the spring. It sounds like a good plan. Maybe if you keep in mind the reason you have for getting better- there is nothing more rewarding and unselfish of a woman than to be a mother. You sound like you will be a great mother and appreciate giving your child(ren)-to-be so much love.

You have something to get well for- that will help you keep the time-table and get out of the depression so you can start getting off the meds in a few months.

sending thoughts of joy and i hope that your desire is realised soon- by next year at this time you can be carrying a little one! Then you will feel like the most important person in the world to the baby because you will be.

take care,
kerria

 

Re: no babies.... Ľ kerria

Posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 12:44:33

In reply to Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica, posted by kerria on August 29, 2005, at 11:46:21

thanks for the hugs

>>child(ren)-to-be
i Love this term...it made me smile.

>by next year at this time you can be carrying a little one!

thanks kerria.

 

Re: no babies....

Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 14:11:21

In reply to Re: no babies.... Ľ kerria, posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 12:44:33

how 'bout adoption?

No going off meds. No post-partum depression. Your meds to keep you level in order to deal with the sleeplessness and keep up with the wonder of a new person.

Is that out of the question?

 

Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica

Posted by Tamar on August 29, 2005, at 14:45:09

In reply to no babies...., posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 11:12:28

Gosh, B2C, thatís hard. Itís awful to want something like this and to have to postpone it.

I think if you are quite depressed itís probably good advice to wait a while. Apparently if women are very depressed during pregnancy theyíre much more likely to suffer from postpartum depression, and being depressed with a baby is just awful.

But spring isnít too far away! Just a few short months. And I hope this doesnít sound silly, but do take extra care of yourself when your period comes. Itís astonishing how strongly menstruation can come to symbolise loss in a situation like this.

I hope the months fly past and you feel much better by spring.

Tamar

 

Re: no babies....

Posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:28:37

In reply to Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica, posted by Tamar on August 29, 2005, at 14:45:09

I think you could look at the next few months as "getting ready" time. There are both emotional and physical needs that need attending to. You can start taking prenatal vitamins and folic acid and look to cut back any bad habits you might have - (coffee, etc.) And emotionally you can read a few books about childcare or childbirth. I like "Touchpoints" and think all parents should read it. It teaches us about ourselves in therapy too!

All that said, I can feel your disappointment at having to wait. Try not to be concerned about the clock and your age, it isn't so unusual for women to have babies in their 40s these days. And, I hope this doesn't sound harsh, but this is probably the first of many times that you will have to choose what is best for a child over what you want. And the fact that you are just shows what a great mother you will be.

Hugs from me,
Daisy

 

Re: no babies....

Posted by B2chica on August 30, 2005, at 11:54:50

In reply to Re: no babies...., posted by daisym on August 29, 2005, at 15:28:37

adoption is not out of the question, my hubby and i have discussed this before. but we'd at least like to try...
daisy, thanks for the book recommendation. i'm taking folic acid and have for about 2 years...getting ready i guess. but your words did make me feel better. thank you.
i guess i just need to focus on finishing school and getting through therapy. and ya my pdoc is REALLY concerned about pp depression, he's not sure i'll be able to breastfeed cuz he said i may need to go back on immediately after birth...that's really disappointing...but i'm putting that off cuz maybe i won't, right.

sometimes i get so ambivelant about children. mostly i can't see myself not having them. sometimes i think i'll only be able to handle one...i always used to want a big family when i was younger, like 4 or 5 (ha!)
lately i think really negative thoughts (talked with T about this yesterday) but i think if i have just one...what if something happens to that one, they die when their 10, 16, or 20?? that's when i want more than one, but can i handle that?
sometimes i get wrapped up in school and want more and more and think i really could live without them....but then i think of my husband and i married into this relationship with both parties wanting children. now he talks about it frequently...i feel guilty then and almost ashamed that i think of not having kids....
when my pdoc said that at first i almost felt a little relief, like i have a doctor telling me not to...so when/if i get pressure from others i have that... again..guilt for feeling that.

i just can't seem to win...d@mn guilt. it's like a loose loose situation with my inner emotions.
b2c

 

Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica

Posted by JenStar on August 30, 2005, at 23:47:02

In reply to no babies...., posted by B2chica on August 29, 2005, at 11:12:28

hi b2,
I would say to think of the extra time as YOU time -- time to reflect, do family planning, learn about what you want and what resources are available, etc.

Maybe, if you have the time/money, o a trip somewhere you've always wanted to go, but won't be able to do after a baby comes. :)

Or if you can't afford a trip, do a few late nights on the town seeing plays, movies, music concerts/recitals, poetry readings, whatever you love.

Take long drives into the country to search for fresh peaches or pumpkins. Watch the stars. In short, do all the things that will be hard at first with a young child. Read books and eat chocolates.

Take the time to heal yourself and feel strong. :) Next spring isn't really very far away. Sure the clock is ticking, but next Spring is pretty close - it's only a few ticks away! :)

take care and try to enjoy the wait. :)
JenStar

 

Re: or even take time to take showers!! (nm) Ľ JenStar

Posted by sunny10 on August 31, 2005, at 9:18:29

In reply to Re: no babies.... Ľ B2chica, posted by JenStar on August 30, 2005, at 23:47:02


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