Psycho-Babble Psychology Thread 546885

Shown: posts 1 to 18 of 18. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

Is it time to terminate?

Posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

I go to my therapy sessions, but I don't really have anything to say. And my T is the type that waits for me to say something to start a subject.

I feel like I'm paying someone to have polite conversation.

This keeps happening to me. Everyone says that therapy is hard before you can get better, but the only thing difficult about it for me is finding something to talk about. What am I doing wrong?

 

Re: Is it time to terminate?

Posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 26, 2005, at 10:52:22

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

Sunny,

I can totally sympathize. One of the main reasons I left two of my ts is because of the long pauses. I was new to therapy and had no idea where to start. I wanted structure and someone to guide me along!

Would you feel comfortable saying that you are uncomfortable with the silence/pauses and would she/he be willing to guide the sessions for say, a month? And then reassess?

 

Re: Is it time to terminate?

Posted by B2chica on August 26, 2005, at 11:52:11

In reply to Re: Is it time to terminate?, posted by Miss Honeychurch on August 26, 2005, at 10:52:22

Hey Sunny
i agree with miss honey....
when i first started i didn't know which end was up, all i knew was that i was in a lot of emotional pain, confused and scared. i was hoping he'd guide me but he didn't. finally i found a good one, he knows when i can't or don't want to discuss heavy stuff and he fills conversation and if i feel ready i just butt in and start saying what i need to.
i think the light conversation helps me feel more comfortable and gives me time to think how i want to word stuff (sometimes i just blurt it out) i'll say, i just don't know how to say it so i'll just say it..... and out it comes and then we work on it.

HTH
b2c.

 

Re: Is it time to terminate?

Posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 11:56:50

In reply to Re: Is it time to terminate?, posted by B2chica on August 26, 2005, at 11:52:11

I know that one of my biggest issues is asking for help....

I'm going to have to (sigh) dig in and ask like you both suggest.

She told me this week that she is happy that I'm doing so well. And I AM doing well- but I am not in situations that are very stressful right now, either. And I would rather work on how to stop my gut reactions to those situations BEFORE they occur rather that dealing with them badly and THEN picking up the pieces afterwards...

Does that make sense???

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10

Posted by Dinah on August 26, 2005, at 16:50:37

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

If you were talking about the end of a productive therapy, I'd say absolutely.

But it sounds more like you never really got started rather than that you've finished.

If that's true, I'd ask for some help in reaching deeper.

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10

Posted by Tamar on August 27, 2005, at 5:29:23

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

I don't have much to add. Just wanted to say that I agree with what Miss Honchurch, B2C and Dinah said.

It sounds to me as if you might benefit from going in more, rather than drawing back. But that situation can often feel like a drawing back...

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10

Posted by Damos on August 28, 2005, at 17:28:06

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

I can only agree with Miss H, B2, Dinah and Tamar have said. You have fought so hard for your relationship, to get fairness from your landlords and for yourself. Now it's time to get the therapy you've always needed.

Maybe you can talk to your T about an informal treatment agreement I have one in a book somewhere I'll recreate it in MS Word and email it to you it might help.

I've been lucky enough to watch you grow in strength lately Sunny and to begin to create the life you want and truly deserve. This is just the next step. You can do it.

 

Re: Is it time to terminate?

Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 7:50:41

In reply to Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10, posted by Damos on August 28, 2005, at 17:28:06

I think part of the problem is that therapists are being pulled over to the PPO's way of thinking.

That therapy should be limited to crisis control.

I got the "agreement contract" that Damos sent me, but I'm not sure I'd know how to start re-writing it from one worded for an eating disorder to one for me.

I don't know how to word WHAT I've got... All I know is that I have some horrible reactions to interpersonal situations and am tired of having to "regain my sanity and pick up the pieces" after I freak out and do something stupid. For instance, once I threw away everything I owned. Luckily I had forgotten the laundry basket before I came to my senses, so I had SOMETHING to wear until I could buy all new clothes again. And I'm not wealthy. It set me back for years.

I don't want to be told that I'm doing great just because I've managed not to freak out... I want to figure out WHY and WHEN I get to freak-out stage so I can thwart it. And I told her that.

And she just told me that I'm going in the right direction- that knowing what I have to do is half the battle. But she didn't tell me how we were going to fight the rest of the battle...

I'm not even sure WHAT I should be asking for- and asking for ANYTHING is really difficult for me in the first place.

I need to come up with something concrete to ask FOR before I can do the asking...

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 10:08:12

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

Hi Sunny,

I"m really sorry that therapy has been so difficult. I sure understand not wanting to quit, wanting to try to make it work, but not wanting to pay someone for a "polite conversation". I tried so hard to make therapy work with the last T, and I'm so glad I left and went to the new T. The first session we accomplished more than I did with the ex t in 8 weeks! He took notes, really listened, and I think will have a better grasp of what's going on because he truly seems concerned.

I hope you can find it w/in yourself to move on if it's not working.
fw

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? fairywings

Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 10:49:11

In reply to Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10, posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 10:08:12

I've had various T's over the years, and every T relationship has been like this.

I am wondering what I am doing wrong... the only denomination which has remained the same is me...

All seven T's can't be wrong...

 

Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 11:14:01

In reply to Is it time to terminate?, posted by sunny10 on August 26, 2005, at 10:08:41

hi sunny

with the last T i didn't get far either, this time i took something in writing to the first appt, so it was out there, i had to talk and he was awesome about reading it and asking questions. do you think it would help to put some things in writing, along with including the facts about this therapy and the previous 6, that it's never been productive, and see what your T says?

fw

 

Re: (gulp) that seems fairly confrontational fairywings

Posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 14:04:54

In reply to Re: Is it time to terminate? sunny10, posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 11:14:01

I SO hate confrontations of any kind.

I worry that she will think that I am being unreasonable.

Maybe she thinks I am doing swimmingly... am I?

I don't feel any nearer to not having to work hard to not freak out about stuff.....

I want to not NEED to freak out...

IS that unreasonable? I don't know, maybe it IS...I know that I perceive things more negatively than other people do and I just don't want to do that anymore...

As simple, or not, as that...

 

Re: (gulp) that seems fairly confrontational sunny10

Posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 15:02:40

In reply to Re: (gulp) that seems fairly confrontational fairywings, posted by sunny10 on August 29, 2005, at 14:04:54

I'm sorry, i guess i was the one who said "not productive", not you, i shouldn't assume that's the word you would use. i guess if it were me, and i were comfortable with the T i'd maybe write it out and tell her how hard it is to get started talking, and ask for more direction from her? i hope you can find a way to get her to help you work through this, i know how hard it is.

fw

 

Re: (gulp) fairywings

Posted by sunny10 on August 30, 2005, at 7:56:03

In reply to Re: (gulp) that seems fairly confrontational sunny10, posted by fairywings on August 29, 2005, at 15:02:40

Damos suggested that I write down what I have experienced in the past as "What kind of person I don't want to be like" as a way to try to get my point across.

I'm going to try to do that, I think.

I always have an easier time writing what I feel than saying it out loud for some reason...

Thanks for your comments and suggestions. I have had a chance to really think about this thanks to this thread and yours below.

 

Re: (gulp) sunny10

Posted by fairywings on August 30, 2005, at 8:25:24

In reply to Re: (gulp) fairywings, posted by sunny10 on August 30, 2005, at 7:56:03


Me too sunny,

i also put things in writing so much more easily than saying it, i told my new T that last week, he seemed okay with it, not that he'd let me write everything out, but at least it gets the ball rolling. i told him i should do email therapy.

I understand because this is the way I'd do it, but I was just curious why you'd write out what kind of person you don't want to be, instead of what kind of person you do want to be? I know what kind of person I don't want to be. All too often I'm the way i don't want to be, and it's hard to "say" what I do want to be like sometimes, but I was just curious.

fw

 

Re: (gulp)

Posted by sunny10 on August 31, 2005, at 9:16:05

In reply to Re: (gulp) sunny10, posted by fairywings on August 30, 2005, at 8:25:24

it's too easy for someone to say, "well, if that the kind of person you want to be, just act like it."

But if I state what kind of person I am that I don't want to be, it shows her that I need help changing thinking patterns and reactions.

Which is exactly what I need... help figuring out how to change into the kind of person I want to be. And, no matter what people say, it is not possible for me to "just do it".

I haven't been taught the skill set needed to change. As Damos has suggested to me, there has to be some role playing or other lessons to teach me how to stop reacting with past scripts in my head...Consciously, I mena to "let it go" (meaning the past), but when situations arise, I am unconsciously reacting. So somehow, I need to learn how to change my subconscious...

 

Re: (gulp) sunny10

Posted by fairywings on August 31, 2005, at 12:09:46

In reply to Re: (gulp), posted by sunny10 on August 31, 2005, at 9:16:05

> it's too easy for someone to say, "well, if that the kind of person you want to be, just act like it."
>
Oh gosh, I sure hope I didn't sound like I was saying just think that way and you'll be that way, I sure know better than that. I'd be a lot different if I believed that. I was just wondering why you took the negative instead of the positive, and the only reason I asked is because I always have trouble when someone says "what's good about you?" but no trouble when someone says "what's not good about you?"
Just curious.

fw

 

Re: yes, I am too negative (nm) fairywings

Posted by sunny10 on August 31, 2005, at 14:52:08

In reply to Re: (gulp) sunny10, posted by fairywings on August 31, 2005, at 12:09:46


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